Chapter 271: I Love You (45)
As she spoke, she lowered her head and slowly sipped the steaming ginger tea.
"Have you ever considered that when he said he wanted you to become his person, he didn’t mean in terms of a subordinate, but that he saw you as his woman in his eyes?"
"That’s unlikely. The Ninth Prince has a wife, and besides, someone as noble as he is, how could he fancy a human like me?"
Su Changzhi pressed on, "What if it’s true?"
"If he really means that, what other choice do I have?" She tugged at the corner of her mouth, "It would be effortless for him to take my life; how could I dare to refuse? Besides, if it weren’t for him this time, I would have definitely been pulverized on Purple Clouds Mountain. Would I still have a life? He saved my life. If he wants it, it’s no longer mine. Sometimes what people need most is self-awareness. I’m but a faded flower, a willow past its prime. If he sets his sights on me, should I feel wronged? My biggest dislike is homewreckers; naturally, I wouldn’t want to become the type of person I detest. That’s my bottom line."
Having said this, she paused, placed the teacup on the table, and continued, "Another kind of self-awareness is knowing what to hold onto and what to let go of. What I want most is a warm home, a husband who cherishes me, and a child. The child could be smart or not, naughty or well-behaved, cute or not. As long as it’s my child, that’s good enough. But all these have turned into mere illusions. I used to think staying alone on Xiliang Mountain was too lonely, without a single soul to talk to. Now, I just wish I could go back to how things were."
Su Changzhi extended a hand and gave her a hug, "Cry if you want to cry. There’s no need to hold it in; there’s no one here but me."
Gu Lili lay on his shoulder, sobbing uncontrollably, tears streaming down her face, "I knew all along that I meant nothing to him. He once told me that his family comes before me, that I don’t hold that important of a place in his heart. Yet the way he treats me always makes me mistakenly believe that I’m the apple of his eye, but that’s an illusion, self-deception. We were never united by love from the start; we never should have married. Marriage is the last thing to settle for; this I should have understood long ago. I was lost in the poison of honey, willing to sink."
Su Changzhi gently patted her back, "Do you plan to go back tomorrow or stay a bit longer before returning?"
"In a few days."