Chapter 345: Care
"Are you hungry, sweetie? Want a little of Mommy’s milk?" I ask in the most loving way, rocking Kali in my arms. It’s been two days since Kali was born.
Saluvia has already left, while Esther shows up now and then — more precisely, she’s constantly nearby, but she’s kept her distance because we always fight over the way she looks at our daughter.
I don’t think Esther will ever change. It’s obvious she’ll never love our daughter the way I want her to. On top of that, I’ve discovered a few more reasons why Esther hates Kali, and it’s not just about appearance or because she wanted to monopolize me, though those are definitely part of it.
"W-What am I supposed to do?" I ask myself, holding my daughter close as I let her suckle at my breast. Incredibly, my body is actually producing milk.
Kali clutches my breast with her tiny hands, drinking my milk while I press myself back against the pillow. I don’t really know how to be a mother or if I’m doing something wrong, but I’m trying my best.
’That problem...’ Kali being part dragon is a problem, and this little problem is what kept me up last night. I don’t really know how a dragon mother is supposed to act, but what I do know about it isn’t very reassuring.
"..." While I’m lost in thought, the door opens. My daughter remains oblivious, as if my breast were the only thing in her world, so I look over at Esther as she walks in.
She stares at my daughter drinking from my breast, and the expression on her face is honestly terrifying to me — she looks like she wants to rip my daughter out of my arms and throw her away.
"She needs to eat, you know?" I say to her, since she’s jealous just because the baby is at my breasts.
"...I know," she says, bringing a tray of food over to me. I hug my daughter tighter to protect her from Esther. Esther sees my movement and gets irritated.
"I wasn’t going to do anything. Don’t cradle her in your arms as if that would be enough to defend her if I actually wanted to do something, Evelyn. It’s not like you’d have the strength to stop me if it came to that."
"Maybe, but nothing guarantees you won’t try, so as long as she’s in my arms, you’d have to hurt me too to take her from me. And please don’t yell — our daughter gets frightened when you yell."
"Our?"
"..." When she sees my expression, she doesn’t try to finish what she was going to say.
"It’s better this way anyway, Esther. She’s your daughter! Don’t even think about saying she’s only mine. I didn’t make this baby with my finger."
"Tsk, just eat that and be quiet." She sets the tray on the bed, handing me the food. The baby in my arms stops drinking my milk and looks at the food, drawn in by the smell.
I pick up pieces of the sliced golden apple, eating a little while Kali stretches her tiny hands toward the tray, clenching her little fists at the food and drooling as if trying to reach it.
She doesn’t cry — just tries to grab it. She’s very independent and shows it by trying to get it herself. It puts a smile on my face. She really is so cute.
"You should stop eating so much of those fruits, you know that, Evelyn? I don’t know what you see in that fruit, honestly," Esther says, picking up a slice and passing it close to Kali without letting her grab it.
She keeps waving it near my daughter’s face, making her stretch to try and reach it, but she never lets the baby take it, no matter how hard she tries. And on top of the smell, since it’s a golden fruit — kind of "shiny" — it must be even more tempting to Kali.
"Stop bullying Kali. She won’t forget this in the future, you know. You’re paving the way for a future where our daughter will never like you when she’s older. You’re going to regret this later."
"As if that little parasite’s opinion matters to me. Be serious, Evelyn. You think I care if she remembers this? Or that I care if she doesn’t love me?" When Esther says that, I slap her hand and take the piece of fruit, giving it to Kali.
Kali seems enchanted by the golden piece of fruit, putting it in her mouth and starting to suck on it with a goofy smile. I don’t know if I should be giving something like this to a baby, but she’s a demon, so it shouldn’t be a problem, I guess.
Besides, she seems to like it. She tries to bite and lick the fruit, drooling a little. I grab a small cloth and hold it close so it doesn’t drip onto her, onto me, or onto the bed.
"Evelyn, you do know that girl, even if she doesn’t show it, is a dragon, right?"
"..."
