Chapter 144 A Nun, a Cat, and a Delinquent Walked Into a Bar
Chapter 144 A Nun, a Cat, and a Delinquent Walked Into a Bar
The trio—two demi-human girls and one water spirit disguised as some random human guy—walked through the city gates. The heavily armored guards barely looked up, bored out of their minds.
“Reason for visit?”
“Don’t cause problems.”
That was it. They waved them through.
The city was medium-sized, with this weird western-frontier vibe—wooden buildings, wide streets, open fronts—except everything was buried in snow. It felt wrong, like someone dumped a cowboy town in the far north and hoped nobody asked questions.
Still, like most frontier cities, this place seemed okay-ish toward demi-humans. Christina spotted a couple of beastfolk peddlers wandering in ahead of them, and nobody barked slurs or threw rocks their way.
Small miracles.
Her eyes lit up. She pulled off the makeshift turban she’d been using to hide her ears, and her long bunny ears sprang upright, twitching at every sound—people shouting, carts rattling, hammers clanging, laughter echoing down the street. She spun in place, taking everything in like a kid seeing a theme park for the first time.
“Wow…”
Then a strange thumping sound caught her attention. Christina turned and spotted a bizarre box contraption sitting on the ground—thumping, vibrating, and spitting out music. Next to it, a guy wearing no shirt and a mess of mismatched cloth strips danced wildly, moving like he was trying to summon a seizure spirit.
“Hey there, missy! Wanna buy the Magic Box of Sound?” the half-naked man said, hips still doing something between a shimmy and an exorcism. “It records sounds! A mysterious apparatus from the farlands of the elves… This one comes with three different songs—ranging from calm to a very fast, rhythmic one.”
He flicked a switch, and the beat shot up. His dancing instantly grew more erratic.
“And of course, you can record and add your own style!”
Christina stared—curious, fascinated—already reaching toward the box—
—but Katherine grabbed her arm and yanked her back.
“Hey. Let’s go. We’ve got things to do,” Katherine said.
They headed into the main street, and Christina hurried after her—but not before stopping, pressing her hands together, and whispering a quick prayer under her breath.
“Thank you for letting me come here, my dear God, the Ever-Erect…”
Then she scampered forward to rejoin the others.
They spent the next hour moving fast—dropping off the worm horn and the bags of scales and armadillo-plates at what passed for the city’s mail branch. Katherine made a face the entire time.
“This place looks nothing like my city… they seriously need more organization,” she muttered, judging everything with irritated precision.
After that, they stocked up: provisions, fabric, needles, thread, everything Christina needed to sew her new habit. They even bought the most expensive mace they could find. Katherine grabbed some daggers for Iryoku, and a whole bunch of other “just in case” items.
Good thing Iryoku still had a mountain of money from the tournament.
Katherine checked her coin pouch, then scanned the snowy street, her eyes narrowing.
“Shit… I still can’t detect him. Maybe he’s not even here…”
She exhaled sharply, frustration tightening her posture.
“Anyway, we need to find information.” She’d already asked around, but nothing—no leads yet.
Her gaze swept across the main square until she spotted a large building—a cantina-style tavern with a steady stream of people going in and out. Loud voices, clattering mugs, the smell of booze drifting out even from the doorway.
Perfect.
Katherine turned toward Christina and Aqua. Aqua was piled with bags, boxes, fabrics—basically carrying the entire shopping trip by herself, looking like a walking storage cart.
“Listen, child,” Katherine said. “Be a good girl and stay with the spirit. I’ll go inside and see what info I can get.”
Christina was crouched on the ground, scribbling wildly into her book. She looked up at Katherine, ears perked and innocent, and nodded.
“Okay, dear holy sister,” she said softly. “May the Lord bless you with His cock and cum.”
Katherine froze, stared at her, then made the most disgusted face imaginable.
“Seriously…?”
With a tired sigh, Katherine fixed her hat, tugged her mask up a little higher, and stepped into the tavern.
The moment the door shut behind her, her voice dropped into that deep, fake male tone—the one she always used. To everyone else, she was no longer Katherine; she was a tall, handsome, mysterious man Mr.k.
Music slammed into her immediately.
In the corner, on a slightly raised platform, one of those strange sound-boxes was pounding out a heavy rhythm. Two provocatively dressed girls danced around it, hips rolling, breasts bouncing, doing their best to keep the crowd’s eyes glued to them.
The place was packed—hot, loud, and dripping with sweat and booze.
Rough-looking adventurers crowded several tables: fighters, mages, mercs, hunters—armor pieces and weapons tossed around like decoration. But what really threw her off was the amount of clean, fancy-dressed people mixed in. Actual nobles.
In one corner, a pair of young noblemen lounged with smug ease, surrounded by equally well-dressed pretty girls. The girls giggled, sipping from delicate glasses as servants brought out platters of food—one of them a massive roasted bird that looked almost like chicken. It felt less like a frozen border city and more like a snow-covered party town.
