Walking Disasters and Me

Ios and I make our way towards the kitchens uninterrupted, the sound of chatter and cooking food setting the scene behind the double doors as we approach. I pause there for a moment to take a steadying breath, a brief drip of anxious nervousness flitting through me before being exhaled out as best I can. I feel a hand comfortingly land on my shoulder, mirrored in reality by Ios' projection as she gives me a reassuring smile. I return the look briefly and then gather my nerves, sliding my hands into one of the doors handles and opening it up before stepping inside.

The first scene that greets us is Gerra and Sam sharing some words pleasantly while setting up the dishware to serve tonight's meal, both of them pausing their conversation to look over to me and give me little waves of their hands in greeting. I wave back with a sheepish smile before walking up and asking, "Hey guys. Anything I can do to help?"

I can almost feel that awkward energy radiating off me, but at this point it'd just be more awkward to try and cover it up or ignore it. Best to just let the night run its course and be as honest as I can with everyone, feelings included. Gerra thinks for a moment, her tail curling into a question mark as she ponders - which is fucking adorable - before she replies back to my offer of assistance, "Why don't you go grab a couple bottles of wine from the distillery 'round the corner and then some cups from the dish rack for everyone. I think Sammy and I have the food portion of the prep covered well enough for now. The bottles should be in a whicker rack on the far end of the wall, the stronger ones on top. Grab two of those and then one for yourself towards the bottom, sound good?"

I commit the instructions to memory, not that its particularly complicated or anything, but I want to do my best right now for obvious reasons. Once I repeat it in my head a couple times, I nod and then head back out of the room and down the hall a few yards toward the next door in line. I open it up curiously since I don't really know if this is the right room or not, but seeing the rather large barrels of oaken wood lined up against the far side of the wall with spigots tapped into their bottoms reassures me greatly. The smell is also hard to miss, as the acrid, sweet, yet slightly pungent twang of brewing alcohol fills my nostrils and the room at large.

I give a slight cough, rubbing the end of my nose a bit on reflex due to the odd mix of scents before looking around for the wine. Its easy enough to spot thankfully, placed against the far back wall like Gerra said. What she didn't say was that it was the entire back wall, a rack of thin wooden rods woven together that goes from floor to nearly 8 ft in height while stretching from one side of this probably 25 x 25 ft room to the other.

Countless bottles of different shaded glass line the gargantuan rack, reds seeming to dominate the left side while whites are on the right. In the middle I assume are blends, but being in a different world and all, they all are named something other than what I'm used to seeing. Not that I was much of a wino back on Earth, I'd rather have beer or liquor if I did drink after all, but mom loved the stuff - within reason - so I kind of learned by osmosis.

I debate which drink to drag back to the group before shrugging my shoulders and hopping up to grab two reds at the very top of the rack with ease. Damn, I'd crush the Olympics now~! Amelia Dufort wins all the gold medals, ever~! I giggle a little to myself before finding another suitable pairing for myself toward the lower end and then begin returning back to the kitchens with my laden arms.

I do notice that there's enchantments on the door to the brewery as I close it behind me, likely to keep the smell contained since as soon as it shuts all of those oddly mixing aromas are snuffed out and replaced by the typical wooden and earthy scent of the estate. I re-enter with my prizes, humming out a disjointed tune as I walk out to the courtyard where Akiko and Jun Li are laying against each other, black tails mixing and wrapping against the more numerous snowy white ones as they pause their conversation to regard me.

I feel bad interrupting such a cute and lovey scene as I gingerly set the bottles down before saying as much to them. "H-hey~. Sorry, didn't mean to interrupt you two. Gerra just asked me to get some wine for dinner."

Akiko's lips pull up at her cheeks as she answers back soothingly, "It is no trouble, Amelia~. Jun Li and I were just enjoying each others company before the nights festivities begin. Pay us no mind~." Jun Li shadows the sentiment by sending her own little smile and laying her head against the shoulder of Akiko, closing her eyes as her raven hair falls to obscure her face somewhat. Akiko mutedly chuckles before fixing the loose strands behind Jun Li's ear and then returns the gesture by setting her head down atop the obsidian locks, their tails waving happily and gently in synch with each other.

If it gets any fluffier and adorable out here I may straight up die~! I give them a parting wave before turning back into the kitchen to go grab some cups for everyone, Gerra and Sam carrying out the plates of heavenly smelling food as soon as I return with my quarry. Its a wonderful medley of meats, greens, soups, and breads as always. I even notice that Gerra tried her hand at making the mashed potatoes too!

