The Simulacrum

"Bloody freaking… tapdancing… argh! Why the hell is the situation getting more dangerous, now that we have reinforcements!?"

That was, of course, yet another entirely rhetorical question I really didn't want to ask. Or answer, for that matter, because it reflected very poorly on everyone involved. Case in point…

"Khihi! You can flee, but you can't hide! I will crush you all, with SCIENCE! Kihih— Gaah!" I lightly kicked the head of the stupid blocky robot to get Fred's attention. Phasing on top of it was easier than staying there, but I managed. "Wha… What was that!"

Turns out, this was a two-seater. Galatea was also in there, and her voice joined Fred's coming from the mech's shoulder speakers.

"Master? My sensors detect Grandmaster standing on the Biomechanical Gigant Mk.9."

"What? Focus the cameras and give me a—"

I was reasonably impatient, so I gave the bloody thing another good kick, and yelled, "Stop chasing the Axis of Evil! They're with us now!"

"What? Speak up, I can't hear you!"

Well, he insisted, so I turned on the loudspeaker again and bellowed, "I SAID STOP CHASING THE AXIS OF EVIL, AND TURN DOWN THE BLOODY MUSIC TOO, WHILE YOU'RE AT IT!"

"Ah, right…" I could hear some clicking noises, and then the upbeat J-pop song finally got turned off.

I didn't wait for him to say anything else, gave the thing's head a third kick for emphasis, then added, "AND STOP STOMPING AROUND! THE REMAINING CASTLE WALLS ARE UNSTABLE; THE LAST THING WE NEED RIGHT NOW IS FOR THEM TO COLLAPSE!"

"Eeeek! R-Right, Boss! Got it, Boss!"

I was just about breathe in relief, but then I noticed another situation unfolding and Phased over to the other side of the crater, not far from the spot where I started, where the Ordo Draconis and the Celestials were engaging the soldiers of Enlil and Gula.

"WHAT ARE YOU—!" Belatedly realising I still had the loudspeaker on, I turned it off and tried again. "What are you doing?! Don't try to push through the Colossi, go around! There are other streets too!"

The Celestials around me froze and couldn't decide whether to follow my orders or salute and cheer first, so it was a right mess. At least the Knights and squires were doing their job right, and a detachment led by Duncan and Agrawain moved away to circle the throng of Abyssals and Fauns clogging the street.

"Son! We've come to rescue you!" Arnwald yelled over from the middle of the crowd, bow in hand over his head and waving even as he was being dragged along by the others.

"Thanks, I appreciate it, but pay attention to what you are doing!" I shouted back, but before I could add anything else, a flash of dark purple weaved between the allied forces and landed right next to me with a dramatic flair.

Rinne rose to her feet from a half-kneeling position with a solemn, "Leonard-dono." It was very 'battle shounen hero arrives late and gets ready to smack down' of her, and it might've looked somewhat impressive if not for her shadow suddenly wavering, and two smaller bodies jumping out of it.

"Ue-sama!"/"Brother Leonard!"

I already knew that they were here, because I could 'feel' their Far Sight marks ahead of time, but I didn't expect them to leap out like that, so I reflexively put my hands on their noggins and pushed them back into the shadow.

"What the heck are you two doing here? This is a battlefield! Go back!"

"Uuu… But Ue-sama…" Ichiko whined, and even Odango Girl was giving me the puppy dog eyes, but I still managed to stuff them back into Rinne's shadow before they could fully emerge and disconnect from the spell. But speaking of her, I turned to Mountain Girl with a disapproving frown.

"What were you thinking, bringing the kids into the battlefield like this?"

She gave me a flat look and pointed in the direction of the enormous Abyssal gateway still spewing forth Celestials and ground support personnel. Or rather, she was pointing at the spot where the silver bubble barrier used to be until not too long ago.

"Rinne followed Judy-san's instructions, and there was a child-kun by Judy-san and Eleanor-san's side too."

"Yes, that was Ollie, and…" Realizing that it would've taken too long to explain how he got there due to a long chain of narrative setups, I just stifled a groan and didn't even try. "Whatever. Let's move on."

"Let's," she agreed and hefted her katana. "Please give Rinne orders."

"Just… do what you're best at?" I proposed, but seeing the lop-sided grin on her face, I hastily added, "Suppress the Fauns and try to capture as many officers as you can, okay?"

