Walking Disasters and Me

Hazy darkness muddles my mind as I float in a placid black sea, weightless and untethering. Tiredness bordering on exhaustion stilling my aching muscles and bones as I drift aimlessly, mind as tranquil as the inky dark that surrounds me without the concept of time to impose upon me.

That is, until something brushes past my being. A sensation rousing me from this land between, forcing my weary mind to spark and stutter unbidden. Dry air, crisp and light, that softly kisses my skin and fills my lungs. The scent of pine and stone. Golden soft touches gently combing through my hair and scratching my scalp. Warmth radiating from the softness my head rests against.

My eyes creak open, the crumbles and dust of sleep attempting to keep them cemented shut before my fingers lazily reach up and rub them away. Now unburdened, my watery vision begins to clear. Breath hitches in my lungs at the sight before me, lucid awareness questioning if I'm not still dreaming as canyons and spires of rock greet my tired mind.

Ruddy red pillars carved by rivers and time. A forest of pines creeping up to the base of towering walls of stone both jagged and smooth as well as the top where I lay. Arches forming natural bridges and divots into the majestic cliffs. Sweet, light birdsongs darting between the needle leafed trees. The scurry of clever squirrel and chipmunk on the dusty, shrubbed forest floor as they go about their adorable little lives.

Wetness dots the corner of my now cleaned eyes as I realize for a second time how much I've missed this serene place.

"Figured you'd want to wake up somewhere... relaxing after what went down, baby girl. And I know how much you loved this place when we went on vacations." A beautiful, melodic voice softly coos down to me. Her fingers digging in just an extra touch along my scalp as she massages my head.

I shift and turn my head to see the gently smiling and radiant face of Sandra shining down on me. The light of the sun turning her chestnut hair to wavering gold, eyes of honey holding nothing but love and pride as they regard me and I them.

"Sandra..." I nearly whimper as the blossoming flower of adoration and devotion takes root. Its string quartet as soothing as it is nearly overwhelming, my head once more acting on its own as I turn fully and bury it into her tummy.

She giggles softly, her hands coming to press me even further into her as if she wants nothing more than to simply meld together for the rest of time. "Hehe~. You always call my name like that when we meet up here~. Then act so freaking adorably cute afterwards~. It really is one of the few good things about being stuck here, for now."

Her lightly teasing voice rumbles in her core, my burning face diving in further as I breathe in her scent and feel her warmth. Not bothering with a response so that I can lounge in this tranquil presence for as long as possible.

Something she seems keen to let me do as well as she simply giggles once more and then goes back to stroking my hair. The rays of the sun turn from gold to amber before I finally and reluctantly pull myself from such a wonderful paradise. Sandra gives me a little smirk and wink as soon as my face meets open air, making the blush roll back to full in a matter of seconds as I turn and huff.

"Always such a cutie, Aims~." She chuckles out in a knowing tone before raising a hand to my cheek and turning my vision back to her. Our lips softly brushing against each other's a moment later to the sound of dual moans of relief and pleasure.

As we pull back, foreheads resting against each other, Sandra's tone drops the teasing lilt and comes out with pillow like softness, "I know you tried your hardest, baby girl. I'm so proud of you for sticking to your ideals and values, even if it meant having that literal fight with Akiko. If you want to cry, or talk, or vent, just let me know and I'll be an ear to listen or shoulder to rest your head on."

A frown creases my face, the serenity of the space dipping into blue as she pulls recent events to mind. Things I was rather happy ignoring for as long as possible, honestly. The fight with Akiko. The feeling of someone I've grown to cherish beyond words legitimately opposing me in ideals. The anger, and hopelessness, and rage. The sting of defeat, its poison tailed barb sunk deep into my now aching, sunken heart.

"Hey." Sandra quietly whispers into my ear as she lowers my head to her neck. "It's okay, sweetheart. You did everything you could, fought as long and as hard as possible. If it were anyone else on Mara, you would have wiped the floor with them six ways come Sunday. And just because you lost doesn't mean the world is over. She still loves you, and you still love her."

A wet sniffle is all I can initially respond with as I tuck into her comforting presence and let a few errant tears drip down my cheek. "I-its not that, Sands." I finally reply with a voice laced in sorrow, "I wasn't just fighting to stop Akiko from doing something so extreme to innocent people. I was fighting to even keep that idea alive in me. The notion that death and destruction like that on the unwitting is wrong. Because..."

A shaky pull of breath. "Because even while I was fighting, I understood it. The want and the need for it, on Mara. In this universe. If I was in Akiko's shoes and something that tragic had happened to you? I'm not sure there would even be a planet left... And that scares me, sometimes. Even after these months here learning and adjusting, it still sometimes feels like I'm... losing myself. Not to the anger or rage, but who I am as a person.

