Chapter 142: Am I Inlove?
Eleven Years Ago...
"Ezra!"
"Ezra, where are you?!"
"Ezra?"
Ezra stayed still, curled into himself as much as he could in the corner of the abandoned structure.
He had been hiding for hours.
The place was quiet, untouched, the unfinished stone walls cold against his back. It was supposed to be a personal library for Helios, or at least that was what Ezra had heard.
The construction had stopped halfway through, leaving behind scattered materials and a space no one cared about anymore.
Which was exactly why Ezra came here.
No one ever looked for him here.
’I can’t go out... I can’t show myself.’
His fingers tightened against the fabric of his clothes, his breathing uneven as everything from earlier replayed in his mind.
He had just turned thirteen.
And that meant he had finally presented.
He had always thought he would be an Alpha.
He trained for it.
He prepared for it.
Every bruise, every ache, every lesson drilled into him was built around that expectation. If not an Alpha, then at least a Beta.
Something that made sense.
Something that still let him stand beside Helios the way he always had.
But—
"An omega...?" Ezra whispers, his voice shaking as tears blur his vision. "I’m an omega?"
The word didn’t feel real.
It didn’t feel like it belonged to him.
Omegas didn’t fight.
Omegas weren’t strong.
Omegas were protected, not the ones doing the protecting.
Despite the teasing from years ago, Kaelis jokingly said he was a rare male omega, but Ezra never thought it would actually be true.
Male omegas were uncommon, barely talked about, and certainly not something he ever saw himself becoming.
He had been so sure.
"How am I going to be a knight?" Ezra whispers, his voice breaking as he presses a hand against his face. "How am I ever going to repay Helios—"
"Ezra!"
"Ah!" Ezra flinches, turning quickly at the sound.
Helios stood at the entrance, slightly out of breath, his gaze searching until it landed on him.
"Y-Your Highness," Ezra stammers, instinctively straightening a bit despite everything.
"Everyone’s been looking for you," Helios says, stepping closer.
His voice wasn’t angry. If anything, it sounded relieved. "I had a feeling you would be here. You always come to places like this when you want to be alone."
Ezra blinked, surprised.
He had never told Helios about this place.
Not once.
And yet, Helios still found him.
For a brief second, something warm flickered in his chest.
But it didn’t last.
’How am I going to tell him...?’
The thought hit just as hard as before, and Ezra quickly looked away, biting down on his lip as more tears threatened to fall.
Before he could say anything, Helios walked over and sat beside him, the space between them closing naturally, like it always did.
"The doctor told me," Helios says quietly.
Ezra froze.
His breath caught in his throat, his entire body going still.
Slowly, he looked up.
Helios was already looking at him, his expression soft, steady.
"I know you presented as an omega," Helios continues. "So I figured you might hide somewhere here, so no one would find out."
"But..." Ezra whispers, his voice barely holding together. "They’re going to find out eventually. There’s no way to hide it."
His hands trembled in his lap.
"I’m sorry, Helios," he says, the words spilling out before he could stop them. "I promised I would train hard so I could become your captain. So I could be useful to you. So I could repay everything you’ve done for me, and now I—"
His voice breaks.
The tears come again, harder this time, and he couldn’t stop them even if he tried.
"I feel like I wasted everything," Ezra chokes out. "All the years you took me in, gave me a place, gave me a life... just for me to become an omega."
His head drops, his shoulders shaking as the tears fall onto his lap.
’Do I have to leave now?’
’Will Aamon hate me?’
’Will I have to leave Helios’ side?’
Each thought made it worse.
Each one pressed heavier against his chest until it felt like he couldn’t breathe at all.
But then—
A warm and steady hand covered his.
Ezra flinched slightly before looking up again.
Helios had taken his hand, holding it firmly, like he wasn’t going to let go.
"Ezra," Helios says gently, giving his hand a small squeeze. "First, I took you in because you saved me. You never had anything to repay."
Ezra’s breath hitched.
"Second," Helios continues, his gaze unwavering, "after spending all these years with you... You’re not just anyone to me."
His voice softened even more.
"You’re one of the most special people in my life."
Ezra stared at him, his tears still falling, but slower now.
Something in his chest shifted.
Not completely.
Not enough to make everything okay.
But enough to make it hurt differently.
’...special?’
Ezra’s heart was beating loudly against his chest, so loud he was sure Helios could hear it.
He didn’t understand why it was like that.
Not when he had been crying just moments ago.
Not when everything had felt like it was falling apart.
