The Simulacrum

There was a certain trope, especially prevalent in long-running works, called the 'Worf effect'. It's named after a specific character who exemplified the trope, but it's reasonably generic, and it went something like this: when a new adversary first shows up, they often beat someone considered 'tough', just to establish for the audience that they mean business.

On the surface, this implied fighting, but it could be in many other contexts, too. For example, let's say it's a series about cooking, and then a new antagonist sauntered in and beat a seasoned chef in, like… a cooking competition? Cooking duel? I had no idea how culinary shows worked, but the point was that they established themselves and their 'power level', to borrow Judy's favourite term, so the main character would know they were a serious opponent and they needed to give one hundred and ten percent when facing them in, like… a soufflé-baking race? Or something.

Okay, let's just ignore the cooking-show analogy and focus on the actual situation here. Exhibit A: The new adversary was… Crowy, I suppose? He wasn't new to me, but the rest of the guys haven't fought him since back during the original kidnapping incident (not counting the ambush where he nabbed the class rep), so re-establishing him as a big deal might've been warranted.

That brought us to our 'Worf'. Exhibit B: A very dead Chimera. Honestly, I didn't consider Chimeras to be that big of a deal anymore, but we had to look at the full context here: just the other week, the whole gang had to fight tooth and nail to beat one, and it only went down for good when they had a whole-ass train run it over. In contrast, Crowy here just soloed one of them, and he didn't look much worse for wear.

Put all of that together, and you get an antagonist establishing his power level by savaging someone (or in this case, something) already recognised to be very tough, so now the main character (read: Josh) had to give his one hundred and ten percent to face him. It's all very obvious stuff that follows the trope.

Now that we've established the point of all this, let's look at the bastard himself and—

"You miserable cretins! How dare you show your face in front of me!?"

"Easy there, Crowy. You're going to get a heart attack at this rate. Heaven forbid we get so lucky."

Josh hissed an upset, "Dude!" so I turned to him with an implied 'What?' in the bend of my eyebrows.

Then I realised I had my helmet on, so I properly vocalized, "What?" followed by a clearly not-defensive, "It's just smack-talk. It's tradition."

Before he could respond, we were interrupted by Crowy stepping off the mangled back of the dead Chimera, the solidified black substance cracking under his feet with each step.

"No. You're right. I really shouldn't be upset." He stopped right around the middle of the chamber and spread his arms, along with his wings. "What better way to celebrate my inevitable ascension than meting out the long-overdue punishment upon you curs!"

"Ascension, huh?" I shook my head and considered my options for a moment.

From what I could see, this was something of a 'race against the clock' kind of scenario, where the boss had to be defeated before the timer ran out. That being, him getting linked to the entire Mana Well network of the Abyss and gaining semi-phenomenal nearly-cosmic power or something. For that to happen, he would need…

"Amelia should be in the Mana Well Chamber! This is it!" Josh roared and pointed his sword forward. "Let's stick to the plan from before! Penelope, Elly, follow me! Snowy, Deus, cover us from the back!"

Now, look at that. Josh was giving out orders like it was perfectly natural. Actually, it kind of was, considering he was the protagonist and all, but with how much he'd been waiting around for my say-so, I was still happy to see some independent decision-making. It all seemed perfectly fine so far, except for an unexpected variable choosing to enter the fray at this point.

"Ah! So this is what you were up to all this time!"

A new yet familiar voice joined the fray, and everyone was startled and unnerved by future-me's sudden (but by no means unexpected) arrival. That included Crowy as well.

"Bel of the Abyss!" Deus roared, momentarily taking control from Angie, and she was already in the process of readying her bow when Josh put out his left arm, holding the shield, in front of her.

"No! We need to focus! Don't act out and stick to the plan!"

Deus grimaced, her eyes going back and forth between future-me and Josh, but she eventually let her weapon down and grumbled, "You owe me one, Boy!"

Josh muttered something about 'Owe you for what?', but while that was going on, Crowy and future-me were also doing their thing.

"My Emperor. Please forgive me for not kneeling, but considering the situation…"

"Ah, it's fine. Fine," future-me insisted and patted him on the shoulder. "I don't remember us talking about invading this castle here, but I love the initiative! How fun!" It was at this point that he turned to me and said, "Hey, Polemos! You're here, too? Took you long enough. I almost lost a bet because…"

He kept prattling, but I wasn't listening, because I had already connected to his communication enchantment and I was too busy messaging him.

"{Goddamit, me! What the hell is this whole situation?}"

"… and as much as I'd like to see how…"

His response came a few seconds later, and it only said, "{No time. We need to finish this up ASAP. Just follow my lead.}"

"{Follow your lead, my ass! At least give me some—}"

I couldn't finish the message, as he suddenly clapped his hands, causing a deafening shockwave to spread across the room. He exclaimed, "… with a goddamn pig!" followed by a long beat and a playful, "Oh, but enough about me. Should we wrap this up?"

