Chapter 131: Frustration and Longing
Her attitude was getting on my nerves and I started to feel irritated.
"Acting like what now?"
"Like you lost something significant." She said with fake sadness.
How did I never notice that she could pretend so well before?
My eyes darkened at the mention of losing something important. Because only I knew that I was indeed feeling empty like I lost something important.
However, I could never admit it.
"I didn’t lose anything." I denied it immediately. My attitude became a bit aggressive.
The words also came out too fast and sharp as if I was admitting that I was hiding something.
Innocent smiled knowingly and it was a smile I wanted so much to wipe off her face.
"Then why are you working yourself to death?" She asked again.
I stood up abruptly, my chair scraping off the floor loudly.
"Leave." I said sternly.
"Mike..." Innocent started to speak but I cut her off.
"I said leave." My voice was dangerously low and aggressive.
Even my alpha wolf was showing signs of surfacing, which caused Innocent’s face to turn white as a sheet of paper in fright.
She hesitated for a moment, then turned around and walked out of my office.
The door closed loudly behind her and the office returned to its earlier silence.
Yet, the silence felt worse than before and my longing for her only became more intense.
That night, I made a different choice.
If working non-stop didn’t help, then something else would.
Something I found easy as an escape from my thoughts.
I called Innocent and asked her to come to my room.
And she showed up soon after.
Of course she did. She always did without asking questions, hesitation, or resistance.
That was what made her easy, predictable, and convenient.
I was standing by the window wrapped in a towel with a glass of wine when she walked in.
She came straight to me and wrapped her arms around my waist.
Her scent filled my nostrils even though it wasn’t as sweet as hers.
Her soft voice was seductive and inviting, and her touch awakened my primal instincts.
So, for a moment, I let myself fall into this physical distraction.
This was something that didn’t require thinking or emotions.
But even as I touched Innocent, my mind somehow still wandered.
It felt as if something was wrong. My grip tightened unconsciously and Innocent took a sharp breath, yet she didn’t complain.
This made me feel even more empty as my mind thought of her defiant eyes, her sharp tongue, and her strong will.
If it were her, she wouldn’t endure the pain of my grip. She would definitely push me away and ask me to leave.
Her name suddenly filled my mind.
Valerie.
My body stiffened and I froze in place.
This time, Innocent frowned and called my name.
"Mike..."
I pulled away abruptly, frustration taking over.
"Get out." I ordered her.
"What?" Innocent asked, looking confused.
"I said get out."
"But we..."
"Out, now." I growled the last word.
I saw the hurt that flashed in her eyes, but I didn’t care and I couldn’t bear to look at her naked body anymore.
All I felt was frustration and irritation and I didn’t want to take it out on her.
So, she had to leave.
Innocent got up from the bed, grabbed her clothes and dressed up quickly before leaving.
I was left alone in the quiet room feeling utterly lost.
How did I become like this?
I ran a hand through my hair, exhaling sharply.
"What the hell is wrong with me?"
Now I couldn’t even control my temper and my own body.
It was as if someone else owned everything about me and they were in control.
I hated this feeling, but I didn’t know how to deal with it.
After that day, I didn’t try to distract myself with Innocent again.
However, nothing else changed.
Only the silence grew louder and the emptiness in me deepened.
My thoughts about Valerie became clearer. Her voice, her eyes, and the last look she gave me before she walked away.
My chest almost exploded from something I couldn’t understand.
"She thinks she can just leave?"
How audacious and arrogant.
My thoughts cut off abruptly because something else surfaced in my mind.
A distant memory and the way her soft voice filled with seduction sounded firm.
"I can’t do this. I am not ready yet. Please stop." That was the night I had attempted to claim her.
Then I remembered her hurt expression during that dinner.
Then the way she looked calm and distant after that. As if she had made a decision.
I should have realized that something was wrong.
But....
She chose this. I didn’t force her. So, why was I the one suffering?
In my office, I buried myself in work again. At least it lessened my longing.
A knock pulled me from my work and I looked up.
I already knew who it was, my beta, Andrew.
This guy has been a little too concerned about me and my mate lately.
"Come in."
"Alpha. I still haven’t gotten any news of her." He went straight to the point.
"i don’t care." I pretended to be serious, but Andrew and I grew up together and I couldn’t fool him."
The trackers you sent out to look for her are the best. Have you not found anything either?" Andrew asked as if mocking me."
I took a deep breath before speaking again.
"I should stop looking. She is becoming a problem for me."
I finally admitted.
"You mean a weakness? But that is not what mates are. A mate is your strength, not your weakness. You shouldn’t see her that way."
Andrew just didn’t understand. Mates are indeed meant to be our strength, but mine is a weakling.
I still couldn’t wrap my head around the reason the moon goddess paired us.
And now that she had left, she had turned me into an emotional mess.
How was that not a weakness?