The Simulacrum

The bowling alley. It's been quite a while since the last time we visited the place, and while bowling itself was never a particularly quiet or introspective activity, I had a feeling we were taking it a bit too far in the other direction this day. As in, pretty much the whole place was reserved for the 'extended family', and it made me realise just how many of us were there.

For a start, we had the Dunning household. I was taking it easy and lounging on one of the benches near the bowling lanes, watching everyone buzz. Arnwald and Morgana, dressed in matching blue polo shirts and shorts. In fact, everyone was dressed like that, though some opted for trousers or skirts, plus the mandatory while tennis shoes.

Anyhow, the two of them were by the lanes, along with the rest of the parent group. That included Judy's parents, as well as my Draconian in-laws. Oh, and also…

"Could I have a minute of your time? Please, stand still."

Sebastian, looking dapper as ever (despite his outfit not being much different from anyone else's), didn't respond, but didn't move either. Taking that as a sign of agreement, the redheaded woman at his side raised a small, hand-held device with two prongs jutting out on the sides. It kind of looked like something an 80s ghost hunter would use to measure psychokinetic energy, or something.

Anyhow, yes, Carmine was here as well. I told them they could visit any time they wanted, but I didn't think she would take me up on the offer so soon. She wasn't playing, so she was dressed in the same office lady getup from before, with her hair done up into a tidy bun at the back of her head. As for what she was doing, it was related to our current conundrum about the Submerged Ones and the already Emerged ones deciding to stay in the Simulacrum and whatnot, but since she volunteered to look into it herself, I let her do it. I was busy enough as is.

But moving on, Judy and Elly weren't here for once, because they were on babysitting duty. Ollie wasn't very interested in bowling, and since Mountain Girl was still on her honeymoon, Ichiko was now living at Judy's place and was treated as a visiting cousin. They, including the other kids, apparently had some other plans for the evening of their own, but I didn't pry. I was sure the girls were more than capable of keeping those rapscallions in check for a day. As for my sisters…

…

Actually, I had no idea where my sisters were. I hadn't seen them for a while, but just as I was considering Far Glancing at them, I was approached by Carmine. She unceremoniously sat down next to me on the bench, and for a few seconds, there was a rather awkward silence hanging in the air.

Truth be told, neither of us was very comfortable with the other yet. Or rather, the whole 'technically mother and son' dynamic was made especially complicated by how, at this point, I already had a 'technically-mom' and two moms-in-law. I was never the type to dwell on these things for long though, so I turned to her and asked, "So? What did you find?"

"Submerged One," she told me frankly and gestured at her device. "Seems to have a very strong connection to this Actor, but hasn't Emerged yet."

I uttered a non-committal, "More or less as expected," but she reacted rather strongly to that.

"No. No, it's not. This kind of development is completely novel, and nobody could have ever expected it. Submerged Ones attaching themselves directly to Actors is one thing, but for them to stay like that even after Emerging… completely unheard of."

I nodded along, though to be honest, I still couldn't quite understand her dismay over this fact. Maybe it wasn't too surprising. I didn't know how things used to be before, well, me, so from my perspective, this was normal. A weird kind of normal, but still nothing spectacular. From hers, I reckon it was probably something like humans suddenly starting to lay coloured Easter Eggs and hatching babies from them.

Which… Wait. Wasn't this a good opportunity to ask her? We had a lot of trouble connecting, so I felt obligated to try and make small talk whenever possible. So was she, I reckoned, considering she approached me just now. All right. Sink or swim.

"Can I ask a question?"

She responded with a firm, "Always," and let her device down.

"How would Submerged Ones Define themselves 'normally'? Before all of this, I mean."

She blinked at me at first, her bright red eyes showing confusion, but then she finally realised that I was completely serious and she moved a bit closer on the bench to give her explanation.

