The Simulacrum

It was near the end of November. We just had the first snow the other day, and the outdoor Christmas lights also started popping up here and there like mushrooms after rain. It wasn't quite the full-blown holiday spirit yet, but it was only a matter of time, and thanks to our families being in regular contact nowadays, the combined enthusiasm of my girlfriends' mothers infected Morgana as well, so we already had a couple of garlands and window stencils put up at home as well.

Winter break was also just around the corner, which meant that the mid-term exams were looming over us for the last time. That naturally meant lots of anxiety and last-minute study groups, yet that wasn't the reason why we all gathered this day in our living room.

"Ach, does onybody 'ere hae the faintest ay notion whit this is aw aboot?" Duncan grumbled while balancing on a small chair from the kitchen, arms crossed and not looking too keen to be here. Since all the Knights had a day off today, he was wearing casual cargo pants and a matching sweater.

"I have a solid idea, actually," Raven Boy, dressed like a French arthouse critic, with the striped shirt and a bright red scarf, for some ungodly reason, pinched his chin with a knowing nod.

"'Kay? Sae whit's the crack? Why arenae ye tellin' me?"

Agrawain glanced in my direction, only to immediately avert his eyes and mutter, "I can't. Leonard would get mad."

"Why?"

He shrugged with a vague, "Spoilers, I guess?"

Duncan gave the other Knight the side-eyes for a few seconds, then he unceremoniously lifted one of his feet and kicked him off his chair.

"Hey! Stop that!" Penny snapped at him, walked over, and slapped him on the back of the head.

" Och, 'main 'en, Penny-gurl! He faire deserved 'at!"

"Brother Duncan, please behave yourself in our home," Arnwald chimed in as well from the other side of the living room, and so the big guy had no choice but to cross his arms with a morose 'Fine,' and silently fume.

Meanwhile, my sister helped Raven Boy up from the floor, but while he was doing so, she whispered to him, "So? Do you know what this is all about?"

Once again, the guy glanced at me, as if I had anything to do with anything, and responded to her with an apologetic, "Sorry, I don't think I'm allowed to tell. Spoilers."

Penny let out a soft huff, then said, "Maybe Duncan was right."

"Ye see? Ah tauld ye."

"Children, please, behave yourself," Morgana called out from the kitchen, and the two of them both straightened their backs. Was it some kind of Pavlovian reflex, I wondered.

"Yes, auntie!"/"Yes, mom!"

Speaking of her, she returned to the living room, along with Snowy. For once, they weren't carrying any refreshments or snacks (though, as I said, with the holiday season creeping up on us, gingerbread was one of those any-day-now kind of things), and they settled down on the couch.

Today's meeting (god, I'm really starting to despise that word) was strictly for the Dunning family and the Knights of the Ordo Draconis. Granted, since two-thirds of said Knights were part of the Dunning family, it was a distinction without much difference. However, the 'main characters' of today's event weren't us, but the duo sitting on the smaller couch. We bought that recently, because with my in-laws dropping me all the time, we needed more sitting spots, yet even with that, Duncan and Agrawain still had to use the wooden chairs from the kitchen.

But I'm getting off-track here. So, the pair in the center of attention were sitting on the small couch. On one side, we had Tajana; the young spymaster was back to her 'girl next door' looks, ditching the fancy gothic fashion of the Abyss for a comfy knit turtleneck sweater and a pair of sweatpants, and she looked noticeably nervous and fretful. On the other side, Sir Roland was trying to appear stoic and mature in his white shirt and brown slacks, but even he seemed a touch uncomfortable under the surface.

Like that, we all got seated and were ready to get started. Duncan and Agrawain were sitting on the small chairs, Arnwald and Morgana on the old couch, I was snug in my usual comfy chair, while my sisters…

"Can we both fit here?"

"M-Maybe if one of us sits on the armrest?"

"But isn't that unfair?"

"Uuu… A little, I guess?"

"Let's decide with roshambo!"

They were completely ignoring my flat stare and actually started throwing rock, paper, and scissors. Ever since my little heart-to-heart with Snowy, she's been much more outwardly affectionate, even in public, and that somehow tickled Penny's competitive instincts. They weren't quite 'fighting over me', more like, they were just very… spirited. Was it a sibling rivalry? Or maybe more importantly, was Judy right, and this whole situation was caused by Snowy going from 'shy cinnamon roll little sis' to 'affectionate cinnamon roll little sis', and that being too close to Penny's 'character archetype'?