Everything mom and dad taught us, their values and beliefs about right and wrong. All of it is nearly always at odds with the realities of this world. Of who I'm becoming. And I know that most of those changes are good, drastically so, but this was the first time I've had to really come face to face with something that was so... opposed to how I saw myself. The first time I've had to defend my old self from the new."

"Hmm..." Sandra hums as she rests her head on mine, stroking the back of my head like warm waves lapping a sandy beach for a few moments before saying, "While it is obviously incredibly different than how it would have happened on Earth, part of that is just growing up baby girl. Ideas, beliefs, values. All of them are challenged and shifted nearly on a daily basis as the world and life try and grind you down. At least, where we lived.

And though this example was extreme, that is the essence of what's making you afraid, I think. Are you really you if you have to adapt and change core parts of yourself? Or are you a paradoxical ship of Theseus, constantly replacing the old wood for new until even you aren't sure which, if any, part is original?"

I grumble, leaning out just enough to give her a side long glance, "Alright, I get it. You took philosophy in college, show off."

Her beautiful giggle once again lightens the mood as she squints her eyes in mirth before rubbing her cheek against mine. "Yup~. I'm always going to show off for my amazing, beautiful, and precious little sister~." Ignorant of my squeals of fake indignation, the vicious and cruel attack continues for a handful of moments before she relents. "But I was getting to a point before the adorable compliment."

"Wasn't a compliment." I deadpan against her neck.

"Ah~. Another one~." She replies with a breathy, dreamy tone that makes me shake my head in amusement, "Anyway, what I was trying to say was that I think all of that is silly. The entire point of life is to adapt and change, otherwise any disruption to your day-to-day could be disastrous. And I promise, if you sit down and really ask yourself if you'd be okay with slaughtering millions in any other circumstance than something happening to me, Akiko, Ios, or the girls, what would the answer be?"

What would it be? Did the idea of wanton death and destruction suddenly becoming appealing just because I lost to Akiko?... No. The thought of the tragedy that is about to befall those people across the ocean still breaks my heart. But now instead of a cold fire of rebellion at the idea, it simply holds the tone of remorse and resignation. Like a fate bound to happen.

Still though, as I think of anything happening to those I love, that careful consideration is easily brushed aside so long as the culprits come to justice at my hands. Is this what Akiko was talking about when she told the assembled leadership that the capitol touched her 'bottom line'? An excuse for hypocrisy so long as conditions are laid out and met? A blank check only to be written in the blood of vengeance and revenge, uncaring of past deeds and words regardless of moral stance and posturing?

If so, then the heaviness in my heart only expands as I realize I am no different. "The way I feel about this..." I begin after collecting my thoughts, her hand that was combing through my hair again stopping as I speak. "Is that if I accept that idea. That everything I have been up until now is moot and meaningless as soon as someone I love is threatened or hurt makes everything before it fake. Dishonest. Hollow words and empty values."

"Perhaps a little." She admits as she continues to pamper me gently. "But walk back a hundred or two years ago on Earth and that same mentality was present. For most of human history, in fact, violence begot violence. It's only recently that we decided to start using words and money instead of swords and guns. And even then, some people still thought the old ways of doing things were better and that actual war was just the bee's knees."

I go to responds again, but Sandra continues on. "But that's not what you're talking about. I know, baby girl. What you're feeling is on a way more personal level. That feeling that you would go to any lengths to protect your cherished people, and visit vengeance on those who hurt them without qualms. It's new, and scary for you. Something you've never really experienced up until now because you didn't have something or someone that you held so close to your heart.

Sure, I have no doubts you'd be devastated if something tragic would have happened to me, mom, or dad, but in this world its entirely different. Here you have power which is growing by the day. And that means you have both the obligation and ability to actually do both of those things. To protect and avenge. That opening of the door of possibility, and your willingness to walk through it now, is what's eating at you."

I can't help but be a little stunned at how she so... neatly and perfectly described my own thoughts and fears for a moment. Though it's hardly the first time its happened, every time it does sends fluttery butterflies through my body. My eyes widen just a touch regardless as I whisper a soft, "Y-yeah... That's pretty much exactly it."

She nods against my head, ruffling my hair against her cheek. "I know~. You're my favorite person in all existence, so it would be odd if I missed the mark so badly~."

I grumble a little against her neck even as I hug her tighter at the sweet words making Sandra giggle again.

