Soul Spark

31 - Hollow Daydream: Imagination

“Despite it being a dream...”

“Ugh...what kinda weird fucking dream even was that?”

Sakuto woke up, and after wrestling with his bedsheets a little bit, found an area that was slightly heavier. He grabbed his phone and checked it, his inbox full of the usual stuff. Some advertisements, some spam from the group chat, some announcements from the trainer, and private messages from his best friend.

He quickly got out of bed, rushing to properly get ready for the rest of the day. He grabbed some breakfast from the fridge and threw it into the microwave while he himself went to the bathroom. A while later, and after the usual morning procedures concluded, he was ready to leave home in his uniform.

“Dad is still on a business trip, but I think I’m taking care of this new place pretty well.”

“Never thought that moving out for school would be this easy...”

“This is for university too, though. Uni life gotta be exciting...”

“Bye dad!” He waved into the empty yet lively room, going outside.

It was extraordinarily sunny outside, but Sakuto didn’t complain about it at all. The quality sleep that he got was enough to push him through the rest of the day without any issues at all. He made his way to school, entered the classroom, and saw a familiar face...

“Well well well, if it isn’t three kills and fifteen deaths himself.” Sakuto said, noticing his friend sitting on his phone at one of the desks.

“Let me guess, that’s the joke for the next month?” Oskar asked back, a little annoyed but happy to see him regardless. He got up. Sakuto always came to class early, and so did Oskar. Mostly it was because they just enjoyed goofing around the school area together.

Oskar got up and the two shook each other's hands, before embracing each other and slapping each other on the backs especially hard. To be fair, Sakuto had every reason to do so. He deranked thanks to Oskar’s decision making skills the night before.

“So, whatcha up to?” Sakuto asked, tossing his own bag to the desk next to Oskar’s. “What’s the plan for today?”

“No idea, actually.” Oskar replied. “Well, we could wait until the boring stuff is over, and we could grab some food on the way. We can hop on the game after that.”

“Wow, that’s...completely unpredictable.” Sakuto sighed. He sat down at his desk, or at least he tried to, but Oskar kicked the chair away from underneath him and got him to fall. “The hell?! Dude, I got training today!”

“That’s so you stop being a sarcastic prick.” Oskar said, helping him back up. “How’s training, by the way?”

“Kouta’s in charge of the gym again.” Sakuto said. “At least for these two days. Getting gold definitely made him look like a saint in Takechi-sensei’s eyes...”

Sakuto looked back at Oskar, who was searching for something in his bag.

“You lost something?”

“Chemistry homework.” Oskar confessed. “Didn’t feel like doing it. You think Rin will let me get away with it again?”

“Dude, you’re one of her favorite students. Of course she will.” Sakuto said. “Besides, I don’t even think we’ll have class today. I mean, do you see anyone here that isn’t us?”

“Nope.”

“Exactly!” Sakuto replied. “We can spend even more time bumming around. Doesn’t even matter what we find, at this point, whatever we lay our hands on will be peak entertainment.”

“Alright class, looks like...there’s a lot of you eager to learn today.” Hayk said, entering the classroom. “Today’s subject is...”

“Oskar, you’re shit at making paper airplanes.” Sakuto said, while Hayk was blabbing about literature.

“Huh?” Oskar was shocked. “Where did that even come from?!”

“Then prove me otherwise.” Sakuto said, ripping a piece of paper out of his notebook. “Make one that flies to the exit of the classroom. The winner pays for the dumplings today.”

Agreeing to the bet, they got to work. Not even Hayk cared enough about it, he stopped explaining the class halfway through. The classroom was just Oskar and Sakuto killing time doing pointless things they found fun. Alas, it was Oskar’s turn to launch the paper airplane. When he did so, two people entered the room.

“Hey, is this-” Ausra was interrupted by the plane hitting her forehead. She looked at it, weirded out at first, but then laughed it out. “Thanks for the warm welcome, I guess.”

Oskar felt beyond embarrassed, but thankfully, Sakuto didn’t see it. His attention was elsewhere. Another girl entered the classroom alongside Ausra, and it was her. The girl that caught his gaze like a wise fisherman, unwilling to let go. Ichika noticed Sakuto’s gaze too, and they looked each other in the eyes for a bit before both awkwardly scrambling away.

“Dude, who are they?” Oskar asked, nudging Sakuto.

“Don’t know...right, I remembered, we were supposed to have new additions to the classroom today. We went from two people to four.” Sakuto said. “That shit was posted yesterday at midnight, no way I would’ve reacted to it.”

“Yeah...” Oskar said, trying to not make it obvious that he was interested in at least one of them. ‘You uhh...wanna go talk to them?“

“Do you?” Sakuto asked back.

“Just...yes or no. If you’re going, I’ll go too.” Oskar said.

“When did I say that I was going?” Sakuto asked, taken aback. “If you wanna go, just go...think of a conversation topic and go.”

“No. I can’t think of anything.” Oskar said.

