Master of Minds, Master of Me

“Ouch!” I yelp as the warm bathwater stings, much more than the last time I lost my virginity to him. I guess it's expected since he was way more ruthless than back then.

Felix looks amused, but he clearly tries to suppress it and fake some worry.

“Is it that bad? There is a recovery potion in the water, so it should ease soon. Let’s put some healing ointment on it after the bath.”

''It's fine. The water just stings a little bit.''

Felix comes to sit on the opposite side of the bath. This time, I didn’t object when he wanted to take a bath together. I go sit on his lap, wanting to be closer to him. His eyes widen, clearly surprised by my action. He wraps his hands around me and smiles teasingly at me.

“So who are you, and what did you do to my pretty flower?”

“I did nothing. There was this one insanely annoying Prince who kept pestering me and opening my emotional locks. So I hope you are not disappointed by what was inside the plain wooden box,” I say while leaning my head against his chest.

“Who could ever be disappointed that you turned out to be a pervy stalker?”

I glare at him. “I’m not a stalker!”

He rolls his eyes. “Sure, whatever you say.”

I furrow my brows while thinking about my stalking.

“Felix,” I voice out.

“Yes?”

“So if you remember everything… All this time I’ve been here, you have just pretended that you don’t know me?” My voice is low, serious.

He rubs the back of his head with his hand. “Mayyyybe.”

“And give me one good reason why I wouldn’t be mad at you about that?”

“In my defense, I was surprised you even came here.”

“How could you be surprised when you’re the one who persuaded me to come while being Hans?”

“But you hesitated at first about sending the letter! So, of course, I had to give you my honest opinion.”

“That doesn’t give you a reason to fake that you didn’t remember me.”

“Okay, okay. At first, I was just curious how you would act. Were you going to avoid me like last time? And do you have any idea how fucking cute you were hiding behind that tree? How could I ever resist teasing you when you acted like that?”

My cheeks flush. It really was pretty embarrassing.

“And after that?”

“I just got too hooked seeing you constantly searching and watching me. Last time, I was the one constantly seeking your company. So honestly, I just enjoyed a little payback. And it’s not like you get your own cute stalker every day. How could I just blurt out the truth and risk you stopping your stalking?”

I eye him with narrowed eyes, but end up just exhaling heavily and leaning my head against him again. I can’t blame him. I do understand why he enjoyed the tables turning like that.

“So if I hadn’t asked to see that mirror, when would you have told me the truth?”

“Not sure. I didn’t plan to keep it a secret in the first place, so it’s hard to say. But my cock really was starting to be in pain, so I don’t think my ‘no sex’ rule would have lasted much longer anyway. I would have just blurted out the truth, demanded you be my Queen, and fucked you.”

I turn around on his lap, facing him, and let my fingers travel over the huge scar on his right shoulder. He just looks at me and lets me touch him in peace. I see in my peripheral vision that he starts furrowing his brows, clearly feeling uneasy.

“I told you they are hideous,” he finally says.

I glare at him. “Don’t ever call something I love hideous. Jerk.”

“You loving me doesn’t have anything to do with my scars.”

“I know. I think they just suit you.”

“Suit me? Why would you ever say that?”

My cheeks flush as I imagine what happened in the Vault just a little while ago. I’m embarrassed to admit what I think, but I should just say it, since I don’t want him to think I would ever dislike his scars.

“Well… You know… Your purple eyes and your obsessive gaze always make you look rather dangerous. And seeing you like that with these scars… They made you look even more dangerous.”

“And you liked that?”

I nod.

He grabs my chin and forces me to look at him.

“You really are one naughty pretty flower, aren’t you?”

I slap his hand away. “It’s your fault. I wasn’t like this before you.”

He chuckles, and hearing it makes my chest tighten.

“I’ll gladly take credit for that. And speaking of my eyes, why did you never tell me that they turned purple?”

“I thought it was something that was supposed to happen. I didn’t know it was something new, not until I talked to Master Loneflare about it.”

His fingers slightly caress my skin as he speaks. His touch calms me.

‘’During the time we were apart, I’ve been investigating this whole curse thing. And I really don’t believe it’s the Devil’s doing.”

“What? Why?”

“If you always wake up on your eighteenth birthday, I’d guess you were cursed at that time. But Theodore said the Devil has been hiding in Hell for over ten years. So it really can’t be him.”

“What? He also told me the Devil is in Hell, but I didn’t ask how long. If it wasn’t him, then who?”

“I wish I knew. I’ve investigated every person around you, but no one would be capable of a curse as big as yours. Forcing someone to live in an endless loop is unheard of. I can’t imagine anyone capable of doing that.”

“You really have done all that?”

I’m rather shocked by his words. All this time, I thought he was living happily, blissfully unaware of everything that had happened. When in reality, he had always remembered me and tried to solve everything alone.

“I’m determined to live my life happily with you. I know we can solve this together.”

