Chapter 352: A Dark Step into the Future
"So, Evelyn, what do you think of this?" Esther says, waving a few papers in her hand. The difference is staggering. I'm actively controlling the body at the castle to make some puppets to help Amanda, Cypher, and Vermilion, but Esther is also at the castle today.
And my god, what a difference! She's immensely different from when she's around my "true" body, the one that always has Kali nearby, showing Esther's deep contempt for Kali.
"Your hypocrisy terrifies me, Esther! Mistreat me! Curse at me! But don't act all friendly just because Kali isn't here. It makes it seem like Kali is the problem, when you're the problem!" I'd rather she be aggressive than like this, because it shows she detests Kali so much that she always fights with me.
"Normally you only pay attention to that little parasite, so seeing you here is far more entertaining. Usually your other bodies, even though they're still you, stay in a semi-autonomous state without so many interesting responses." She pulls my hand with a tone of approval.
"If you treat me this well, I get sad..." I murmur uncomfortably. I wish I could believe that Esther's contempt isn't that vast, but this scene right now makes it painfully clear, blatantly obvious just how vast her contempt is for our daughter, leaving me no room to lie to myself.
"I'm not going to change that, Evelyn, but since you're here, I want a bit of your attention... ah... before that... you took all your medicine, didn't you?" She gives a very fake smile.
"...Yes..." I wanted to throw it all away, but I can't. Some of the medicine is for my mental health, but they all look alike. I don't know which ones are for my mental health and which ones are the suspicious drugs Esther gives me.
Besides, if I just threw everything away, not only would Esther find out, but I'd also have problems with my emotions. It's true the medicine hasn't cured me, but it helps a lot in regulating everything I feel.
And I'd be far worse off without it, much sadder. Since I started taking it, I feel a little better and have more drive to push myself to do things properly.
"Good, it's wonderful to see that. I've also noticed you're far less... how should I put it... less like an anchor. Before the medicine, you seemed to only want to sink down and drag me along with you. Now you actually try to stand up. I like that." She leads me to a room in the castle that has a table with food waiting.
'Compared to an anchor... how unpleasant...' I am like this in part because of Esther. She contributed heavily to my sadness even though she wasn't the only cause, so for her to make that comparison is so unfair.
"...Tea time?" I ask with irony. Ever since I regained consciousness after returning from the other world to my body, Esther has treated me like a doll in every sense.
With food, clothes, activities — everything is like watching someone play with a doll.
"Yes, tea time, Evelyn. I prepared some things I think you might like... assuming you decide to eat this time, of course." She doesn't even try to deny it, as if she really is bringing a toy to tea time. It makes me question what image our daughter will have of me in the future. I hope she doesn't realize how pathetic I am.
'I feel so uncomfortable thinking about this...' I don't want our daughter to have the wrong image of me.
"Where's my golden apple?" I ask her, wanting more of those fruits. I really like golden apples.
"Tsk... your addiction to that fruit is truly unpleasant... I brought one. It's covered under the tray. Eat real food first before the dessert." She lets her emotions slip through for a second before returning to her act, placing me in a chair.
'...' A question rises in my mind for a moment.
"Esther, if I weren't a puppet... would you permanently incapacitate me?" I ask, part curious about the answer, part not wanting to hear the answer I already know.
"...No." She takes far too long to deny it.
"Please be honest. It's not like I'm going to stop loving you. I've heard so much atrocity from you already." I say to her, grabbing a small cake from the table and eating.
"...Yes. Perhaps cut off your arms and legs, or damage your spine to leave you in a wheelchair forever. But as a puppet, your body is always reconstructed, and I can't do that with magic."
"...Wait, what did you say?" She just said she can't do that with magic? How does she know?
"Y-You tried!?"
"Perhaps." Her 'perhaps' isn't predictable. I don't know if it's a yes or a no, and her gaze doesn't give away the answer, which sends chills through me, making my tail curl up and hide behind my legs.
'Isn't there some medicine for Esther to take so she can be less of a psychopath?' I question my life choices deeply. Now there's no turning back, and I love this girl too much to have the courage to distance myself from her.
But in the past, if I had made different choices and distanced myself from Esther, maybe my life today would be easier — in fact, far easier.
"Do you regret loving me?" She asks, noticing my gaze.
"...A little. But we don't choose love, do we? You were somewhat rough in the past, but you were sweet... I think I was fooled by that false sweetness and gentleness." In the past, Esther was gentle, loving, and despite being quite harsh with her words, she wasn't anywhere near as insane as the Esther of today.
"I shouldn't have believed in all those lessons you gave me... the moment you revealed your obsession with me upon realizing I possibly knew the 'truth of the world,' I should have stepped away and drawn a line between us." Now Esther knows everything about my past life. That line has long ceased to exist.
"..." Esther gives me a very dark look, taking a slice of pie and placing it on a plate.
"So you would have given up on me and abandoned me if you'd had the chance?" When she asks that, my lips tremble, and truthfully, I would love to say yes.
"N-N-No..." But I can't. I love her too much for any future or past without her to be acceptable. Esther is like a heart to me. She may not be the heart I want, she may not be the best, but she's a vital part of my life.
"..." I move my hand to grab the golden apple and eat it so we can end this uncomfortable moment quickly, but Esther keeps staring at the fruit as if she sees an enemy.
"What is it?" I ask, wanting to leave here soon.
"If you eat that fruit, something will happen."
"?"
"..." She keeps staring at the fruit excessively, as if she wants it to vanish. Considering that Esther never lets her blessing be deactivated anymore, and the only thing the golden apple does to me is form a "Bridge" that lets me see the pre-programmed messages the "Original Evelyn" left me, I believe that if I eat it now, I'll see another message from her.
'...Should I...?' Honestly, the "Original Evelyn" only makes me suffer. If I know that eating this now means I'll see her again, I could just avoid eating. But I'm curious. I still want to see that wretched woman.
Because last time, she gave me a powerful sword, useful for the future — even though the goal was to create an even greater despair in my heart.
"I'm going to eat it. I like these fruits."
"...Do what you want. But the moment you fall asleep, I'll do something to your body. And that... that is a warning."
"..." Esther places me at an uncomfortable crossroads, but her way of speaking makes it clear that I'm right — I'll probably see the "Original Evelyn" again, which means all my bodies will fall unconscious.
'For once, it's good to be able to prepare emotionally...' I take a deep breath, having my "true" body place Kali safely in her crib while my body on the angelic continent goes to its hut and stays there safely.
"I'm going to eat. Do whatever you want to me." When I say that, she clicks her tongue. I no longer fear Esther's threats. I've stopped being that coward from the past.
"Then when you wake up, I'll still be here, waiting while I make you pay for leaving in the middle of our 'Tea Time' that I so lovingly prepared." She raises the stakes.
"Fine." And I accept the raised stakes. At least Esther doesn't try to forbid me, respecting this small moment. I bite into the fruit and start eating it.
"One day I'll make you so dependent on me that nothing else in this world will make you want to leave my side, just like now." She speaks with a confident smile, and the worst part is I believe she'll manage to do it someday.
We still have so much time. How much longer can I resist my own biology as a dragon? One year? Two? Five? Ten? A hundred years? There's no way to know. But it's a fact that one day I'll be nothing more than an obedient doll for Esther, just like what my mother said happened to my grandmother.
"I hope that day takes a very long time, and that you face many difficulties and suffer greatly to reach that goal, Esther." I say to her with my best smile, because if I'm going to suffer, she needs to suffer alongside me. After all, we love each other very much.