Perversions of the Flesh

Ann didn’t wait for sleep this time. She had told Kat and Rosalyn what she was about to do, and just laid down to do it. The ability to go from her own waking world and tumble into her soul was getting easier. Falling into that world was never any less terrifying. Seeing the ground rush up at you even when you knew you were fine triggered ancient, primal fears.

Naked as always, she brushed the snow off her face and fur, then looked around. The forest was metal again. When it was like this, the pines looked almost like giant needles rather than trees. At least the ground stayed snow and dirt. That was easy on her paws.

Ann cupped her hands to her mouth and yelled. “Hey! We’ve gotta talk!”

It took a moment, but she heard the trees clanking against each other as Waheela’s gargantuan form pushed through. She slowed, like she always did, at the edge of the clearing, then rested with her head on the snow to better speak with Ann. Those silvery eyes without pupils seemed fixed on Ann, and more intent than normal. She was also missing the glowing pink muzzle. Ann really had dismissed the divine restriction. Whether Orenous had intended for that to be possible was another question she had for her Goddess.

Ah, you arrive at last, pup. Your gift has been fully appreciated. The small amount my jaw could move before was still restrictive. Now, Waheela opened her mouth wide in a yawn, her teeth shining brilliantly in the ethereal moonlight. Now that feels much better.

“Cool. So, uh, I guess we need to talk about what this means for our relationship, huh?”

Waheela cocked her head, then pulled her lips back in the canine approximation of a grin. I suppose it does. You have allowed me freedom. Freedom by choice, for that matter. You and I have begun to tear down the wall the Bitch has erected between us.

Ann sighed. This was part of what she was not looking forward to. Orenous’s presence wasn’t going to leave her. She honestly didn’t want it to. Despite issues, she still liked the Goddess. “We’ve gotta talk about that. That’s later, though, like after this first part. What can you do now, and how much trouble does that put me in? You actively helped me amplify whatever it was when I love my girls. That seems really significant. Also, what’s with that cold part that I could feel too?”

Waheela flumphed her head back down, shaking the ground a little. Yes, that is something of a discussion. I have more freedom. Especially when I speak. You have freed my voice, and I can now… use it.

Ann cocked an eyebrow. “Use?”

My restrictions on my passivity have loosened. I can exert my will in an admittedly small manner. Now I could speak through you.

Ann stiffened. She didn’t like the sound of that. “To what degree? Gotta know limits here, big girl.”

Waheela rumbled a staccato rhythm in her throat. A chuckle. I will not sound like you, pup. Do not worry about deceit on that front. I would hope that my actions have earned some level of trust by this point. No, I may speak through your lips, but nothing more.

Ann thanked Orenous that she didn’t have any purely verbal spells. Most were just intent. “Well, that’s out of the cage, and we can’t really put it back in. You up for some rules on that? Cause you randomly popping out to get a word in will scare the shit out of normal people. You’re not exactly a soothing baritone.”

Waheela laughed again. This is a truth. I will request your permission before I speak. My only exception will be with the sheep. We both enjoy the unique mix of fear and attraction she displays. I wish for the first time to be a surprise to her. You may tell the rest.

Ann took a moment to mull that over. On one hand, she really didn’t want to scare Rosalyn. Her drive to protect the woman was seriously battling with the hilarity that the prank could bring. “I dunno about the freaking Rosalyn out. I-”

Yes, yes, we protect our own. It does not mean we cannot give them a friendly fright. I will be kind and not say anything to panic her feeble heart. Simply a greeting.

“She’s got a damn strong heart,” Ann shot back. “Still, yeah, that’s fine. I get my words back immediately after.”

Agreed.

“So, from then on, you get my permission to speak first. We can communicate that in my head. I figure that once the rest get used to it, that’ll become less of a shock when you pop up. Why even ask? Why not just take it over whenever? Seems… counter to what you are, no?”

Waheela blew out a mighty gust from her nose, then shrank down to her “normal” massive wolf size. She padded up, silent as the night, and sat in front of Ann, tail swishing in time with her own. There are reasons I am not capable of answering. Some, I am not sure I even know. Would it that I might achieve some of it without marring your soul. The pack is the greatest thing for me. For us. Call it family, that is the pack. I do not know why my nature compels me to see things like this, but it does. Just like I hunger for death, hunger for the hunt. The urge to devour the world is always there. It is my nature.

