Chapter 142: Look, That’s Your Wife!
“Kid, I’m warning you—if you dare pee on me, I’ll slice you in half and send you to Orochimaru for a little… reconstruction.”
“After all, Mr. Snake has plenty of experience with gender changes.”
“Then Naruto Uzumaki becomes Naruko Uzumaki, and Sasuke can string you up for fun.”
...
The next morning, stepping out of Fourth Hokage Minato Namikaze’s home, Hakken looked helpless.
He’d only planned to check in on the brat, but Kushina had shoved Naruto into his arms and gone shopping without a second thought.
In her words, pregnancy and childcare had been exhausting, and helping out a little would strengthen the bond between siblings.
So now Hakken looked completely mismatched: Kurama perched on one shoulder, Naruto on the other, and a sword and sake gourd hanging from his waist.
Everything he’d said earlier was just his way of warning Naruto.
Since Minato and Kushina were still alive, Naruto still used the Uzumaki surname.
That was Minato’s way of cherishing his wife, trying to soothe the pain left by her clan’s destruction.
Letting Naruto inherit the Uzumaki name… that was exactly the kind of thing Minato would do.
With nothing pressing to handle and since he was technically resting, Hakken decided to bring Naruto to play with Sasuke.
He wanted to see what sparks the two little rascals might produce as toddlers.
“This brat…”
Kurama crouched on Hakken’s shoulder, squinting in the direction ahead as if sensing something.
A familiar scent.
The aura of the Sage of Six Paths.
An Uzumaki?
Not even a year old, Naruto seemed to notice Kurama staring and turned his head.
In that moment, their eyes met.
Kurama and Naruto experienced their first face-off.
Hakken watched calmly, then shook his head.
Whether Naruto—without being a Jinchūriki—could understand Kurama or earn its acknowledgment was still uncertain.
That was the promise between him and Kurama: try communicating first and see what happened.
Eye contact was step one.
“Dattebayo.”
After a long pause, Naruto spat out the phrase, almost making Hakken stumble mid-step.
That cursed catchphrase.
Hakken was convinced Naruto had picked up Kushina’s tone straight from the womb.
He’d forgotten everything else, yet somehow mastered “dattebayo” perfectly.
“Dattebayo.”
As if trying to show friendliness, Naruto mumbled it at Kurama again.
Kurama: “?”
Naruto: “Dattebayo!”
Kurama: “?!”
“Dattebayo!”
“Get lost!”
The air around the tiny shoulders grew strangely tense.
...
Uchiha Clan District.
After Shisui Uchiha and Itachi Uchiha returned, the atmosphere within the Uchiha clan was lively.
And for good reason.
Two of the elite among the elites were from the Uchiha clan.
Their honor was the clan’s honor.
Of course, it also belonged to Konoha.
Under Fugaku Uchiha’s firm leadership, the clan’s mentality had begun to shift. They still hadn’t reached true peaceful coexistence or full acceptance, but at least the tension was no longer suffocating.
Change took time, but every small improvement made Fugaku quietly relieved.
In the courtyard of the clan head’s home, little Sasuke was riding on Itachi’s shoulders, giggling like an adorable troublemaker.
Mikoto and Fugaku watched from under a tree, the scene warm and harmonious.
“Ken-san.”
A figure stepped into the courtyard. Itachi awkwardly stood with his little brother in his arms.
The moment he rose, Sasuke and Naruto’s eyes crossed in midair.
Two children destined to one day walk hand-in-hand toward their fated mountain… both instinctively reached toward the other.
“Dattebayo!”
“One fight seven, Nii-chan!”
With all their baby strength, the two kids scrambled down from Hakken and Itachi, then cautiously approached each other—before giving each other a warm, earnest hug.
“They might actually become good friends.”
Itachi and Hakken watched in satisfaction. But only a few seconds later, Naruto let out a soft “Dattebayo!” and tripped Sasuke straight to the ground.
Sasuke wasn’t having it. He opened his tiny mouth and bit hard into the side of Naruto’s open-crotch pants.
Hakken saw it clearly—that bite was dangerously close to ending Naruto’s lineage.
They were fighting.
They’d just… started fighting out of nowhere.
“Oh look, domestic violence.”
Kurama, perched obediently on Hakken’s shoulder, chuckled. He grabbed Hakken’s sake gourd, twisted it open, took a sip, and sighed.
What were these two?
After finally dragging the children apart, Itachi looked at the bite mark on Naruto’s calf in alarm, then at his proud-looking little brother, and sank deep into thought.
If they fought like this upon first meeting, what were they going to be like when they grew up?
“I get the feeling… my brother and Naruto are a bit strange together.”
Itachi sighed, turning to Hakken.
“That bite just now… a waste.”
Hakken actually sounded disappointed.
These two really were a matched pair.
Wasn’t the whole Shippuden basically a romantic drama about brotherly bonds?
Today, you’re my friend.
Tomorrow, friend… you’re mine.
Two lines—that was the whole story.
...
“But Ken-san, that kind of bond is a lot like ours, isn’t it?”
Turning back, Itachi looked genuinely pleased, even drawing a comparison between them.
“You idiot. Did Tsunade’s medicine work yet?”
Stretching with a yawn, Hakken asked casually.
“Ken-san, I don’t think I’m sick.”
Itachi scratched his head, confused.
“Take it on time. Same thing as always—if you start overthinking nothing, I’ll beat you.”
Too lazy to explain, Hakken grabbed Naruto and lifted him, pointing his little hand toward Sasuke.
“See? That’s your wife. Remember, Naruto—hitting your wife isn’t a good habit.”
“Dattebayo!”
The peaceful family scene lingered, but a respectful Uchiha clansman stepped through the gate.
“Clan Head, someone claiming to be from the Sunagakure envoy group is outside requesting to see Commander Hakken. What should we—”
“Why report to me about Commander Hakken? This is Uchiha soil, yes, but remember—the Uchiha belong to Konoha. Commander Hakken holds authority equal to the Hokage. Understood?”
Fugaku Uchiha spoke sternly.
Sometimes the clan’s mindset was still stuck; proper correction was necessary. And with Hakken present, it was only right for the clan head to show Uchiha’s stance clearly.
Someone with power equal to the Hokage was here—reporting to him was meaningless.
“Understood, Clan Head.”
The clansman bowed quickly to Hakken. “Hakken-sama, would you like to see them?”