Everyone saddles their respective portions to their plates, wine filling stone cups to the sound of casual conversations in a homey atmosphere. I end up taking the seat closest to the head of the table where Akiko sits, Jun Li taking the space next to me while Gerra and Sam sit across from us. The meal goes by warmly, my own apprehension fading between the background of stone utensils clinking against plate, shared words about the goings on of the day, and the slowly building buzz from the red, sweet liquid in my cup.

Before I know it, Sam and Akiko give a look to each other and then begin picking up everyone's used dishes to bring them back to the wash basin in the kitchen, leaving Gerra and Jun Li alone with me. They both patiently wait in silence, giving me little glances as I swallow the lump that has returned in my throat. I down the last bit of ruby wine that sits in my cup, trying to gather some courage for what's about to come next. I hate messing up, and part of that is the shame of apologizing after knowing how badly I messed up...

The lack of speech weighs on the situation like a specter, the pressure building up and up until I finally manage to squeak out timidly, "I'm sorry." I tightly close my eyes instantly; the shame and tension of the moment being replaced by annoyance at myself for pulling out such a weak first draft at an apology.

A warm, singular fuzzy tail comes to wrap around my waist, applying just enough strength to be felt and be comforting. I peek open one eye to see Gerra giving me an encouraging look, her smile soft and genuine as her pink eyes shine in understanding. I open the other and turn to Jun Li, seeing her match Gerra's expression easily before I turn my face back down towards the table.

"I'm sorry for hiding how much I was struggling with the revelation about Raphiel and Sandra. I kind of told you, Gerra, but it just kept... swirling in my mind the longer the night went on. When I saw how bummed everyone was, how different everyone was acting, it only made things worse in my head. I thought that I may have ruined everyone's night with my heavy shit, again. I'm tired of how often I feel like that, how often crazy shit just always seems to happen to me now and that I keep dragging you guys into it..."

I pause as a few wet drops of liquid land on the table underneath me, rubbing my stinging eyes a couple times as Jun Li shifts and moves to the other side of me, both of them still quiet and content to let me get everything out. "I know I shouldn't think like that, that you all aren't like people from Earth, but its hard. There's still that quiet little voice in my head that sometimes pokes at me, saying that if I keep laying all of my madness and troubles on y'all that you'll get tired of me and l-leave." A broken sob breaks my speech, my words coming out in barely a whisper as I mumble further, "And that terrifies me."

Arms come across my chest and waist, my body becoming smushed between the two women as they hold me tight, like they are physically denying my words with action. The tears pool and puddle beneath me as a few racked breaths echo into the night air, the silvery gleaming ring of space rock and the pale light of the moon the only witnesses to the healing comfort occurring in the space.

"We would never forsake you for that, my dear." The flowing voice of Jun Li resolutely says before continuing, "And I do not fault you for falling to old habits when confronted with a disheartening revelation that affects your most precious person. I was worried for you, and melancholic that you initially did not seem to trust us with that vulnerability, but at no point did any of us consider helping you shoulder your woes to be an undue burden upon us."

A soft press of lips to the temple opposite of where Jun Li is sitting signals Gerra's response, "There's nothing to be ashamed of for not being used to asking for help, especially with something so private and intimate as your soulmate's well-being. And especially not to folks you still hardly know, though we're all trying to rectify that detail as naturally as we can of course~. Like Jun Li said, we were concerned and worried, but I'm not going to hold anything you said under stress against you so long as we smooth the wrinkles afterwards."

My tear-streaked face bobs up and down in agreement, tucking itself against Gerra for a moment before Jun Li presses her own facial features into the mix. "I am sorry, for listening to that fear and doubting you guys. I'll try to be better about it, about remembering that its okay to be open and vulnerable with my worries and feeling in the group." I say out in a muffled tone, the words getting a bit mushed like my cheeks between the faces of two beautiful women.

"Deal." They say back in unison, making a little laugh escape me as we languidly latch together in a small cuddle pile, arms and tails wrapping around us in mutual comfort. Eventually, I'm released from my fluffy and pampering prison to see Sam and Akiko watching from the kitchen, their arms around each others waist as they face toward us. Akiko gives a proud nod, a kiss to Sam's cheek, and then walks forward with the woman in tow.

