Sugar, Secrets and Upheaval

At the living room, Mom brewed some tea for after dinner, accompanied by small cookies.

Dad, in his armchair, shifted. “So… Son… what have you been doing… After you…” he trailed off. I sat down on the couch, taking a slow sip of my tea, preparing myself.

“At first, I lived on food coupons and sometimes visited shelters,” I began, choosing my words carefully. “But I needed an income, so I started to video my journey. I was mostly hitchhiking, uploading those videos to the internet. That gave me a little money, but my main intention wasn't the income, not exactly. Using my platform there, I applied to some modeling and acting agencies, not only in Cyrusia but also in Ascaria. After two years, an acting agency in Ascaria saw my videos, contacted me, and that’s how I traveled there. I took acting classes, the agency provided for housing… I learned the language… And, three years ago, I legally became a citizen.”

Mother pressed her lips thin, the slight tremor in her hand as she set down her teacup. “Coupons… Shelters… Hitchhiking… Why didn’t you ever reach out to us?”

A wry smile graced my lips as I lifted the teacup. “You know exactly why, Mother.”

“We wouldn’t let you starve on the streets, Raphael!” Mother said, her voice cracking slightly.

“Of course. And the bride you’d chosen for me, less than twenty-four hours after my graduation, would make home-cooked meals every day, wouldn’t she? You’d possibly whisper my favorite dishes into her ear, wouldn’t you, Mother?” I retorted, taking a sip of my tea, my eyes never leaving hers.

Father shifted in his armchair again. “We only wanted what’s best for you, son.”

I rolled my eyes. “I’m sure that was the intention. But, you know what the festering wound in me is?” I asked, leaning forward. Levi’s fingers brushed my knee, a silent plea of 'No, do not.'

“The festering wound was the letter you sent me,” I continued, my voice steady despite the tremor in my hands. “Condemning me for marrying not only a man, but an Ascarian man. You even offered money… Money. I was shot on my shoulder, and you saw it on the news… And you offered money for my return. What am I to you? A vase that you can sell off to an equally treated female vase?”

“We were scared for you! We thought we lost you, it was a desperate act because our son threw everything away, went down a path we did not understand!” Mother said, her voice raw.

Father, added, “We were trying to help you, not to buy you off, son…”

“First of all, geniuses,” I retorted, “you cannot even pay for ten minutes of my very bottom-of-the-list gig, maybe a detergent advertisement. Second, there is nothing you do not understand. I am married, to a man, and yes, an Ascarian man, who literally saved you from a civil war. Tell me, what did your government do, aside from, you know, creating rifts between its citizens, and letting other countries deal with the real, brutal aftermath of a war?”

“You can not disrespect our country like that, son,” Father said, his voice rising, finally shedding his earlier restraint and getting angry.

Levi threw his head back.

“I am not disrespecting anything. I am giving an objective truth,” I retorted, my voice rising to match his. “While you were hiding in fear, my husband arranged a jet just for you and placed you in this house. I did my duty not as your son, no, but as a human being. Because, stripped of all that politics, religion, or whatever fairy tale you whisper to each other at night, you are two old people whose homeland—sorry, fatherland—is now on the brink of turning into rubble. You know… I thought maybe witnessing something devastating like that, maybe after standing nose to nose with death, you would finally let go of something… But yeah, that was naive of me.”

Mother initial shock solidified into a cold, stony mask. "So, you're a hero then, Raphael? And we're just... the naive old fools you saved? Is that what you want us to say? Did you come here to spit your venom on us? Calling our beliefs fairy tales?”

Father, still a thundercloud of visible anger, surged slightly in his seat. "You speak of duty? Of human beings? After abandoning your family and insulting everything we stand for?"

I merely raised the teacup to my lips. “I did not come here to fight. But I am done cushioning your reality with pink clouds and pretty lies. Obviously, I am a stranger to you; eight years is a chasm. But to be honest, you are strangers to me, too. Because, in my very foolish, naive, simplistic perspective, I truly thought eight years of an estranged family, the sharp pang of missing, the deep ache of hurting, would somehow… shatter that dogma. But, it didn’t. Not a splinter.”

