The Simulacrum

In tabletop RPG parlance, there's a commonly brandished aphorism that went something like this: Never. Split. The. Party.

Yes, the obnoxious periods for the extra emphasis were absolutely necessary to get across how important this rule was. Personally, I considered it a bit over-dramatic, but I could certainly see the reason why it came about: in those games, the DM could only pay attention to one group at a time, so it effectively halved the speed of the adventure as they'd have to switch between the two groups to keep everyone engaged.

I had a similar kind of situation on my hands right now, though the fact that I was just a (mostly) passive observer meant I was only a little annoyed that I had to continuously shift between the two groups. But I was getting ahead of myself. Long story short, after some further planning, Josh decided to tackle the situation from two directions at once.

Now, considering how out of their depth they were, I would've told them that doing one thing at a time should've been already difficult enough, and they really shouldn't bite off more than they could chew, but nobody consulted me, so I was relegated to just watching the situation unfold. That said, while I mildly disapproved of Josh's choice due to of how tiresome it made for me to keep up with the gang, his plan was fairly solid on paper, and it made a lot of sense from a narrative perspective.

Having so many important characters in one place meant they each had less space to shine, which… I supposed it was kind of like the death-rubber-band thing future-me talked about, just less morbid. The Simulacrum's internal structure followed tropes for a reason; they were effectively tried-and-true templates that allowed for all kinds of varied situations and developments, all of which could provide stimulation for the Submerged Ones.

Having too many important characters in one scene made them step on each other's proverbial toes too much. If the same number of characters were divided in two halves and each team was doing something in parallel, it effectively produced twice as much stimuli, and that's what the Simulacrum wanted. In short, two groups doing two things equalled double the drama.

Or at least that was my understanding of these things based on my own deductions, the knowledge I absorbed from other-me a while back, and all the insights I could glean from listening in on the technical conversations between the Emergents. But putting all of that aside, since the gang already made the call, I had no choice but to watch over them and see exactly where and how Josh's plan would collapse on itself. Because let's not kid ourselves, that's just how things worked around here.

But speaking of him, I focused my attention on the guy and found him already in Digirmah, the capital of House Ninhursag. Built near the shore, the settlement was both smaller and more, for lack of better words, rustic than Eanna, the home base of House Inanna. The streets were narrower, the houses were made of wood and stone instead of brickwork, and about half of the town was dedicated to its dockyards and enormous warehouses.

It wasn't hard to figure out that it was something of a naval logistics centre, and there was even a huge train station in the heart of the inner city to help with cargo distribution, right next to the extra-fancy yet comparatively modestly sized Castle Ninhursag. Of course, its pointy towers and stark dark grey stone walls still towered over the cityscape, but it didn't quite have the same off-the-cover-of-a-cheesy-gothic-vampire-novel vibes as Castle Inanna.

It was around noon, yet the streets were sparsely populated. It was no doubt due to the recent troubles, with the coup and all, and despite being dressed funny (or in the case of Hareng Ninurta, half-naked), the group walking towards the castle had few opportunities to turn any heads.

We naturally had the young Ninurta noble in the front, walking with springy steps that did little to hide his nervousness. He was flanked by Josh, making sure he wouldn't try to run away, with the class rep and Snowy right behind them. All in all, this group made a lot of sense: the whole point was to get Ammy in touch with a Mana Well, so her presence was a given, Snowy was the only one in the group familiar with Abyssal etiquette, while Josh led the operation and served as the muscle of the team.

They were all clad in their Magiformers already, which was prudent, though it did make them stick out of the Abyss's context. Though again, their hiking gear would've looked just as out of place, so it didn't make much of a difference.

But speaking of which, I glanced over at the other group, which, by process of elimination, consisted of my girlfriends, Angie, and Penny. My knightly sister originally wanted to stick with Snowy, as usual, but since she was the only member of the team who had tracking training, she landed in the B-team anyway. As for the Celestial girl, she was a bit of a wild-card, and ended up slotted in this team for various reasons, chief of which was her healing capabilities.

Anyhow, the four of them were in their hiking garbs as they made their way through the underbrush, my knightly sister leading the charge with unusual fervour, closely followed by the princess… carrying Judy on her back. It was probably so they could move faster.

"Ah, there! I found more tracks!" Penny hopped over a fallen tree trunk and pointed at some muddy indentations on the ground. "Going that way. There are a lot of them; a few dozen at least."

"If they're heading that way…" Judy mused as she squinted past the trees, no doubt trying to picture the map of the island in her head. After some consideration, she ventured, "Are they circling back towards the city?"

"Maybe?" Penny spoke a tad uncertainly, but then she furrowed her brows when she noticed that the princess had an odd expression on her face. "Do you see anything?"

"No, but I smell something." She inhaled a sharp breath through her nose, then pointed the same way the tracks were going. "Abyssal magic, and blood."

Judy immediately tensed up and asked, "Is it the same as the spot where Hareng Asag Ninurta and his retainers were ambushed?"