"Understood! Rinne will exercise Leonard-dono's orders!"

"I think you meant 'execute', and no, don't execute anyone, and…" Another sigh later, I shook my head. "Never mind. I would be lying if I said I missed these conversations, but I'm still glad you have my back."

"Yes. Rinne is also glad to see Leonard-dono, even if Rinne was also very, very angry that Leonard-dono didn't tell Rinne about Leonard-dono's plans and made Rinne feel useless, but Rinne is the bigger human and won't hold a grunge against Leonard-dono!"

With that said, she gave me a quick formal bow and then casually jumped up to the roof of a nearby building.

…

She was totally holding a grudge, wasn't she?

However, before I could start worrying about that, my eyes were drawn back to the spot where the aforementioned silver dome used to be. I Far Glanced over to see why the Matron took it down, and then the previous stifled groan exploded from my throat with a vengeance.

"Oh, for the love of…!"

I Phased over, only to find (and no, I wasn't making this up) Savir dressed in a sleek magitech power-armour kind of gear, the same type I'd once seen on Mensah, except with her usual toga on top and her face-plate open. The whole area was buzzing with activity as support personnel poured in and started setting down barricades and running around with supplies, yet there was a small circle around her, maintained by the Praetorian Guards of all people, seemingly just to allow her to gloat.

"… to find the infamous deserter immediately after entering the Abyss! It can only be called fate! Hohoh—"

"Eris?"

She froze up and turned on her heel to face me when I Phased in, and I could see the shock in her eyes. Yet, before she could utter another word, I lightly slapped her on the back of her head, causing her to nearly stumble forward.

"Stop antagonising our allies the moment you show up, stop gloating, and stop laughing like that. It makes you sound like an old school nurse."

"Leon— I mean, Archon Polemos! It is with great relief that I—!"

I cut her off with a stern, "Leave the pleasantries for later," and turned to the Praetorian Guard. "Which part of 'stop antagonising our allies' did you not hear? Let them go."

The Celestials were quick on the uptake, and they stepped back like they were touching a hot stove. Before I arrived, they were in the process of putting the Matron, Fidèle, the Ninhursag patriarch, and even Hareng into some kind of fancy Celestial bondage gear (and not the kinky kind), but now they were trying their best to quickly undo them by frantically humming and whistling like their lives depended on it.

On closer look, I recognised wetsuit-chap and facemask-fella in the circle, but the rest were new faces. By the looks of it, Jaakobah made good on his plans to recruit more Guards even in my absence. But speaking of him, the encirclement opened up for just long enough for his familiar mug to enter, and he marched right up to me.

"Lord Archon!" He gave me a textbook Celestial salute, then emphatically declared, "The Praetorian Guard is ready to serve you once again."

"Yes, I see. Good job." I pointedly glanced at the men still doing their best to untie the Matron, and added, "Mostly." Though again, there was a good chance that it was Savir's fault. It was a good rule of thumb. 'When in doubt, it's Savir's fault'. It was even a bit catchy. More importantly, I shook my head and looked Jaakobah in the eyes. "Status report."

"Following the stipulations of the military alliance signed with the Draconic Federation, the Synderion dispatched ten aerial cohorts, sixteen companies of psiloi troops, as well as five Colossi and corresponding auxiliary units."

"Yes, I can see that, but that wasn't what I wanted to know. Where are the others?"

"Sumboulos Mensah is currently leading the First Aerial Cohort in support of the deployed Colossi. Sumboulos Tsephanyah is providing logistical support from the headquarters of the Ordo Draconis. Sumboulos Savir is… here."

That also wasn't what I wanted to know, but at this point, there was no sense in trying to argue the point.

"I can see that too." I turned to the ex-Director and raised a critical brow at her. "What exactly were you doing here, again?"

"I came here to lead the rescue operation of both Her Grace and you, Polemos."

"And what does that have to do with anything that you were doing here?"

I made a vague gesture at Fidèle, yet it was the Matron who let out an indignant huff first.

"Acting on prejudice and heavy-handed self-righteousness. I see that Elysium hasn't changed one iota."

Now it was Savir who scoffed, her nostrils flaring and her eyes set in a thunderous scowl.

"Silence! I will not hear another word from you, fugitive!"

"Savir?" I asked in a low voice and slapped the back of her helmet again. "What did I tell you about antagonising our allies?"