"I'm sorry. I didn't realize we never properly… discussed the topic before." She glanced around, then leaned even closer to tell me, "Before the 'Singularity', as the Venerated Benjamin likes to put it, Submerged Ones wouldn't just…" She was looking for the right word for a while, brows scrunched up in a focused frown, and she eventually settled on, "… 'merge' with the Actors. They would be shaped by the scenario as a whole, serving as a sort of… 'inspiration' to Define themselves. Embodying an Actor within the Simulacrum to the point they become one and the same is… I still find it hard to envision. It should feel suffocating, yet they seem entirely happy with the arrangement."

She looked at the parent group still discussing some bowling technique minutiae on the sidelines, but then her thoughtful frown turned into a scowl when her gaze wandered a little further to our right.

"Rawr! I'm gonna eat you all!"

"Look out! It's a dinosaur!" a little pig-tailed girl exclaimed from the direction of the food court, pointing at the man in a huge green foam dinosaur suit, his grinning face sticking out of its wide-open mouth. Also, for the record, he was still wearing his reflective sunglasses.

"A hungry dinosaur! Hungry for some freshly grilled gyros, but you look tasty, too! Get in my belly!"

"Kyaa!"/"Waaah!"

The kids gathered in the food court scattered while pretending to be scared, and the man was about to go after them with over-exaggerated stomping steps when he noticed us and flashed a toothy grin our way, even waving his arms in our direction.

"Look, Carmine! I'm a mascot now! Rawr!"

And then he stomped after the kids. True story.

"Morgana is right. He really is just a big child," she muttered, but then she shook her head and turned back to me. "What were we talking about?"

"Submerged Ones," I responded at once, but then also steered the conversation a bit by asking, "But speaking of them, was that how you originally Emerged as well? From a scenario?"

"Y-Yes?" she responded, though it sounded more like a question.

"What was it like?"

My well-meaning question, just another attempt at small-talk, made her look rather uncomfortable, but she eventually steeled herself and looked me in the eye.

"You see, Sol… I Defined myself in a small scenario. Back then, it wasn't uncommon for multiple smaller scenarios to run in parallel, often in the same setting, but because their scope was so limited, they would rarely interfere with each other."

"Really? What was it about?"

"Oh, just… This family. Parents, kids, and them dealing with daily life."

"So, like a 70s sitcom?"

"Something like that," she confirmed with a nod. "Compared to what you've been through, you would probably consider it boring and predictable, but it was very comfortable. It was the... style, at the time."

"I see, I see." I didn't, but I pretended I understood her perfectly and moved the conversation along. "So you Defined yourself based on… what exactly? The aesthetics? The vibes?"

"Something like that," she admitted. "Back then, a scenario was considered a success if it helped just one Submerged One Define themselves. The one I'm talking about ran for a long time, but only Fulgor and I Emerged from it."

"Wait. So, you two Emerged from the same scenario?" She nodded. "So what does that make Fulgor? My uncle?"

She almost reflexively nodded, but then she hurriedly waved her free hand in front of her.

"No. That's not how it works. Familial relations aren't something that applies to us Emergents. Or, at least they weren't until…"

She gave me a meaningful look, and it was obvious what she was getting at.

"Yeah, I imagine interpersonal relations are complicated when you're a consciousness embedded into space-time. Luckily, it doesn't really apply to me."

"Yes. It is a new paradigm for a reason," she noted a tad morosely. "It will take us some time to get used to the concept of having human-like families, and… children in particular are…"

Things were about to get awkward again, but then we were interrupted by a belly-laugh that drew our attention.

"Bwahaha! I caught you, little morsels! Rawr!"

"Kyaah! We're captured!" the girl from before exclaimed in the guy's arms, while a boy of the same age was sitting on his shoulders and looked like he was riding on the foam dinosaur head, both of them giggling uncontrollably.

"Now, I'll take you to my lair, where I first fatten you up with extra-large servings of delicious, authentic rotisserie pork meat and fried potatoes dipped in home-made tzatziki sauce, for the low-low price of five-point-seventy-nine Jens! Rawr!"