But now, with Helios sitting this close, looking at him like that, smiling at him as if nothing had changed, Ezra felt something else entirely.
"I was looking for you because I know how you would feel about this," Helios says, his voice gentle as he lifts his free hand and places it against Ezra’s cheek.
Ezra froze.
The warmth of Helios’ hand made his breath hitch, his heart beating even harder.
’I was sad.’ Ezra thought, his mind trying to catch up with what he was feeling. ’What... am I feeling now?’
It wasn’t sadness anymore.
It wasn’t anger.
It was something lighter, something that made his chest feel full instead of heavy, but there was also something else mixed into it, something unfamiliar that he couldn’t quite name.
"Ezra," Helios continues, his thumb brushing lightly against Ezra’s cheek, "I know you might not agree right away, but I’ve already prepared for this."
Ezra blinked, still trying to steady himself. "Prepared...?" he echoes, his voice quieter now.
"Not that I didn’t believe you could be an Alpha," Helios says, a small smile still on his face. "You were a bit smaller than the others, but that didn’t matter. You’re still the strongest."
Ezra’s chest tightened slightly at that, but not in the same painful way as before.
"What kind of prepared?" he asks, his voice hesitant.
"The doctor who checked you is under my care," Helios explains, his tone calm, as this had already been decided long before Ezra even realized what was happening. "I told him not to tell anyone that you’re an omega. He’ll report that you presented as an Alpha."
Ezra’s eyes widened.
"W-What?" he stammers, sitting up a bit straighter. "But how? What about my pheromones? My heat?"
"He’ll give you suppressants," Helios answers without hesitation. "They’re advanced. They’ll hide your pheromones and stop your heat from happening."
Ezra stared at him.
"That... exists?" he asks, almost in disbelief.
Helios nods. "Yes. You won’t have to worry about it."
For a moment, Ezra couldn’t say anything.
Relief flooded through him so quickly that it almost made him dizzy.
He could still be a knight.
He didn’t have to leave.
He didn’t have to lose everything.
"I..." Ezra swallows, his fingers tightening slightly in his lap. "I don’t know what to say."
"Then don’t say anything yet," Helios says with a soft laugh. "I still have one more surprise."
"There’s more?" Ezra tilts his head, his eyes still wide.
Helios glances around the abandoned structure before looking back at him.
"Since we can’t risk anyone finding out, you can’t stay with the other squires," he says. "And when you become a knight, you won’t be able to stay in the barracks either."
"Oh..." Ezra murmurs, the earlier relief faltering just a little.
"That’s why," Helios continues, his gaze moving across the unfinished walls, "I think it’s time this place stops being abandoned."
Ezra blinked, confused. "What do you mean?"
"I mean," Helios says, turning back to him with that same confident smile, "I’ll have this building finished. It’ll be your house."
Ezra just stared at him.
"Is that even possible?" he asks quietly.
Helios doesn’t hesitate. "Who’s going to question me?"
Ezra let out a small breath, something in his chest tightening again, but not in a painful way this time.
It felt... warm.
He felt happy.
Genuinely happy.
But there was still something else.
"Isn’t that too much?" Ezra asks, his voice softer now. "Aren’t you helping me too much?"
"Like I said, Ezra..." Helios leans closer, pulling him into an embrace without hesitation.
Ezra stiffened for a second before relaxing, his face pressed lightly against Helios’ shoulder.
"You’re special to me," Helios murmurs. "I’ll do whatever it takes so we can stay together."
Ezra felt his cheeks heat up.
His heart didn’t slow down.
If anything, it beat even faster.
’Oh.’
The realization came slowly.
Then all at once.
’This is it.’
He had heard about it before. From older knights, from Aamon, from stories shared in passing.
That strange feeling.
The warmth in your chest.
The way your stomach seemed to flutter for no reason.
The way everything felt different when you were near someone.
’Am I... in love with Helios?’
He didn’t know.
But it felt like it.
Because who wouldn’t fall for someone like him?
Someone who looked at him like this.
Who did all of this for him?
’Oh... this is going to hurt.’
Present...
"Maman—"
Ezra’s thoughts were cut off abruptly, snapping back to the present as Lior’s voice reached him.
He blinked, the memory fading as he looked down at his son, only now realizing what Lior had just said.
His breath caught slightly.
There was someone else in the carriage.
Before Ezra could react, a quiet snicker followed.
"Maman?" Kaelis repeats, his tone teasing. "That’s adorable."
Ezra’s expression immediately fell.
’Dear Aurethys. Of course, this jerk is going to try to annoy me the moment we get in the carriage.’