"But… But…"

"Before you say anything else," I cut her off with a palm raised. "I just want to inform you that the Abyss also has some very nice beaches with some very fine sand."

Savir involuntarily shuddered and, for the first time, made the wise decision and shut up, averting her eyes.

"I take that back," the Matron mumbled. "Maybe some things have indeed seen a modicum of change."

Ignoring her, I turned back to Jaakobah. He had been staring at me intently for a while, and as soon as he had my attention, he gave me another salute.

"Your orders, Lord Archon?"

After some consideration, I told him, "Take the downed patriarchs into custody first, and then make a perimeter and secure the VIPs."

As soon as I said that, the Celestials immediately moved in to grab the four Abyssals again, much to Jaakobah's exasperation and possibly embarrassment.

"Stop that, you halwits!" he snapped at them, his usually unflappable attitude set aside in the heat of the moment, and he forcefully pointed at the Nergal and Ninurta nobles on the ground. "The Lord Archon was obviously referring to them!" Once they started moving to restrain and haul them away, the phlegmatic Praetorian Prefect turned to me and exhaled hard. "My apologies, Lord Archon. The new recruits seem to be too nervous in your presence. I'll make sure to educate them properly once the operation is over."

"Please do."

He acknowledged that with a soft hum, then tentatively asked, "By VIPs, I presume you are referring to your companions?" I nodded, and he added, "Her Grace Deus and her Justicar are already being guarded by our officers." By that, I figured he meant the first-generation Praetorian Guards, like armour-guy and midriff-woman. "Your household are currently in the company of the arch-mages of the Asssembly, so I saw no reason to delegate a guard detail. I'll rectify this oversight."

"If that's the case, it's not so important. I'll go and check on them myself."

"As you wish, Lord Archon."

He was clearly waiting for me to say something else, so I gave him a quick, "Dismissed," and he promptly saluted me again and turned on his heel, then spread his wings and took to the air.

"What about me?" Savir asked all of a sudden, sounding unusually anxious.

"You…" I started, but then I had to stop to give it a bit more thought, and then gestured at the Matron and the others. "They need medical attention, so take care of that. Also, bring each other up to speed with the recent events while you're at that. And play nice."

She only stared at me for a long second, and I was half-expecting her to start complaining, but then she just inclined her head with a quiet, "I understand," and she also turned around and started ordering some Celestials around.

Huh. Would you look at that? Maybe you can teach an old dog some new tricks. Or at least make them marginally more cooperative by burying them in the sand.

…

Wait, no. Don't bury dogs in the sand, kids. It's just not done.

…

"What am I even thinking…?"

Shaking my head, I turned around and started walking towards the biggest congregation of colourless magical lights, streaming everywhere like a localised aurora borealis. I could've just Phased over, but I wanted to use the opportunity to Far Glance at others, so I decided to walk. It wasn't like I was in danger of bumping into anyone, since the crowd parted in front of me like I was some beardy guy with stone tablets and they were the Red Sea.

Anyhow, I checked on Roland first, and… he was back in the underground base. Wait, more importantly, did they open the gateway to the base? Sure, the main hall was high, but I didn't think it would fit in there and…

"Calm down, Tajana. It's all right."

Okay, full stop. Why was our hapless Abyssal spymaster also back here? I could've sworn I'd heard her voice when the gate first opened.

"N-No, it's not all right! The Matron was there!" Tajana continued to panic, and would've probably been running around in tiny circles if Roland wasn't holding onto her shoulders. "She was right there! I didn't report back for months, and then the moment I returned, I met her face-to-face! I'm doomed! Doomed!"

Our Sir Griffon only sighed and continued to hold onto the frantic woman with utter stoicism. So, I learned two things: one, Tajana did come over, and then immediately escaped back through the portal. Go figure. Number two: this wasn't actually the main hall, but our Portalport in the base. It was still under construction when I came to the Abyss, and I couldn't quite recall the ceiling being that high, but Roland must've improvised in my absence. Good for him.

It also explained how everyone could show up at the nick of time, seeing that this side of the gateway was just as busy as the Abyssal end, with Celestial technicians running all over the place opening, closing, and adjusting smaller portals surrounding the big one.

Anyhow, since Roland wasn't in the Abyss yet, that meant I could leave his debriefing for later. That was… not bad, actually, because I honestly to goodness had no idea how I was going to explain everything to him, yet not doing so also felt like I was just delaying the inevitable. Like pulling a tooth, but more mortifying.