“You really are crazy for doing all this just for me.”

“That I can agree with. I’m crazy for you, Lo. And I always will be.”

I feel like I don’t deserve this. I don’t deserve him. But this time, I’m going to be selfish and take it all anyway.

“So how are we ever going to figure out who made the curse?”

“I was hoping you’d let Theodore examine you.”

“Why?”

“There’s a possibility it’s not even a curse. So we should make sure it actually is one. Theodore said he might be able to identify the mana affinity used to create it, which could narrow our search.”

I fall silent. I guess that really is the best option. Maybe it’s okay to rely on others for once. It’s not like my way has made any progress either.

“So will you let him examine you?”

“Yes. But not yet.”

“Why not?”

“First, we need to deal with your problem. What if we break my curse, but you still end up dead? I’m not living my life without you, Felix. Only after we pass the point where you won’t cause a civil war will I let Master Loneflare examine me.”

He nuzzles against my neck.

“You really are so cute that my heart might burst from love at any moment.”

“Are you sure you’re not mad at me?”

“Mad at you? Why would I be?”

I hesitate, afraid to talk about what happened. The fact that I killed myself in front of him. But I have to. I want to know how he truly feels.

“About what I did in that bell tower.”

He falls silent for a while. I want to turn around and see his expression, but I’m too afraid to look.

“I promise I’m not mad at you. I admit it was the most horrible thing I’ve ever experienced. But I honestly understand why you did it. If I had to choose between living and watching you die in pain, or dying myself to make you happy, I would do the same. It only proves how much you cared about me back then. Your only miscalculation was thinking I could ever forget you and be happy without you.”

This time, I fall silent. I’m relieved he doesn’t hold a grudge. I really did it only because I loved him and wanted what was best for him. Or what I thought was best for him.

His muscles suddenly tighten around me before he speaks, or rather, whispers.

“Did it hurt?”

“What?”

“Dying.”

“I’ve died in many different ways. Falling from a building is one of the least painful ways to die. You’re gone before your brain can even register pain. At some point, I grew tired of not knowing how I would die. It was horrifying, just waiting for it to happen, not knowing if I’d be stabbed to death or something else. So I started ending my own life. It was easier. No more pain, no more fear. I always went to a temple, climbed the bell tower, and jumped.”

“Why the temple?”

“It felt like I was offering my life to God.”

“I’m sorry for everything you went through alone. I hate that I wasn’t there for you.”

“There’s no need to feel sorry. You didn’t even know me.”

“I know. But still. I hate those past versions of me.”

I kiss his cheek.

“Well, they’re gone now, so stop being a sulking baby.”

“If I get kisses from you by sulking, I’ll never stop,” he teases. “There are like a million questions I want to ask, but I think we need to get up before we turn into raisins.”

I agree. We both get up, and I dry myself with a towel and wrap a bathrobe around me. I watch Felix dry his hair with his towel.

“Why do you use a towel?” I blurt out.

“What do you mean?”

“If you can use magic to dry yourself, why bother with a towel?”

“Two reasons. Sometimes using magic feels like cheating. Even if I can cut corners, I prefer not to. And I enjoy water because of my water magic. Being wet feels refreshing. Of course, I don’t want to drip everywhere, but I don’t mind not being completely dry.”

“I guess that makes sense when you say it like that.”

When he wraps a bathrobe around himself, he suddenly lifts me into his arms.

“Felix! What the hell are you doing?”

He chuckles and smiles so happily that I can’t help but smile too.

“So, are you really going to be my Queen, voluntarily this time?”

“Yes. But only if you never do that ‘no sex’ crap again. It was torture!”

He keeps chuckling while carrying me out of the bathroom.

“I promise, I promise.”

He sits down on his couch, settling me on his lap.

“What about the Selection? What do we do if I can’t make it to the top three? I’m not the smartest one, you know. I don’t think they’ll ever pick me, especially considering my background and the fact that my family brings no value to the empire.”

He tucks a strand of hair behind my ear.

“Don’t worry about it. It doesn’t matter if you’re picked or not. I convinced them once to let me choose you; I can do it again. Just relax and let me handle it. I will make you my Queen, pretty flower.”

I let my fingers slide along his neck and collarbone. “Hmm…”

Felix smiles. “What are you thinking?”

“You always call me a pretty flower, right?”

“Yes, so?”

“So what does that make you?”

“What do you mean?”

I smile. “Should I call you a watering can or something?”

He looks at me, confused. “A watering can? Why?”

“Well, you use a watering can to water flowers. And you’re always making me soaking wet,” I wink.

He starts laughing, and I can’t help but giggle too.

“I had no idea my pretty flower could make jokes. I really hit the jackpot with you.”

He kisses me, and I kiss him back. My heart feels so full. I feel so happy. I know our problems are still there, hovering over us like inevitable doom, but they don’t seem so scary anymore. Because I’m not alone anymore.