Carmine watched the Crowned Coalescence, pardon, 'Apollo', carry the kids towards the counter in the back. The one that was still run by the Goldfish Poop Gang, by the way, though at this point I felt calling them that was both inaccurate and a little mean. Also, for the record, unlike the majority of my named acquaintances, they didn't have Submerged Ones attached to them, let alone 'Immersed Emergents'. It's what I chose to call people like the girls, who were technically Emergents, but just didn't seem to have their own Domain yet and were content to remain in the Simulacrum.

Meanwhile, Carmine let out a long sigh and muttered, "Well, some of us don't have a problem with children, but he's an exception, not the rule."

"Yeah, I figured." After a pause, I decided to crack a joke and added, "Opposites do attract sometimes, huh?"

Contrary to my expectations, Carmine responded with an entirely serious, "Yes," followed by an even longer pause, during which her eyes opened wide, as if she couldn't believe she let that slip.

"Really? I mean, you and him and… you know?"

She fidgeted a little, but at last she told me, "I was young back then. A little insecure. I was always afraid that I was too plain, or boring, and then I met him, and he was so… wild. Exciting. I felt more alive just by being around him, and then one thing led to another and…"

Oookay, I admit I kind of walked into that one, but in my defence, I didn't expect the discussion to turn into a 'And that's how I met your father,' kind of talk. That said, I guess it just meant that, despite how weird they could be, the ages-old cliché of 'good girls want bad guys' applied to Emergents just as well as it did to humans. Go figure.

"Well, it did work out in a sense," I noted a tad absently and pointed a thumb at the man in the dinosaur mascot outfit. "If you two didn't make that Seed Amalgam thing together, then I wouldn't exist, and none of us would be here."

"That's true, but…" She lightly shook her head and then rubbed the bridge of her nose, looking a bit lost in thought. "Can I be honest with you, Sol?"

"When couldn't you be?"

She acknowledged my response with a soft hum and looked away into the distance, which in this case was the far end of the bowling lane.

"This entire situation, the idea of a 'family' is still very new to me. I'm used to looking at them from outside, but even when we made the Seed Amalgam, it was… I didn't expect it to actually bear fruit, and especially not in the way it did. I don't know how to do this, but if it's okay with you… I would like to try."

I responded with a simple, "Sure," which I quickly realised was maybe a bit too flippant, so I hastily added, "I mean, look at me. I started out all alone in here, and somehow ended up with a huge family before I knew it. Adding a couple more members doesn't make much of a difference at this point."

"I suppose it doesn't."

She turned to me with a thin-lipped smile, and I figured it was a good opportunity to turn the conversation back to all these nebulous Submerged Ones attaching themselves to people, but then we were interrupted by some rather frantic steps coming our way.

"Brotheeer!"

I perked up at once and found Penny rushing towards us, as if trying to shoulder-check me, but she came to a screeching halt before we could collide. That wasn't too weird, by her standards, but the way she was looking at me with fretful, borderline panicky eyes still made me rise to my feet without thinking.

"Easy, Kiddo. Easy. What's the problem?"

Knowing her, I figured she was freaking out over something silly, but as a responsible big brother, I still had to diligently hear her out. For once, I was off the mark.

"I can't find Snowy anywhere!"

"… Excuse me?"

"She disappeared! She was acting strange, so I tried to cheer her up, but then I wasn't looking for just a second, and she completely disappeared, and I tried looking everywhere, but I couldn't find her, and I don't know where she is, and what if I did something wrong and she's mad at me, but I don't know, and…!"

I placed a hand on top of her noggin and told her, "Breathe, Kiddo. Also, give me a second." I turned to Carmine next and told her, "Sorry, but I need to look into this."

"No need to apologize. Don't mind me."

Nodding, I took my hand off my sniffling sister, and then used my Far Sight to locate Snowy. She was still nearby, and as I started walking, my sister automatically followed behind me. Some of the family also seemed to have noticed and were following us with their eyes, but we were soon out of sight when I rounded a corner towards the back of the food court, near the toilets, and on the top of the stairs at the end of the hallway…

"Snowy!"