Anyhow, that took care of one target. Next, I quickly peeked at the Knights. Agrawain and Duncan just finished catching the Abyssal forces in a pincer manoeuvre. They were now more-or-less surrounded, with the Celestials and their Colossi plugging the way leading to the crater, the Knights hitting them on the left, my in-laws and Naoren leading a Draconian charge into their ranks on the right, and Rinne, Arnwald, and Morgana being in the thick of it, seemingly hunting the Abyssal nobles from before.

All in all, I could only hope that there wouldn't be too many casualties, but between three different strike forces and all our side-character grade fighters combined, I had a feeling this whole battle would wrap up in record time. Honestly, I was almost feeling bad for the Abyssal grunts, and especially the Fauns. I mean, they were just following orders, and… Oh, speak of the devil.

"[Blackcloak?]"

I came to a stop when I noticed Brang coming my way. He was flanked by Hrul and one of the guys from Tajana's Faun retinue, and they came to a halt by my side.

"[General. My heart is aflutter to behold your visual appearance in great metabolic conditions.]"

The old Faun smiled, a familiar toothy grin, and responded with a respectful yet also oddly cheeky, "[Aye. Mine eyes are also glad to behold thou in good health, Blackcloak.]"

I was ready to move on, but then I was hit by a sudden idea, and decided to switch out of Faunish, so that the others could understand me too.

"Your timing is impeccable. You're a general, right?"

"Scout-general. Used to be," he responded in kind.

"Right, about that. Crowy's dead, and Snowy's now the head of the House. Consider yourself reinstated." Brang's ears swivelled with… excitement? Delight? Or maybe just surprise. In any case, I continued with, "You can recognise the various insignias of the Noble Houses, right?"

He responded with a plain, "Aye," as if it was self-evident.

"Good. Gather up all the Fauns. We have a bunch of them from Inanna around here; you should be able to recognise them. If they don't want to come along, tell them I sent you, then go out and round up anyone wearing Shamash or Ninhursag colours."

"Enemies?" Hrul asked from the back, and I hastily shook my head before there could be a misunderstanding.

"No, friendlies. Our forces were scattered during the initial attack, and I need someone with a good head on their shoulders and some common sense to gather them up before they get caught up in the crossfire. With all of these Celestials and Draconians here, the last thing we need is friendly fire."

"What about civilians?" the other Faun asked and… huh. His voice sounded familiar. Was he the one I fought in Dominance in the past, I wondered.

However, before I could utter a sound, Brang responded in my stead with a sagely, "[That is something that goes without saying.]"

Smiling, I pointed at Brang's face and said, "You see? Common sense. It's so rare to find nowadays."

He returned my smile and then gave me a salute (the Faunish one, with the fist on the chest), mirrored by the others, and then they dashed away, no doubt to gather the rest of our Fauns.

With that done, I realised I was only a couple of steps away from the arguing arch-mages. Plural. As in, all of them were here (even Sahi, technically), including Lord Grandpa, and he was currently fuming.

"I still can not believe you have put yourself in such mortal danger without informing us or seeking our explicit consent!" the old man groused as he glared at his granddaughter. "This is not how I raised you!"

"Oh, like, chill out, Endy!" Sahi cut in by literally stepping between them and then turned her back on him to address Ammy. "So, like, this is totally wicked! Can you really, like, link us to this thing?"

She was gesturing at the pedestal with the pair of shining blue Mana Wells lazily circling in the air over it, and the class rep nodded.

"Yes. The mana accumulated by the Well is essentially the same as the outside world's; it's just that, since it flows in artificial conduits instead of in natural channels, you have a harder time accessing it. As soon as Grimmy manages to give you access permissions, you should be good to go."

"Tubular!"

"Are you two even listening to me?" Lord Grandpa groaned in exasperation, but then flinched when Taika put her hand on his shoulder.

"Please, calm down, Lord Endymonion. Isn't the fact that Amelia is safe the most important?"

"Yes, but…"

While those two talked, the lanky arch-mage and his stout companion were inspecting the Mana Well itself.

"Absolutely fascinating," Lord Gulliver spoke in a breathless voice as he moved his hand across the invisible cylinder of pure mana surrounding the top of the pedestal. "To think that the Celestials of old could construct something so monstrously powerful yet elegant, and— Ow!"

