Collide Gamer

John grumbled something under his breath. Even he wasn’t sure what he had said, he just knew that it was an adequate noise to express his frustrations. None of the women asked him what had transpired. Even the dullest of people could guess correctly. Tʜe sourcᴇ of thɪs content ɪs novel✦fire.net

“Want a BJ?” Rave offered.

“Now?” the Gamer asked, the sudden question getting a chuckle out of him.

“Ya look like ya could use one.”

“I can always use one.” John had to put a hand to Claire’s forehead. The vampire had doven for his crotch before he had finished getting out that sentence. “But! It is Christmas and we had an agreement to be wholesome.”

“Master has made his proclamation.” Aclysia clapped her hands and the maids gathered up around her, forming an orderly semi-circle. The coordination of his eight white-haired, beloved servants never ceased to amaze. “We shall continue with the day as planned.”

“Sounds good,” Rave agreed and plopped down on a couch. “Just gonna keep T-R-U-C-K-I-N-G – trucking along!”

John took his own seat among the manifold small couches of the room. By Lee’s design, the room was much better at many small gatherings – which was proper. The super-couch only made sense for the full group gatherings. At home the Harem Couch would allow them to separate out fluidly, here they had to make due with regular furniture.

Once he was comfortable, Gnome put her derriere in his lap. Blushing deeply, she hugged his neck and pushed herself as much against his chest as her sideways position allowed. “Y-you look like you… needed a hug,” she whispered, bashfully.

“From you? Always,” John said and returned the hug. It was not long thereafter that he found himself buried under an elemental onslaught of affection. Undine and Salamander squeezed him from either side, while Sylph managed to leverage her smallness to share his lap with Gnome. Pleasantly, Siena’s fingers scratched his head.

“We love you, my saviour,” the shadow spirit cooed, her sensual voice even more alluring for how gentle it was.

“I love you all too,” he responded with a broad smile. Whatever happened with Moira, he would still have what truly mattered.

“If everyone is settled.” Aclysia led the proceedings. “We have elected to hand out the gifts in alphabetical order today. Which means we will begin… with me.”

On behest of the first maid, Delicia moved to the Christmas tree. ‘One has to wonder if we shouldn’t have put all the gifts on a table,’ John thought and watched the shortstack’s short shorts, her preferred casual legwear, stretch over the incredible plushness of her ass. ‘Then again, this is probably for the best.’

Delicia located the gift swiftly and crawled out from under the table, returning to Aclysia with a long box. Mixing excitement with grace, Aclysia sliced the paper open with a clawed finger, then pulled the contents out. Like with Daiyu’s present, it was a case with a glass front, one Aclysia removed as swiftly as she could.

“It ain’t quite as impressive as your old one,” Hailey apologized while the black dragon maid raised a knife upwards.

It was a singular piece of silver metal, forged into a sleek hilt and a blade equally usable as a combat knife and vegetable slicer. Blue and red swirls ran along its length. The end of the grip curved upwards.

Aclysia quietly changed her hold on the knife, pinning the handle between two fingers. A flick of her wrist was all it took for the enchantment to activate. Replicating itself in a circle, filling out gaps with new material as it went, the knife transformed into a silver salver. The swirls on the side of the blade now were part of a wider pattern that reminded of European heraldry.

A second gesture of her wrist had the utensil return to its knife state. “I anticipated a gift such as this. All the same, I am grateful to have it,” she bowed her head, “I cherish it deeply.”

“I recommend ya don’t use that one in a fight,” Hailey said. “It’s real good work, don’t get me wrong, we tried on that, but… it ain’t quite there.”

“I would not risk another gift being used in the forges of some rude blacksmith anyhow.” Aclysia was swallowing words of greater insult. Though Marice absolutely was a boon to her, the first maid had not forgiven War for the way that the weapon had been made. “I shall retrieve Beatrice’s gift.”

The passive maid wiggled as she waited. It was a tiny, adorable, and subtle motion of her hips, made all the clearer by the otherwise total stillness of her body and face. When she held the cubical box, she did as Daiyu before and peeled away one adhesive strip after another. One had to imagine she enjoyed the challenge of unwrapping her gift without any tears just as much as the gift itself.