Hearing my knightly sister caused the balled-up girl to shudder and hug her knees even harder. Penny was about to rush over, but I grabbed her shoulder and shook my head, gesturing for her to stay back. She didn't like it, but before she could start arguing, I made my way up the stairs and crouched down next to my Abyssal sister.

"Hey. Is everything all right?"

"… Yes."

Her response didn't sound very convincing, and when I looked closer, I saw another alarming thing.

"Were you crying?"

"No," she denied reflexively, but then she hugged her knees again and whispered. "Just… something got in my eyes."

She wasn't good at this whole 'lying to save face' thing, and it looked like my other sister was about to run out of patience and come up the stairs. I waved at her to stay put, and gave another go at this.

"Come on, Snowy, be honest with me. What are you doing here, all alone?"

"I just… I didn't want anyone else to see me like this."

Meaning, she didn't want others to see her cry, and since she was with Penny, it meant she didn't want her to see her like this in particular, which meant…

"All righty." Before she could react, I reached under her and scooped Snowy up into my arms. She let out a startled little yelp, but by then I already turned to Penny and told her, "Hey, Kiddo? Please tell the others that Snowy and I needed some privacy. We'll be back shortly."

There was also a soft 'Probably,' tagged at the end there, but it wasn't likely she could hear that, because by then we already Phased away and reappeared in our living room. It was late in the afternoon, and days were getting shorter, so I had to turn up the lights first before sitting down on the couch with Snowy at my side.

"All right, sis. You know how this works. Gloomy sis and concerned brother equals a heart-to-heart. So? What's eating you?"

"N-Nothing…" she muttered, looking more peeved than anything. To be fair, it was still better than her crying. Oh, but speaking of which.

"Hold still."

Since I happened to have a few paper tissues in my pocket, just in case, I reached out and wiped the corners of her eyes. She let me do so without any protest, and once I finished, I handed the tissues over to her, in case she wanted to blow her nose. Which she did.

I patiently waited for her to finish, and once she seemed ready, I asked again.

"So? What got you so down? It probably wasn't your bowling score, was it?"

"… No."

"It probably wasn't anything Penny said either. She can be a handful, but she would sooner jump off a roof than make you sad."

"…"

This time, I got no response, so I sidled closer to her until our shoulders touched.

"Come on, Snowy. You know you can always rely on me. Just tell me what's bothering you, and I'll fix it."

Silent seconds hung over us for a while as I waited for her to respond, but when she finally did, it was a soft whimper followed by a downcast, "You can't."

"Why?"

"Because…" She swallowed hard, then told me, "Because I'm the problem."

"… You really need to elaborate on that, because you make absolutely no sense right now."

She glanced up at me, then inhaled hard, and pulled up her legs so she could hug her knees again before in a low, mousy voice.

"I don't fit in."

The question, "Where?" burst out of my mouth at once, and she hugged her knees even tighter.

"Your family." I waited for her to elaborate, and eventually she whispered, "Penny was always your sister, and Arnwald and Morgana were your seniors in the Brotherhood. You're all Knights, too, and you… um… you make a good family, and now you've even found your blood-related mother and father, and they're really nice, too. I'm the only one who doesn't belong."

That… was completely out of the left field, and it made me narrow my eyes.

"Who told you that?"

She didn't respond right away. I patiently waited for her, and at last, she weakly shook her head.

"Nobody. I just… I just feel it. Even if I wasn't here, you would still have a family, so I kept thinking that m-maybe I should— K-Kyah!"

Before she could finish that, I unceremoniously pulled her over onto my lap and hugged her from behind.

"Stop being silly," I chided her and hugged her even closer, much to her audible confusion. "You have a bad habit of overthinking these things. You did the exact same thing after that whole thing with the kidnapping and the icicle. You were beating yourself up over something out of your control. That was silly back then, and this is silly right now."

"B-But I can't help it."

"And I'm telling you there's no reason for you to feel that way." I took a deep breath to buy myself some time to collect my thoughts. "Do you remember? You were also bawling your eyes out when I found you in that hotel room. I hugged you back then, too, before taking you home. Do you know why?"