"Yes, but fainter."

"That means we must be catching up to them," Angie declared from the back and reached for her bow. "We should get ready."

Penny looked at her in surprise and blurted out, "Aren't we here to negotiate?"

"Yeah, but Deus says it's better to be prepared for battle, just in case."

The four of them soon agreed to be extra-vigilant and continued at a brisk pace. Since there was nothing much to see at the moment, I shifted my attention over to Josh's group. They had reached the large wooden gates of the outer walls surrounding Castle Ninhursag.

"Of course it's me!" the blonde Abyssal declared with unusual vehemence and pointed at his nose. "Come on, fellow! Look at this face! How can you mistake this face for anyone else! This is madness!"

The guards at the gate reeled back, completely taken aback by the young man's insistence. This clearly wasn't their usual post, and they probably were only stationed here due to the chaotic state of the estate after the Ninurta takeover. It showed in their appearances, as they weren't wearing uniforms, but some eclectic mish-mash of medieval plate armour, hockey padding, and riot gear. The fact that they still looked more sensible than the average Celestial guard was something that didn't need to be said out loud again, but I sure as heck thought of it.

"But… your clothes…"

"I told you, I was attacked by those nefarious Fauns of Ninhursag, and had to unleash my powers to run them off! If not for the help of these…" He paused and glanced over his shoulder. His eyes met Josh's, and after some silent communication later, he concluded with, "These… brave passersby, I would've been in much trouble! Now, step aside and let us in! I need to change and properly… erm… reward these people! Yes!"

The guards looked less than convinced, but ultimately let the group into the castle, much to Josh's relief. The grounds of the castle were relatively well-kept, with lots of flowering bushes and a few neatly trimmed hedges here and there. It wasn't readily apparent, but there were some signs of battle if one looked closely enough. A charred spot here, a spray of dried dark-brown stains there, but nothing like the destruction one would expect from a violent coup.

Chances are, the fighting was over before things could escalate too much, or considering the fact that the majority of the family escaped, maybe they were already expecting it and fled at the first sight of trouble. In either case, the same could be said about the solemnly gothic entranceway of the castle proper. Oddly enough, the place was positively swarming with service workers wearing gloves and aprons, seemingly more occupied by cleaning and removing the portraits of the Ninhursag ancestors than the odd group entering the hall.

"Okay, so far so good," Josh whispered to the girls behind him. "Ammy? Can you sense where we need to go?"

"Grimmy says it's below us," the class rep responded in kind, followed by a tweak of her glasses. "It's probably in the basement."

"That's where our… I mean, Inanna's Mana Well is, too," my Abyssal sister whispered in a hurry, making the guy pause and glance around

"Should we head there, or test the waters first?"

They remained silent for the moment, until Snowy proposed, "If it's like ours, then the chamber should not only be well-fortified, but… um… it should have special wards that only allow certain people to open them."

"Such as?"

Josh's question made Snowy frown as she thought hard about it, then she said, "The Head of the House, any direct descendants, the councillor, and the spymaster."

"But you said we could break it, right?" Ammy insisted, and Snowy tentatively nodded along.

"Y-Yes, but… Doing so needs a lot of power. Even the Heads of the Houses would need some time to break them down. I think we can do it if we work together, but I don't know how long it would take, and it's going to alert everyone in the castle."

Josh considered that, then decided, "Let's stick to the plan, then. Find the patriarch, and then…" Before he could finish the sentence, he tensed up and called out in alarm, "Hey!"

"… and tell my brothers that we have—" Hareng twitched when he heard Josh's voice and hastily turned around. "D-Don't worry! I'm just instructing the servants." He hastily turned back to the group of worn Abyssals and sputtered, "Just tell them I have returned. Now shoo! I must entertain our guests!"

Josh waited for the staff to be out of earshot before he approached Hareng and hissed, "What are you playing at?"

"Pardon? I'm just informing my brothers about my safety. They must be terribly worried by now." He made a swooning motion and then gestured for the stairs leading to the upper floor. "Don't worry. I'm a man of impeccable honor, and I would never stab someone in the back. Ask anyone, they will tell you the same!"

"The guards at the door didn't even recognize you," the class rep brandished her occasionally sharp tongue, making the Abyssal stagger back as if he had just been punched in the gut.

"Ah, my fair maiden! Your words hurt me like a thousand stabs through the heart, but I suppose the more beautiful the rose, the sharper are its thorns."

Hareng concluded that with a wink, making Ammy shudder.

"Josh! He's doing it again!"

"We'll have Elly slap him later. We shouldn't draw more attention to us than necessary," the guy argued and jerked his head towards the stairs. "Let's go up and scout he place first."

"A splendid idea! There must be a decent pair of boots in one of those rooms!" the Abyssal declared and pointed forward, like a general ordering a charge.

"Or a shirt," Josh grumbled as he walked past him.