Everyone was having a good time, drinking, laughing, celebrating.
Katherine walked straight to the bar counter.
“Give me something to drink,” she said in her low masculine tone.
The bartender didn’t question it. He opened a bottle, poured a mug, slid it to her.
Katherine tossed a gold coin onto the counter.
“I want information, sir. About the area—news around the kingdom.”
The bartender snorted, wiping the counter with a rag.
“You look like a strong fellow. Maybe you’d like to try your hand at finding these guys.”
He pointed to a cluttered wall of wanted posters—faces Katherine knew too damn well.
Iryoku. Yumi. Reika. Alessandra. Agnes.
All lined up like some celebrity criminal roster, and somehow the sketches made them look even meaner than the first posters she’d seen.
Katherine shook her head. “I’ve already seen those. Tell me something else.”
“Don’t get mad…” The bartender leaned forward on one elbow. “The king himself is lookin’ for those folks. That kinda thing doesn’t get solved quiet-like, hehehe… Plus, a couple days back, some gold-wearin’, churchy-lookin’ folks came through askin’ for ’em too.”
That made Katherine react—just a twitch of the eyes, but enough.
The bartender continued.
“As for this area? Been calm. Since the demons pulled back from the front lines, no sightings of their freaks lately.”
He paused, squinting like he was digging through a dusty corner of his brain.
“Oh—right. A few days ago, some weird creep came through town. Real tall bastard. Fully robed, hooded. Kept laughin’ and smilin’ like he knew something nobody else did.”
Katherine raised an eyebrow.
“Right after he left,” the bartender went on, “two well-known mercenary girls went missing. Pretty ones, too. Poof—gone. I’m thinkin’ he took ’em. Or ate ’em. Who the hell knows.”
He shrugged. “Weird shit.”
Katherine made a face that said Why the hell would I care? She sighed, pulled out another gold coin, and slid it across the counter.
“I’m looking for a specific place. Ruins of a demi-human ritual site. Ancient. Supposed to be around this region.”
The man’s expression shifted; he pocketed the coin.
“Ohhh, you mean the Makikoku. Yeah, I know that.”
He leaned closer, lowering his voice.
“You gotta cross the frontier—leave the Uruk Kingdom and go northwest. Between dwarf lands and the frontier free territories.”
He pointed vaguely in the direction with his chin.
“But up there? There’s this small territory run by some noble jackass. Old family. Supposedly specialized in weird magic or some shit. They got a castle and everything.”
He tapped the counter.
“The Makikoku ruins are inside their lands. Far northwest—almost touchin’ the dwarves’ mountains.”
He stepped back and kept wiping mugs.
“Not many go there. Even fewer come back.”
A sudden shout cracked across the tavern.
“HEY! What the hell did you just say?!”
Katherine turned sharply.
In the fancy corner—the nobles’ section—some rich-looking young man was on his feet, face red with rage. His pretty companion girls were backing away, confused.
And right in the middle of them, smiling like sunshine on crack, was Christina.
Still holding her book.
Still glowing with holy zeal.
Still completely oblivious to danger.
She was speaking to one of the noble girls, voice sweet and gentle like she wasn’t causing a scene at all:
“Like I told you, you are very pretty. And if you are a virgin, I would love for you to join me… to become part of the Church of the Black God Iryoku… to be penetrated by His powerful cock and shown the true light of the world.”
She said it with pure innocence.
The nobleman’s jaw dropped.
The whole tavern froze for a heartbeat—then, as if collectively deciding it wasn’t their business, everyone went right back to what they were doing.
Katherine’s soul left her body for a moment.
Right then the tavern’s music kicked into overdrive—fast, loud, chaotic.
The two dancers on stage spun their hips, and some drunk hooded guy tried to imitate them in the middle of the floor—clumsy at first, then abruptly improving. He started shaking his ass so aggressively the dancers actually stopped.
“Damn, he’s good.”
“How is he doing that?”
Katherine reacted instantly, slipping between tables as the nobleman exploded.
“You stupid, perverted wench! How dare you say that to my wife!?”
Christina just stood there smiling like a holy idiot.
Katherine reached her and grabbed her hand.
“Sorry, sir,” she said quickly. “This girl’s… not right in the head.”
But that cursed word—his wife—finally sank into Christina’s mind.
Her face contorted with pure disgust.
“Ughhh… how revolting. You’re already defiled by a lowly mortal’s small, limp, weak cock—no balls, dust-for-seed, a man who probably couldn’t make you scream even if he set himself on fire!”
People around them froze mid-sip.
“Bro…”
“Write that down.”
“Oh that’s mean.”
She spat the words like poison, then immediately turned to Katherine with a soft, innocent smile.
“Sorry, sister. I came because I followed… the Great God’s scent here.”