"Dogma? Is that what you call our faith? The very foundation of our lives?” Mom said, waving her hand dismissively, a tremor of hurt beneath the sharp tone.

Father echoed her sentiment. "Eight years... and this is what you've learned? To spit on your past? To deny who you are?”

Gods. This is a flat circle. A true cold wall.

"You are the ones who are denying what I am. I came from your home, your womb, your blood. A stork did not magically throw me into your arms. I was born gay. And…" I took a deep breath, “is this the crux of it then? You, both of you, loving your Gods, your deities… more than you love me?”

Mother's face twisted in anguish. "You were born lika that? That's... that's not how it works! That's a sin, Raphael! We tried to save you from sin!"

Father's jaw was tight, a cold resolve in his eyes. "Our love for you and our love for God are not separate things. Our love for God guides our love for you."

Ugh… I'm going to puke. They didn't even know I was born gay? What were they thinking? Someday I just woke up and said, 'Yeah, I like sucking dick now?'

“I am officially out of words to say to you,” I stated, my voice flat with exhaustion. “You can either choose to educate yourselves, and see that being gay is not a sin—it is normal, it is nothing but love—or we can keep going with this shouting match.”

"Love? You call that love? When it brings such... such sin into our lives?"

Father shifted uncomfortably, his gaze flicking briefly to Levi before settling back on me, avoiding eye contact. "This 'love' you speak of... it goes against everything sacred. We cannot accept it."

I let out a sigh. This is… endless. It was dumb of me to start a war with religion. I really should've kept my mouth shut, I guess. But at least I said 'gay' enough times so even they can't deny it now.

Levi turned his face sharply to me, his voice cutting through the tension with a sudden, jarring burst of Ascarian. He was… furious? The fuck?

"How can you talk to your parents like that, Raphael?" he demanded, his voice high-pitched.

"The hell, Levi?" I shot back, utterly confused.

"Your parents opened their home to you, after years, and you respond to them with this?" he pressed, his anger palpable. How could he even say these things?

“Did you lose your mind?” I yelled, disbelief warring with rising anger.

Levi kept pressuring, his voice rising to meet mine. “You are the one who lost his way. Your family is trying to keep your life in line, and you give them bitter words.”

“Did your brain short-circuit or something? Are you even hearing yourself? What the fuck is this bullshit you’re spewing?!” I yelled, my voice cracking with disbelief.

“I am not spewing anything,” Levi retorted, his voice unwavering, yet colder. “I am telling my husband he needs to listen to his family’s words, because he is acting like an utter imbecile.”

“W-What?” I stammered, the suddenness of his attack stealing my breath. “Who the fuck do you think you are to call me that?”

Was this asshole being serious right now? He never raised his voice at me before, little piece of shit.

Oh.

I really am an imbecile.

Seconds after I cowered beneath Levi’s menacing figure, I saw my father rising from his couch, a furious storm breaking across his face. He grabbed Levi’s collar, yanking him closer. Father leaned in, his voice a guttural roar. “Do not dare to talk to my son like that!”

Levi was going for the common enemy thing. I completely overlooked his… well, literally every single personality aspect when he raised his voice.

Levi replied in Ascarian, his voice steady even as my father's grip tightened on his collar. "I am simply doing my duty as his husband; raising his voice to his family, it is unacceptable," he said, meeting my father's furious gaze head-on.

"There is no husband here. Only my son, Raphael. And you will respect his family, not incite him further."

Mother, her face a mask of disapproval, fixed Levi with a cold, withering glare. "Your 'duty' is to remain silent when family speaks, especially to your elders."

Levi placed his hands over my father’s wrists. “It is truly a shame to witness where Raphael’s disobedience comes from.”

"This is our family matter, not yours! You have no place to judge us or him!" Father replied in a dangerous growl, trying to yank his wrists free from Levi's grasp.

