Fallen Magic

Beth and Jack stayed at Philippa’s house for the next few days. The Guild Council couldn’t make up their minds what to do about them, it seemed, and had decided it was best to wait and see if Isabelle returned before taking any action. Beth wasn’t too hopeful that they’d be much help. They had to look after the interests of the Alchemists’ Guild, which were not the same as those of Beth and Jack.

Philippa was nice, though. It was good of her to let them stay, and she was interesting to talk to. Beth asked her about alchemy, because she wanted a better understanding of how people who weren’t Isabelle thought about it. She didn’t understand all of the explanations that followed, but she picked up enough to know that Isabelle had indeed taught her well.

But it was too dangerous for them to go outside. They didn’t know what the reaction to their sudden disappearance had been, whether they were wanted criminals now, but even if they weren’t it would be a bad idea to draw attention to the Guild’s safehouse. So they stayed inside. After a few days of that, Beth was starting to feel confined.

It was silly of her, really, when she’d been far more confined back in the military base’s alchemy building. But there she’d had the lab and the work and Isabelle. Here she had none of that. Maybe it was a more general restlessness she was feeling, a purposelessness.

Before she had time to do anything about it, though, Isabelle came back.

It was a sudden thing, not at all how Beth had expected it. She came downstairs an hour or two before dinnertime, wondering if Philippa could use her help with anything, and found Isabelle and Philippa talking in the parlour.

And she didn’t know quite what to say or do. What words were there for a moment like this?

Isabelle glanced up after a few seconds and saw her hovering awkwardly. “Beth!” she said, and her face lit up with what seemed like genuine joy. “You made it, then, you and Jack?”

“Yes,” Beth said cautiously. No thanks to you. Except that she owed Isabelle every thanks for creating the orbs that had made their escape possible. “And you – did you get what you wanted?”

Isabelle shrugged. “Partly. It turned out to be more complicated than I expected. I shan’t be staying here too long. Just enough time to settle some affairs and work out where I need to go next.”

“You can’t – “ said Beth, and then stopped. Partly because she wasn’t quite sure how that sentence was supposed to end. And partly because Isabelle very much could, if she wanted it enough. “Take me with you,” she said instead. “Please. Don’t leave me behind again.”

Isabelle shook her head. “You don’t know what you’re asking for.”

“Then tell me.”

She hesitated. Beth could almost see her weighing up the choices in her mind. “You should go find Jack,” was all she said.

Isabelle told them everything, in the end. They sat in Philippa’s attic, huddled around a candle. They had nothing but Philippa’s word that she wasn’t listening in, but Isabelle trusted it. The Guild respected secrets, she said, and Philippa was a great believer in the traditions of the Guild. She wouldn’t break the promise Isabelle had extracted from her.

Stars, Beth hoped she was right, because if anyone else heard the story…

They’d probably think Isabelle was a madwoman, hearing her tale of Mages and tombs. Her claim that she was herself a Mage Returned. Beth had never really thought about the Mages too much. They were a Rasina legend, not a Sirgalese one. And it seemed nearly impossible to believe that Isabelle was…

But she remembered the extraordinary things her master had done. Her immunity to burns and explosions, unexplained by any natural phenomenon.

Oh, Isabelle was definitely a madwoman. But Beth believed her nonetheless.

“Cyrus’s Tomb only held part of the instructions,” Isabelle concluded. “So I’ll have to find the other Tombs and thus the rest.”

She made it sound so simple. Beth knew it wasn’t. “But you’ll need the others to help you open them, won’t you?” And one of them was the son of Lord Blackthorn himself. Stars, Beth couldn’t understand how Isabelle had even made it out of that cavern alive, never mind anything else.

Isabelle shrugged. “I promised them the power to reproduce Esteral,” she said. “They’ll help me.”

Another thing Beth couldn’t understand: how easily she’d traded that away. After what Philippa had told her, she would have sworn Isabelle wanted to bring back her grandfather more than anything else. And yet now she’d promised that power to others.

“You understand how dangerous this knowledge is?” Isabelle asked after a few moments of silence.

Beth nodded, and so did Jack.

“It makes me the most wanted woman in two countries. It would be more, if more countries knew about it. Knowing anything about where I’ve been recently is enough to ruin your life if the wrong people find out.”

“So we’re already in trouble, just because you came back?” Jack asked.

Isabelle shrugged again. “There’s not much I can do to protect you. Beyond relying on the Guild to do it for me.”

Beth, having heard what the Guild Council had to say about that idea, was somewhat sceptical. But she didn’t say as much. “Do you know where the other Tombs are? Or at least have an idea where to start?”

Isabelle shrugged. “The Guild has records relating to the Mages. Because of Esteral. I’m going to discreetly look through those and work out where to go from there.”

“And when you find out…”

“I’ll go.”

“And that’s it?” Beth asked. “We’ll just… never see you again?”

