Chapter 168 --168
"No, YOU’RE missing the point." Elara’s voice stayed level, but something cold entered it. "You gave me a new life. Fine. I didn’t ask for it, but I’m using it. You want me to ’live like a normal human’? I’m not normal. I will never BE normal. I don’t process emotions. I don’t form attachments the way you apparently expect. I analyze, I calculate, I optimize. That’s how I survived twenty-nine years in a cutthroat industry. That’s how I’m surviving palace politics in a world where my own sisters want me dead. And you’re complaining that I’m not doing it with enough ’feelings’?"
"’I’m complaining that you’re acting like a MONK!’" The voice rose. "’You don’t eat unless someone forces you. You don’t sleep unless you collapse. You work yourself to exhaustion and then keep working. You treat your own body like it’s expendable equipment instead of the GIFT I GAVE YOU!’"
"It IS expendable equipment! Everything is!" Elara’s hands clenched. "This body, this life, this entire world—it’s all temporary. Entropy guarantees that. So yes, I use it efficiently while it lasts, but I don’t waste energy pretending it’s sacred or special or worth preserving beyond its utility function."
"’And if you die?’"
"Then I die. What’s the issue?"
The white space went utterly silent.
When the voice spoke again, it was very quiet. Very controlled.
"’So. Do you want to die, or do you want to live?’"
Elara met the question head-on. "I have a counter-question. Who said I want to die?"
"’Your actions say it. Your complete disregard for—’"
"No." Elara cut her off. "Disregard for self-preservation is not the same as desire for death. I don’t WANT to die. I simply don’t fear it enough to let that fear control my decisions. There’s a difference."
"’Is there?’"