"He's our son! His obedience is our burden, not yours to dissect!" Mother shrieked, rising from her chair and pointing her finger at Levi, her entire body rigid with fury.

Levi didn't waver. His grip on Father's wrists remained firm, his gaze unwavering as he addressed both of them. "I am telling you, it has been truly amusing to witness where his fire comes from. From two people who had no idea how much they broke their own son, to the point where he had to run away from you. He didn't even try to go to another Cyrusian city, no. He changed countries, citizenship, because he was scared of you. Now, let us stop with the pretense, shall we?" He dug his nails. "Focus on this moment, not your long-forgotten sacred text. It is evident you still try to protect your son from this 'enemy.' So, use that feeling, not some abstract philosophy."

His breathing heavy, a vein throbbing in his neck, Father snarled, "You think you can break us with your words, with your... your foreign ways? You underestimate a father's love!"

“Precisely,” Levi said, his hands still firm on my father’s wrists. “What is the point of fighting? There are no winners, no victors at this juncture, only victims. Did your life not change at all in these eight years? I spent two months without him, and missed him every single day.”

“Two months… and you claim to understand? You were not his family for eight years! You were not there when he was a child!” Mother cried out. Nᴇw novel chapters are publɪshed on noveⅼfire.net

“See? We agree, completely,” Levi said, his voice unyielding. “I cannot deny that you missed your child, but what is the point of it if you keep lamenting about sin, hell, condemnation? I am sure you spent your days in confusion, despair, and that the decision tore you apart. Why let that decision tear you apart once again, after you found your child?”

"What of his soul? What of his immortal soul?" Mother cried, her voice cracking.

“What about your immortal soul?” Levi countered, his voice steady. “What God would give salvation for condemning your own child?”

"Don't you understand? We do this because we love him! Because we fear for his soul!"

“I agree, again. That is why I am doing this,” Levi said, his voice level, but with an increase of pressure on my father’s wrists. “We are looking at the same problem, from different perspectives. If you want something good for his soul, maybe start with a hug after eight years.”

This story originates from NovelFire. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there.

My jaw dropped.

"You speak of a hug, but you hold my hands hostage with your words. What kind of peace is this?" Father asked, his voice laced with confusion and a hint of desperation.

“Me?” Levi scoffed. “Do not ask me; my familial baggage is more than enough to fill enough tombs to flood this house. We are not trying to make you forget your religion, or forget everything. That would be idiotic. I am asking you to re-prioritize. For once.”

"You have no right to preach to me about my family or my priorities!" Father roared, yanking his wrists.

“I am thoroughly debasing myself with this overtly display of physicality, and, I am not preaching.” Levi sighed. “If it has come to this, perhaps we should leave,” he said, and finally let go of my father’s wrists, his shoulders slumping, a defeated look settling on his face.

“Leave? After all your manipulation, and doing everything…” Mother challenged, trailing off as if unable to comprehend.

Levi rose from the couch with an unnerving elegance. “There is nothing I can say anymore to you either of you. But, I assure you, Raphael will be safe, and loved. If you wish to reach us again, you know my secretary’s number.”

“Secretary?!” Father roared, his voice thick with disbelief and outrage.

“That is my regular treatment, for acquaintances,” Levi replied, and extended his hand for me to take it.

The audacity! The sheer, unadulterated nerve of this man! Just when I thought he'd exhausted his supply of shocking pronouncements, he pulls out "secretary" and "acquaintances." My own parents, who birthed me, raised me, and just spent the last hour tearing my life apart, are now relegated to "acquaintances." And now he's extending his hand, expecting me to simply... follow. Like a well-behaved dog.

“Shut up, Levi, you are not making decisions for me. We are leaving when I say so,” I snapped, pulling my hand away from his outstretched one.

“This is thoroughly a boring conversation. If you wish to stay and hear about their lamentations, you are more than welcome. I am done,” Levi said, his tone utterly flat.

