The Simulacrum

In front of the arching main gates of Castle Shamash, a strange situation was unfolding this afternoon.

"My friends! Fellows! Companions! Don't abandon me in my time of need!"

Hareng's heart-wrenching cries were met with a mixture of awkward silence and mild embarrassment from the group congregating at the site, ultimately forcing Josh to step up and say, "Listen, Hareng. We really don't have time for this."

"But I'm not asking for much!" the young nobleman insisted loudly. He was still recovering from his injuries during his very brief encounter with Crowy in the village, and while he was now dressed in proper Abyssal finery, his right shoulder was still in a triangular bandage (though admittedly a slightly more dignified one than the sling Angie made from a floral-print curtain). He was seemingly on the verge of tears and ready to fall to his knees at any moment as he pleaded, "Just two… no, one! One more day, boss! I promise I'll be good as new, just please wait for me! Don't leave me behind like this!"

It must've taken some effort for Josh to stop himself from rolling his eyes, and the only reason he didn't do so was likely due to the many gazes surrounding them. The group around the gates wasn't small. It not only consisted of the entire gang, already clad in their Magiformers and Uniformers respectively, but about a hundred Abyssals and Fauns, all dressed in the dark purple colours of House Ninhursag. They were all looking at the blonde Abyssal with various levels of confusion, second-hand embarrassment and… was that admiration I was seeing here and there?

As if to answer my question, the rather rotund Ninhursag patriarch stepped forth and gently patted Hareng on his good shoulder. He was considerably better dressed and groomed than the last time I'd seen him, with his beard and moustache waxed to sharp points and the top of his head hidden under a fancy, wide-rimmed hat you would see on a musketeer. More importantly, his eyes were practically shining with approval as he firmly grabbed onto the young man.

"Hareng, my boy. You have already proved your loyalty and dedication to the cause."

"Yes, but…"

Before he could interrupt, the patriarch lightly shook him by the shoulder, a rather familial gesture.

"While I'm away, I entrust my daughter's safety to you. Take good care of her, you hear?"

"N-No, you see, that's the problem! She's the one taking care of me, and I—"

"Haha! What a humble fellow, you are!"

It was clear that the rotund man wasn't listening, so Hareng remained quiet and waited until he lost interest and moved on before turning to Josh again.

"You see, boss? I'm being entrapped here! I need you to take me with you, please!"

It was at this point that Penny walked by and she stopped to ask, "You would rather join the battle than be pampered at home?"

"We all have to make strategic decisions in this time of turmoil, my fiery fair maiden," he responded mysteriously, his demeanour turning on a dime. Once she acknowledged that and moved on, his expression immediately turned sour again, and he hissed at Josh. "Come on! Just one day, please? They listen to you!"

The guy let out a shallow sigh and made a vague gesture towards the castle.

"Listen, pal. It was already hard enough to convince these old farts to let us out of our guest rooms and support our plan, and we wasted two whole days waiting for them to make up their minds."

"Yes, so what's one day more?" the other guy insisted with the patented puppy-dog-eyes look in tow, but if anything, it only annoyed Josh more.

"If you're so freaked out by your cousin, why don't you just sit down with her and explain everything to her about that 'accident' between the two of you?"

Hareng scoffed back with an irate, "You think I haven't tried that yet?" followed by a slightly more fretful, "Please, boss? Just let me come with you. I won't get in your way, and then I'll fake my death, get a new identity as a fisherman, and I'll be out of your hair for good."

"… Wow. You've put a lot of thought into this, haven't you?" Despite saying that, Josh didn't sound particularly impressed, and when he saw a red streak of mist descending from the sky, he hastily excused himself with, "Oh, she's here. Good luck with your love-life, I suppose."

"No! Don't leave me!" Hareng exclaimed with the kind of over-the-top anguish one would expect from someone losing the love of his life in a dramatic fashion.

That turned a few heads, but seeing that it was just him again, the people in attendance soon returned to their duties. Which, in this case, meant preparing for one of the larger-scale military operations of the Abyssal Civil War, consisting of essentially the entire remaining forces of House Ninhursag, along with their patriarch, going on the warpath.

While all of that was going on, the Shamash matriarch concluded her descent and the black and red blob of mist transformed into her form as she gracefully touched down, as if parachuting down with her parasol. She looked over the crowd in front of the gates and then turned to the gang in the center.

"Children. Is everything all right?"

"As right as things can be!" Elly declared, only for Judy to quietly add, "Considering the circumstances."

Fidèle must've overheard that, because her expression turned cloudy and she exhaled a trepidatious sigh.

"I wish I could accompany you on your task, but I'm afraid—"

She was interrupted by a soft chuckle as the Ninhursag patriarch walked over with a jovial smile on his face.

