Chapter 36
Chapter 36
"Kyaaaah! What is the meaning of this!? What is the meaning of this dog!?"
The prim-and-proper ringlet-haired woman, Scarlet, was being swarmed by five puppies resembling pugs. Each time she tried to flee, they leapt at her—one clinging to each arm, head, and leg. Drooling excessively and panting heavily, the dogs rhythmically thrust their hips.
"This is indecent!! Get off me, you lustful dogs!!!"
"Hah, hah, hah, hah...!"
The dogs panted furiously with their tongues hanging out.
Their eyes sparkled as if determined not to let go of Scarlet no matter what.
"You! You! Youuu!"
"Hah, hah, hah, hah, hah, hah......!"
Scarlet wildly flailed the arm that had a dog clinging to it.
Surume, Gargaine, and I were clutching our stomachs in laughter.
The emergency signal item Passion Dog Smoke Bomb (Lovely Dog) was a magic tool that instantly drove male dogs resembling pugs into heat and summoned them. The dog owned by the training camp management hut of Greifner Magic Academy could detect the signal by smell and dash unceasingly toward the target, driven purely by desire. The scent could reach up to fifty kilometers away, making the effect of the Passion Dog Smoke Bomb (Lovely Dog) truly astounding.
Scarlet, who had been directly doused in the smoke for hours, was pitifully popular with the dogs.
A mixed team of seven teachers and senior students had apparently run nonstop with the dogs for five hours from the grassland entrance while defeating monsters along the way.
Their stamina was truly astounding.
Most were on the verge of collapse, but all seven members of the rescue team arrived without a single dropout.
"Don't just stand there! Quickly! Do something!!"
Scarlet shrieked in a high-pitched voice.
But no one was willing to help anymore.
Even when the rescue team tried to pull the dogs off, the heated canines would rocket back onto Scarlet like homing missiles.
At a glance, it looked like a newly developed dog armor suit. The dog stuck to her head was a helmet, those on her arms were gauntlets, and those on her legs were shin guards. And all of them were thrusting their hips. Scarlet stood frozen, her body swaying unwillingly with their movements.
Surume laughed so hard he rolled onto his back gasping for air, crawling on the ground in respiratory distress. Ariana snorted and turned her face away with a "pfft" to avoid looking at the dog-fused Scarlet.
"Hey, you all! Stop laughing and do something!!"
Scarlet, red-faced from shame and anger, pointed her finger at us in her dog-fused form.
But on her raised right hand, a dog with a silly face and bulging pug-like eyes was thrusting its hips in ecstasy. The fingertip of dog-fused Scarlet wavered shakily, panting and twitching.
"Gyaaa-hahahahaha!"
"Stop it! *Cough* *cough*... Don't laugh me to death!"
"Buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu———"
"Pfft..."
Our eyes met with the round, sparkling eyes of the hip-thrusting pug.
Scarlet's arm trembled in small spasms.
Gargaine was on all fours, slapping the ground with his right hand while laughing, Surume writhed on the ground on the verge of dying from laughter, I finally couldn't hold it in and spat out the water I'd been drinking to calm myself, and Ariana smirked with her gaunt cheeks lifted.
"Y-you all better remember this one daaaay———!!"
Dog-fused Scarlet shouted the classic exit line of side characters from all ages, shedding tears as she vanished into the depths of the great prairie. Speeding ahead, the pug-like dogs clung skillfully with only their front paws to avoid being shaken off. Like a towel flapping in the wind, the dogs fluttered. Even in midair, they kept thrusting their hips.
"Gyaa-hahahahahaha!!"
I tried to laugh like a lady, but I couldn't take it anymore and slapped the ground in laughter alongside Gargaine.
"Hee, hee... I can't... buhya-hyah... this is too much. Fugya!"
Surume had apparently strained his abs from laughing too hard.
"Biggest laugh of the century... pfft..."
Ariana had clearly found her sweet spot, alternating between grinning and returning to a straight face.
Finally, unable to bear watching any longer, Professor Harshüge spoke up with a strained smile.
"That's enough, you all. She's a maiden before marriage, after all."
"Hee, hoo... I'm sorry, Professor. I'll compose myself like a lady now."
"That's right, Ellie."
"Anyone would laugh if they saw that..."
Ariana chimed in from the side with a very reasonable opinion.
Exactly. But I'm a cute, plump, prim little lady.
I should drink some water to calm myself down.
But that resolve was quickly shattered.
——Aaa......
——Aaaaah.........
——Aaaaaaaaahhh............
——Kyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!
——It's a monsterrrrrrrrrr!!!!
The dog-fused Scarlet, who was supposed to have run off, returned being chased by a Wolfcat. Though small, the monster had vicious fangs, and both Scarlet and the five pugs wore desperate expressions as they fled.
Of course, the pugs, their bodies flapping in the wind, were still thrusting their hips in terror. The absurdity of it was beyond description.