“The fuck you are done? You can’t talk to my family like that!” I shot back, my voice laced with disbelief.

He sighed. “I can say anything I want to this frankly insulting, but utterly boring laments about sin or whatever. Either come or stay here and brew in the family that shunned you.”

"Boring? You call this boring? This is my life you're talking about!" I yelled.

“Exactly. I require a cigarette to deal with the tediousness of it,” he said.

I rose from the couch, "The fuck, Levi?" I demanded, meeting his gaze.

“Please, I tried my best to protect you from this very condemnation, but if nothing works, nothing works, I am honest enough to articulate it.”

“What? So I’m a little idiot for not giving up on my family? So I should just run again? Is this your solution?” I asked, my voice rising in disbelief.

Then… the manipulative bastard smugly smirked. “Good idea, do not give up if you wish so,” he whispered, then, as casually as if he hadn't just detonated a verbal bomb, he turned and went to the back garden to smoke. FUCK! The fucking asshole! Manipulated me again!

...

“Mom… Dad… We need to talk…” I said, my voice softer now, as I sat back on the couch. After a long moment, filled only with their confusion and disbelief, they both slowly settled back into their seats.

“I… I am sorry for insulting your beliefs,” I began, the words feeling heavy on my tongue. “I shouldn’t have done that. And… I am sorry about not contacting you, sooner.” I paused, taking a breath, and met their eyes, one by one. “But, I am not going to apologize for being gay. It is the unvarnished, brutal, stark truth.”

“It breaks our hearts, Raphael. To hear you say that. It breaks our hearts," Mother said, her voice a raw whisper of pain.

“Look, I…” I let out a deep breath, the air burning slightly in my lungs. “I… love Levi, the way you love Dad. I am not doing something wrong… And it is not like I can go and love a woman; it would be like you, heterosexual people, marrying someone of your own gender. Would you not be… feel… oppressed… or bad, too? If the roles were reversed?” I asked, my voice holding a desperate plea for understanding.

Mother’s eyes narrowed. "We love who God intends us to love. And He intends man and woman."

"If roles were reversed, we would pray for strength, Raphael. To resist temptation and uphold the sacred."

“Yeah, Mom, I don’t have a choice in who I love either,” I countered, my voice weary but firm. “I mean, it’s not like I’m loving a man just to defy you, or to defy your beliefs. It’s… natural. This isn’t a kid being rebellious. It’s normal. And… I know, that neither our country nor our culture allows that. But… I am still here. Alive, in front of you…” I said, my gaze holding theirs.

"Alive... yes. But at what cost, Raphael? To your soul? To our souls?" Mother asked.

“Ugh…” I groaned, rubbing my temples. “Please… Please, for one second… Just one… fucking second stop this. I didn’t commit any wrong things. I didn’t murder someone, or go out of my way to hurt other people. Why are you acting as if my very existence… was a crime?”

"If you are not doing anything wrong, then why did you run? Why did you hide for eight years? Because you knew. You knew it was against everything we stand for," Father said, his voice quiet, almost pleading.

“Yeah, that’s why I ran away. But I didn’t stay on my ass for eight fucking years. I worked like a dog. Do you have any idea what it means to be an immigrant? You’re not even immigrants yet, you’re war refugees; you don’t even have proper documentation.” I placed my hand over my face. “No. Not that. Scratch that. Eight fucking years, and I’m now one of the wealthiest people in this country. Eight fucking years, and I’m an award-winning actor. Eight fucking years, and I own a mountain range in Ascaria. Eight fucking years, and I was on the national channel last week for raising donations for war refugees like you! And… none of it? All this hard work, where some days I was starved like a rat on the streets… does it mean… fucking nothing to you? Is this… this sinful child… is this all you could see?”

"We see our son, Raphael. And we see a lost lamb, no matter how much gold he gathers. We only want what is best for you,” Father said, his voice laced with a weary sadness.