"Don't worry, Lady Shamash. I'll look after them in your stead. Or, considering what happened back home, maybe they will look after me! Who knows?" His temperament shifted a bit then, and he added in a lower, less boisterous voice, "But speaking of looking after others, I hope you'll keep my wife safe while I'm away."

"Naturally. She's pleasant company, as well as your daughter."

"Good," the portly man spoke with his back just a bit straighter. "Knowing that they're in safe hands makes even my steps lighter. Now then…" He turned around and raised his voice to address his men. "Retainers of Ninhursag! Let us embark and show our valor and dedication to the Noble Alliance! Let none find us wanting!"

The Fauns immediately erupted in loud, throaty cheers, belatedly followed by the Abyssal cohorts doing the same, though with slightly less enthusiasm. I couldn't blame them, considering that behind all the inspiring words, they were essentially being sent to battle on behalf of someone else. But speaking of which, since it seemed like everyone was getting ready to move out, I figured I might as well use the lull of the moment to ruminate on how the gang ended up in this situation.

Long story short, even though they were directly sponsored by House Shamash, the other two houses of the Noble Alliance were less than eager to let them out of sight, so it took two whole days and a bunch of emergency meetings to arrange this. What exactly was 'this', you might ask? A great expeditionary force gathered to strike down Crowy and rescue Ammy from his grubby grasp?

Nope. The forces of House Ninhursag, as well as some token reinforcements from the Noble Alliance, were gathered here to invade Eanna, the capital of the Inanna territories, in order to rescue me. Except that wasn't really it either. Case in point:

"So, if everything works out as planned, do I have to call you L-Lady Snowy?" Penny poked my other sister, obviously trying to tease her, yet for some reason, she looked more embarrassed than her.

The two of them, along with the rest of the gang, were walking in the middle of the military column, surrounded by Fauns and Abyssals soldiers on all sides. I would've normally wondered why they couldn't at least get a ride for them, but their immediate destination was only a few blocks away. Also, there weren't all that many cars in the Abyss, so maybe they couldn't arrange rides for all of them on short notice, and didn't want to leave anyone out.

"I'm not sure," Snowy responded to my knightly sister's previous question, her brows scrunched up like she was solving a complicated math problem. "Leo is officially acting as my guardian. That makes him my regent, so he would be considered the temporary Lord of Inanna."

Yep. While on the surface this show of force was meant to rescue me while Crowy was away from home, the Noble Alliance was clearly aiming to take over and install Snowy as the new Head of House Inanna. It wasn't a terrible plan: it would undermine Crowy's power base and essentially limit his area of influence to just the Nergal and 'Ninurta' territories. It was also a great opportunity for House Ninhursag to prove themselves, after being neutral for so long, and from what I gathered, their contribution was in exchange for the Noble Alliance promising to help them take back their lands from the Ninurtas. Heck, even the forces on display made sense, considering they couldn't know if Bel would show up with reinforcements at an inopportune time.

It was all sensible… and yet I wasn't exactly happy. I was fine right now, in my cosy little cell with the kid, and if push came to shove, I could leave any time I wanted. Sure, I couldn't Phase, but by this point, we reached a tacit understanding with the Faun Inanna, where so long as I didn't bother them, they pretended they didn't see the 'Ghost of the Hoar Hatter' and moved on with their duties. Rescuing the class rep should've taken precedent, and the guys knew it, yet they still decided to fetch me first.

Sure, I understood the chain of events: they were given two options, they needed the Noble Alliance's support, so they presented the case for rescuing me and installing Snowy in Castle Inanna to get them to move, but I couldn't help but think of this in terms of the meta, and it just gave me a headache.

I mean, as far as they understood, I was not only the only known counter to Bel of the Abyss, but also the resident red-tape-cutter. That was probably what Josh was hoping for, but the issue here was the lack of theatrics. Yes, from their perspective, they were coming to free me, but from the perspective of the narrative (and presumably, the Submerged Ones), there was no tension here, because I could leave any time I wanted.

Maybe I was looking at this the wrong way? Maybe the point was that this gave me Watsonian permission to re-enter the plot. Future-me put me in the time-out corner, but if he wanted me to get out at this time, he would've probably written it in the notes or told me about it. On the flip side, he didn't tell me not to get out of here when rescued either, so maybe this was the plan all along?

…

Bloody hell. I'm simultaneously dreading and anticipating the moment it will be my turn to be future-me and find out whether all of this was a giant, elaborate jigsaw puzzle of a plan with each piece masterfully falling in place, or if it's just another one of those flying-by-the-seat-of-my-pants schemes that miraculously didn't explode in my face. Yet. I hated to admit it, but with my track record, I was kind of leaning towards the latter.

Anyhow, while I was wondering about all that, the procession rounded the corner at the big crossroad near the castle and headed down the left lane, which was leading directly towards the town's train station. For the record, I had fewer data points about them than the castles, but I still found it baffling that those were all the bloody same, while the station buildings were entirely unique.