“Dude, you literally threw an airplane at their faces. Come on, work off of that, it’s easy.”

“Then go do it yourself!”

“No.”

“Why?”

“I’m scared.”

Oskar took a deep breath. Sakuto, briefly exchanging gazes with Ichika again, felt a surge of determination. The class ended and a few minutes later, the two of them actually approached the girls. They talked, and talked, they talked for quite some time...that being a few minutes, but they felt intense. As all of their classes ended at the same time, when the school day came to an end, they all went outside together too.

They kept talking, they walked around...they got to know more about each other. And when Sakuto went to use a vending machine, he got ambushed.

“Gotcha!” Jackal yelled, jumping on Sakuto’s back. Sakuto didn’t want to throw him off, he just accepted the predicament. “Where the hell are you when I’m looking for ya?”

“Why, so you can ask me for a drink again?” Sakuto asked. “You skipped class.”

“It is what it is...” Jackal said, getting off of his back. They shook each other’s hands and embraced one another for a bit. “What’s good with you?”

“Nothing in particular, just moving around.” Sakuto said, looking back at the group. While Ausra and Oskar were talking together, Ichika looked like she wasn’t especially part of the conversation. She was frequently looking towards his direction.

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“Yeah, just moving around, huh?” Jackal chuckled. “If you have something going on, let me know.”

“Dunno. That girl over there...it’s like it clicked as soon as I saw her. And talking to her feels so nice as well. She’s smart. And she’s pretty too, she’s pretty much my type.”

“Then why don’t you ask her out?” Jackal asked.

“You think it’s that easy?!” Sakuto complained. “What if I mess it up?”

“Would you rather keep it to yourself, and then feel bad about it for the rest of your life?” Jackal asked. “Come on, be a little free. Just go for it, you’re the only one stopping yourself.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right.” Sakuto said. He bought a cold one for Jackal and left to reunite with the group.

“You’re finally back...” Oskar said.

And from that day onward, the four of them formed an especially close bond.

“No...”

The routine repeated for a while. Each day, they’d spend time together, all four of them. They’d go to different places together, laughing harder than they’ve laughed before, dedicating themselves to each other and having the time of their lives. University rolled in as well, and the group was still together.

Sakuto and Ichika were now in a relationship. It wasn’t ignited instantly, and it took them some time to properly get close to each other, but they felt happy together. Oskar and Ausra, funnily enough, ended up together too. They promised to each other to never forget about the fun they had together, and that drove them to promise to be together for good.

“All of this...”

Eventually, they entered adult life too. Work, promotions, financial responsibilities...and yet, at the same time, marriage, formation of their own family, and the thought of having offsprings. It seemed that life was a smooth sail, and all they could do about it was laugh and enjoy themselves.

“It's just...”

Sakuto watched this life, too exhausted to react with emotions. He and his ‘guide’ watched it from above, from an empty white space.

“So?” Soulkuto asked. “How’d that make you feel?”

“I don’t know. I...” Sakuto answered after a while. “That didn’t really look like me.”

“You’re right, that’s not you. But you’re also wrong.” Soulkuto replied. “That’s what your life would be like if none of the things you called disasters took place. Tell me, can you even imagine yourself being like that?”

Sakuto observed that life for more, watching the family he made with Ichika, he watched himself hold their child in his arms. He watched as he and Oskar hung out together, grabbing beer and laughing to their hearts’ content. After a silence, Sakuto spoke up.

“Is this...really supposed to be a wrong life?” He asked. “I get to spend time with my friend. I’d...I’d do anything to experience that again. Or to have a family in a peaceful setting... ”

Soulkuto tapped him on his shoulder.

“It’s not a wrong life, Sakuto. It’s an impossible one.” Soulkuto said. “And it’s a pointless life too. You say that it’s nice, but you only say that because you’ve lived an actual life. In reality, all it is is just a fantasy. A pointless daydream about worthless perfection.”

Sakuto watched the images of his friends and perfect life disappear. He almost tried lunging towards them, as if trying to grab them.

“Sakuto, the answer is in the soul.” Soulkuto explained. “In fact, it is the soul itself.”

“Huh?”

“A soul is not just a reflection of your own truth, it is also a reflection of the truth of life. And what is your soul, for example, when we break down its structure? It’s a combination of a spark and a void. A system created through two contrasting phenomena.” Soulkuto explained. “You learned about this, didn’t you? They’re pointless without one another. A light needs darkness to shine, and the darkness needs a light to dim.”

“It’s the same with life, really. You can never truly experience the luminescence of life if you aren’t familiar with the cruelty of its darkness.” He continued. “It’s how the world is a functional system, not a pointless fantasy or cheap torture fiction.”

Sakuto listened in silence, the exhaustion on his face really showing.

“Then why is it so different for someone like me?” He asked.

“Because you’re a soulful.” Soulkuto replied.

The scenery changed, they now stood atop the mountains. And yet, at the same time, it felt like the abyss hadn’t left them - instead, it covered the sky, its presence trying to break the soulful apart. The wind was howling...