Ann caught the hint of uncertainty in the wolf’s speech. She was having problems with some of what she was saying. Maybe it was the goals, maybe it was the attachment? Regardless, she reached out a slow hand and gently scritched the top of the midnight black head. Waheela stiffened, but relaxed a moment after.

“I want nothing but the opposite of that last part. I-”

Waheela snapped at her hand. It didn’t hurt. It was just a nibble to tell her to stop talking. I did not say that I agreed to it.

“I know, but-”

Another nip. Listen, pup. Too many growls deafen you to the approaching cougar.

Ann had to hold herself back from pointing out that they were the only ones in here, but took the hint.

I have the instinct. I have motivation. I also have my pack. A pack I did not expect to have. Things may be changing within me that She did not know would be affected by our contact.

“She being…” Ann led.

You know I cannot answer that. You must discover it on your own. It is definitely not the Bitch. Anyways, We are of two different Goddesses, you and I. With these, Waheela shook her chains, some of Her power may be affecting me as well. A muddying of our beings.

“Oh yeah,” Ann scoffed. “Like I wasn’t muddy enough already. God, I remember when Harry Potter was a big thing, and mudblood got introduced as a slur. I was already half First Nation, half the Slavic mix my dad was. Boooy, did I hear that word a lot.”

I had wondered what that period of rage was. Your memories are blurry around that time.

Right. Waheela could see her memories. “Hey, Waheela, can you, uh, can you see my parents? My siblings? My cats?”

Waheela cocked her big head, silver eyes wide. I can.

Ann’s heart felt like it was running a marathon. Her breath suddenly sped up. “Can… can you like, I dunno, bring them up in here?”

Waheela looked at her for a long, long time. It felt like that moment stretched into eternity. No.

Ann’s heart fell. Her shoulders slumped, and her tail drooped.

Not how you wish for it to be. They are gone, little Annita. I can, however, pull that image out for you. The family one in front of the falls was your favourite, correct?

Ann nodded, trying to deal with the whiplash between the fall into grief and back into happiness. It was a lot. She felt the tears coming. “Yeah. That’s the one.”

Waheela was quiet for a moment, then turned and trotted off.

“Wait, where are you going?” Ann called. The wolf was still insanely fast at this size. She had to run to keep up.

After a while, they came to an old tree. The tree, unlike every other one in the forest at the moment, was wood. A gentle breeze played through its needles, rustling them quietly. It was eerie. The only true tree in this place, and it was massive. Visions of the tree in Ann’s first seed were instantly compared and dismissed. This was bigger. It was so tall that Ann couldn’t see the top. If the sky wasn’t permanently in the depths of night, she would have seen it instantly the first time she got here. The near-black needles of the tree hid in the cloak of darkness.

Waheela trotted up to the base, scattering the thick carpet of pine needles behind her. It was the only patch of ground in her soul that Ann had seen without snow. It took them about five minutes to get to the base from the edges of the branches. It got noticeably warmer the further in they went.

Waheela came to sit where the craggled trunk broke the carpet. Her tail fanned and sent more of the dark leaves flying as she looked at the tree.

Coming to stand beside her, Ann looked too. Just about eye level with even her considerable height was a rectangle carved into the tree. On shaky paws, she walked up and ran her fingers over the familiar images. The carving was that of a master, each detail carefully etched into the wood. Mom’s smile. Dad’s eyes. It somehow even got the slight blurriness from her Dad running into the group and jostling them. Her brothers and sisters all in different states of exasperation or laughter at the man’s antics. Then it was her. The old Annita. The one with the raven black hair that hung down past her upper back. The girl who figured working out might make up for her weak chin and otherwise average looks. The one that spent way too much time online drawing people’s OCs for money before she gave up on that. She was still in Secondary school at this point, almost done, though.

“How?” Ann choked the words out, still staring.

This is… it is many things, but it is easiest described as the core of your being. This is you. I was able to pull that powerful memory from you, and let it show up here. I can’t change anything, in case worries are raised. Only recall and review. Its impression on this tree is the mark it left on you. In time, I would teach you to do this. We are both ancient. Our memories long, but also fallible. Mine may have been muddled, as well. I would rather that not happen to my pack.

“Might be one of the nicest things someone’s done to me,” Ann said absently. She couldn’t stop staring. Her family! Here to see and remember whenever she wanted or needed. There was no colour to the image, but that didn’t matter. Her heart ached, but the longing was passing, and it was a healing pain. They wouldn’t be forgotten. They should never be forgotten.