Crowy cut in with a startled, "Wait, My Emperor! The Mana Well is almost in our control!"

"Oh, fine…" Future-me relented with mock reluctance and made a vague gesture towards the chamber on the other side of the doors. "Go and do your thing. The doctor told me I need to exercise more anyway, so I'll entertain our guests."

A shadow flickered across Crowy's face, but then he deferentially bowed his head and swept his arm to the side. The solidified black substance covering the floor and encasing the dead Chimera melted at a breakneck pace and was all rapidly sucked into the bastard's shadow, like he was one of those all-purpose vacuums from a TV shop commercial.

"As you wish, My Emperor. Your humble servant will take a step back."

He then did that, literally, allowing future-me to take centre stage, which he did with great enthusiasm.

"Ah, here we go again! It seems the tangled strings of fate have led us to one last fateful encounter after all this time. I hate it when they do that."

"Silence!" Penny stepped forth resolutely and waved her sword in a slow, deliberate motion before settling into a stance that looked way too much like how Rinne would hold Onikiri. "On this day, I will avenge all the h-humiliation of the past! Right, Brother?"

Sure, Kiddo. That was very imposing, and would've been even better if you didn't stumble at the end, but what in the nine layers of hell did any of this have to do with our finale?!

"Oh, really? That sounds fabulous!" my future-self exclaimed with glee and raised a hand, fingers poised to snap, and he looked directly at me. "But before that, we can't have our dear Polemos leave too early, can we? Since you came all the way here, it's only right that I entertain you all properly, like a good host." He paused, then added, "Did I say 'entertain'? I meant 'kill'. The two are more or less the same thing, a very easy mistake to make."

The moment he finished speaking, he snapped his fingers and also sent me a message, "{Don't make me do all the talking. Tell them how we can't teleport now and it'll all come down to a duel, like the last time.}"

"Oh, for the love of…" I bit back the end of that and took a deep breath. I decided to be the bigger man and said, "You do realise that—"

"{Louder,}" came the message, and I didn't bother to hold back myself from rolling my eyes. Nobody could see them behind the helmet, anyway.

"You do realise that you have cut down your own escape route as well, right?!" I exclaimed loud enough for everyone to hear, and pointed Cal at him for good measure. "Last time, you caught me off-guard, but now, you're outnumbered and outgunned. This time, I'm the one who won't let you retreat!"

"Well said, Brother!"/"Good one, Polemos!"/"Let's rescue our friend and get back home, everyone!"

Penny, Deus, and Josh were all really, really pumped for this fight, and they were all raring to go, yet politely waited for me to finish and make the first move. Elly also put up a strong front, but I could see that she was visibly wondering where all of this was going, while Snowy looked a bit more hesitant, staying near the back of the group as if trying to avoid being seen.

More importantly, since they were waiting for my cue to start the battle, I used the opportunity to fire up the communicator again, as we probably wouldn't have the time to do so while fighting.

"{Would it have killed you to give me a heads-up? This whole finale is a mess!}"

"{Timey-wimey stuff.}"

"{Screw that! You can't use that as an excuse every time, and then turn around and orchestrate something like this! This is batshit insanity! No, it's worse! It's sloppy! We don't do sloppy like this!}"

"{Everything will make sense once you're in my shoes.}"

"{Don't give me that zen bullshit!}"

"{Listen, this is the finale. We're going to be out of each other's hair soon, so just bear with it.}"

"{And when is that going to happen?}"

His response was a rather infuriating, "{You'll know it when you see it.}"

"{Just give me a straight answer for once, you goddamn…}"

I couldn't finish that reply, because there was someone else on the line, and a second later Judy's deadpan voice replaced the blandly modulated artificial sound of our messaging.

"{We're encountering heavier resistance than expected. The garrison left behind by House Gula retreated out of town during the first assault. The forces of House Enlil are uncounted for. It may take a while to send reinforcements to the castle, over.}" A beat later, he asked, "{Are you fighting Bel of the Abyss? I'll try to connect to him and ask a few questions.}"

"Not now, Dormouse," I hissed, mostly so that Penny would know I wasn't talking to myself. "Just focus on coordinating the others and staying out of trouble."

She responded with a curt, "{Understood. Beluga, out.}"

This intermezzo seemed to serve as the final signal, as everyone behind me got ready to rumble. I did so as well, if annoyedly, and I retrieved Teeny from storage. Future-me waited for me to flourish my swords and then he spread his arms wide and let out a villainous cackle.

"Come, Polemos! Entertain me!"

Being prompted like that, I had no choice but to take the limelight, so I exhaled hard, locked onto future-me, and then lunged forward. As I did, the guys behind me also began to move. Penny followed half a step behind me and brandished her zweihander. Deus and Snowy took to the air. Josh approached from the right, and by process of elimination, Elly rushed in from the left. Meanwhile, future-me took up a boxing stance, one that I recognised from our rehearsals, so muscle memory took control, and I automatically angled my swords so he would have an easier time deflecting them.