"And deny the world my charms? Perish the thought!" Hareng swooned again before glancing at the girls in the company of a faux-suave, "Isn't that right, my fair ladies?" followed by another wink.

Okay, so I think at this point we had enough data points to conclude that Seducers just sucked at being coy or even remotely seductive on a genetic level. My Watsonian brain said it probably had to do with a complex interplay between their ability to pull on other people's heartstrings negatively affecting their emotional growth, combined with the cutthroat environment of an Abyssal Noble Houses further twisting their social development. On the flip side, deep in my Doylist heart, I had a strong suspicion that it was all because someone thought it would be funny. Which meant…

"Goddamit, Fulgor…"

My whisper wasn't heard by anyone, and maybe for the better. In the meantime, Team A reached upstairs and was exploring the rooms without saying much, so I figured I might as well glance at Team B's location, and it was just in time to catch a shocking scene unfolding.

"Stay back, you cretinous brutes, or I'll burn you to a crisp where you stand!" Deus exclaimed from the air, her wings spread wide and surrounded by her favourite fire-sword spells, bow drawn and aimed at the ground below.

There, the three girls standing back-to-back were encircled by no less than thirty Fauns. Most of them were the classic ram-phenotype, though I could see a few goat-types as well, and they were predominantly wielding long spears pointed at the trio.

"No, stop," Judy called out, her usually placid voice breaking with just a tinge of panic as she waved at the Celestial girl overhead. "We're here to negotiate with them! You can't hurt them!"

"Then try negotiating if you can!" Deus barked back, then whistled, making the flaming swords surrounding her light up.

"[What is this? Why is there a Celestial here?!]"

"[Why are you looking at me!? How should I know!?]"

"[We mustn't let them find the Lady! Fauns of Ninhursag, stand your ground!]"

Seeing that the Fauns were getting more irritated, Judy raised her hands and then poked Elly and Penny to follow her example. The two reluctantly followed, at which point she raised her voice and said, "Fauns of House Ninhursag. We come with peace."

"[What is she saying?]"

"[Something about peace.]"

"[Don't lose focus!]" The dark-haired Faun standing to the left of Judy seemed to be their leader, as the rest fell silent as soon as he let out a bellow. "[We're oathbound warriors! We're the Faun Ninhursag! We shall not tremble in the face of death, nor listen to the poisonous words of the enemy!]"

"[Right! We're the Faun Ninhursag!]"

"[Raaah!]"

Meanwhile, Judy glanced left and right in the middle of the cacophonous roars and uttered, "Did anyone catch that?"

Elly stammered, "W-Why are you looking at me? I don't speak Faunish!"

"M-Me neither!" Penny whined, followed by a more subdued, "But I don't think they want to negotiate."

She also whispered something along the lines of 'I knew we should've brought Snowy with us,' but my girlfriends were too busy with other things to respond. In particular…

"Let's just beat them up, and then we can have them lead us to the—"

"No!" Elly interrupted Deus with a glare. She also let one hand down and put it on her hip while he used the other to point at the Celestial floating between the trees. "No carpet bombing, or Leo's going to be really, really mad!"

That, surprisingly enough, made her stop for a few seconds, and even her summoned fire-swords dimmed as she contemplated, yet it ultimately amounted to a shrug and her saying, "Polemos doesn't have to know."

"Where are your principles?" Penny cried out, and she got backed up by an unexpected person.

"Yeah! We have to stick to our principles and stuff!" Angie argued, momentarily switching control, but then she handed it back to Deus right away, and she grumbled, "Stop it! We agreed that I'm in charge when we're in combat, and this is definitely a combat situation!"

"It wouldn't be, if you didn't immediately shoot at them!" Elly shouted up, earning her a glare from the Celestial.

"It was a warning shot!"

"But they didn't even attack us yet!"

"That's the point of a warning shot! To stop them from attacking!"

Meanwhile, the Fauns encircling Team B looked eminently baffled, and I couldn't exactly blame them.

"[What's going on?]"

"[Is this that psychological warfare thing the General talked about the other day?]"

"[I'm so confused…]"

"[Silence, men! Don't be distracted by—]" their leader bellowed, only for the rest of the sentence to be caught in his throat and turn into an incredulous, "[What is that?]"

This time, the Fauns weren't the only ones perplexed, as the girls looked just as stumped when they saw Judy casually put a pair of familiar, star-shaped party glasses onto her nose.

"Uuu… What are you doing?" Penny blurted out, but my dear assistant raised a finger in her direction.

"Hush. I'm trying to salvage this situation." Saying so, she retracted her finger and tapped it against the frame of the artifact. "Chief? If you're listening, we could use some support."

I had a feeling something like this would happen from the get-go, so I reached out to my left and grabbed Cal's hilt without having to open my eyes, kick-started the usual mana-circulation, and then opened the transmission channel with an only slightly morose, "Hi, Dormouse. Please pass the glasses to Elly, and I'll see what I can do."