“Because you’ve been a victim of the darkness of life, and it changed you.” Soulkuto continued. ”Because through that darkness, the light, the spark within you became visible, and gained authority.”

“And the mountains...?” Sakuto asked, starting to understand his true friend’s speech.

“They’re the change. The acquisition of altitude.” Soulkuto said. “The loneliness and detachment from others that comes with it, the sense of awareness and the feelings you might believe are shameful to have, the sensation of soaring above others...they’re a mark of the presence of the mechanism. It’s the same altitude that drowns you deep in the abyss, making you feel nothing but utter hopelessness.”

“So that’s what my fate is then...” Sakuto said. “To just cruise through life, absorb whatever it throws at me, all while barely having anyone to understand me. Sounds...just about right.”

He faced Soulkuto.

“In that case, tell me, what even is the point?” Sakuto asked.

“If you heard what that man was talking about, you’d realize that you know the answer yourself.” Soulkuto smiled.

“A purpose.”

It felt like time had stopped. The motion of the howling wind was put to a halt, and rays of light decorated the terrain. It looked like they were stuck inside a beautiful painting, one they’d never get enough time to explore.

“You know what the importance of a purpose is, don’t you?” Soulkuto asked. ”Keep in mind, everything that he spoke about with the visions he saw in his final moments were fragments of your own soul. Of you and me, and our awareness of what is around us.”

“I know. I know that it’s important to have one.” Sakuto said. “I was the one telling people to get a purpose, and I was the one getting happy that I got one, and depressed when I lost one. And I know what purposelessness feels like too.”

“It’s an awful thing.” Soulkuto nodded.

“Yeah.”

“Yeah, living a pointless life is a shitty thing.” Soulkuto said. “You’ll end up doing nothing and die without ever experiencing anything. Your instincts as a human can only get you so far if you’re a mountaineer.”

“Huh?” Sakuto was a little confused. “What do you mean by that?”

“The fulfillment of inner hollowness is what makes life worth living, Sakuto. Whether you realize it or not, one’s purpose is the reason they stay alive.” Soulkuto said. “Not the poisons, of course, they only dim the spark further or break it in many ways...”

”The purpose starts with simply being alive. Our natural instructions tell us that we have to live. But, if the person gains altitude, and begins listening to their soul more, and experiences the influence of the abyss...their decisions may conflict with and override their self-preservation protocol. That is why we, soulfuls, need something.”

“And the thing is, it doesn’t have to be one single purpose. A purpose can be a combination of many things.”

“Right.” Sakuto said. “It can be anything, as long as it works...”

“It could be a type of food you really like.” Soulkuto said. And once he uttered those words, a snowflake fell down. “It could be an update for your favorite game. A show you want to finish, or a place you want to visit. A book you want to read or write. The money you wish to make or spend, the path you want to pursue or avoid.” The more he spoke, the more the snowflakes increased in quantity.

At the same time, the cave with the pool inside started to flood. As the darkened waters escaped their confinement, the snowflakes that formed into a hailstorm fought them off, clashing in the middle...

“But at the same time, if they’re not enough...what should I do?” Sakuto thought out loud. The scattering byproducts of the fearsome clash were splattered all over the non-existent walls, painting them gray. The flood was starting to reign supreme...

“No...I’ve seen this before.”

“I know the solution to this. I didn’t believe it, but it proved to be the only way I’d feel happy.”

“Despite it being a dream, it was the answer.”

“All of these are nothing...they are nothing when compared to what fulfills the heart the most.”

“And that is...”

And through the gray storm, he saw a droplet of color.

Memories of the many dead bodies that he saw in his lifetime, especially the bodies of people he considered himself to be close to, flashed in front of his eyes. But none of them made as much of an impact as two distinct images in particular - of two people smiling. They were Oskar and Ichika.

“You.”

The chaotic storm was broken apart.

“When trying for myself isn’t enough, it's you who I tried for.”

Sakuto found himself in a completely empty environment. He looked around, the parts of the space around him were gray, filled with droplets of color.

After observing the space more, he found that it resembled a tunnel. One edge, that was to his left, was filled with light, and the other one - with darkness. In the middle, right in front of him, was Soulkuto. He looked proud, but at the same time, serious.

“We finally got here, Sakuto.” Soulkuto said. “There’s nothing else for me to tell you, you’ve listened to everything I had to say.”

“Huh?” Sakuto was a little lost. “Is this...”

“Back then, I removed the poison from your soul. The many experiences you had in my presence helped you, and the realizations regarding trust and relationships allowed you to gain a purpose.” Soulkuto said.

“So is this still about convincing me that I deserve to live?” Sakuto asked.

“No, there’s no need to do that anymore. There’s no need to convince anyone to do anything.” Soulkuto replied. “You know the truth, and you know yourself. Ultimately, it’s all down to your choice.”

“Sakuto...”

“It’s your call.”

“Whether or not you choose to live...”

“...is completely up to you.”