"You know what happens to a dragon that’s too affectionate or receives too much affection. You know perfectly well that my contempt for this child isn’t just because I hate her — it’s because, on top of stealing my time with you now, she might try to steal even more time in the future."
"She won’t. And even if she did, I only love you." Esther is saying this because yesterday she showed me a letter from my mother. In the letter, Mother told me not to give this baby too much affection and to try to be somewhat distant from Kali, or else the baby could become too fixated on me.
She explained that among dragons, it’s common for parents to never be too close to their child, or they might become the baby’s "safe cave" — a place the baby stays too close to in a way that becomes bad for them as they grow. It would be kind of like me with Esther. Even though Esther is cruel, I can’t stop loving her or leave.
In short, dragon babies and children, if they receive too much affection from their parents, can develop what in the modern world is called an Oedipus complex. It doesn’t necessarily mean Kali will fall in love with me romantically.
But there is a chance she’ll become too obsessed with my affection and take a very long time to "detach" from me or to decide to go on with her own life — and maybe she never will, if she receives too much love. So it’s obvious that Esther, who already knows about these problems among dragons, hates that I’m clearly the type of mother who gives her baby too much affection.
But this child is my family! And the only family I have besides her is Esther. And besides, Esther despises Kali for many reasons, so I can’t help but want to shower my daughter with affection.
Because if I’m a distant mother, Kali will be a sad child, and I don’t want Kali to have a future like mine or Esther’s. I want her to be able to live positively and be at peace with life, instead of being antisocial like I was as a human, or sad like I am now and like Esther is now.
"I-If you gave our daughter affection, I wouldn’t have to be the only loving figure in her life. I’m giving her affection for both of us, since I know you’re like a volcano to our daughter — an emotionless rock with hot magma that could kill her!"
"I will NOT give affection to that parasite. Stop trying to change me, Evelyn," she says while Kali, oblivious to everything, is trying to bite the fruit but can’t because she has no teeth.
"I won’t let Kali grow up and become a bitter person like you and I were in childhood!" I say to her seriously. If either of us had had a childhood with more love and care, we wouldn’t have so many problems now.
"...You’re such an idiot, Evelyn. Such a huge idiot. You think that girl is just like you? That giving her affection will make her kind, loving, and caring toward everything and everyone? Unlike you, who used to be human, that girl is 100% a demon."
"And worse, she’s a dragon! Even if she doesn’t show many physical dragon traits, there’s no way to know what goes on in her head —"
"Esther, enough of this conversation. I don’t care about that. I’m not going to stop giving this baby affection just because you’re insecure about having competition. Besides, she’s a hybrid! Nothing guarantees it’ll be that way." I myself, despite having an unpleasant need to hoard treasures, am not as extreme visually as pure dragons. So much so that I’m trapped here without my treasures and it’s not that unbearable.
Maybe because I know my treasure is out there, protected. After all, if my treasure were to disappear, I feel like something terrible would happen to me!
"Evelyn, your stupidity irritates me. But fine, do whatever you want. Just eat before you do anything stupid." She moves the tray closer to me.
"Besides, you shouldn’t give a golden apple to a baby. She’ll choke." When Esther says this, I quickly pull the fruit out of Kali’s mouth. She looks at me, shocked, and starts crying softly.
"But she —"
"Being a demon doesn’t change the fact that she’s a baby."
"Why did you help me?"
"...Because I don’t want to see you sad, even if I wish that little parasite would disappear. Besides, you’d cry a lot if this child vanished. So even though I want her gone, you haven’t done anything wrong enough for me to get rid of her."
"..." She shifts her gaze to my chest.
"Even though it’s disgusting to watch that brat suck on your breasts."
"...I-If you behave, I’ll let you suck too —" She shoves a piece of bread into my mouth.
"Just eat and finish this already, Evelyn. And don’t think that... I want your breast milk. Just eat so we can discuss more important things..." Esther says, looking on with envy as I bring Kali close to my breasts and let her suckle to stop her crying.