Chapter 169: It's Dark Down Here
Lin Feng closed the door to his room behind him. He kept his hand on the knob. Paused. Still. Hesitating, for a moment. Thinking. Then he walked over to his desk and sat down.
Think of something else. Anything else. He took out his books out of his backpack. Math. English. Chinese Literature. Work for tomorrow, and work for the day after. He worked for several hours at such a high pace that he didn’t have the space of mind to think about anything else. Nothing at all. Until the clock struck 11 PM. That was when he paused. The homework before him felt unimportant again. He leaned back into his chair and looked up at the ceiling. It was grain white, but he barely noticed that the ceiling was even there. His gaze was long and distant.
Lin Feng didn’t keep staring at the ceiling, though he didn’t quite know when he stopped. He’d moved without himself even realizing it, sitting up straight again, grabbing his laptop, and opening a video. It was the video of the semifinals match between KG and SSK. The same video he’d watched six times already over the last few days. Nearly two hours of footage, including the time between games. He sat in silence, staring at the series that had silenced all of China. For a brief moment in time and space, China had come to a grinding halt. That was the extent of mental damage this loss had dealt.
However, Lin Feng didn’t rewatch this series to analyze how KG had played. He’d wanted to see Fatty win, but also knew that was practically impossible. The reason he sat here, again watching this video, was to analyze his own skills. He replaced KG’s Midlaner with himself and replayed the games. This was the most recent series played by Rake. It was his current skill. And that skill was far higher than Lin Feng had expected. It was to an extent that it was hard to compare. Apples with golden apples. Pears with pomegranates. No matter how Lin Feng looked at it, regardless of the methods he tried, he always lost, and miserably so. Rake toyed around with him, showed him every corner of the Rift, and then sent him back to the fountain. From laning to farming to teamfighting, be it individual ability or awareness, he was simply worse. A lot worse. So much worse that he even doubted he could do any better than KG’s Midlaner had. I might’ve even lost against KG’s Midlaner… Especially that last realization hit hard. Someone he never considered his opponent, much less his equal, was really above him.
Lin Feng clenched his fist and slammed it down on the desk. “Fuck!” he yelped. “FuckFuckFuck!” He grabbed his hair and pulled on it. I’ve got no right to even look at these games. None. I can’t even figure out how to beat some shitty high school team… That hurt. It felt like an Asian Giant Hornet had stung him, twice or thrice. He was looking at videos from Worlds, comparing him to the best players in the world. But he had no place on the world stage. He couldn’t even figure out how to beat a high school team. He gritted his teeth, angry and frustrated. I’m useless. Useless. Useless.
Over the past several days, Lin Feng had been thinking of strategies to beat Shanghai International. It was a simple high school game, it wasn’t that difficult. But to him it was. He just couldn’t figure out how to do it. If I can’t even do this, how can I even think about Rake? I have no right. No right. I… He pulled on his hair and sighed. Useless. I can’t even figure this small problem out. What can I do? I’m useless. Absolutely useless.
There was no doubt in Lin Feng’s mind, his teammates sucked. They were nice and he enjoyed playing together with them, but they just weren’t very good at the game. He hadn’t had long enough to train them, and there was only so much he could teach them. The rest they would have to do on their own. And since they weren’t as good as he was, or liked to think he was, he never stopped to consider them. They weren’t going to win this game for him. Only he could win this game. I have to think of a way. Maybe if I get just a little better. I have to train really hard, but maybe it can be enough. Shanghai International is an easy opponent. I can still 1v5. Do I have enough time?
The night grew deep. Lin Feng stayed up. He had to think of a way. There had to be something he could do to win this series. This was just a high school tournament. If he wanted to ever make it back to the top, then this couldn’t stop him. This should be easier. It should be the easiest tournament of his life. It’s just a high school tournament. There has to be a way. They are all terrible.
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