A dog! That face looked like it was right about to finish!
"Bugyaa-hahahahahahahahaha!!!!!"
"Gyahahahahahahahahah?! Pugeh!"
"Buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu———!!"
"...Kuh."
Finally, Gargaine threw his Iron Hammer to the ground, flailing and bursting into laughter.
Surume had laughed so hard his abs gave out and he could no longer move.
I spat out the water I had in my mouth in a grand spray.
Ariana knelt down in pain.
"Y-you guys... laughing like that... isn't that... mean... kuh..."
Professor Harshüge, his face twitching with suppressed laughter, somehow managed to sound like a teacher as he used "Water Wall" to defeat the Wolfcat.
○
With the rescue team now laughing too, things became completely unmanageable. Ariana reluctantly used Sleep Mist to put Scarlet and the dogs to sleep, finally calming the situation. We now understood why the training camp booklet said, 'Do not use out of curiosity.'
It was 7 PM. While we waited for rescue, no monsters appeared, likely because the smell of the Passion Dog Smoke Bomb (Lovely Dog) was so strong it acted as a monster repellent, according to the fire class's homeroom teacher. Sure enough, when we sniffed our clothes, a faint but distinct stench like fermented fish mixed with sulfur still lingered.
It was about time to make camp, but with this many people, we figured we could handle whatever came our way, so the fourteen of us began moving.
"I could've defeated the Bone Lizard myself without needing rescue!"
Ama Kuso, who had recovered from paralysis and fatigue, swept back his long bangs with a dramatic flourish and struck a pose with his staff. Looking like a wannabe pretty boy, he was completely ignored by the rest of us, worn out from laughing at dog-fused Scarlet and mentally drained from mana exhaustion hours earlier.
The only one who responded to Ama Kuso was Scarlet, who was fast asleep on the back of the burly sixth-year bear-man from the rescue team. The five dogs were also asleep in a small sled being pulled by a rope tied to the bear-man's waist.
"With my secret technique, the Bone Lizard would've been toast in one move!"
Ariana, Gargaine, Surume, Professor Harshüge, and I walked silently across the great prairie. Illuminated by "Light," the most basic form of light magic that simply emitted light, the rescue team split to our left and right to escort us. Thanks to their vigilance, we felt more at ease.
"W-with my secret technique, the Bone Lizard would have been totally boned in one blow!"
As expected, the night prairie had beautiful stars. I adjusted my backpack and gazed up at the night sky. White, red, and yellow—countless stars watched over us. When the wind blew, the grass rustled, and from afar came cries indistinguishable as beast or animal.
"With my... secret technique, I definitely... could have won! Hahaha!"
I handed a canteen of water to Ariana.
Saying "Thanks...," she opened the lid and took a sip.
Gargaine, walking behind us, offered a piece of dried meat. "Want some jerky?"
""Then I'll take it," she replied,"
and tossed the jerky into her mouth with thanks.
The saltiness and meatiness spread throughout her mouth.
"Don't you want to see my secret technique!? I'm the leader, you know!!"
I approached the bear-man carrying Scarlet. From my bag, I took a small pre-cut strip of cloth for stopping nosebleeds, rolled it up, and plugged it into his nostrils. Scarlet was still emitting the foul odor of the Passion Dog Smoke Bomb (Lovely Dog).
The sixth-year bear-man sniffled and said, "Thanks. This really helps." When he tried sniffing Scarlet's skirt, where she was asleep and drooling, his nose twisted. It really stank.
"Don't you wanna seeee! My seeecret techniqueee, you guys!!!"
"Come to think of it," said Professor Harshüge as he lifted his head.
A faint vein bulged on his forehead under the light of "Light."
"Just before I ran out of mana, didn't you call me 'Baldy Professor'?"
"Huh...? What do you mean, Professor?"
Crap!
Oh no!
I was so panicked I shortened it and yelled it, but I could never admit that!
"No, I couldn't have misheard. Right as I cast 'Cure Light' on Debussy and was on the verge of passing out from mana depletion, I clearly heard your voice. You were shouting 'Baldy Professor!'"
"P-Professor... maybe your hazy consciousness just made it sound that way?"
"My ultimate technique is water magic!"
An obsession with baldness!?
Is this really an obsession with baldness!??
"I have more confidence in my memory than anyone. I definitely heard your voice."
"I think I just wasn't thinking clearly because I ran out of mana."
"I've experienced mana depletion many times. Keeping a calm mind up to the limit is no big deal."
"E-even so, I would never call you something like 'Baldy Professor.'"
"And yet, during the aptitude test the other day, you did call me that, didn't you?"
"Ugh... That may be true, but I've moved past that now."
"My ultimate—technique—that's that water magic spell..."
Harshüge—no, Baldy Professor and I went back and forth for about an hour arguing over who said what, and I somehow managed to get him to agree to verify the truth of it later. That was close.
We kept on walking.
The vast prairie still stretched on.