In any case, we weren't going to get anything done at this rate, so I pinched the back of their clothes and gently pulled them over to the two armrests. While it wasn't entirely proper to use them like this, my girlfriends already treated them as seats to stick near me while my lap was otherwise occupied, so I knew that they could take the weight.

Once I guided them to sit down, I let go of their clothes (lest I stretch them) and switched over to 'big brotherly headpatting mode' to keep them calm. It didn't work.

"B-Brother! Not in public!" Penny whined, though it was a testament to my ongoing efforts that she didn't squirm or try to run away. She still turned red like a lobster through.

Snowy, on the other side, sounded rather blissful, her eyes smiling when she glanced over her shoulder at me.

Now that everyone was ready, it was time to get the—

"That's so unfair."

… and then Penny started sulking, cutting me short.

"What's unfair?" I asked, trying not to sound too exasperated.

"How come it's always Brother who does all the head pats?" she asked in an almost accusatory tone, and for some reason the question made my other sister look rather troubled for a moment as well.

"It's one of the perks of being a big brother," I told them frankly, but then I also amended, "That said, there's nothing saying you can't give headpats."

"Really?" My knightly sister's eyes lit up with excitement, her previous embarrassment all but forgotten, and she immediately reached towards my other sister's noggin, forcing me to retract my hand. "Oh? This is pretty nice!"

Snowy lightly inclined her head with a soft, "Mm," and let the grinning girl on my other side continue to awkwardly tousle her hair.

If Judy were here, I was sure she would've accused me of giving my sisters weird fetishes, but since she wasn't, I decided this was as good an opportunity as any to get the conversation moving again, so I looked over at Roland and—

"It's your turn!" Penny declared, cutting me off once again, and she took her hand off Snowy's head with expectant eyes. My other sister blinked at her with that classic 'deer in the headlights' look, and then… "What? Nooo! Not Brother!"

To my surprise, Snowy reached out and put her palm on the crown of my head. She didn't move, so it was more of a head-touch, but my other sister still refused to accept it.

"Not Brother! Me! Look, here!" She leaned forward and presented her noggin, and at last, my Abyssal sister moved her hand over with a soft giggle. Was she teasing her, I wondered. Anyhow, Penny's eyes opened wide, and then she muttered, "Awawa… T-This is nice, too…"

This was really getting out of hand, so I ducked under Snowy's arm and finally managed to address the others with the words, "Please, ignore us. I have an appointment later in the afternoon, so please go ahead and let's get this over with."

I didn't need to say that twice. Arnwald immediately jumped on the opportunity to act like the head of the household, and he roughly cleared his throat before making a sweeping gesture towards the smaller couch.

"I believe Brother Roland wanted us to gather in private to make an announcement. Let us hear him out."

The others nodded and hummed and huffed in various levels of agreement, while the main subject inhaled deeply to steel himself. He vacillated whether to stand up or stay seated, but ultimately remained sitting, and even sidled a little closer to Tajana until their shoulders touched. Was that a gesture of consideration for her, or was he doing it for himself, I wondered.

"Yes. Thank you for gathering on such short notice." He spoke solemnly as his gaze swept across the room, eventually settling on me when he added, "I have an important announcement to make." That was followed by a long beat of silence, as if waiting to see my reaction. To be honest, I already had a very good idea what this was about, and since I was already preoccupied with my sisters' shenanigans, I didn't have any leeway to respond. Roland exhaled sharply through his nose and then finally spilt the beans. "I've turned in a reassignment request to the Draconic Federation."

"Reassignment?" Morgana repeated after him with mild surprise. "Where?"

"The diplomatic corps," he answered curtly, still eyeing me. "Leonard already approved my request."

Duncan blurted out a skeptical, "Have ye?" so I nodded in the affirmative.

"I mean, if he wants to do that, who am I to stop him?"

"The King of Knights," Agrawain pointed out, but I ignored him, and so did everyone else.

At last, Arnwald asked the obvious question in the form of a puzzled, "But why?"

Roland responded with, "There was already a proposition in the Draconic Council to nominate an ambassador to facilitate diplomatic contact with the New Noble Alliance in the Abyss, and in light of that, I decided that…" he began, only for his speech to lose steam at record speed, and then, after another beat of silence, he glanced over at the woman sitting by his side and he let out a soft sigh. "The truth is, there's an altogether more personal reason behind my decision."

His glance didn't escape everyone's notice. Morgana and Snowy, in particular, looked like they had already put two and two together (though, to be fair, I had a feeling they might've already known about this), while the menfolk looked a bit lost.