Isabelle smiled sadly. “It’s for the best.”

“No,” Beth found herself saying. “You can’t just vanish. Not after everything you’ve done. I still want to come with you.”

“So do I,” said Jack. “I don’t know what else I could do that would matter more than this.”

“We know what we’re getting into,” Beth said.

“You don’t have to be alone. You shouldn’t have to be alone.”

Isabelle stared at them for a long moment. “I thought you would both hate me for abandoning you.”

Beth still hadn’t forgiven Isabelle for that. She didn’t know if she ever would. But… she’d been right, that Beth and Jack could make it out on their own. And she’d had a good reason. She was chasing the thing that mattered more than anything else in the world to her.

Enjoying this book? Seek out the original to ensure the author gets credit.

And Beth didn’t know what she’d do, or who she’d be, without Isabelle.

She didn’t know quite how to say that out loud, and she didn’t want to speak for Jack’s feelings on the matter. So all she said was “Apparently not.”

“Are you certain? This isn’t going to be some kind of epic quest – okay, maybe it is. But epic quests aren’t much like the stories. There’ll be hard work, and boredom, and not knowing if we’ll ever manage it. And that’s the best-case scenario.”

“I’m certain,” said Jack. He glanced at Beth.

“So am I,” she said.

Isabelle smiled. “In that case,” she said, “let’s get to work.”

Elsie is waiting for me outside Electra’s office. I can’t work out whether I’m grateful that I won’t have to go to the effort of tracking her down or disappointed that I won’t get a few minutes to collect my scattered thoughts. It’s better to get this over with, I suppose, so that afterwards I can…

I don’t know what I want to do next. Talk to Edward, really, but I think he needs space right now. Which I suppose just leaves going back to my dormitory, burying myself under the covers, and hoping the world stops turning until I’ve had time to process everything. That idea appeals a great deal right now.

“Would you care for another walk around the lake?” Elsie asks.

“I think we need to take one,” I agree.

I’d completely lost track of time, but it turns out to be only four after noon. The weather has worsened, though: it’s cold and grey and drizzling lightly. So we’re still the only ones crazy enough to be out walking.

“Are you okay?” I ask, once we’re far enough out that we can be confident of privacy. “Did Lord Blackthorn hurt you, or…?”

She shakes her head. “Once I’d told him everything, he just shut me in a cell somewhere. I was fine, but I’ve never been more afraid. For you and Edward, or for myself. I thought…” She shudders. “I didn’t think he’d just let me go.”

“I guess I can be quite persuasive. Either that, or he just cares about Edward enough that he wouldn’t cross that line.”

“Then you would have…”

Neither of us finishes the sentence, but we both know the implication. “If I had to? Yes.”

“Then thank you.”

“And thank you,” I reply. “For telling Lord Blackthorn, even knowing the risks.” I don’t know how much of a difference it would have made, in the end. Electra would have made it to us regardless of what Elsie did. But I could never tell her that.

“You’re the best friend I’ve ever had, Tallulah. I couldn’t have done anything else.”

Part of me feels like that says more about how good Elsie’s other friends have been to her than about me. “Thank you,” I say again.

“Tallulah… what happened to you?”

I grimace. “I can’t tell you.”

“I thought you were just saying that because Lord Blackthorn was there.”

“No – well, partly. But – I do want you to know. I just… can’t risk anyone overhearing it.”

“This is bigger than everything we’ve talked about so far?” Elsie deduces.

“Yeah. But – I’m going to learn to make my own privacy wards. So that it’s impossible for us to be overheard.” I ignore my inner Edward’s mutterings about how no security can be perfect. It’ll be as close as I can get to perfect given my limitations and inexperience. “And when I can do that, I’ll tell you everything. I promise.”

Elsie and I don’t have that much more to say to each other, after that. We finish our lap of the lake and wander back indoors. She has an essay to finish. I can’t help laughing at that: after everything we’ve been through, we still have to care about essays.

I go back to my dormitory, walking as if in a daze. Thankfully none of the others are around – unless they too are hiding within their beds – so I collapse onto my bed and lie there, unmoving.

Me. A Mage Returned. It can’t be real. Maybe it isn’t. Maybe in a few hours’ time I’ll wake up on Sunday morning and this will have just been a bizarrely detailed dream or hallucination.

I don’t sleep, though I feel like I could. I don’t even think that much, because thinking would involve accepting the basic premises of everything that’s happened today. I just… lie there, letting time pass. After a while I grow hungry, but I can’t face the thought of going down to the dining hall and pretending everything is normal. One skipped meal won’t hurt too much.

Maybe I should try to sleep. It’s not like I’m going to do much else between now and bedtime. I’m contemplating whether I need to go to the bathroom more than I need to stay exactly where I am and continue doing nothing when I hear a knock on the door.

I vaguely recall hearing someone else from our dormitory coming back in, so I don’t move. I’ll let them deal with it.