Even from a distance, I could see the green bronze dome at the end of the road, surrounded by similarly coloured spiral towers. For a change, they weren't covered with gargoyles, only classical stone statues and reliefs, and while the architecture was still clearly gothic in its general style and inspirations, it looked considerably less sinister than the average Abyssal building I'd seen.

The gang and their armed escorts were obviously heading there, and while it didn't look so at the start, by this point their procession essentially morphed into a military parade, with countless civilians lining the sides of the streets and cheering for them as they marched by. There wasn't anyone else on the road either, so… yeah, this was totally planned.

"Smile and wave, children," Fidèle told the guys behind her and led by example, adopting a demure smile and gesturing towards the crowd.

"Uuu… I'm not used to this…" Penny whined, sticking close to my other sister, though she didn't look too thrilled by the attention either.

In contrast, the childhood friend couple were seemingly in their element. It wasn't too surprising, considering that they had plenty of opportunities to get used to this kind of thing in the Elysium during our stint there. My girlfriends were somewhere in between; Judy was tacitly ignoring the cacophonous cheers around her, while Elly was relishing the attention, waving left and right with wild elation.

The noise only died down when they reached the rail station and, after passing through the spacious waiting area dotted with wooden benches and an old-school newspaper stand, they approached a familiar locomotive sitting right next to the platform. It was the same sleek kinda-magitech steam engine that facilitated their escape from the capital of House Ninhursag, though it clearly underwent some startling modifications.

Across its curved sides, faint blue light pulsed in patterns, visible even to the naked eye. They were similar to Snowy's Sigils, but on a much bigger scale, and maybe just a little bit cruder (though that might just be my big brotherly bias talking). The lines ran together like rivers on a map, and wherever they met, there were geometric symbols shining brighter than the rest. Circles inside triangles, squares with lines pointing outward, those kinds of things. They flickered, one after another, down the length of the engine.

In my eyes, the heavy metal machine was glowing like a Christmas tree, but I bet it must've looked jarring even to those without magical sight privileges, because my dear assistant let out an impressed hum as she beheld the black steel behemoth.

"You have warded the train engine rather… excessively," she noted, and it was clearly aimed at Fidèle. Yet, the one who responded to her was the stocky Ninhursag aristocrat walking beside her.

"It is but a necessary precaution, young lady," the patriarch noted with altogether too much gratuitous gravitas. "This machine is currently my family's last remaining asset and our home away from home. It was pivotal to ensure it would not get damaged, or worse, in this operation."

Everyone in attendance seemed to share the sentiment, except for the childhood friend couple in the back, who were busy whispering, "Hey? Does this count as a jinx?"

Josh shrugged his shoulder and told his girlfriend, "I really hope not. We kinda need it for the way back."

Angie nodded along at first, but then her eye colour shifted and she let out a haughty scoff, followed by a weirdly playful swipe at Josh's shoulder.

"Don't be silly, Boy. Once we rescue Polemos, there won't be any reason to hide and bide our time anymore! We can spread our wings, both figuratively and literally, and nobody, and I mean nobody, will be able to do a damn thing about it! It will be awesome!"

…

Was it just me, or was Angie really rubbing off on Deus as of late? Before the big retcon, it was kind of the other way around, which was admittedly much more dangerous than just odd and awkward, so I probably shouldn't be complaining. It was still a little weird though, especially with their recent insistence on the two of them being the same person and the UST between Josh and Deus of all people and whatnot. Then again, let sorting that out be Josh's problem. I didn't need to be the one solving absolutely everything, did I?

…

Hold on.

Maybe that's the problem. I've been looking at this from the wrong angle. I mean, I didn't think anyone could blame me for being a tiny bit self-centered, considering everything that's been going on around me, but maybe it made me develop a blind spot. Instead of considering why future-me would want me to get back into the plot without much fanfare, I should've thought about this in terms of opportunity costs. He went through a whole lot of trouble to get Ammy kidnapped by Crowy (which was going to be another of those 'was that intentional, or was I just scrambling for solutions for some out-of-context problem' things I wasn't looking forward to finding out), so it had to be for a reason.

What if this isn't about me, but about ensuring that the gang and their little army wouldn't crash the events going on around those two, meaning… maybe I should pay more attention to the class rep instead of the them?

Based on that logic, I shifted my attention away from everyone boarding the train to took a peek at Ammy, and what I saw made me pause.

"Oh, the beauty of youth! I wish you all the best!" the familiar voice of future-me echoed in the huge dining room of Castle Nergal, a place I was nominally familiar with due to just how many plot-relevant discussions would be happening around the dinner table in the Abyss. It was almost as bad as the Celestials with their hidden rooms and their stupid cowls.