Enchanted gloves met safety-magic wrapped metal with a clang. Right hand, left hand, then I was getting ready to combo into Variant H-12 from Scene 3-B, like we practised, when I was suddenly hit by a warning. My danger sense blared at me, and it wasn't just a mild warning either. It was one of those 'get out of the way, or you die' kind of alerts, and my mind blanked out for a moment.

Was I in the way of one of the guys' attacks? Didn't seem like it. Was future-me trying to hit me for real? No, we didn't give each other warnings unless we messed up something by accident; that's why we needed to rehearse everything in detail. But then what?

My first instinct was to Phase away, but I was still restricted, so my second instinct was to reel back with everything, jerking my upped body backwards so hard it felt like my spine was going to snap. It was then, while my brain was still caught in a loop, that a spray of red mist exploded in front of me, stopping not just me in my tracks, but everyone else too.

Future me was still standing in the exact same position as before, but there was a huge black spike jutting out of the left side of his chest. It was an inky black thing that tapered into a long, needle-like point covered in a layer of red blood, and if I didn't twist out of the way in time, it would've skewered me just as well. It was a familiar weapon, nay, magic, and its source was rather obvious.

Two steps behind future-me stood Crowy, his hands pointed at his back with his fingers spread. The other end of the sharp spike impaling my future self was jutting out from under his arm, as if extending from his sleeve.

"My ascension… is inevitable," he said, breaking the stunned silence, then he twisted his arm, and the magical thorn with it. "Long live… the Emperor!"

Future-me didn't as much as make a single sound until this point, but he couldn't hold it in any longer, and something halfway between a chuckle and a cough escaped his mouth, along with some blood tricking down from under his mask.

"Crowy, Crowy, Crowy…" He shook his head and looked over his shoulder. "I thought I taught you everything you needed to know, but alas, I failed to teach you how to come up with effective wisecracks. My only regret in life." He paused, then looked back at me. "Well, maybe not the only one." He suddenly reached out and grabbed my upper arm. "Come. Let's finish this."

And with that, I suddenly felt the world distort around me. It was a familiar sensation, yet it's been so long since I'd been under lockdown, it felt oddly alien to Phase again. Then again, maybe it was because future-me was the one Phasing me, and the moment the world around me stopped twisting like an oil painting with a bucket of thinner thrown on it, we were standing in an unfamiliar room.

Based on the architecture, it looked like we were still in the Abyss, in a small chamber with tiny windows. On my left, a long table with lots of scattered chairs around it. On my right, some crates and a big metal contraption covered in a tarp. Finally, in front of me…

The words, "Bloody hell!" slipped out of my mouth. A long beat later, I pointed at the hole in future-me's chest. "That looks like it hurts a lot."

"Nah," he answered nonchalantly and took off his mask, revealing an ashen face. "This homunculus body is pretty sturdy, so it's fine." He said that, but then he started coughing and splattering blood everywhere. "Ugh. Can you believe that guy? I spent all this time coaching him, and then he flubbed the dramatic one-liner. What am I, a cartoon lion?"

Feeling a bit impatient, poked my Leoformer and put away my Lion Knight armour so we could talk face to face.

"Okay, be honest with me: was that part of the plan?"

"Yes."

"Was the whole messy bullshit surrounding it also part of the plan?"

"More or less."

I threw my hands in the air with a groan at this point.

"Would it kill you to give me a straight answer for once?"

"Give me a break. I've got a hole in my chest; I'm not in the mood for chit-chatting."

"Didn't you say it wasn't a big deal?"

He ignored me and walked over to the tarp-covered mess on our right, and with a dramatic flourish, he pulled it off to reveal a shockingly familiar sight.

"Holy crap. When did you take the whole homunculus incubator down here?"

Future-me glared at me and tapped on the glass tube filled with green liquid and an adult body floating in the middle, its body curled up in a foetal position.

"Dude, just stop asking questions and get on with the program. Retcon this into the past, close the loop, and then you'll get all your answers in a second. Literally speaking, not subjectively, but…" He lost his balance for a second and had to lean against the glass to stay upright. "Hurry up, will you?"

I had a million and one questions, but he wasn't entirely wrong. Once I did that, then I would be 'future-me', and then I would finally get to see the big picture. There was no need to hesitate, so I reached out with my phantom limbs, watched as my future self did his best to smile and give me a thumbs up, and then I finally made contact.

All right. Let's find out what the hell is going on, why future-me was a dick all this time, and why this whole finale was a sloppy mess of epic proportions.

"… I hope we aren't being axed. That would be just the worst…" I whispered under my breath as I plunged into the homunculus's body, and the whole world was consumed by white. Not the colour, but the concept itself, a fitting tabula rasa before the retcon to come.