I opened my hands. “I am not a lost lamb! I am not even a child, I am an adult! If you wanted what is best for me…” I pressed my lips together, gathering my thoughts. “If you want… what is best for me… just… see that I am happy, healthy, wealthy, successful, famous… I lived a good life. My hands are clean. Even starving, I did not dream of stealing someone’s food. And my goodness did not come from God, or faith, it came from my heart. So… I am asking for the goodness in your heart… I did not commit sin, I am not tainted. I am just… me.”

“Your goodness comes from your heart? That is pride, Raphael. The most dangerous sin of all. You are defying the very source of goodness," Father stated, his voice a low.

“Of course I am proud of myself. I did all that while being an idiot high school graduate. Are you not proud of me?”

"Raphael... my son... we wish we could say yes, wholeheartedly. But there is a shadow, a deep sorrow, that comes with this pride," Mother said, her voice heavy.

“My god, you are… relentless. Fine. I am fucking done convincing you. Fucking done trying to inject some sense into both of you.” I rose from the couch, my voice cracking as I yelled. "Levi! We are fucking leaving!"

"Raphael, please! Think of what you're doing! Don't let him drive this wedge between us!" Mother pleaded, her voice raw.

“He did not do anything, Mom. What do you think happened? His dick made me gay or something?” I snapped. “Just stop with your fake love, I am happy with mine.”

"Raphael! How can you speak such vulgarities! This is not love, this is... filth!" Mother cried, recoiling as if struck.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever you say. I’m done. I’m quite happy in my filth. But I know you won’t be happy in yours,” I retorted, my voice flat, barely registering their continued accusations. Just then, Levi re-entered the living room from the back garden.

“So,” he said in Ascarian, his voice calm, “You decided not to care, dear?”

I replied in Ascarian. “No, it’s impossible, Levi. I really did try. I tried to appeal to their hearts, to the family bond… I really tried everything. Nothing is working. Let’s just leave. I don’t even know why I came here,” I said, my voice thick with defeat.

Mother held my arm firmly. "Raphael, please! This is not happiness! This is the devil's deception! Don't drag yourself deeper into this darkness!"

A sharp laugh escaped me. I mean, she's kinda right about the Devil part. Who needs a fictional one when you have Levi Blake right in front of you? He is The Devil, through-and-through.

“Mom, just… let go? Yeah?” I said, turning my face to her, my smile warm despite the burning in my chest. “Thanks for the meal. It was really nice to eat your food for the one last time.”

"One last time? Raphael, what are you saying? You're not leaving us... forever, are you?" Mother cried, her grip tightening.

“You will be fine. We will take care of the house, and the bills. We will send lawyers for your documents. I wish for your happiness, from the bottom of my heart,” I said, my smile still warm, but feeling increasingly brittle.

"From the bottom of your heart... and yet you leave us. What kind of love is this, Raphael?" Mother asked, her voice a raw whisper of pain.

“I think… I love myself more than I love you. And, you love your god more than you do love me,” I said, my smile still fixed. “Just let go. We should've done this… years ago.”

"You stand there smiling, telling us you love yourself more than us? This is not our son! This is the influence of that... that man!"

I placed my hand on my mother’s cheek. “Mom. Stop. Just… stop. There is no need for sadness, or anger anymore. It is… over.”

Her face twisted in a defiant, almost manic smile through her tears. "No! It is not over! Not while I still breathe! Not while I can still pray for your soul!"

I placed my forehead gently against hers. “Shh… No need. Calm down. For what it’s worth, Mom, I do forgive you. For the slap, for the arranged marriage, and even your current words. It is… alright.”

A desperate, almost choked sound, Mother reached out to cup my face, tears streaming freely now. "Raphael... my son... you forgive me? Does that mean... does that mean you still love us? Does it mean there is hope?"

“No,” I said, my voice firm, and pulled back, turning to my dad. He understood my resolve now; I could see it in his eyes. “I did love you. I really did. But just as your love for God overshadows your love for me, my love overshadows this prejudice, this homophobia. So, no. No hope. I still wish for your happiness.”

