Reborn in the Mist

I took the last empty chair across from Mei. The table was sparsely set—just our plates, untouched cutlery, and a bowl of the island’s favored fruit, its scent sweet but oddly out of place. Mei glanced around the room, eyes drifting across the bare walls and silent air. No doubt feeling a bit…

“This isn’t what your dining room is usually like, is it?” She said her cheeky smile almost tricked me into believing she wasn’t nervous either. She adjusted, readjusted and fidgetted in a myriad of minute but in-built ways I couldn’t not notice after years of being friends.

Her nervousness gave me as much confidence as Uncle’s faith in setting this all up, boundary defying as it was. I mirrored her smile and shook my head, having a proper glance around the room. Without the much larger dining table and the many other decorative shelves it was a spacious, almost imposing place to sit at. The saving grace was the broad pane windows that let us look out into the yard, they were the only ones not shuttered by curtains.

“No, I hope you’re not uncomfortable.” I said.

An incredulous look twisted her face and she began to say something but just then a troupe of servants charted themselves in, plates in their hands, a trolley pushed along and an iced bottle of wine, sake and juice respectively.

I narrowed my eyes at each of their faces and to my shame found I could only remember one of them serving during my time here, the butler with a towel hung over his arm and a smile across his face as he directed other servants. Even then his name was difficult to recall but I knew he would be lined up with the others if only…if only Junichi were here.

The black-haired Yuki cleared his throat and began, “For the missus and the Lord, the staff has prepared a three course meal for your tastes and fulfilment.” He made a hand gesture and the waiter stepped forward, setting down a plate of beautified—

“For starters,” The butler said, “A tower of seared sea bream layered with lotus root petals, brushed in citrus miso glaze, and crowned with a whisper of gold leaf.” He looked especially proud of himself for what was essentially grilled fish, veggies and a sauce.

But then I caught the delight in Mei’s eyes as she stared at the dish, there was barely enough for more than three bites but she smiled widely at it, her fingers already placed on her fork. I straightened up in response, my aversion for fish had carried on with my from my previous life but there were moments where the scent simply was too much to resist and its taste lived up to the hype. I had faith this would be one of those moments.

“For a tasting we’ve prepared a crisp plum sake chilled to perfection, a dry red from the Fire Country’s southern vineyards, and a freshly pressed yuzu-ginger juice for a non-alcoholic option. Your choice.”

Mei caught me staring as she lifted her head to ask. Her breath hitched but she spoke anyway, “What would you like?”

“Oh, I think the non—”

“The plum sake would be wonderful, thank you.” Mei said definitively, her cup raised to the kimono tied Kaguya maid. She poured generously, sharing a mischievous giggle with Mei all the while before walking over to me.

I gulped and tried not to look opposed. Uncle had chosen his favourite sake for a reason— Any more than three glasses of the stuff and I’ll be slurring. Nonetheless, I raised my cup for the first and balked at the fill the maid poured. Might as well be two.

The butler bowed deeply, the staff mirroring him with synchronicity, “We’ll be back with the next course in a moment, enjoy.”

With that they walked out just as quickly as they’d come in and once again, the room was hollow. The orange candlelight was bright burning but did little to comfort rising nerves. I stared at my cup of sake and quickly found some peace in the sting of it pouring down my throat.

“Liquid courage.” Mei said, toasting her cup to me before downing hers in one gulp. She barely winced but the gladdening effects were evident in her growing smile. She shook her head and began to eat, cutting a bite of the sauce slathered fish.

I glanced down at my plate, the interesting green sauce doing its best to cover up the fact that this was in fact fish. I breathed in and stabbed with my fork, sliced away a brave bite-size and stuffing my mouth. To my mild surprise it was bursting with flavour. The sauce was something else on its own but the fish, each chew extracted a juice I couldn’t describe nor would want to with the rest of it still sitting on my plate.

Mei’s musical laughter echoed off the hollow room’s walls, her slender fingers covered her lips as she chuckled at my newfound fervour, “The way you’ve been eying it I wouldn’t have thought…” She held my eyes and the gulf that I felt growing between us since we walked in narrowed to nothing as the candlelight flickered in her emeralds, “This is nice, I’ll have to thank Lord Karatachi for setting us up so plainly, I don’t think a date would happen otherwise.”

I blinked and the canyon was back. I swallowed my food, “Mei…I didn’t mean, well I did but I didn’t want to.”

She shook her head, eyes closed as she dapped her lips clean with a napkin, “That hardly matters as much as my performance on the mission anyway.” She looked up at me again and this time her eyes were much softer but not without a hardy steel around their trembling form, “You still haven’t answered my question from earlier. What do you really feel about me, Yagura?”

There’s that question again, the one I’d struggled with long before she ever thought to ask it, long before we ever planned anything of what we shared now. Long before things got so…delicate.

I suppose this was a long time coming and with most things in my life I just…avoided it. I felt my lips pursed, teeth digging into each as I ate them as much as the words I couldn’t seem to find to express my utter fear and confusion.

Mei scoffed, “Am I that bad?”

“What? No, no! Of course not.”