"I am heartened to see amends have been quickly made all around~. While we are all present and the subject of honesty is being discussed, I also wish to offer an apology to you Amelia." The white haired kitsune states as she and Sam take plop on the bench opposite Gerra, Jun Li, and myself. "While I thought it warranted at the time, I realize I should not have exposed you quite so abruptly to the bond we share, its depths and breadth. At the least, I should have waited until we were both calmer and the turbulence of our minds stilled somewhat before attempting to showcase the connection."

She pauses as she looks down toward her hands on the table, flexing them a couple times before she lets out a heavy breath and returns her violet eyes to mine, a small sadness lurking behind them, "As I said during that conversation, I am having... difficulty reigning in some of those extreme emotions and marshalling my reactions to them as of late. That is not an excuse, I assure you, but I want to be candid. Not just my cherished loved ones gathered here, but to myself as well. I find that acting rashly, impulsively moving on the whip crack of emotions, is something I must now contend with and rally against in my mind. An issue I had thought left me long ago between the efforts of cultivation and the loss of Zephyria..."

I lean over and take her hand in mine, its touch as comforting as it is chilly as a painful yet brief stab of longing filters to me. "It's okay Akiko." My words come out softly as I begin to reassure her as I send a pulse of acceptance through our connection, "You were right. I had no idea how powerful the bond we made is, that even in its freshly created state its so... intimate and strong. I knew that we were transmitting emotions and stuff between us, but not that you were apparently holding back for my sake. And how awful it must have felt every time I lost my shit or brought back sad girl hour due to popular demand~."

My attempt at levity works somewhat, the girls around us chuckling a tad as a little flit of mirth filters from Akiko back to me. I give her a genuine smile as I continue, "I needed to learn that, and while we could have waited for the perfect moment or something, we are both human. Er... mortals? People. We're both people. And I realize this is almost hilarious coming from me right now, but I need to do a better job reminding myself of it anyway: People make mistakes."

I squeeze her hand lovingly before adding on, "We're not supposed to be robots, devoid of emotions or incapable of falling prone to errors. I get the feeling that divorcing yourself from such things is probably common as you advance in cultivation, but I never want to be like that. Mature and wise? Absolutely~." I say in a playful wink, "But never some callous, unfeeling creature only after strength and power, only searching for the next ascension or breakthrough. Because at that point, you're not living, at least not in my eyes. You're surviving. Or even worse, you're just an automaton playing at being a person."

I pause as I look to the rest of them, haunting memories of messy rooms and a shattered mind. An existence solely devoted to only caring about surviving to the next day, or even faking that enthusiasm just to make it to sunrise. All of that and more coming forth in my head as the tears begin to well in my eyes. "I've already lived like that. A shadow of someone who used to be happy, used to find joy in the ups and downs of life and relished the time with people that loved me. I never want to be that kind of person again, and I don't want anyone I love to ever go through that."

Akiko chokes up a bit, and I realize she probably got a front row seat to the momentary flashback's emotions. I give her an apologetic but still love filled grin as I manage to get out, "Sorry, those memories pop up from time to time. You may be 'clingy and desperate', but I got my own brand of trauma, so it all evens out~. I love you." I jokingly say before the obvious confession, leaning over to kiss her hand before casting my gaze around the table again, "All of you."

The double embrace of Gerra and Jun Li becomes doubled itself, adding Akiko and Sam as they join us on our side of the table. I bask in the pats and rubs of our bodies and faces together, wanting nothing more than to delight in the warm, cozy feelings all night before something unfortunately comes to mind. "Uh... Since we're all super happy and lovey-dovey right now, and we just had some big emotional breakthroughs, I might as well add on a teeny tiny detail about last night that Ios and I went over already..."

The coordination in the group is truly impressive, as they all simultaneously lean back and look down to regard me. They could seriously do like, water ballet or something, that was almost creepy how coordinated it was! Right, stop stalling Aims. "So... In my upset and panicking mind, I may have... fought the Empress in my soul space? Or rather, I swung at her and she beat my ass well and proper for the audacity of attempting such a thing before explaining - in great detail that Ios can confirm! - how stupid of an idea that was."

Akiko shoots me a deadpan before looking over to the hovering drone nearby, Ios' form coming into view as she shrugs her shoulders and actually helps me out some. "She learned her lesson. The Empress was veryclear on how dangerous what she did was. I don't think anything else we say to her is going to make the lesson sink in any deeper than it already has, but feel free to try if you'd like foxy~. Hehe~." Did I say help? My mistake, of course she couldn't resist being a troll at the last minute as I'm sandwiched between all four of them and at their mercy!! Ios!!

