Rise

How are they? Are they doing well? What happened to them? Lin Feng found himself thinking about his old teammates a lot these days. He’d lay awake in bed at night, wondering about them. But just like he had with Tian Tian, he’d been the one to cut contact and ghost them. He had no idea what they were up to through his choices, his actions. In his calls with Tian Tian, they laughed and joked and talked about Worlds. He went along with it. They were good moments. But what he really wanted was to ask about his old teammates. Tian Tian would have the answers for him. However, it was a lot more difficult to ask this question than he’d expected. The words were on the tip of his tongue. He wanted to say them. He wanted to know how they were doing! But every time he opened his mouth to ask the question, the words refused to come out. He was afraid of what Tian Tian might say if he brought the topic up.

I ignored their calls. That was all me. Lin Feng wanted to talk to his old teammates again, if only to hear their voices one more time. He wanted to know that they were doing alright! But he didn’t know how to get back in touch, how he could face them again. Even over a phone call. Even the simple question of, “How are you?” felt like a monumental task. Back in Season 1, when they were on the same team, he counted on them to have his back and they counted on him to have their back. And then he walked away. He left them behind and didn’t even look back. Through their shouts. Through their frantic and worried calls. Through everything they tried to find out what was going on with him, he left. He broke the one sacred rule. He didn’t have their back.

I betrayed them… Lin Feng hated himself for it. He wanted to kick himself, curse in the mirror, or steal that one Delorean from that crazy kid and old man. Instead of sharing the cup of sorrow and letting his friends support him, like he would’ve for them, he ran away. Away from them and away from his problems. He bit his lips and looked down at the ground. I betrayed them… He’d tried to justify his actions. To come with an argument for why what he’d done was the right thing. But the harsh reality was that there was no argument. No justification. Nothing that could support his actions. He’d broken The Bro Code. He’d done the one thing no one should ever do. He’d turned his back on his friends and those who cared about him. I betrayed them.

Why… Why? Lin Feng knew that what he’d done was selfish. He was the most selfish person to ever walk this Earth! Yet when he reconnected with Tian Tian, when they heard each others’ voices for the first time in four years, Tian Tian wasn’t mad at him. Tian Tian was just happy to hear his voice again. Why didn’t he call me out? Why wasn’t he angry? Lin Feng didn’t know how to react to the fact that Tian Tian wasn’t mad at him. The guilt in his heart only grew stronger and so did the intense self-loathing. He was just holding back. He’s probably afraid I’ll run away again if he says something. He knew it! What he’d done was unforgivable! Tian Tian had to be mad at him! Lin Feng genuinely believed he deserved to get yelled at, ripped a new asshole. From one bro to the other. It needed to be said! He’d feel so much better! But the question was if it would make Tian Tian feel better. He didn’t know if it would. It didn’t seem like it. From what he’d noticed so far, Tian Tian was just happy to have his old friend back.

Lin Feng breathed in, deep and long, and then let it all out. He forced a smile and looked back up at his computer screen. His hands, that were below the desk, balled into two fists. It’s time I stop being such a whiny baby! I made my choice! I have to face the consequences. Whatever they are. Next time I call with Fatty, I’ll ask him about the others. I will! I WILL!

「wtf is wrong with lil bro?????????」

「He looks hella outa it man」

「DID THE MAID POISON HIM??!??!」

「hey lil bro you ok bud? you look kinda pale? maybe lay down a bit?」