Chapter 189: Stalling
Chapter 188
Ciel
I look at the video on repeat on my phone, and I can’t believe it.
The tomato splashes into his face. The crowd surges. He’s dragged into them—hands grabbing, pulling, tearing.
A man that used to scare me so much... he looks so small right now.
I watch it again.
The tomato hits. He freezes. The crowd breaks the barricade. Someone grabs his hair. Someone else scratches his face. He’s pulled into the mass of bodies, and for a moment, I can’t see him at all.
Then the officers drag him out. Shove him into the car. The door slams.
The video ends.
I play it again.
As I have for the past hour.
He looks so weak. He glares at the crowd—the same glare that used to scare me.
When I would tell him I didn’t want to sit in a human-sized cage anymore.
When I told him I didn’t want to be intimate.
When I expressed any form of humanity not befitting of a beautiful art piece, he would glare at me. And I would be quiet.
Scared.
But look at him now.
I feel so empty.
The video ends and I replay it.
"Okay, that’s enough." Nolan snatches my phone from me and sits next to me on the bed.
"Hey—"
"Ciel." Nolan says in that voice that means no argument.
I close my mouth.
"Instead of looking at this," he says, "you should be thinking about your heat and when you’re going to take things to the next level."
"Nollie."
"You’re stalling." He says it flatly.
And he’s right. I am.
I don’t want to be like this either. But it’s too much for me sometimes. I know it’s Jack. I know he would never hurt me. But for some reason, my body doesn’t know it’s Jack.
Nolan takes my hand.
"You can’t let them keep controlling you like this."
I look at him.
"I’m not—"
"You are." His voice is gentle. He exhales and pulls me into his arms.
"I’m sorry. It’s probably not easy for you either, and here I am—it’s just frustrating to see from the sidelines." He pauses. "Remember how eager you were when you were pregnant? You tried to seduce him constantly. Let’s summon that version of you."
I can’t help my laugh at that.I’m glad Jack isn’t the kind of person to take advantage of me. I’m glad he didn’t give in when I was vulnerable. But I’m also angry, just a little, because it makes things very hard for me now.
"I can’t believe you’re nudging me in that direction," I say.
"Well, you’ve given this alpha blue balls since, like, forever."
"It’s not blue balls. I use my mouth. And other things. And he has you."
"Exactly!" Nolan throws his hands up. "Do you have any idea about his stamina? It’s not meant for one person to handle. I can’t do it anymore, Ciel. I’m a beta. My body literally cannot handle him."
I laugh even harder, my stomach hurting.
"I’m serious." His voice is solemn. He kneels in front of me, squeezing my hands.
"I love having sex with Jack. But my hole can’t take it anymore. Do you know we’ve gone through over ten small lube bottles? And he’s thinking of buying a fucking two-litre bottle."
Tears are in my eyes as I try to hold back my laughter.
"This is your destiny." He says it like the wizard in fantasy books—the one who appears before the hero at the start of their journey, grave and mysterious and completely serious. "Step up to your destiny."
"My destiny?"
"Yes. This mere mortal cannot do it anymore." He gestures dramatically at himself. "Do you know what he’s like? Do you have any idea? He doesn’t stop. He never stops."
"I don’t know. Sounds pretty scary."
"Oh, don’t bullshit me, my soul. I’ve seen you gobble his dick full throttle and not break a sweat."
I snort out a laugh.
He grabs my shoulders. "Ciel. My soul. My best friend. Please. Save me."
"Okay, fine." I give in, laughing.
He smiles. The pretty one, the one that makes his blue eyes sparkle. I know he was making me feel better, and it’s worked.
His hand holds my face, and I lean into his palm. The way he looks at me makes me wonder how I never noticed it my whole life. Jack was right—Nolan is not subtle. He wears his emotions on his sleeves.
"You love me," I say.
"More than you could ever know."
"I love you."
"I know."
"I mean I love, love you."
"Oh, what is this? Confessing to me right now?"
"Yes."
He turns red it’s so cute. He tries to pull his hand away—I hold his wrist.
"I don’t know if I say this often enough." I look at him. Really look. "I love you, Nolan."
He looks away, avoiding my eyes.
I tug on his hand. "Look at me."
He does. Eventually.
"I do not deserve you."
"Ciel, don’t—"
I pull him to the bed and straddle him.
"Life hasn’t been very kind to me," I say, "but you’re the one thing I have in my life that’s good. So I can’t let you go. I’ll never let you go, Nollie. I can’t live without you. You’re everything to me. The literal air I breathe. I love you."
"Stop." He covers his face with his hand.
When he moves it, his dress shirt struggles to rein in his biceps. The button holding his chest together is on its last legs.
I stare at it.
That button is going to give up any second now.
I unbutton it to save it from its fate. It’s as expected loose and struggling.I swear I hear the button thank me.
I unbutton another one. And another. Until his chest is in full display.
I hold it. It’s so firm and soft.
"I swear your chest is getting bigger."
He removes my hands and looks at me.
"Really? Should I tone down my gym routine?"
"I didn’t say it was a bad thing."
"It’s a nice chest." I trail my fingers down his sternum. "There’s still a couple of hours till Jack is back, so why don’t we entertain ourselves?"
I lean down to kiss him.