Mental arm raised and shaking at the sky aside, Akiko and the girls just give me a few looks as time ticks on. Sam, surprisingly, actually looks impressed while the other three are in varying stages of disbelief, amused incredulity, or a continued deadpan for one particular snowy furred kitsune. Said kitsune simply sighs before saying, "If spirit Ios deems your punishment served, then I suppose we shall leave the matter be. So long as you agree that you have understood the ramifications of such actions?"

I nod furiously, or as much as I can stuffed between the breasts of all of them as they loom closer. "Good~." Akiko says back with finality, "Thank you for being honest and sharing that with us, my love. If there are no more surprises, though, I would very much like to take in all of my precious girls' scents and warmth for the remainder of my time tonight~." Thɪs chapter is updatᴇd by novel✶fire.net

Without any complaint, the five of us devolve into a cuddle pile as the moon continues its lollygagging trek across the night sky, cozy feelings dancing across the bond and from everyone involved. Eventually, goodbyes are had between Akiko and the rest of us, her stating again that by this time next week she should be caught up and able to stay overnight here at the estate.

We all go our separate ways, Ios walking beside me with a goofy grin on her face and a pair of her arms latching on to my soul avatar as we walk. No words are shared between us, her joy obviously stemming from the repaired damage I caused. Although I think some of it partially came at landing another successful troll attack on me... Oh well, I'll let her have this one~.

Before I know it, I'm stretching and untangling myself from my nightly ritual, pulling my arms free from their bound knots half born from intent and half from the twisting and turning of sleep. I frown a little, disappointed I didn't link up with Sandra but maybe I was just plum wore out, body and mind, by the time my head hit the pillow.

"Ios, if I can't link up with Sandra again tonight-" A mouth widening yawn breaks my thought as I stretch into it, eyes firmly closing shut as my arms raise to the sky and shake a little before it passes and I complete the request, "then let's go over what you found out for getting back to dream land. I don't want to leave her in the lurch for a week again, but I also want to keep it as 'natural' as I can. Per her orders."

"You got it sweetheart~. You're up pretty early by the by, so you should have enough time to mess with your foundations, try and learn from your manuals, or study the memory from the Empress like you mentioned last night. After you get ready, of course." Ios happily replies back in rapid fire speech, the bounding energy from last night's reconciliation apparently not yet bleeding off from her just quite yet. Ah well, I like her being happy, even if she does get a little hyper from it sometimes~.

I take her advice, and after a lovely shower and trip to the laundry room to do a round of clothes - seriously, like 15 minutes and everything is clean and dry, I love this place~ - I return to my bed to begin to meditate. I decide to focus on doing anything I can to improve or sharpen the flow model with the knowledge and tools available to me, and while I do manage to shore up a few spots here and there, I end up not accomplishing too much. It seems like I got it pretty much right on the first try, which is nice but for some reason also makes me concerned.

Like, I get that the soul path is basically going to solve itself from here on out due to that Divine Ranked pill, and that I kind of skipped a step in body, but even spiritual didn't seem too difficult? I still am a bit roadblocked on the 'how' of the meridians function, but I know the 'where' and the 'why' more than enough to get to the peak of this Rank. And expanding the channels that feeds everything was essentially a no brainer after taking a moment to think about it. Surely its not always going to be so straightforward, right?

"Burdened by Success: The Amelia Dufort Story." Ios jokes from my side in the soul space, her form appearing with a playful smirk as I roll my eyes.

"Puh-lease." I joke back after bouncing our shoulders off each other, "My life story would be in the horror section and titled: 'The Thoughts Within' or some shit. Steven King eat your heart out~... Well, maybe just my Earth life. Mara has been pretty good so far, all things considered."

Ios just giggles as she leans over and kisses my cheek, "I'm glad you think so sweetie. Besides, they have horror fantasy genre's, I'm sure you'd fit right in~. You still got some time if you're done futzing with the model."

"Hmm..." I say into the void as we shift to a hugging position with Ios on my lap for a change, "We can just vibe here for a bit. I don't want to get wrapped up in a project just to have to be called out of it when things start happening. Besides, its nice to just relax and cuddle every now and again~."

"Couldn't agree more, honey~." Ios replies as she tucks her head under my chin, both avatars floating in the void above the reworked and - for now - perfected flow model.