Hers was a commercial gift, a box that advertised its contents clearly: four hand-sized kaleidoscopes. Wordlessly, the passive maid opened the box, shook one of the wooden things, then peered inside. The symmetrical patterns reflected on the inside put a slight smile on her face.

It wasn’t much. At their level of wealth, gifts usually were little oddities like that, handcrafted items, or something so extraordinarily expensive that it boggled the mind.

“Statement: I like this,” Beatrice said, then fetched the gift for Claire.

The vampire maid received a book that held a summary of all of the events previous to her joining with them, written by John with numerous footnotes by the other haremettes. She was giggly the moment she read the first page, almost forgetting that it was her turn to grab the next gift.

For Delicia, the harem had acquired a number of rare and esoteric materials. Gallstones found in rare animals, dried plants that only grew once every decade, even a dragon horn was all hers for the experiment. The alchemist was all over it. Unlike Claire, she actually had to be reminded to get the gift for the next woman in line.

Ehtra received a large variety of necklaces and other jewelry. Much as the First of Hatred insisted that she did not need such glittering nonsense, she still tried them all on right in front of them.

Eliana was the first break in the maid order. “Please, do not let it be compliments,” the pretty little psycho prayed, then took the box from the grey angel. Pieces of torn paper were tossed into the air, the contents revealed. “Thank fuck,” Eliana sighed in relief, then the confusion set in.

It was a catalogue with various bookmarks. She flipped on through getting more and more excited as she did. Every item the harem had marked was one of the many bits of equipment required for properly handling a baby, including various things that made it easier for a highly pregnant woman to continue painting.

Fianna received her gift next. The sniper was surprised to have been included, but the harem had been prepared for her joining from the beginning. Finding a gift for her had been a bit difficult, though. Despite Rave’s protest, they had gotten her a Warhammer 40k boxset. “I am looking forward to painting with you, Sir,” she said with a smile.

After that was a string of simple gifts. Gnome received her traditional set of unusual rocks and gems to add to her collection. Hailey’s gift came as a couple of books that she could read between her many projects. John was handed a wide array of new suits, each haremette having put together one set. Lee received a custom-made wireless mouse with a mana battery. Lorelei unwrapped an expensive censer to be used during her meditations. Lu Zhi found a couple western style dresses in her gift box.

Lydia got a wooden figure the size of a large plate, depicting Velka and Reika wrangling. It had been designed by the entire harem and John had carved it personally. It was a bit crude because of it, but he was reasonably proud of it and it had been a cheap undertaking. Lydia, with all the gifts she had received over the last two years, would have complained if he heaped anything expensive onto her.

Lyndell got two gifts. First was their original gift for her, prepared in advance: blackout curtains. The second they had organized over the last few days in response to her sudden fascination with coffee. From a French press to a simple coffee machine, she received a vast array of tools to prepare the black brew to her liking.

Metra received a small army’s worth of different weapons. Though Rex Magnar would always be her weapon of choice, the Breaker of Armies had expressed often that she missed fighting with a versatile arsenal. Since she had a Perk to make everything she held into a weapon, boosting the object to a level appropriate for her combat, giving her options felt right.

“What is this?” Momo asked, when the, by far, largest box of all was placed in front of her. It was so large it had been stored behind the tree and when it was placed down, the small tables in the room seemed to jump. “How did you even wrap this up?”

“With effort,” John responded. “Open it up!”

Momo gave him an amused side-eye. Teasing everyone, she first measured the sides of her gift with her steps. It took her three full strides along the side and one full stride along the top. The edge of the box went all the way to her waist. “Alright,” she said, closed her eyes, and snapped her fingers. The wrapping turned into a multitude of butterflies that fluttered through the room, spreading a scent of cinnamon and hot chocolate. “Now what stupidity do we ha—haaa----haaaaaaaa--- HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAABABARABARABBAAARABA?!”

‘Blessed Momo noises,’ John thought and basked in it all.