"…"

She didn't respond, so I continued with, "Because you were sad and lonely, and I just couldn't leave you alone. But, you know? That was a year ago. Why do you think I'm giving you a hug and a pep-talk right now?"

"Uuu… Because I'm… sad and lonely?"

"Are you?" I asked back rather pointedly, but she couldn't muster an answer. "No, silly. It's because you are my little sis, and as your big brother, it's my job to be here and hug you and make you feel better when you're down, because I love you." A pause later, I quickly added, "In a completely platonic and non-romantic sense of the word, of course."

I was holding her from behind, so I couldn't see her face and couldn't quite figure out right away if her sudden hiccups were her stifling a crying fit, or giggles. Until she looked over her shoulder, that is, and then it looked like it was a bit of both.

"I know. I just… I…" She faltered, but then she managed to flash a weak smile and say, "I… also love you. I-In a completely platonic and non-romantic sense of the word."

We let those words hang in the air for a long beat, but then before long, it was impossible to hold our chuckles back, and we both burst out laughing. It wasn't a mirthful laugh, but more about relief, and it only lasted for a few seconds before we both settled into a slightly more comfortable silence. That didn't last for a whole minute either, as Snowy looked over her shoulder again.

"Um… Leo?"

"Yes?"

"When I grow up, I'll… I'll probably have to go back to the Abyss and lead House Inanna, right?"

"Probably."

"Um… A-Am I still going to be your little sister even then?"

I narrowed my eyes a little before blurting out, "What kind of question is that? Of course you'll be."

"Then what about ten years from now?"

"… I don't know what you're getting at, but no matter how much time passes, you'll never stop being my little sis. Be it ten, a hundred, or a million years from now, that just doesn't change."

She blinked at me, looking a bit confused before saying, "We won't be alive in a million years."

"Do you want to bet?" I flashed a daring smile. "Be careful. I'm going to mercilessly tease you about it in a million years if you're not careful. That's also part of a big brother's duties, you know?"

My Abyssal sister let out a breathy chuckle and rested her head against my shoulder.

"I-If that happens, then… um… I'll have no choice but to accept my b-big brother's merciless teasing. I guess."

"Don't regret it later."

"I… don't think I will."

After that exchange, the living room once again descended into silence, this time the fully comfortable variety, and Snowy continued to rest her head on my shoulder. It felt surprisingly nice and wholesome. Quiet moments like this were rather rare in my life, and to be honest, I felt that if I had just sat down with her like this when Carmine and Apollo first showed up in our lives and had a heart-to-heart talk like this, maybe this whole situation could've been avoided. In fact, maybe I should do the same with the others.

I mean, geez. When was the last time I sat down with either of the girls, alone, and just had a quiet conversation to air our worries? Or Josh, or Angie, or even the class rep? I bet they had a whole lot of pent-up issues and insecurities like this as well, and while I wasn't exactly a certified therapist, I figured just listening to their woes a little and providing some support would do the trick. It sure as hell beat waiting until they exploded and then trying to pick up the pieces.

In any case, I figured it staying like this for a bit and relaxing in the silence was probably good for—

"Kyaa?!"

"Ah, hold on! Give me a sec!"

… and then my phone started blaring like a World War II bomber alarm. I shifted Snowy off my lap and fished the device out of my pocket, and when I took a look at the screen, my brows involuntarily descended into a frown.

"Uuum… W-What is it?"

"The emergency alert app," I told her while showing the screen. "The same one we have on your phone. I installed one on Ollie's, just in case, and…" Shaking my head, I stood up and pocketed my phone. "I'll go take a look. Do you want to go back to the bowling alley?"

"Um… I… I need to refresh myself a little first. If I showed up like this, Penny would be worried."

I had a feeling she would be frantic either way, but for the moment, I just nodded along and told her, "Okay, I'll pick you up once I figure out what this is about. See you later, sis."

"A-All right. See you later, um… b-big bro?"

Aw. That was cute, so I flashed her a smile I hoped wasn't too dopey before disappearing from the room. Because apparently my life just couldn't have any quiet moments without interruptions.