Master of Minds, Master of Me

I slowly open my eyes, honestly a little scared of what I will see. The sex really did feel like it could kill me, but only because my body just got too worn out and was probably too tired to support any vital organs.

The light in the room feels blinding. What time is it? Suddenly, Felix runs next to my bed, even stumbling while doing so.

“Lo? Oh, thank God you are awake. Are you okay? Are you in pain?”

I just stare at him. His hair is pitch black, and his eyes are purple. He keeps asking me questions and fussing over me.

So I guess I did survive. Unless I somehow earned salvation and ended up in heaven. Which I highly doubt.

“Lo? Just please say something. If you are mad, just yell at me, hit me, anything. Anything but silence.”

I furrow my brows.

“Why would I hit you?” I mumble out. My throat feels surprisingly dry, and my voice comes out hoarse.

Without even asking anything, he gives me a glass of water while still staring at me, looking so worried.

“Well, after you see your naked body, I think you’ll understand.”

Well, bruises were pretty expected, so I’m not too worried about that.

I force my upper body up, wanting to have that water. But holy crap, getting up is hard. It’s like my body is suddenly just noodles that ache. Felix clearly picks up on my struggle, places the water on the nightstand, and helps me sit up. I flinch as he supports me by my waist.

“Oops. Sorry. There are some painkillers too. I already put the healing ointment everywhere, so it will get better.”

He hands me the glass and the painkillers, and I take them. I practically devour the water. It feels like I haven’t drunk in ages. I look outside the window. The sun is still shining, but clearly starting to go down. Did I really just fall asleep after the sex?

“How long have I slept?”

“Over twenty hours.”

“WHAT?”

Over twenty hours? What? How?

“That’s why I was so worried. Frey tried to convince me that it was just due to exhaustion, but I just couldn’t be sure. So how are you feeling?”

“Well… exhausted. And all my muscles are definitely sore. Actually, I’m not sure if there is a part of my body that isn’t sore.”

“Fuck. I’m so sorry. I tried to warn you. I just couldn’t help it. Feel free to yell at me, but please just don’t leave me.”

I just stare at him, a little confused. I rewind the whole situation inside my head. After a short while, I burst out laughing. But holy crap, even laughing hurts.

“Lo? You okay?”

“I’m sorry, Felix. I just think it’s rather hilarious that you think I would leave you because you fucked me senseless. I’m fine. Sure, my body feels like crap, but I promise it was definitely worth it. And I honestly do think you destroyed my ass for good. So you better apologize to my ass, not me.” I keep chuckling as I speak.

He keeps staring at me with wide eyes. “You sure?”

“Of course I’m sure, you jerk. Did your mana make your brain forget that I happen to love you? I could not live without you, Felix.”

He suddenly lunges toward me, hugging me as we both fall to lie on the bed.

“Ouch!” I yelp as my body definitely disagrees with the hug.

Felix quickly withdraws. “Oops. Sorry again.”

I wrap my hands around his neck before he gets too far and pull him in for a kiss. We kiss for a short while. Then worry suddenly hits me, and I push him away.

“Felix! What about you? Are you alright? I’m so sorry for passing out like that.”

He smiles at me so heartbreakingly warmly that I feel like melting.

“I’m fine. My hair and eyes definitely took the biggest hit, as you can see.”

“Are they permanently like that?”

He rubs the back of his neck, looking rather uncomfortable or insecure.

“Yeah, I’m afraid so. I think the illusion mana finally settled inside of me.”

I let my fingers slide through his dark hair. He averts his gaze, as if embarrassed.

“But I can always use my magic to make it look normal again. So don’t worry.”

“Worry? Why would I worry about that?”

“I know how much you liked my blond hair and blue eyes. That’s why you liked me when you first saw me in that temple, as your mother told us.”

I stare at him, a little dumbfounded. I really don’t understand how a good-looking guy like him could feel that insecure about something so trivial. I try to suppress my amusement.

“I did love your blond hair and blue eyes. But it’s not the color I loved; it’s because they were part of you. I don’t care what color your hair is. It’s still shining under the sunlight, just like your eyes. It’s you who makes them shine, no matter the color.”

“You sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure, you jerk. And if I’m being honest, when the Selection started the second time, I missed your purple eyes. You look more dangerous and obsessed with them.”

He narrows his eyes at me.

“Okay… not sure whether I should be excited or worried about that…”

I smile at him innocently. “Maybe both?”

He leans in to kiss me, and I mold myself against him.

“So are you okay? What do you mean that illusion mana has settled? Does it mean it doesn’t cause trouble anymore?”

“It means that it’s the mana that is the most potent inside of me. It shoved the water and electricity into the corner. Of course, I can still use them too, but not as powerfully as before. I don’t know if I can change that over time or if it’s something permanent.”

“So do you feel calmer?”

“You could say so. Of course, the manas still aren’t friendly with each other. So I’m sure that without Theodore’s bracelet, the risk of bursting would still be there. What happened yesterday may happen again, many times. But there is no risk of me destroying the Palace anymore. When the manas start to collide again like yesterday, I will just probably go a little nuts again.”