The sassy maid was bent over the box, her face pressed against the glass panel at the top. Everyone else knew what it was already – everyone except Daiyu who tip-toed over to take a glance at it. The shy servant had a difficult time of it, since Momo had taken to flying around the thing on her glowing insect wings.

“Uhhh, is that… a big rock?” Daiyu asked.

“IT’S A PIECE OF A PYRAMIDION!” Momo shouted, back to pressing her face against the glass. “Half of one, I mean. Ooooooh, if I get my hands on the bastard that split this gorgeous rock, I will…” She swallowed, her erudite mind leaping around like a child allowed to drink cola. “Where did you find this? Where is it from? How? When? Why?”

“I did not find this, one of Lydia’s allies in Alexandria did,” John reported.

The queen picked up from there. “It was a discovery made courtesy of the Lorylim. The Greater Empire’s local garrison reinforced the Great Sultanate during the conflict and they came across this Illusion Barrier by pure happenstance. Though the attached pyramid had been ruined by time and various monsters had lived inside the barrier, this capstone could be identified. I leveraged some influence to save it from less appreciative collectors.”

“But where though?!” Momo asked, having pulled out one of her many archaeology journals.

“About 13 kilometres outside the city bounds of Alexandria, south-south-east.”

“…This is… this is the capstone of the Argent Pyramid?” she muttered. “No… no, no, no… maybe… need to cross-reference more data… Ooooh, there’s so many hieroglyphs on thiiiiiiiiis!” Momo was lying on the container now, her legs swinging with the force of a happy dog’s tail. “If I had a heart, I would get a heart attack right now! Aaaaaah, this is so excitiiiiiiiing.”

“So, you just barely like it?” John asked.

“I hate you, I can tell you that much,” Momo declared. “You and your… stupid handsome face and your… stupid deep voice and… urgh, I can’t even sass at you properly right now.” The archaeologist squealed. “Ohh, I can’t wait to date you, you beautiful old rock!”

“I always knew you would cheat on me with a rock, but I thought it would be Gnome.”

“I would never!” the season elemental complained.

“Yeah, that was in poor taste.” As his apology, he squeezed the brunette a little tighter.

Since Momo was locked in a perpetual nerd-gasm, the other maids continued the cycle of picking up and dropping off the gifts. Nahoa was next, her gift a number of replicas of historical items of her culture, to aid in the re-establishing of her people’s rituals (the humane ones, anyhow). Nathalia received a number of new dresses and a crown that was made to fit with her horns. Nia received a large selection of animal treats.

Nightingale received a grooming set for her feathers. Rave was treated to a new playlist, the songs on it commissioned specifically for her and her club from all the artists she liked that the harem managed to contact and throw money at. Salamander got her traditional box of burnable stuff. Scarlett received some very girly clothes, the kind she would never buy for herself. Siena got a new violin, which she swiftly used to make some music for all of them. Sylph got a big plushy bunny that she could use as a chair. Undine got some new additions to her fleet of autonomous boat miniatures and rubber duckies.

At the end of all the gift giving, they changed to cuddles and conversations. The latter gradually ran their course. The bookworms engaged with their gifts or just pulled out books in general. The gamers pulled out their handhelds and phones. The workers began to answer emails. By noon, a relaxed silence dominated the warm room.

There was only one factor that pulled at John’s soul. The lonely package that still sat under the tree was a constant reminder. It wasn’t strong enough to ruin the moment for him, but it did tell him that he still had one duty.

When he stood up, it wasn’t until he grabbed the single box that the gravity of his movements was understood. Everyone’s eyes traced him as he stepped up to the door. There, he stopped. “You’re welcome to tag along. It is all of our gift, after all…” He excluded Daiyu with a slight smile. The servant blushed and continued to comb Lydia’s hair. Somehow, she had been roped into being the handmaiden for everyone.

“If I may,” Lorelei said. “We have told the sacred Warden our piece already… Treat Moira gently, please.”

“But not too gently,” Rave threw in. “Girl can be thick as a brick.”

“A pile,” Hailey drawled.

Snorting in amusement, John left the room.