"Don't keep us in suspense, Brother Roland!" Arnwald urged him, looking a bit tense for (probably) the wrong reason. "You aren't the type to make a rash decision, so it must be something important. Have you made some kind of discovery that requires your presence in the Abyss to solve?"

"It is certainly a discovery, in a sense of the world, but…" His words trailed off, and he glanced at Tajana again. "Would you like to say it?"

"N-No…" the Abyssal woman whimpered, but then in the very next breath she said, "B-But I guess I'll have to." She inhaled hard, readjusted her large, round glasses (that was a nervous tic that apparently all glasses-wearing folks shared around here), and then she abruptly blurted out, "I'm going to have a baby!" in a high-pitched voice.

"Whaaat?!" Penny exclaimed on my left, while Snowy muttered a considerably quieter, "Oh? C-Congratulations?"

The Knights, on the other hand, responded with various flavours of confusion.

Eventually, Arnwald spoke up with, "That is… good news, I hope, but how is that related to Brother Roland's transfer to the…" Now it was his turn for his sentence to trail off into silence as he finally put the pieces together, and then he exclaimed, "Brother Roland! You couldn't have!"

Right after that, Morgana directly asked Tajana, "Who's the father?"

"Erm…" She fidgeted for a moment, but then she awkwardly pointed at the man beside her and muttered, "It's Roland. Definitely him."

"How could you be so irresponsible, Brother Roland! To have sired a child out of wedlock! And with such timing! How could you?!"

Arnwald was getting worked up, but then his temper immediately cooled when Morgana put a hand on his shoulder and told us, "Please, don't mind Arnwald. He's just frustrated because we have yet to succeed in doing the same."

That made him pause and whisper over a startled, "Morgana! Not in front of the kids!"

Said kids, by the by, couldn't exactly unhear that, and their reaction was pretty much this:

"Did you hear that, Snowy? We might be getting a little brother!"

"That's… nice, I think?"

"It is! Quick, we need to practice this head-patting thing more! We need to master it, or Brother will monopolise him, like he did with Ollie!"

"She could be a girl too, but… Okay! Let's practice!"

So yeah. They were a bit too aware of the whole 'flowers and bees' thing to be particularly shocked by the news of our parents trying for a new sibling. That said… at this rate, we might need to move into a bigger house.

My future concerns aside, Arnwald's initial outburst resonated with Roland, because his expression turned rather grim, and as soon as there was a lull in the conversation, he declared, "Don't worry. I'm intending to take full responsibility."

"Y-You aren't the only one responsible!" Tajana interjected, looking downright mortified yet also full of energy. It must've been the adrenaline fuelling her. "I should've known better! I-I mean, I was the one who told you that conception rates between Abyssals and humans were low, b-but it didn't justify foregoing protection."

"No, I told you, it was my mistake."

"A mistake…"

"No, I don't mean that! And I don't mean the child either! I told you, I'm going to take full responsibility, and…"

Meanwhile, the hitherto silent Knight duo on the chairs sighed out in unison, and Duncan grumbled, "If Ah kent thes was gonnae be a soop 'pera loch thes, Ah woold've brooght some swally wi' me."

"Or popcorn," Agrawain noted with audible disinterest.

"Eh, mebbe. Ah'm no fond o' thae 'relationship' things, ya ken? Ah reckon that's ahm no’ popular wi’ the birds."

Agrawain sent a sideways glance at the big oaf, and it looked like he had something on the tip of his tongue, only to perk up when a hand reached out of his shadow holding a bucket of popcorn. "Oh? Thank you, Aoi." He accepted it and… that was one of the Danzo Squad ninjas, wasn't she? Where did she even get a bucket of popcorn at this hour? Were they related to the elusive ninja maids after all? Putting those questions aside, Raven Boy popped a kernel into his mouth and grumbled, "No offense, Sir Duncan, but if lack of self-awareness could hurt, you would be screaming all day. If anyone here can complain about being single, it's me."

Now it was Mr Minotaur's turn to give the sideways look to Raven Boy, but let's ignore those two for now, because the main conversation was also ongoing.

"Would you rather have a little brother or a little sister?"

"Um… I don't know. I think I would be fine with either."

No, not that conversation.

"We have discussed this in detail, but The Haven of New Camelot isn't suitable for raising a newborn child." Yes, that one. Anyhow, Roland insisted, "We have considered all our options, and we believe that it's best for the child's development to grow up in a more open environment with peers of similar age present."

"And that's why we decided to move to New Larsa," Tajana picked up the thread where he put it down, sounding a bit calmer than before. "Thanks to the Gateway, it's still close to New Camelot and Timaeus, and due to the reconstruction efforts, new family homes are both plentiful and affordable."