I look down at my lap with flushed cheeks, fiddling with my fingers.

“So… does that mean that we can do that again sometimes?”

He stares at me for a while with a stunned look. Then he suddenly grabs my throat, pulling me closer. And oh God, my throat hurts, I bet it’s all bruised there too.

“You really are one dirty pretty flower, aren’t you? Your body is almost torn apart because of me, and you already dream of more?”

I smirk at him.

“What can I say? You are the reason angels lose their wings. For some reason, your darkness feels more comforting than anything else.”

He laughs. “I have to say, my pretty flower really is surprisingly smooth with words. Your notes also surprised me.”

“I would like to take all the credit for my notes, but unfortunately, I can’t. I actually bought a book that had tips on how to charm a woman. There wasn’t one meant to charm a man, but to my surprise, many lines worked either way.”

He chuckles while tucking a strand of hair behind my ear.

“I really did hit the jackpot with you. I’m forever grateful that you forgot to deliver that letter that time.”

“Me too.”

“And Lo.” His voice suddenly drops low.

Am I in trouble or something?

“Yes?”

“How did you find the portal?”

“Umm…”

I look down at my lap, fiddling with my fingers nervously again.

“Lo. You can’t escape this. Spit it out.”

“When we last saw each other in the Mage Tower, I asked a favor from Master Loneflare after you left.”

I glance at him, but he just looks at me, clearly expecting me to keep talking.

“I told him that you would probably lose it on October 11th. I asked him to be on alert in case that happened. I also had a hunch that he was the one who made the portal. Even I know those are difficult to make, and since he is your friend, it was pretty obvious it was him. So I asked him to tell me where it is and give me access to use it.”

“And he did give you access?”

“Yes. He told me he was working on that bracelet, that he might be able to stop you from exploding, but not help you control it. He did agree with me that you should try to give up control to make your mana calmer. And he knew that my presence was triggering your mana to go rampant. So he also thought it would be a good idea that I could come here quickly in case you did go insane. But I didn’t tell him that I would use the portal every day to put those notes and pawns.”

“So you two just schemed behind my back?”

“Yes. But only because you were too stubborn to listen to us!”

‘’And wait. You put those notes?’’

‘’Yes…’’

‘’I thought you asked Milna to put them or something.’’

‘’No.’’

He lifts my chin and narrows his eyes at me once again.

“Hmm… I forgive you this once. Only because you are way too cute.”

“Oh? Do you forgive Master Loneflare too, because he is way too cute?”

He shrugs his shoulders. “Probably. Since he really is one cute, grumpy mage.”

“Should I be jealous?” I ask, smiling.

“Definitely not. Jane is insanely strong; she really throws a wicked punch. So I would not dare to try to steal her man.”

“Felix.” I drop my voice low.

“Yes, pretty flower?” he asks innocently.

I grab a pillow and shove it in his face. Even doing that makes my body ache. Oh God, I really am sore. But I try my best to ignore the pain and act defiant.

“I swear to God that if you joke about having someone other than me by your side, I’ll definitely end this loop earlier than I should.”

He just laughs while shoving the pillow away and grabbing me onto his lap.

“Your threat is futile, since I would only keep coming back to you over and over again. There is no escape from me, pretty flower.”

“Lucky for you, I don’t want to escape you.”

I lean my head against his shoulder while I suddenly remember what he told me yesterday.

“Felix! What about your father? How is he?”

He exhales heavily. “Not good. He really is in a coma, and Frey is positive that he will not wake up anymore. He is now at the hospital, and they are doing the best they can to keep him breathing. But it’s probably only a matter of days.”

I wrap my arms around him.

“I’m so sorry. I wish I could help somehow.”

“You help simply by being by my side. Since you are here, I know I’m not going to be alone anymore.”

“So what happens next?”

“Next, you need to eat.”

“I didn’t mean—”

“I know what you meant. But I refuse to talk more before you eat something. Twenty hours without eating is not healthy. First food, then talk.”

“Fine.”

It doesn’t take long for Felix to bring me something light to eat in bed. When I see the food, I realize I really am starving.

“Thank you, Felix.”

“I’m pretty sure I’m the one thankful here. Without you, I probably wouldn’t be here right now.”

“I think that’s more thanks to Master Loneflare for giving that bracelet.”

“Of course, he deserves part of the credit. But the mana could have still killed me on the inside if I hadn’t let it control me. Although your methods for making me snap were rather questionable.” He eyes me with a smile.

I lower my gaze. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean what I said. That was the first thing I could think of. I would never think of you as a failure. And I honestly believe that your father doesn’t think that either.”

He lifts my chin and gives me a gentle kiss.

“I know. Don’t worry about it. Although you are rather cute, acting all guilty and remorseful.”

“So will you now tell me what happens next?” I ask between bites.

“The coronation happens tomorrow. They wanted to hold it today, but I refused. I wanted to make sure you are okay first. And I’m going to reveal that I possess illusion mana.”

“Really?”