She glanced around the tavern, her little nose twitching as she tried to track Iryoku’s scent—like she hadn’t just publicly obliterated a nobleman’s marriage, masculinity, and hopes for future heirs.
The nobleman turned purple with rage.
He snatched a fancy wine glass and hurled it straight at Christina.
Katherine yanked her out of the way effortlessly.
The glass flew past and smashed into the back of a seated warrior’s head.
Wine and shards exploded everywhere.
The warrior slowly turned.
Everyone at his table slowly turned.
They all stared at the noble like a pack of bears that just got slapped.
Meanwhile, in the background, the drunk hooded guy had fully taken over the stage. He was shaking his ass, spinning on his heels, then suddenly stopping to lift both hands over his head and point dramatically to the side.
The two dancers, baffled but impressed, actually followed his movements as if he’d become their new choreographer.
The music ramped up again.
A mug suddenly flew across the room and smashed directly into the noble’s face.
He went down screaming.
Christina pressed her hands together in a proud little prayer.
“The Lord works in mysterious spurts!”
That was the spark.
The tavern erupted.
Tables flipped, people started throwing whatever they could grab—mugs, plates, chairs, even the big roasted chicken at one point. The noble’s entourage panicked and started yelling outside.
A moment later their guards rushed in, only to get swallowed by the chaos.
Katherine dodged a wild punch, redirected it with a flick of her wrist, and the guy stumbled forward and crashed face-first into another patron, who then got up and punched someone else at random.
Despite all the madness, no one pulled a weapon or cast magic—
the chaos just devolved into a pure, stupid, drunken brawl, as if this tavern had some unspoken rule carved into its floorboards: fists only, no spells.
This was exactly the kind of disaster Katherine had tried to avoid.
Just outside the city gates, Katherine marched forward with Christina dragged by one bunny ear, like a mother hauling a misbehaving toddler.
“Ow—ouch—sister, please! You’re gonna rip it off!” Christina whimpered.
Aqua, still in her disguised human form, followed behind them carrying all their bags.
They finally reached the carriage, where the rest of the girls stared in shock.
“What happened?” Alessandra asked, serious as always.
Agnes looked at Katherine in silence, her expression stiff—she had seen everything through Aqua’s eyes.
Katherine released the ear at last.
“Auuuh… you’re so mean…” Christina dropped to a crouch, holding her ear dramatically—like she was the bullied one.
Yumi immediately rushed over and hugged her protectively.
“What did you do to her?! And where’s Iryoku?!” she demanded, glaring at Katherine.
Katherine nearly exploded.
“This—this child is the most inconsiderate, foul-mouthed girl I’ve ever dealt with!” she snapped. “Seriously, not even Goka gave me this many problems!”
“Oh, don’t be so hard on her,” someone said gently. “She just needs a little love.”
The relaxed voice made everyone turn.
Iryoku was leaning against the carriage, casually eating a roasted chicken leg like this was a damn picnic.
He took another bite. “Mmm… kinda okay-ish. Needs more salt.”
“My God!” Christina lit up.
She sprinted to him and immediately dropped to her knees—hugging his leg and rubbing her cheek against his groin like a worshipping cat. The sudden pressure made him stiffen under his pants.
Katherine stared at him like she genuinely wanted to strangle him.
“You. Why didn’t you help keep an eye on her?”
Iryoku shrugged, completely unfazed.
“Didn’t you say I shouldn’t show myself too much? I’m a wanted man, remember?” he said with his mouth half-full.
Katherine’s eye twitched—anger boiling hotter.
“And where did she learn all those obscene, disgustingly perverted words?! And why the hell does she act like an innocent dumb child at the same time? Isn’t she an adult? Wasn’t she supposed to be a nun at an orphanage? Someone who took care of children?!”
“My bad,” Iryoku said, rubbing the bridge of his nose. “During the night, when I was giving it my all to wake her up, I talked to her a lot, hoping she’d react. So… yeah. I might’ve given her a bunch of ideas she liked. Good ones and bad ones. Hehe.”
“And…” he added, ruffling Christina’s hair, “maybe the trauma regressed her a little. But she was already kinda lewd back there, so…”
Suddenly he flinched and looked down.
“Hey—easy there.”
Christina had her mouth open, gently biting his cock through his pants—adorably, like a holy little animal showing affection.
“Here, take a bite,” he said, lowering the chicken leg to her. He popped it into her open mouth.
“Mmmmmm…” She took a small bite and moaned softly as she chewed, eyes half-lidded. “It’s good… but I still prefer the Lord’s hard cock…”
She pressed her face back into his crotch, inhaling deeply through her nose, her bunny ears trembling with bliss.
She looked up at him with that enchanted, innocent smile that somehow made everything worse.
Katherine snapped, throwing her hands up in the air.
“Enough of your stupidity. We’re moving. I got information about the place we need to send you home.”
Without waiting for a reply, she stormed into the carriage—exasperated beyond mortal limits.