"So you have indeed thought this through," Arnwald said, his fingers tracing his sideburns with a thoughtful frown on his brows. "Yes. It's pivotal for a man to take responsibility in a situation like this and support their partner."

"Oh, we're not like that," Tajana thoughtlessly blurted out, much to everyone's shock.

"But you're expecting a child together, aren't you?" Morgana pressed them, causing Roland to awkwardly and repeatedly clear his throat.

"Yes, we are, but we aren't…"

"We aren't like that," Tajana echoed herself, only to then turn a hesitant eye to Roland and ask, "Are we?"

"No. We aren't in a formal relationship, but that doesn't mean I won't take full responsibility for my—"

It was at this point that I ran out of patience and cut in with a forceful, "Okay, time out!" While I waited for everyone to focus on me, I poked the sides of my sisters, so that they would give me some space, and then leaned forward a bit and addressed the two on the small couch.

"Roland, Tajana?"

"Yes?"/"Y-Yes!"

Their reactions were different, but their problem was the same. Seriously, after the whole Naoren/Mountain Girl incident, I thought my days of being a matchmaker for blockhead couples were behind me, yet here we were.

"Do you like each other?"

That was about as blunt as such an inquiry could get, yet they both treated it like I was asking a trick question.

Tajana responded with a reflexive, "I'm not sure," which made Roland turn to her with a skeptically raised brow.

"What do you mean by that?"

"I-I mean, you're a brute, but you're not all bad, b-but it's not like I like you or anything, and..."

Roland let out a huff and immediately doubled down with, "And you're a crybaby."

"No I'm not! And you're a workaholic!"

"How is that a bad thing?"

"Because you never listen to me, and—"

"Stop," I interrupted them with a palm raised. "Cut the bickering tsundere act, please. People who don't like each other at all aren't going at it every single bloody day like rabbits."

"Leonard!" Arnwald exclaimed, audibly mortified, but I paid him no heed.

"That's a private matter," Roland stated firmly, his mouth set in a straight line.

"Oh, bite me." Crossing my arms, I straightened my back and delivered my ultimatum. "Listen up, you two. I give you five minutes to come to terms with your relationship. We're not going to have this toxic will-they-won't-they crap going on when you have a kid on the way."

"But..."

Roland tried to argue, but I raised a hand again and pinched my fingers with a definitive, "Zip it. The clock's ticking."

Fortunately, I didn't have to wait out the full five minutes. After about one and a half minutes of extensive fidgeting, Tajana couldn't deal with the pressure anymore and she blurted out, "I... I admit it."

"Admit what?" I prompted, and after glancing everywhere but him, she eventually rested her gaze on her slippers.

"I... don't hate Roland."

I was just on the verge of facepalming, but then Roland let out a soft groan and mumbled, "Do I need to say it myself?"

"Yes. Please, do," I insisted, and after sending me a rather scathing glare that said he would get back at me for this in private, he turned to the Abyssal woman and grabbed her hand, much to her confusion.

"Tajana."

"Y-Yes?"

"I'm fond of your company and I… I like you."

"Wha-Wha-Wha...?"

He squeezed her hand and stressed, "I like you a lot. I don’t have anything grandstanding prepared, like a ring or a bouquet, but since it came to this, I'd like to tell you that you are dear to me, and I'd like to make our relationship a proper one, if it's all right with you."

"Ah... Um... I mean, yes. I-I mean, it's all right with me, it's just that this is so sudden, and I'm not mentally prepared, and... and..."

"And that's a wrap!" I declared loudly to cut through the weird atmosphere and dusted my hands. "If you want to discuss this in private, you can use the guest room."

"I think we'll do just that," Roland stated flatly while still giving me the stinkeye, and then he got up and pulled Tajana along towards the back of the house. Meanwhile...

"So, Uncle Roland and Tajana are an item now?" Penny asked, sounding a little dazed by the rapid developments.

"It seems so," my other sister concluded.

"So... Party?"

Penny glanced around, and in the Morgana was the one who said, "Maybe a small celebration is warranted."

"Woohoo!"

Well, I wouldn't call it a smooth operation, but better some awkwardness now than the two of them getting locked into some weird 'I-totally-don't-like-you-even-though-we're-living-and-raising-a-child-together' dynamic later. That just sounded toxic, and who knew what kind of effect it could've had on a developing kid. So yeah, I'm still going to pat myself on the back for this, and as for parties… I promised the girls that I would meet up with them later in the afternoon to get some business done, but having a little party before that couldn't hurt anyone, could it?