“Yes. Of course, I could keep altering my looks every day and keep it a secret. But I’m not a ticking time bomb anymore, so there is no reason to hide it. And telling everyone I have three mana affinities will strengthen my position. I’m sure anyone who still opposed me would be more wary of me then.”

“So are you going to tell what happened in the Dark War when it woke up?”

“No. I’m going to say it woke up yesterday, that my father falling into a coma was the emotional event that made the dormant affinity rise. I did cause a pretty massive storm yesterday, and it’s obvious to everyone that I caused it since it started here at the Palace. So I can also use my third affinity waking up as an excuse for that.”

“Makes sense. Are you really okay telling the world about it?”

“Yes. I’m tired of secrets.”

“What about the wedding?”

“Most of the preparations are already done. We just need to pick a date.” His smile is so heartbreakingly warm that I’m honestly afraid I’m just dreaming.

“Let’s pick it after we have dealt with my curse problem.”

Felix looks surprised. “Really? Why wait? We don’t know how long it will take to figure out who made the curse, even if Theodore figures out what magic was used.”

“I know. But since the wedding is already postponed, I think I want to feel completely free when we finally walk down the aisle. I don’t want to think about some huge threat looming over us. I want to just be happy and focus on you. Is that okay?”

He kisses my forehead.

“Of course it is. Your wish is my command, pretty flower.”

“It is?” I smile.

“Yes.”

“In that case, I wish that you would prepare me a bath. I feel all sweaty and dirty after everything that happened.”

He chuckles and heads toward the bathroom.

“I hope you know that it’s impossible to wash that dirty mind of yours clean.”

I throw a pillow after him, but just as the pillow is about to hit him, he vanishes.

“You'd better behave if you want me to help you get into the bath.”

I yelp as his head suddenly appears next to me.

“Felix! Stop giving me the creeps! And I’m perfectly able to get into the bath.”

I move myself to sit on the edge of the bed, and moving my body really is hard. My ass and pussy ache when I move. I try my best to ignore the pain and force myself to stand up.

Oh God, I really am weak. How is just standing so hard? I try to take a step forward, but my knee gives out, and I start to fall. Felix grabs me and lifts me into his arms.

“You were saying?” he says smugly.

“I’m probably just numb from all the sleeping.”

“Sure…”

He carries me to the bathroom and puts me down. I realize I’m wearing a nightgown. I guess he put it on me at some point.

“Hands up,” he commands.

“Why?”

“So I can take your nightgown off.”

“I’m not a child!” I burst out and start slipping my hands out of the sleeves, but holy crap, my muscles are sore. Bending my arms feels impossible.

Felix just stares at me with an annoying smile. I sigh in defeat and lift my hands up, which is also a little hard.

When I’m naked, I glance at the mirror closest to me and freeze.

I really look mauled. Almost my whole body is covered in bruises or hickeys. No wonder every part hurts so much. When I look at the marks, memories from yesterday flash through my mind, making me clench my thighs together. I glance at Felix in the mirror, who is also watching my body. The purple in his irises is whirling, his gaze obsessive and hungry. That makes me press my thighs together even more.

Then he furrows his brows, looking suddenly guilty. I turn to face him and cup his cheeks.

“Don’t look at me like that. Like you pity me.”

“You are even struggling to move. I should have been more gentle.”

“Why do I need to move when I have you carrying me around? The only thing you need to worry about is buying me a dress that covers all of this. So just keep looking at me with pride. I know I will. I will carry every mark you give me with pride. And I also wish you to join me in the bath.” I smirk at him.

He lifts me into his arms and presses his lips against mine.

“I would do anything for you, Lo.’’

I settle in front of him, leaning my head against his chest.

‘’Felix, can I ask you something?’’

‘’Sure.’’

‘’What were those illusions you used yesterday? I really couldn’t keep up with which one was the real you.’’

‘’They were all the real me.’’

I turn around to look at him.

‘’What do you mean by the real you? They were not illusions?’’

‘’No. I’m basically able to separate myself. I have only been able to do it once in my life, and then I created only one copy of myself. It’s more like I momentarily split my soul in half. But yesterday, when the illusion mana grew more powerful, I split into three. I was also surprised. It was some instinct reaction when the illusion mana took more control. My mana also separated into three, so it eased the pressure inside me. The rampant mana didn't hurt so much after that.’’

‘’So were you controlling all of them at once?’’

‘’Yes. It’s hard to explain. It’s like I can feel and see with all of them at once. But I can also separate my mind between them, being able to focus on one more than the other.’’

‘’So there really were three of you at the same time? Not just inside my head?’’

‘’Yes.’’

I rest my head back against his chest. Just thinking about what we did yesterday. I can’t believe that I can have like three of him at the same time sometimes.

‘’What are you thinking, Lo?’’

‘’That I’m the one hitting the jackpot with you. I mean, three dicks at the same time? That even beats that blue watering can in the greenhouse.’’

He laughs.

‘’You really are one greedy pretty flower.’’

I nuzzle closer to him.

‘’I’m just done being unselfish and content.’’

Just hearing myself saying that feels odd. I have been telling myself for so long to be content, that just the words feel weird. But in a good way. Saying that feels right.