Master of Minds, Master of Me

I close my room’s door and slide down against it to sit on the floor. My heart is still racing, and I’m not sure if it’s more because of what I did or what he did. His touch still lingers on my body, my hips, my waist, my hand, and especially my neck. His eyes shifted somehow when he watched me, watched his own hand creep up to my neck. He didn’t squeeze or hurt me, but the threat of it was enough to make my body shiver. His gaze was intense, once again the blue in them turning into something deeper. Something darker.

I have wondered how a man like Felix could end up causing so much harm to our country. But at that moment, it wasn’t so hard to believe anymore. He seemed… dangerous somehow. I’m not sure if he was acting like that only because he was mad at me for what I did.

It’s true that I have only played chess against children, I didn’t lie about that. But this is the 29th time I have lived through these two years, and I’ve regularly visited the orphanage and played with them. So that’s almost 60 years of experience in playing chess. Of course, my skill isn’t greater than Felix’s, but it was clear to me how distracted he became while he questioned me. The more I talked to him, the more he lost focus on what he was doing.

I don’t like to play dirty or use someone’s weaknesses against them. I do feel rather guilty for doing just that. But I really need freedom from him. So I just thought that teasing him was probably the lesser sin. Since I have a bad feeling that if I had continued seeing him regularly, I would have ended up doing far worse. And I need to keep my mind and body pure. I have already done and felt so many things I shouldn’t have while being here, so I can’t risk sinking deeper into the pit of sins.

But the stab of guilt was enormous when I called him by his name, seeing how much it clearly affected him. His whole demeanor lit up. His face was in utter shock for a moment before he smiled so brightly, like he was the sun himself. Even the gleam in his eyes sparkled more than usual. It pained me that I only said it to distract him, to fool him. I just hope God will forgive me for doing that.

Enjoy your four weeks, pretty flower. Since after that, I’m coming for you.

No idea what that even means, but I’m already scared of it. Scared of what is about to come when these peaceful four weeks are over. And his voice just keeps ringing in my mind. But I do have faith that during these four weeks he will forget about me. Four weeks is a pretty long time, after all. Anything can happen during that time. Maybe even my visions will lessen now that I won’t be seeing him. And other things will occupy my mind.

I glance at the clock. It’s almost lunchtime, but my stomach is twisting. I have no appetite. I’m not sure what Felix does to my body. Whatever it is, I don’t like it. I feel like puking again.

I head toward the bathroom, just in case I actually do end up vomiting. Horror strikes me when I see myself in the bathroom mirror. Or more specifically, when I see my neck. The hickey is clearly visible. That idiot! How could he do something like this?! And on my neck of all places? How the hell does that idiot think I can hide it?!

I suddenly realize my language and try to calm myself down. This is exactly why I need to keep myself away from him. My restraints are cracking so easily because of him. Please forgive me, God. I promise I will do better. I know cursing the Crown Prince isn’t the right thing to do. I will contain myself better from now on.

Then I remember one of my dresses that covers the neck with a lace collar. I go fetch it right away from my closet and start unbuttoning my dress.

How you would sound when I sank my fingers inside you and made you come.

My heart rate skyrockets, and I spin on my heels toward the sound, but find the room empty. I’m sure I heard that from the room, not inside my head. I walk to my balcony doors just to make sure he isn’t there, but it’s empty. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing, since it means it was just my mind playing tricks on me. I let out a sigh and continue changing my dress.

When the dress is on, I glance at myself in the mirror, and I’m pleased to see it covers the hickey perfectly. A small relief washes over me. Then I see his reflection in the mirror, I see him leaning against the door behind me. My heart rate spikes once again, and I turn to face him, anger rising within me.

“Your Highness. You promised to leave me—”

I stop talking when I realize the room is empty after I turn around. I turn to face the mirror again, but I can’t see him there either. Am I really this nuts? Am I going completely mad?

I open the balcony doors and step outside, needing the fresh air. What is wrong with my mind? Is the Devil really behind this? Or is this something else entirely? I lean against the railing and look at the horizon.

When I finally go back home from here, will the visions stop then? Is this just something related to me being here at the Palace? Just a punishment for drifting from my original path? I do pray so.

Next day

I sit behind the desk, trying to focus on Baroness Alante speaking in front of me. Today we are going to learn about Felix’s achievements, and this surely isn’t going to help me forget about him.