"Anyway~. With that being the case, I still don't think you have anything to be afraid of, baby girl. If anything, you're just a little late to the party about accepting that part of reality and yourself. You already know how I feel about this particular topic, and now you've seen it in action from Akiko. While extreme when compared to Earth, it is a necessity here. And even though you're starting to come to terms with that brutality, it doesn't mean you have to stop being that sweet, caring, empathetic girl that you've always been.

Just look at the Village. Akiko and her group built it from the ground up with welfare programs, care for its people, health services, you name it. Sure, that was probably heavily influenced by Tyler, but still. Its a veritable utopia, even by our old standards. All they're lacking is wi-fi~. And Akiko does genuinely care for its inhabitants. The same is true for you. You can be soft, and gentle, and generous while still being ruthless to those who threaten you or your loved ones."

I pause as I mull over her words, their truth settling into me like a soothing balm on my soul as I internalize them and... agree. At least, for the most part. "I still don't like the idea of killing innocents like this. I know some would still probably get in harm's way even in a normal 'war' here on Mara, but just... erasing an entire city with that ice beam or bombarding them to smitheries with massive hailstones simply because a sect resides there..."

Sandra carefully pulls me off of her neck, much to my chagrin. Until she plants another kiss to my lips, that is~. After backing away slightly, she gives me a warm, kind smile. "I know. And, to some extent, I think it's regrettable as well. But trust in Akiko. Even though you may have lost that bout, you more than showed your resolve on the matter. If I had a few bucks, I'd bet them on her surprising you about how things are likely about to go down."

I give her a curious head tilt that she just shakes her head at. "I'll let you and her figure that out on y'all's own. After all, I think you both will have a decently long talk after you wake up anyhow."

A serious look slowly replaces her usual carefree and loving one, making a bit of worry bubble to the forefront. Her set features hold me still as her hands come up to rest on my shoulders. "Aims, I think its time to bring me back. This is going to be the last week or so of peace you and the others are going to have for at least another month. Likely way longer. And honestly, I don't know if I can stand being stuck in this in-between for that long. Watching you fight, and struggle, and grow while I'm left watching from the sidelines with years taking the place of days."

Guilt hammers into me after she finishes. The reminder that while I'm out having three-day long sex-capades, she's stuck here. And its not like before, where she was healing on her own. She already told me she needed help with the last steps like four or five days ago. Periods of time that are exponentially longer for her...

"Hey." She chides as she stirs me from my thoughts with a bop to my nose as well as her tone. "Don't do that. I'm not upset, or mad, or trying to guilt trip you. I'm happy you and the others became a true unit. And trust me, those three days y'all spent together is easily the best schlicking material I've ever used in my life~. Honestly, if it weren't for the big question mark over how long chaos is about to reign, I wouldn't even push the matter. The last few memories are... not fun to go through again. But I can't put it off any longer and I need your help."

Nothing but truth and a tangible thread of fear flutter through the bond between us, even if my cheeks brighten a bit at the admission of her using those memories to do... that~. Sadly, the blip of pink is short lived as the weight of the plea rests upon me.

With determination, I nod and raise a hand to her cheek. "Okay. I'm here, whatever you need me to do. And even if you aren't upset by it, I am sorry its taken this long."

She just shakes her head and gives me another long, firmer kiss. My mind now catching up to the implications of what we're about to do between soft moans and gentle caresses. That this experience is about to be a constant thing. That she's about to be back in my arms. That we're finally going to be truly reunited.

Her hand comes to smudge away my now slick cheeks as I hiccup a small sob. No words spoken between us as the meshing of lips continues. No words needed as the bond alights in its powerful prismatic hues. I mirror her after a moment, finding her cheeks equally as slick and her breath equally as hitched as mine. The relief and anticipation of two destined souls coming together at last.

Just a couple more hurdles to cross for the fated union to shower its glorious presence onto us.

It takes us a few minutes to compose ourselves, neither of us really bothering about it in the first place. But, the weight of a goal set sees us both back to action as Sandy stands and grabs my hand. As I rise along side her, she fixes me with a characteristic smile that somehow both masks and perfectly convey her emotions. Appreciation, love, warmth. Fear, hesitation, worry. All of those and more as she breathes out a long breath.

"Welp." She casually airs before squeezing my caught hand. "Guess we should get started. Beginning, middle, or end?"

I give her a confused look as well as an equally toned, "Huh?"

The smile teases further up into a more genuine arch, "I'm asking you where you want to start, baby girl. The beginning, the middle, or the end?"

"T-the beginning, I guess?" My awkward voice replies.

She nods, taking my other hand in hers and leans her head down until our foreheads touch. The heat on her skin calming as it is reassuring. "The beginning it is then~. I love you."

Without hesitation, I squeeze her hands tight in mine. "I love you too, Sandra."

And then, the world goes dark.