Sure enough, after a moment there’s the sound of the door creaking open, and then a familiar voice. Edward’s voice. “Is Tallulah here?”

I think it’s Lucy who replies: “I haven’t seen her recently, but – “

For a moment I consider staying silent, but I do want to talk to Edward. And if he’s looking for me, that’s probably a good sign.

“I’m here,” I call out, untangling myself from the duvet. I probably look a mess, but I don’t have the strength to care. I push aside the curtains and step out of the bed.

Edward looks calmer than he did before, not that that’s saying much. I follow him out of the dormitory.

“Where are we going? Meeting room?”

He shakes his head. “My room. I’ve ordered dinner for two.”

I’ve never been to his room before. He’s never invited me before. I’m surprised that he chose now of all times to do it.

It’s not far away, it turns out, just a couple of corridors away. The door opens at his touch. I don’t quite know what I was expecting, but the room is a sparse one. A bed like mine, a desk and chair, a bookshelf filled with what look like magical theory textbooks and a door leading towards what I guess is an en-suite bathroom. It reminds me a little of the room I was kept in after my active episode, what seems like a small eternity ago.

“How are you?” I ask once we’re both inside.

He shrugs. “Alive. Mostly sane, I think. We can speak freely in here, as much as we ever can. And you should eat.” He gestures to the desk, where two plates of freshly cooked stew are sitting, giving off a little steam.

“Can I sit down?” I ask.

“Sure. I’ll take the bed, then.” He pulls back the curtain, takes one of the plates, and perches himself on the end of the bed. “And you? Are you okay?”

“About the same as you, I guess. I – it doesn’t feel real.”

“It doesn’t to me, either.”

I take a mouthful of stew. It’s delicious. Neither of us speak for a few moments, until I can’t bear the tension any longer. “I’m sorry. For not telling you about – “

He holds up a hand. “Don’t. Not now.” After a pause, he goes on: “I haven’t forgiven you for it, not quite, but… I understand why you kept it from me.” He grimaces. “I can’t even say you were wrong to. I… I can’t afford to be angry with you, Tallulah. Not when you’re the only person who can possibly understand what I went through today. Not when you’re the only person I can trust.”

I finish my mouthful of stew and slowly realise what his last sentence is implying. “Your father – “

“I know my father loves me, and he wants what’s best for me. But if that conflicts with what’s best for the country – I don’t know what he’ll do. And now we both know – what I am – those conflicts are much more likely to happen.”

I can’t say he’s wrong. So I don’t.

“What you promised me in the cavern… you meant it?”

“Yes. I don’t – I hope it never has to matter. But if it does… yes.”

I’m relieved. More so than I could ever admit. I don’t think Edward is fully okay – I don’t know if he ever will be – but he seems immeasurably better than he was in Electra’s office. And he’s speaking to me, despite what I hid from him about Elsie.

“Thank you. That means a lot. I... we’re on the same side here, right?”

“…of course.”

“Even if we’re the only two people on that side?”

I can’t quite tell where he’s going with this. “I don’t think we will be. But yes.”

“Then we need to be able to have complete faith in each other. And – what you kept from me, the problem was that you couldn’t trust me not to go to my father with it.”

“Yeah,” I confirm. “I would have told you, otherwise.”

“Well, then. If you ask me to keep something from everyone else – my father included – I will.”

“And in exchange…”

He shakes his head. “This kind of trust isn’t a bargain. I can’t ask for anything in exchange.”

But I know he wants something in exchange. And I know that he’s right. That he’s the only one who’ll understand what happened in the cavern. That we have to trust each other absolutely.

“I won’t keep secrets from you. At least, not relevant ones. I’ll tell you everything I know that could relate to us, or to the conspiracy, or to Isabelle, or any of this mess.”

“Thank you,” says Edward.

I think of Amara’s cryptic hints and wonder how I can explain them without giving away my source. There are easier things to tell him, first, though. “On which note, I got some information out of Electra, after you left.”

He shakes his head. “Not now. I don’t think I can cope with any more revelations today. I… I didn’t really ask you here because of any of this. I asked you because I want to be with you, not alone.”

“Yeah,” I say. “I’d like that too. Thanks for dinner, by the way.”

“Someone has to make sure you look after yourself.” He laughs. “Stay here? Until tomorrow?”

I glance at the bed. “…just to check, you’re still gay, right?”

He laughs again. “Yes. Don’t worry. That wasn’t a proposition. I’ll sleep on the floor.”

I don’t want him to sleep on the floor, not when this is his room and he’s had an even worse time of it than I have today. I consider offering to do the same, but the thought doesn’t appeal, and the thought of arguing with him about it appeals even less. “The bed seems large enough that we can both fit in it without… anything happening.”

“If you’re sure?”

“Yeah,” I say. “I’m sure. I’ll stay.”

And so I stay with him.