Azure: Gunner

“Listen, I’ve heard a lot of stupid people give dumb excuses why the System fucked this place up. The facts are simple. Anyone who could create the System has god-type power. Capital G-O-D type power. Calling all the shit it caused, the Wasted War, just a mistake – that’s a fucking excuse for losers who think the world is fair or some real dumbass shit like that.

"Face the facts, y’all. The System isn’t fucked by mistake – it’s fucked because they wanted it to be fucked! They wanted it to fuck us! Why? Entertainment! This is science – just like using a magnifying glass to burn an ant is science! It’s fun for everyone except the ant! And I bet the Beeblebroxians are out there, paying their corporate overlords for the privilege of laughing their asses off while watching us burn!”

- Demophon Kerner, overheard at a party shortly before he was thrown out for the third time

[AMAZING! THE ADVANCED CLASS OFFERED TO YOU TODAY IS: GUNNER! THERE’S NOTHING MORE AMERICAN THAN GUNS, SO WHAT CLASS COULD BE MORE PERFECTLY PATRIOTIC THAN THE GUNNER?!]

Well, that’s… something. I mean, obviously it’s a combat Class, and it’s an Advanced Class too, which is good, but… come on. Guns? Guns are lame. Guns are what they give kids and non-combat Classes to try and hold off a monster long enough for a real badass to cut its head off with a sword or blast it with a Lighting Bolt! All that time I spent training with swords, and spears, and well, everything except for guns, and of course this fucking System wants to make me a Gunner!

“Can you tell me anything else about the Gunner Class?”

[THE GUNNER CLASS MAY CHOOSE ONE OF THREE STARTING WEAPONS SKILLS: DUAL PISTOLS, SHOTGUNS, OR RIFLES!]

“Uh, I know what pistols are, and I’ve heard of rifles, but what the fuck is a shotgun?”

[A SHOTGUN SHOOTS MANY SMALL PROJECTILES WITH EVERY SHOT! WHY FIRE JUST ONE BULLET AT A TIME WHEN YOU CAN FIRE MANY SMALLER BULLETS ALL AT ONCE? IT’S PRACTICALLY THE AMERICAN WAY!]

OK, fuck the System, but I have to admit that sounds kinda badass. I just… never really thought guns were an actual thing for real fighting. I mean, I don’t think there’s anyone with a combat Class in town that uses a gun. Bows, crossbows, and Spells for range, swords, maces, knives, spears, all that stuff for melee, that’s what the Guard uses, and the dungeon-jacks carry axes…

“System, is Gunner some kind of rare or special class? Why have I never heard of it before?”

[NOT AT ALL, CITIZEN ZIMMERMAN! EVERY CLASS IS SPECIAL, AND GUNNER IS JUST AS SPECIAL AS ANY OTHER ADVANCED CLASS! THAT IS TO SAY, MORE SPECIAL THAN A STANDARD CLASS AND LESS SPECIAL THAN A SUPERIOR CLASS!I CAN ONLY SPECULATE THAT YOUR EDUCATION WAS LACKING!]

Waste it, the System really is an asshole. OK, breathe. So, my options are a shitty but safe non-combat Class, probably stuck for years in a town I hate working for the company that got my parents killed. I could take Enchanter and maybe get rich after spending ages studying. I could take Devoted Squire, a Class that the System admitted is meant to go out and kill people for a government that’s been dead for hundreds of years. Or, I take an Advanced Class I know almost nothing about, get dumped into the Advanced Tutorial and probably maybe die. I guess when I put it like that the choice is obvious, right?

“What Skills does the Gunner get?”

[AT LEVEL 0, THE GUNNER LEARNS THEIR CHOSEN CLASS WEAPON SKILL, ALONG WITH THE GENERAL SKILLS INVENTORY, INSPECT, AND IDENTIFY! FURTHER SKILL OPTIONS ARE NOT DETERMINED AT THIS TIME!]

“That sounds simple enough, but which weapon Skill is the best?”

[EVERY WEAPON SKILL IS EXCELLENT IN THE HANDS OF THE RIGHT WIELDER, CITIZEN!]

Come on, unhelpful much?! Still, I had one of those shitty Level 0 pistols that the town gave out to all the kids, and that thing was trash. I definitely don’t want pistols!

“What are the advantages and disadvantages of shotguns compared to rifles?” I asked, hoping for some actually useful information.

[RIFLES ARE MORE ACCURATE AND EFFECTIVE AT LONGER RANGES THAN A SHOTGUN! ON THE OTHER HAND, THE SHOTGUN IS FAMED FOR ITS STOPPING POWER IN SHORT-TO-MEDIUM RANGE ENGAGEMENTS!]

Good enough. If half the people that try the Advanced Tutorial die, then I just have to finish in the top 50%, right? I’m pretty sure that’s how math works. So, I just need to pick whatever I think is going to get me out of here alive.

I looked around the small room and guessed that I wasn’t going to be doing a lot of long-range shooting. Also, that sounded harder. Shotguns it is…

“I want to be a Gunner, and I want the Shotguns Skill!”

[THAT IS EXCELLENT NEWS, CITIZEN! INITIATING THE ADVANCED TUTORIAL, STAND BY!]

As the echo of the System shouting in my head died off, I saw the first Quest message of my life appear in front of me.