(BL) Taming the Field Guide

At the same time that things were heating up for Taylor and Karen, a different kind of warming up was happening in a different part of the tower.

Pamela was at her fucking limit.

It was one thing when the tower had been on a complete lockdown and no one without verified passes could enter the tower. It had been closed to everyone, including the public that had lovingly been visiting the tower for better food and a chance to get to see the Espers and Guides that they loved up close.

Pamela had hated to make that call, but for the safety of their people, she had to. Which meant that the weight of a pass had gotten heavier. That along with Pamela’s past mistakes were coming to bite her in the ass, along with mingling with someone she had not only a huge professional crush on, but someone who would have the clearance to come into her tower at a moment’s notice.

Not only that, Captain Sergei was a good man, and she was good at her job. It was her personal life that was messy, and Kellen had warned her. She had just been too blind, too in love with the idea of love, to realise it until it was too late.

Pamela clenched her fist, staring at the woman who was standing outside of her office in those damn pencil suits that she loved so much.

Today’s suit was a nice black colour with a few roses scattered across it. It was delicate, but suited her. Not too much, not too little. It complimented her black hair, cut like a knife just below her ears, and shiny even in the dim light of the empty hallway. Her black heels matched the dress, a rose design on the shoes as well, and she wore a deep merlot shade as her undershirt.

She was pretty. Of course she was pretty, and it was her glowing, orange gaze, narrowed and cocky, that made Pamela’s fist curl into her hands.

Why was she pestering her like this? Hadn’t Pamela made her point crystal clear by now? They’d fought like cats and dogs over the simple fact that Pamela clearly had a different understanding of what a romantic relationship was, and Rene had no desire to change hers.

It was that simple, and yet, Rene was still in disbelief. Still shocked that Pamela had told her after she caught her making out with someone in her damn tower that Pamela wanted nothing to do with the woman who was so callous, it made everything she’d experienced in school feel like nothing.

Pamela had wanted the day to end normally. She’d dropped off Casper and Gunther at Charlie’s homebase at the Wood’s apartment. Everything had been fine before, and she hadn’t seen Rene all day.

So why the hell was she here? Now, of all times? Didn’t she have her own Guild? Her own life? She’d been pretty fucking content remaining as far away as possible from Pamela up until Pamela caught her making out with another girl and called everything off.

"Don’t you have your own apartment to stay at?" Pamela shot out, unhappy to see the older woman. Rene chuckled, the deep, rich sound running over Pamela’s skin and down her spine. Before, that had made her happy. Now? Now she was pissed at her reaction.

"I do, but I had some free time. Enough time to come visit your sorry ass." Rene drawled. Pamela drew her lips into a thin line, not appreciating the way that Rene was speaking to her. She was always like this.

Now that Pamela knew her patterns, she could read her like a book. First, she came off cocky, gruff. Then, she’d grow pleading and sweet. Finally, she’d egg her on until Pamela was forced to react. It was getting tiring. It was getting so damn tiring.

At one point, Pamela had loved that she’d sought her out and toy with her. Kellen’s warning that she was a shark haunted her now.

"My ass isn’t sorry." Pamela growled, swiping her card to unlock her office. Rene pushed herself in after her even as Pamela tried to close the door in her face. Rene with her superior physical prowess was something Pamela couldn’t fight against, even if she wanted to. Growling more, she flicked on the light to her office, bathing it in a warm, yellow glow that was in contrast to most of the lighting in the rest of the offices.

It was a change that she needed to make since the other colours had been giving her a headache. Pamela sighed, heading for her chair and slamming her body into the soft leather as she groaned. She pressed the spot between her eyebrows, the headache already forming. Thanks to Rene, the joy she’d felt because Rhys and Kellen had been able to do what they needed to with relative issues that she’d have to clean up was gone.

She opened the drawer on her desk, grabbing the pain medication there and slamming it, swallowing it dry as Rene watched on. She stood in front of Pamela’s desk. Calm. Quiet. Collected.

They’d done this song and dance too many times to count now.

"Pam, you shouldn’t be taking as much of that stuff as you are." There it was, the sweetness. Pamela scowled.

"What the hell would you know? You’re the reason I’m even taking this right now. I was fine before I saw you." Pamela told her. She wanted to grab the things she’d even come here for, but didn’t want to be pestered more by Rene.

Rene shifted in her stance, looking completely apologetic.

"Awe, I’m sorry that you care about me so much that it drives you to take pain medication." Rene said sweetly. Pamela wanted to sneer at her, but giving her any reaction would only fuel her more. Instead, Pamela sighed, her shoulders slumping as she slowly turned her eyes towards Rene fully. Tired. She was so damn tired.

"What are you doing here, Rene?" Pamela asked. Rene blinked.

"What do you mean?" Rene asked. Pamela sighed again. Exhausted from the fact that this woman kept entering her life, Pamela looked at her. Really looked at her, and for once, Rene flinched.