Lord Ambrose hit him on the shin with his walking cane (maybe he still hasn't fully recovered from our trip to Ottawa) and exclaimed, "Don't touch it, you lout! If you break it, we have no way to replace it!"

"Easy there, Ambrose. Easy. You know the doctor said to pay attention to your blood pressure."

"Silence! There is nothing wrong with my blood pressure!"

Okay, so that whole group was kind of lost in their own little world, so I looked somewhere else, and I soon found Lord Barnabas nearby… handing out snacks and hot drinks to my sisters and girlfriends.

"Ah, Leonard," he greeted me as soon as I came over. "It's good to see that you're still alive and well."

"Thanks, I'm trying. What do you have there?"

"Ah, this?" He showed me the large plastic thermos in his hands. "Herbal tea, I believe. I saw that the children were rather exhausted by…" His voice trailed off for a second, and he made a vague gesture towards the grey crater and the remains of Castle Shamash. "… whatever caused all of this, so I went back to Haven and picked up whatever I could find in the lounge to treat them."

Oh, wow. Two examples of common sense, back-to-back? Unheard of! Preposterous, even!

Putting that aside, the girls really didn't look like they were in top shape. All four of them were sitting on a large chunk of stone. It was either a part of one of the castle walls that somehow ended up here, or maybe a piece of the class rep's Petra. I couldn't tell.

"Hi, Leo!" my princess tried to greet me with her usual enthusiasm, but then she shuddered and let out a raspy cough. "Ah, sorry. After I sat down, my throat started to hurt again…"

"I told you, it hurt the whole time," Judy told her while gently patting her on the back, her other hand holding a candy bar. "It was just the adrenaline distracting you."

"R-Right.." Snowy muttered with a steaming paper cup in her hands. "As soon as I sat down, my legs gave out too."

"I'm fine!" Penny declared next to her, only to hastily add, "I-I mean, I'm not trying to imply you're weak or soft! I-I mean, you are soft, but that's fine! Girls are meant to be soft, and…"

"Hush, Kiddo," I cut in by flicking her forehead. "You still have your Uniformer on."

"Oh, right!" She then turned that off, her outfit abruptly switching back to her hiking gear, and she immediately let out a pained whine. "Ooowie! My calves!"

"W-What's wrong? Penny? Are you all right?"

My other sister panicked and tried to help her without spilling her drink. Meanwhile, I noticed that someone was missing and asked, "Where's Ollie?"

"He's with Joshua," my dear assistant told me in a low, tired voice. "He said they had to discuss things about heralds and emperors."

"Fair."

Meanwhile, the princess's throat got a bit better, because she flashed a grin at me, "I can't believe it's finally over! And we won! We cut it a little bit too close here and there, but we took down the bad guy, saved the world, and we're all fine!" She coughed again, then amended, "Mostly fine! But it's still over!"

"Or is it?" Judy asked, looking at me.

"Don't jinx it, Dormouse."

"No, I'm serious. Is it over?" she asked again, this time with extra emphasis.

"Oh, you mean that? Sure, it's over. We're officially flying free by the seat of our pants now."

Elly let out a soft giggle, while Judy only narrowed her eyes and said, "I'm not sure if I should feel relieved by that."

"Eh, it's going to be fine. I mean, I'm a…" I stopped myself and looked around. Barnabas was still there, and there were a couple of others in earshot as well. "I'll explain later. Suffice to say, we're safe from any serious threats, outside context and otherwise."

"Oh? Does that mean that he really showed up and fixed everything?" Elly inquired with expectant eyes, and I could only blink in confusion.

"He?"

Judy rolled her eyes and said, "The ownedcray oalescencecay."

"Excuse me?" Barnabas blurted out behind me, and it took a couple of seconds even for me to figure out that she was speaking in pig latin, and then I let out a soft groan and snapped my finger.

"Oh, dammit! I knew I was forgetting about something!" The girls (and the dark-skinned arch-mage) were all looking at me funny, so I hastily raised my palms and told them, "Sorry, I just remembered something really important I have to take care of. I'll be back in a moment, I promise!"

Then, I disappeared. Not just Phased, but fully disappeared from the Simulacrum as I retreated out of… or rather, back into myself. Then, once I settled into my Domain, I immediately started looking for the not-dark not-room, and the last dangling threat that still needed to be tied off.