Anyhow, my future self was sitting on an oversized throne of a chair at the head of the impractically long table, surrounded by all kinds of local delicacies (mostly fish and meat dishes, by the looks of it), none of which he was eating, because he had his mask on. On his right and left, Crowy and the class rep were seated on fancy dining chairs that were only a teensy bit less grandiose than the his one, and while the former looked the same as usual, Ammy's appearance made me have a second take.

Her current outfit was, in one word, flamboyant. It was a deep blue dress with a bunch of gems and pearls attached to its many folds, its edges rimmed with delicate black lace, and somehow looking both flimsy and impractically heavy at the same time, kind of like one of those concept-clothes from a fancy fashion show. Maybe most importantly though, she was wearing a familiar piece of black fabric around her neck, its pale, colourless light barely visible next to the sparkliness of her outfit.

"Thank you, My Emperor," Crowy spoke in a languid voice, his fingers carefully cutting a piece of fried meat on his plate.

At the same time, his eyes remained glued to the class rep, and when she noticed, she stopped anaemically poking her own food with a silver fork and muttered, "Thank you."

"I think I have heard a term for this. Was it 'machinegun wedding'?" future-me mused with a finger tapping on the table, and it was at this point that Dimas made his presence known.

"I believe the correct term is 'shotgun wedding', Your Imperial Majesty."

He was standing behind Crowy, like a faithful butler, and partially hidden by his overside chair. Future-me glanced at him and continued to tap on the table.

"Really? Is it because of the scattershot approach? Or is it a reference to sitting at the passenger seat of a car?" He shook his head and leaned back in his seat. "Ah, language used to be so much simpler back in my day. No chance for silly miscommunication like this."

Crowy nodded along, pretending that this was the most interesting thing he'd ever heard in his life, but as soon as future-me stopped talking, he forcefully cleared his throat.

"My Emperor? May I have a request?"

"Oh? You mean, in celebration of your engagement?" There was an odd emphasis in the way he said that. Was that meant to bring me up to speed? I mean, he would know that I would be watching, so it made sense. "I'm in a great mood today, and it's an occasion worth celebrating, so out with it! Do you want a gift for your pet… oh, pardon. Your lady? Maybe an actual pet! I've heard Siberian tigers are really popular right now. Or how about a polar bear?"

"No, My Emperor. I was thinking of something much less… extravagant." He gingerly picked up a wine glass and took a quick sip before continuing. "You see, my bride is rather shy. May I request that you refrain from your… irregular visits for the night, so that we may get to know each other more… intimately?"

The class rep let out a hiccup, but remained surprisingly composed, considering the circumstances. It didn't escape future-me's notice, and he turned to her with a gleeful, "Is that true?"

She responded with a flat, "Y-Yes."

"My Emperor," Dimas chimed in from the back, and Ammy hastily corrected herself.

"Yes, My Emperor."

Future-me let out a low chuckle, followed by a just as gleeful, "Ah, what a cute little nokedli you are! You two are a perfect match, aren't you?" That was followed by a low chortle, and then he said, "Sure. I promise I won't be peeping. I'm not a voyeur, you know?"

"Thank you, My—" Crowy started, but got cut off by future-me snapping his finger.

"Ah, but isn't that too plain of a favor for such a joyous occasion? I know! Let me just quickly hop over into the future, and I'll make sure everything will work out just fine between the two of you!"

"There's… There's no need for that, My Emperor," Crowy insisted on the spot, looking oddly spooked by the prospect. But then again, if he believed that Bel of the Abyss could time-travel, then why was he planning stuff behind his back? Because this was clearly him doing just that.

The two of them continued to politely argue about the proper betrothal gift for a while, during which I focused on the class rep, and the more I looked, the more confused I felt. She was never the type who stayed cool under pressure, yet the way she was casually eating her greens while all of this was unfolding around her spoke otherwise. Sure, she was wearing the mind-control choker thingie, but I already took care of that, so what gives?

"Fine!" Before I could get anywhere with that train of thought, future-me sprang to his feet and declared, "I won't bother you until tomorrow morning, and you get a tiger cub! Take it or leave it!"

"I… thank My Emperor for his generosity."

My future self nodded with apparent satisfaction, then promptly disappeared from the room without saying another word.

That caused the class rep to stop eating, and after making sure he was gone for good, Crowy turned to her and uttered, "Eat. You'll need all your strength for what's to come."

"Y-Yes…"

…

Okay, putting aside how creepy that sounded, there was clearly something brewing here. I was sure that the gang were going to get up to some shenanigans during their train ride, but no matter how I sliced it, keeping a close eye on this situation should take priority.

"Yes. Like that. Remember, neither of us is going to be sleeping tonight…"

I was only hoping that Crowy would stop spouting creepy innuendoes before I get an aneurysm of second-hand cringe…