The X Guide

Silence dominated the room for half an hour, the two only watching Ayen. It gave them relief that the guide seemed to be sleeping more peacefully this time.

They did not have a lot of opportunity when it was just the two of them. When Ayen arrived in their life, being with him became so normal that they themselves felt it was strange if the other was not with them.

Yet, it also did not make them distant from each other. They were still Khal and Devion. Nothing changed about that.

"When you said you heard our conversation..." Devion seized this rare opportunity. Something they would eventually do.

After accepting and trying the three of them officially, this also needed to be addressed. It was between the two of them.

It seemed a bit late, but it was not for them. Never for them.

Khal held his hand and nodded, giving out a hum.

Devion bit his lower lip. "It was hard then."

"I know," Khal replied in an affectionate tone.

Devion’s eyes lingered on Ayen as he played with Khal’s fingers.

"Do you also know... I never stopped loving you?"

Khal flinched slightly; Devion could feel it. His gaze softened, and he leaned further toward him. He did not say anything. He let Khal process it.

Now, after all these years, they were finally talking about feelings. They never had the need to before. There were a lot more things that they had to pay attention to, and they were both unwilling to mess things up.

Somehow, they both knew that one mistake alone was enough to crumble the situation. It would cost them greatly, more than just their sanity.

Now, with Ayen, the uncertainty and hesitations had decreased a lot.

"I know."

Khal nodded again and kissed Devion’s head deeply. He firmly closed his eyes as he opened them, automatically landing on the sleeping Ayen.

He tightened his hold on Devion.

"When I said I regretted coming back, I meant it." Devion paused, and felt Khal did the same. He took a deep breath and continued. "You sacrificed for me too much. Sometimes, I think of myself as a burden. But it’s just all in my head."

Devion lifted his head slightly and looked Khal in the eye.

"More than regret. I felt remorseful for some time. I was scared. Of leaving you again. Khal, I don’t want you to feel the same pain."

Once Devion let out his emotions, he was not holding back anymore. Almost ten years of emotions surged at once; they flooded through his gaze and swept Khal’s whole being.

Khal swallowed, and his cold blue pupils stared deeply at Devion. There was a lot in that gaze, but he let Devion pour out his. It was always like this.

Khal would prioritize his lovers more than his. It would always be like this.

"I’m unstable. Even now, I still am. You know it too. There’s no way of knowing when I’ll erupt. For some time, I mulled it over. Should I leave? But I can’t... and I don’t want to."

Devion stared at him as if engraving Khal’s face through his soul. Khal leaned until their foreheads touched, their breaths untangled with each other.

Devion closed his eyes as he savored this closeness.

"Because of me, you have to pretend. I was pretending, so you played along." Devion knew it so much. His carefree demeanor was a way to deceive himself, and so Khal chose to support him. "Why? Why do you love me so much?"

Devion’s lips trembled as he opened his eyes and met Khal’s eyes, tears in the corners of his eyes.

Khal affectionately wiped those tears from Devion’s eyes. Their faces drew apart, giving a clearer view of each other.

"You’re my angel." Khal did not care if they sounded strange or corny. His blue pupils shimmered with affection. "You’re so bright, and I... We’re too far apart. I’m so far tainted that I knew I did not deserve you."

Devion was about to say something, but Khal merely smiled, stopping with a shake of his head.

"Even though I knew that, I still yearned for you. I can’t help but yearn for you... cause, how could I not? You changed me, you don’t know that, but you changed my life."

Khal’s lips arched up in such a beautiful smile. Devion’s tears continued to fall. His heart was so full from hearing his words.

"Your smiles, laughter... everything... I can’t resist. So, I dared... I dared pursue your light. Even if I knew of my own tainted heart, I still dared take my chance to be with you. Devion, my angel..."

Khal leaned again until their faces were only inches apart.

"...I put my everything here. This is all I have."

Khal might be the famed SS-class esper, worshipped and feared by many. He had countless subordinates who heeded his orders unconditionally.

However, Khal did not think he was different than others. More than the status he had, Khal’s life was quite empty. He did not have much aspiration.

If Devion did not arrive in his life... Khal would continue that way. Maybe he was not the Khal of today.

Devion felt like crying more, and his heart was gripped by so many emotions at once. Yet, he was also so full that Khal’s words were like sustenance.

Khal’s deep feelings resonated with him, helping his words to pour out smoothly. Khal did not need a response, but Devion felt the need to.

This was more than just the closure of their nearly decade-long tug-of-war; it was also a new beginning. For the two of them. And to the new addition to their life.

"I’m not that pure. I was the exiled black sheep of my family, and I lived a life of recklessness. I’m far from being an angel. But..." Khal smiled more comfortably, looking relaxed despite his tears.

Khal’s lips also stretched wider as he saw it.

"You gave me wings, Khal." Devion grinned. "Stop saying you don’t deserve me. I’m not that great. But with you... I can be anything."