"Why are you doing this? Is it just because I broke it off instead of you? Is that it? Do you want to remain the tough, strong woman that you are and be the one who breaks off relationships, not the other way around? Is that it?" Pamela asked. "If you need me to say that we’re dating again just so you can break it off after, I can do that. As long as you promise to break it off and then leave me the fuck alone." Pamela felt her face warm, her throat close up. God, she wasn’t going to cry in frustration. She wasn’t.

"W-What are you saying right now? I wasn’t-" Pamela sighed again.

"Then what the hell is it? I’m tired of this, Rene. Truly. You didn’t even like me that much to begin with." Pamela told her and watched as, for the first time, Rene’s face broke.

She looked absolutely horrified by what Pamela was saying. Like it was the worst, most hurtful thing she’d ever heard. Pamela wasn’t sure why she was so shocked. After all, she was the one who hurt her first, not the other way around.

"You never even asked me why I did it." Rene whispered. "You just assumed that I was doing something awful to you and left, saying we were over." Pamela felt her emotions rise. Was this her just trying to get a rise out of her? If it was, it was working.

"Didn’t ask? I asked you in so many damn ways, Rene. Too many. I gave in to you, I shouted at you, screamed, cried, begged you to give me a straight answer, finally, but you never did." Rene flinched, seeming to take Pamela’s words like a wound. "You seemed to find joy in my struggles and anger, Rene, but I’m tired." Pamela stared at her, the woman’s eyes fading slightly, the orange flickering. "I just want this to be over. Ask you? Are you serious? Does it matter if the woman I thought I was dating was kissing a Guide or not? Especially if we hadn’t discussed that previously? Would you have reacted the same way if our positions were reversed?" Pamela asked, before a spike of cruelty filled her. "Or are you the only one allowed to act like your ex husband in this situation?"

It was cruel, Pamela knew, and as she watched Rene’s face fall completely, she knew that she was in the wrong. Despite everything, that was too low of a blow. She was better than that.

"I’m sorry. That wasn’t-" Pamela tried to take it back but Rene raised her hand, cutting her off. Her throat worked, her eyes watering as she slowly shook her head.

"No, I deserved that." Rene rasped, looking shattered. "I...earned that." She whispered.

An awkward, heavy silence filled the air between them.

Pamela wasn’t sure what to say, or do. At this point, she felt like her point had been made, but she didn’t want to be an asshole and tell her to leave.

She watched Rene, looking as if she was going through several things she wanted to say, before everything got stuck in her throat. Pamela felt sorry for the woman. In the time that everything had imploded, Pamela had spent her time trying to avoid being around couples and instead had only found herself on the front lines trying to comfort Taylor while everything around her got worse.

That reality, doing something that she had told herself was something she wasn’t going to do, ever, had changed something inside of her. Watching Taylor, a strong woman in her own right, do everything she could and still failing, had done something for her. Not that she hadn’t seen that kind of struggle before, but...it was just different for Pamela.

"I’m sorry." Rene said quietly. Pamela glanced at her, surprised as she watched Rene wipe at her eyes with her fingertips. It was a rather elegant way to cry, suiting her, and Pamela felt her chest tighten.

"You don’t need to apologise to me." Pamela told her. It was far too late for her to do that. Rene shook her head.

"No, I do." Rene admitted. "I should have apologised right away, but you ran to the front lines and I-" Rene halted. "No, that’s just an excuse. I could have followed you there but I was too weak to do it." Rene swallowed thickly, looking ill. She glanced at Pamela, before giving a bitter smile. "I haven’t done relationships since my divorce." Rene admitted. "It’s no excuse. It never would be. I’ve kept coming here, trying to apologise and instead I just-" Rene clenched her fists tightly at her side.

Pamela watched her, surprised at her emotional outburst. She closed her eyes, shaking and Pamela watched her.

"I do it to get information." Rene whispered and Pamela jerked. Do what? "That’s how I can get the information that I need for prosecution. I didn’t initially resort to it, but it makes things more efficient. Faster. I didn’t consider that you would ever come visit me. I didn’t think you’d ever catch me." Rene’s smile grew wider, but the bitterness never faded. "The silly thing was that I convinced myself that I was in the right at first. Then I realised you were serious." Rene swallowed. "I’m sorry, Pam. Really. I’m also sorry that it took me this long to get this out. I know it all sounds like excuses, but..." Rene opened her eyes, giving Pamela a look so heart jerking that she almost stood up to go to her. "I’m just no good at this. I’m sorry I hurt you in my experiment. I’m sorry that I even encouraged you. I shouldn’t have. I’ll be professional the next time you see me." Rene whispered before turning and leaving Pamela’s office.

Pamela sat there in her chair, mouth agape as she stared at where Rene had been.

Experiment? Information? Rene had given Pamela a lot of information that she could hurt her with, and it didn’t seem like she cared what she did with it. Pamela sighed. Still she was a headache inducer for her, even as she was leaving.