“The Crown Prince was a miracle even as a child, since he is the only one who has been able to wield two mana affinities right away. His powerful water magic is proof of his royal bloodline, and his electricity magic is proof of his extraordinary talents.”

Electricity magic? How did I forget about that? Of course, I knew Felix has two mana affinities. That’s one of the reasons he has always participated in monster campaigns. He is pretty powerful when it comes to fighting. But is his electricity the reason why his touch always felt so strange? That it made my whole body tingle? Did he do it on purpose, or is it something he can’t control? Learning that makes me feel a little bit better. Knowing it wasn’t only because of me that my body acted so weirdly around him.

Listening to the Baroness talk about Felix feels weird overall. She tells us about all his achievements on the battlefield, every single fight he has taken part in, and it’s quite a lot. But the whole lesson feels like they’re just trying to brainwash us into believing how perfect he is. If all the women here are already ready to be his Queen, I see no point in all of this. Well, everybody except me.

The only thing that comforts me is the fact that Felix doesn’t want me to be Queen either. At least, that’s what I keep telling myself. I hope I can trust him on that one.

Then suddenly the classroom feels smaller than before, the air grows thick and heavy with the scent of old paper. Baroness Alante’s voice becomes nothing but a faint hum in my ears as I stare at the words written on the chalkboard: Felix Barham, the Crown Prince of Barham. The chalk letters blur into a smear of white. Suddenly, my heartbeat feels louder than the Baroness’s lecture.

I blink, and for a second, I could swear the letters turned themselves into Felix Obsession. I squeeze my eyes shut and shake my head. When I open them again, everything is back to normal. I’m really losing my mind. That has to be it. I’m not obsessed with him. My mind is just playing tricks on me again.

“Lady Lorelia?”

My eyes snap to the front. Baroness Alante’s gaze is fixed on me, her brows slightly furrowed.

“Are you unwell?”

“I—” I force a small smile. “I’m fine, Baroness Alante. Just… a little tired.”

Her expression softens. “Understandable. The schedule is demanding for all of you.”

She returns to her lecturing, but my gaze drifts toward the tall window beside her. A figure passes outside. Tall, broad-shouldered, golden hair catching the sun. I freeze. No. It can’t be him. Not here, not during class.

When I glance again at the window, the outside is empty.

I press my hands to my face, trying to steady my breathing. Maybe the lack of food has made me dizzy. I really haven’t eaten much here. That’s what this is, hallucinations born of hunger and maybe a little bit of guilt.

When the class finally ends and the Baroness dismisses us, I’m one of the first to rise. The other ladies chatter cheerfully about the lesson, about Felix’s heroics and rumored kindness. I barely hear them. My footsteps echo through the marble corridor as I head toward my room. My mind feels so hazy. I need to rest, and probably eat too.

I turn around the corner and nearly collide with Father Owen.

“Oh, forgive me, Father,” I murmur, taking a step back. My hands clutch my dress.

He gives me a small smile, his eyes calm and kind.

“There is nothing to forgive, my child. You seem rather troubled. Is everything alright?”

“I… I’m fine. Just a little distracted and tired from the class.”

He studies me for a moment, and his smile deepens.

“Remember, peace comes to those who seek truth without fear.”

The words send an odd tremor down my spine. His voice, it’s gentle, but the tone feels almost too familiar. It reminds me of Felix. I open my mouth to reply, but he’s already walking away, his steps soundless on the stone floor.

I remain standing there, frozen for a while. When I get my head back together and finally arrive in my room, I close the door and lean my back against it. The sunset outside bathes the room in warm light, casting long shadows that move as if alive.

I tell myself that what I saw and heard was only a coincidence. That Father Owen’s voice only reminded me of Felix’s. I’m not sure why Felix has managed to dig into my mind like this, that I’m starting to even see him in other people. I’m not even sure if that was just one more hallucination.

And yet—

As I turn toward my mirror, I spot a small white chess piece resting on my desk. A pawn. I never brought one here. My breath catches. The window is closed, the balcony doors locked.

And then, I hear a whisper. Soft, distant, like it’s coming from the walls themselves.

Four weeks, pretty flower.

The pawn topples over. The fear consumes me. Is he behind my visions?