“Past tense?” Mother asked, her voice small.

“There is no love for me unless I abandon myself. Why should there be love for you, unless you abandon yourself? You can… do anything you want. But if you want a reconciliation, go read some textbooks, that might help,” I said, my voice firm, and started to walk to the front door. Levi quietly followed me.

...

I was lacing my shoes as Mom followed us. "You truly believe that? That our love for God is a barrier?”

“I am an atheist, there is no believing for me,” I stated, my voice flat, no longer carrying any heat. "And it is not a barrier, it is a cold wall I tried to chip away for the last hours by doing literally everything I could muster, but it did not work. Defeat is defeat, lost is lost. I am quite an adult now to see that.”

"Raphael, please, you cannot be an atheist! This is a lie! This is his doing! You are not lost, you are confused! Let us help you!" Mother pleaded.

“Oh?” I laughed, a bitter, hollow sound. “You have no idea about Levi’s nihilism, cynicism, misanthropy. It’s quite funny to listen. It’s a shame he doesn’t know our language. I’d be very happy to listen to him make fun of you with only sighs,” I said, finishing lacing my shoe and standing up straight.

"He poisons your mind, Raphael! This is not you! You were always full of love, full of light! Don't let him darken your soul!" Mother pleaded, her voice raw.

“I know. My light says homophobia is bullshit. Thanks for instilling that kindness, that endless empathy in me. Also, being gay is genetic. Which means, quite possibly some of my aunts, cousins, and uncles are likely gay. Ooh! What does your Holy Father say about this?” I mocked, and placed my hand on the door handle.

Her hand flew to her mouth, her eyes wide with shock and horror as she glanced nervously towards the rest of the house, as if protecting them from this thought. "Raphael, how can you even think such a thing about our family? Don't spread such poison! This is your delusion, not God's truth!"

“My god, how uneducated are you? Obviously it is genetic. You and dad made me, Mom. So if my gayness is a sin, you are the biggest sinner,” I said, and pushed open the front door, stepping out into the cool night air. Levi followed right after me, already walking towards the car parked on the driveway.

Mother’s face contorted in a mixture of sorrow and desperate denial, her hand reaching out to her ears as if to physically stop my words. "No! No, this is not from us! This is... this is a test! A torment! You are twisting God's creation into sin!"

I didn't care, at all. “Good night,” I said, my voice devoid of warmth, and entered the car.

...

Just as Levi started to pull the car out, Dad knocked on the window. I pushed the button to lower the glass.

“Yeah?” I asked, my tone flat, as if speaking to a stranger.

“Son… Do not go. Let us talk,” he said, his voice desperate.

I glanced at Levi, who gave me a look that clearly communicated, futile. I shrugged. “You have hundred and twenty seconds to convince me to stay.”

"Raphael, please... don't do this. We are your parents. We love you. Just... stay. We can find a way."

“Dad, no… Aelion, when it is time, one must know to let go. There is no need to hold onto a piece of driftwood in the raging ocean. Your son failed, just as you failed him. But, it is okay.”

“It's not okay, son. Not when it means losing you again. How can you say it's okay when my heart is breaking?" Father said, his voice raw with pain.

“Aelion… You will try to soothe your heartbreak with prayer, but it will not work. I guess… this is only a fitting end for us,” I said, my voice quiet. “And, you lost me the day I was born.”

"You were never lost to us, son. Not truly. It was always our hope that you would find your way back."

“Dad, relationships end in unsatisfying ways, every day,” I replied, my gaze unwavering. “I am sorry that both of us could not find what we asked for in a family. I truly hope, one day, you will shed the prejudice. If that day comes, and I wish it does, then we can talk, again.”

"We will continue to pray, Raphael. Not for a day when we abandon our beliefs, but for a day when your eyes are opened to the truth, and you find your way back to us, and to God."

“Then that day will never come,” I said and gave Levi a curt nod to move the car.