“Then what? It’s a simple question isn’t it? You spent less time thinking of a suitable punishment but with this you…why? What are you so afraid of saying? What’s the truth, Yagura?” Her voice cracked and I could tell she wished for more of that liquid courage, I know I was.

I stuttered. Tripped on my words though I’d rehearsed them in the comfort of my bed, late in the night when I was spared the thoughts of death, power and responsibility. Chewing on my cheek I sighed and said, “I…when were you sure you felt this way about me, Mei?”

A flash of anger and confusion crossed her features, she looked torn between yelling and answering. She answered, “Dodging my question with one of your own are you? This isn’t a negotiation, Yagura, just tell me if you have any room in your heart for me.”

“I do.”

She looked as surprised as she was relieved but then her eyes narrowed, “But?”

“But I’m…I’m not the same person you might…might love, Mei. I’m different. I’m not the same…Yagura.” My throat constricted and if I didn’t know any better I’d think it was an allergic reaction to the fish.

Confusion overwhelmed all now, she looked at me like I was crazy. “What are you talking about here? I…uh, what?”

Before I could proffer an explanation the staff and their lead butler trouped in once again and without any of our consent, immediately moved to clear our plates and reset the table. I watched Mei from across their practised movements, her eyes glossed in thought and a look of confusion, hurt and perhaps if I wasn’t reading too much into it, betrayal.

“For the main course, we have prepared a slow-roasted turkey roulade stuffed with spiced minced boar and forest herbs, served alongside honey-glazed root vegetables and a drizzle of red wine reduction.” The butler couldn’t have sounded prouder of himself as a pair of waiters made room on the table to unveil the steamy meal.

This was certainly more my speed but I’d lost my appetite with things on the fringe. I turned to him and said, “Let's skip the presentation, bring in dessert as well and let's have the house.”

Mei snorted derisively, “Yes, and please, leave the sake bottle, I’ll be needing it.”

Excited or not, they didn’t need to be told twice. The butler snapped the staff to and within a few short minutes a platter of cakes was rolled in, kept at the side of the room for our discretion and the bottle of plum sake was left in Mei’s increasingly irresponsible looking hands. She poured herself a cup, dunked it and then poured another one before reaching over, offering to pour one for me.

I accepted, the effects of the generous first were already kicking in judging by the low buzz in the back of my mind but at this point I’d drink as many cups before adding more vexation to her.

“Cheers,” I said, tossing my head back as I bore the sweet burn. With a sigh I felt my head wooze but I spoke before she could prompt me anyway, “Mei, I am different. I have been different throughout this year and…I do have feelings for you, kami knows I do.”

“I still hear a but, what is it?” She asked, pouring another cup, she didn’t look in the slightest fazed by the first three. Her eyes met mine and I could see the worry in them, the vulnerability.

I’m being wicked bringing this up at all, aren’t I? My nearing drunk thoughts began, the self reflection much needed to clear the cloud of doubt that’s haunted me about these feelings for this beautiful woman and kunoichi I’d inherited and nurtured. But that’s the thing, isn’t it— Where do my feelings start and where do Yagura’s…the old Yagura’s end?

“But…I’m scared I only feel this way because…because I used to be the man you love.”

“I still don’t understand you, Yagura.” She hiccuped, feeding herself a slice of turkey on a fork, “Unless you’re about to confess to being an impersonator then…what is this? What does it matter how much you’ve changed within a year? I still…I still have all of this to deal with and if you don’t want it…I don’t know what to do with it.”

Mei chewed, swallowed and let her fork clatter against her plate as she stood. She dragged her chair over, adjacent to me and said, “What do you feel for me, Yagura, are we just friends? Is that what you’re trying to say you want? I need an answer.”

“I’ve felt this way about you since I met you in our ANBU, Ao’s division.”

I couldn’t help but raise a brow at that, “We didn’t meet in the ANBU, we met much earlier. I was your Orientation Chuunin, showed you and a handful of others I can’t seem to remember what it meant to be Chuunin.”

She laughed, her arm resting on the table led her hand to mine, our fingers danced around each other for a bit and we stared. “See? That was ages ago, past this year and you remember, you remember me. I fawned over you even then. We all knew right from the academy you were going to be a prodigy the village relied on. Now I wish it didn’t so much.”

Her fingers were long, slender and soft, I couldn’t resist enveloping our palms together, “Do you think not being the Mizukage would make things easier?”

She shrugged, admiring how our hands fit, she rubbed her thumb against the back of my hand and said, “It would certainly take out disciplinary actions from our relationship…whatever we decide that is.”

I snorted, the swirl of sake made her voice even more of a lull than before, or maybe that was just the sheen of her pinked lips. “I’m sorry I’ve been difficult, Mei. I’ve known about how you felt and I…I’ve felt the same over the years and even more so this one. It’s a different intensity but I think…”

“What? You think what?” she whispered. Suddenly, the space I’d spent all day agonizing over vanished. Our heads leaned in, breath mingling in the narrow inches that remained between us.

“I want this, I might need it too but I want it more.” I said, feeling her other hand press against my chest and squeeze my shirt. The sake was doing a lot of the legwork but I was a very willing participant and a grateful one. I tucked her stray auburn locks and found my hand lingering around her neck. “I think I love you, Mei.”

Mei laughed but then shut herself up with my lips.