Waheela didn’t say anything as she padded up next to her and butted her head up against Ann’s shoulder. No one knew what the ancient wolf had gone through, but in this moment, Ann knew that she’d known loss. A lot of loss. That was all the lupine creature did. She stayed there patiently, waiting for Ann to be done.

It took a very long time for Ann to tear her eyes away from that image. She wanted to engrave it into her memory as truly as it was engraved in the wood. To get that image out of her soul and into the real world by paint or pencil. She’d do what it took, and thanked herself for putting so much practise into drawing. There were also curses for her not keeping up with her realism drawing. Something to work towards.

When she was ready, she wrapped an arm around Waheela’s shoulders. It was a little unnerving to be able to do that to something that was sitting down. Sometimes it surprised her, even when this was smaller than normal. Waheela didn’t say anything, but her tail swished a little faster. Ann felt hers respond.

“This is really special. Thanks, Waheela.”

Waheela huffed, but didn’t make any other moves to pull away.

Ann looked over at the monster’s silver eyes. She was watching everything, as usual, but was feigning attention on the tree. “Can I ask you what you went through?”

What do you mean?

Ann started petting the wolf’s back. “I felt something a moment ago. A big wave of sorrow. What’d you lose?”

Waheela’s attention was now directly on the tree. On the picture.

My pack. It was so very long ago. No one would remember them. I do. Before you ask, I cannot tell you why. Just that they once existed, and that they are all gone. All except me. The old wolf’s voice was heavy. She normally sounded like she was talking through a growl, but her emotions deepened it further.

Ann stopped stroking the coarse fur and leaned in to give her a side hug. She’d prefer a full hug, but didn’t want to overstep. Waheela was still enough of an unknown that she’d keep some distance.

“Well, you’ve got a new pack, huh? Even if you kinda forced your way into it.”

We both do, and I didn’t choose for that to happen. It did, just like you did with Kat’s pack. You showed up and were accepted. I showed up, and I am still working on that second part. Time will tell.

“Time will tell,” Ann echoed. “Ever hit you how long everything’s been? I mean, I didn’t get to actually live all of that time, but it still happened.”

Waheela did her best to shrug. The novelty wears off after a while. Sometimes, yes, I am reminded how short the others’ lives are, and it baffles me. I will not give you a time.

“Worth a try,” Ann laughed. “Bad to ask a lady her age, but sometimes you’ve just gotta.”

Forgiven, Waheela chuffed. Now, our time wears on. I want you to practise further. It was good that you could sense my sorrow. That’s an indication that the sense is becoming natural in here. Eventually, it will become the same in the real world. Not emotions, but presences. Here we have other connections. Have you tried using this power on the hive of worms?

Ann shook her head, taking the opportunity to wipe her eyes. “Not yet. It feels really personal, and I don’t want to push things too far. Not until Kat makes her decision.”

Also why you went for the Love option instead of Lust. A strong bond is better than a heated one. A wise choice. Still, you need to try this with someone, and the presence of your mates is still too weak for what I am trying to teach. Maybe the old warrior? Pose it as a training exercise.

“It won’t hurt them, right?”

It will cause discomfort. Possibly pain. I do not know exactly how these creatures will react, with how many variants there are. If there is damage, they are hardy enough to restore it.

“Restore damage to possibly their souls?”

Physical damage. Remember, you are a singular existence. Us existing like this is not even like your mates. You have spent far more time in Her power than any other and are still sane.

Ann sighed and released the wolf. “When you wander in your head for that much time, it’s hard to count those years. I can’t remember any of it. Wonder what I was sleeping on?”

I do as well. A nice rock covered in soft leaves, I think? It would be comfortable.

“Leaves? No way in hell. Orenous was watching me. I don’t think she’d settle for leaves. I really hope it wasn’t some freaky cocoon. Do not need to think about turning into sludge!”

Waheela barked, backing up. They do that?

“Yeah,” Ann laughed. “Well, parts of them. Their brain and guts stick around for the most part, and get rearranged for their new bodies. It’s a crazy transformation.”

I prefer our method. The pain is better than being incapacitated for that long.

“Dunno about that. Going to sleep and waking up like I did is real nice. Adjustment’s a pain in the ass, but yeah.”

Waheela snorted. I could never. Everything in my instincts is telling me that is a terrible plan for survival.

“Worked for me. Maybe you need to adapt to the times, old lady.”

Waheela growled. You better start running now, pup.

Ann cackled madly as she kicked up needles behind her. She could feel Waheela on her heels, snapping playfully at her tail as they ran and ran and ran.

She had the picture now. A memory of her old family to share with her new one.