Chapter 747 – Trophy Issues
The world itself is beautiful on a purely conceptual level. They have grand mountains, they have seasons, everything is constantly changing. Their forests die during the winter and come back to life during the summer, those which don’t follow this pattern are crafted out of small spines instead of leaves. A single location will have sun, fog, rain, hail, sleet, snow, depending on the time of year. Their wildlife is plentiful as well, and it is everywhere. The world of Arda is beautiful.
And the world of Arda is cursed. I would go a step beyond saying that locals simply hate us. There is something in the air that simply does not respond well to either us or Tartarus in the same way it seems to respond to the natives. Animals will fall silent when we approach, they feel our approach and they turn their heads or scamper away. Birds will avoid our paths, other animals which we see being friendly with those that live here will either run or become aggressive.
The world of Arda is cursed with some disease. I do not know how else to describe it. Arascus and the Imperials’ disdain for us is obviously understandable, since we fight against them. Yet the disdain of the White Pantheon? Of their deities? I have spent forty years on Arda, I have two generations of humans be born, grow to adulthood and have their own children. And I have seen them spit at us seemingly from birth.
I do not even believe that this revulsion towards us is taught. Nowhere has there ever been found evidence of them instilling some program against us or equivalent. No. The world seemingly hates us for no reason whatsoever. There are some who say they can feel it, that staying on Arda results in nightmares or the like. Homesickness could explain this malady, save for one issue: the nightmare is shared and the nightmare is unexperienced. We should not dream it, yet we do. And it is terrifying, even though there is nothing frightening about it on text.
Nevertheless, I myself can confirm it is real. Once a week, whilst on Arda, I see the eagle that grips the world in my nightmares. It is easily the most terrifying dream I have, and it is unexplainable. Yet when I see that eagle, I know that it is not humanity, nor Divinity, nor the local fauna but the world itself that wants us gone from here.
- Excerpt from “A World of Coexisting Opposites”, written by Archangel Chamuel. Composed at the end of the Arascan War.
“Helenna I am taking you on a day out!” Helenna could believe what she was hearing, she could believe it all too well in fact. She sat up from her chair in the Donut immediately. The precious peace she had during the operation when Malam was away was once again broken. The mighty statue of Helenna looked in through the window behind the Goddess of Love. Through that glass, most of the workers on the inside rings of the Donut could be spied on.
“What now?” Helenna asked. She spun around in her seat, a paper of locations in her hands. Malam had strolled in, as she always did, and she swung to the cabinet by the door, as she always did, and she brought out a bottle of vodka, as she always did, and she took a great big swig of it. Of course, as she always did. “You know you don’t live here Malam.”
“I am taking you on a day out!” Malam squealed again. “I have killed a demonic princess!” She stepped into the middle of the room, fists landing proudly on her hips. The Goddess of Hatred puffed her chest out and stared proudly at Helenna.
Of Love sighed and shook her head. Great. Of course she did. They had known this would happen since before the operation even. “Good.” Helenna said. “Can’t you see I’m in a bad mood?”
“I’m in a great one.” Helenna could see that. It was infuriating to see the woman so fucking happy, for seemingly no fucking reason as well. What? She killed a princess? Great! Fantastic! Malam had been off gallivanting about, doing things entirely out of her job description when she had a private army at her disposal as Helenna had been sitting here and getting actual work done!
“Well I can fucking see that.” Helenna had to force the words out. “How was it at least?” Malam’s lips curled into a smile. Those dark eyes became slivers as she made that stupid fucking face which Helenna knew all too well. Of Love realised the mistake she had made in her own annoyance. Those words were far too easy of a set up. “Don’t.” Helenna said, her hair going from annoyed orange to the depressed black. It didn’t even have the gloss of successful slyness. “That’s too easy even for you.”
“Damn right that’s too easy even for me.” Malam said. “I’ve brought her back.” Helenna narrowed her eyes.
“Here? Alive? Are you fucking serious?”
“Of course not alive!” Malam raised her hands and screamed. That was somehow even worse.
“YOU’VE BROUGHT A CORPSE BACK TO MY HEADQUARTERS?!” Helenna stood up, her hair becoming the bright red of fury. “ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS!?”
“It’s just a corpse!”
“WHAT DO YOU NEED A CORPSE FOR?!”
“I’ll mount her skull in my office!” Helenna blinked as she tried to find an opening on that statement. There was nothing she could truly say to answer something as atrocious like that. Every single word was wrong.
“You do not have an office.” Helenna said dryly. Her black hair turned to a slightly stronger shade that shone in the light. “And don’t even think about me giving you one. That is not going to happen.” Especially not now. The SIS may have been filled with psychopaths would be impressed by the skull of a demoness, but the IBI was filled with normal people. Helenna even hired married men! How many Imperial organisations did that?! Kassandora barely! Anassa no! Elassa scoffed at the idea! Malam did not either!
“And here I was about to ask. Helenna, you’ve read my mind.” Helenna knew she did. The creature before her did work in ways simple and obvious and predictable, no matter how much she thought herself mysterious. Malam flicked her white hair backwards, although her black eyes were entirely focus on the Goddess of Love. “How much?”
“Not happening.” Helenna answered.
“Everything has a price.” Malam said.
“This doesn’t.”
“Would you do it for all the power in the world?” Malam asked. Helenna actually had to think about it for a moment, then thought about the question. Whoever denied that was a damn liar… or worse, a coward.
“Of course I would.” Helenna answered and Malam smiled.
“Then we agree you can be bought, now we’re just negotiating how you’d go.”
“All the power in the world minus one is my final offer.” Helenna replied immediately. If Malam was going to pull stupid, farcical scenarios out of her ass, then Helenna would treat them with the dignity they deserved. “You’re not getting a fucking office.”
“What if I call dad then?” Malam waved her phone again. “Do you think he won’t take my side?” Helenna’s hair turned back to a frustrated orange, then to a flushed crimson, and then it settled into the gold of victory when she realised who they were talking about.
Helenna called the bluff. “Arascus will not take your side.” Malam crossed her arms.
“Ring him then and let’s see.” Helenna stared down at her phone on the table. It was effectively a tablet, although all Divine phones were. Anything smaller was just too small for the fingers.
“You ring him.” Helenna said.
“No I said it first.”
“I’m not the one who wants something off him.” Malam said.
“Then you ring him and tell him that I need something off him.” Helenna said. She realised what they were doing. Arascus would be annoyed by either of them ringing for such trite. It wasn’t even the pettiness of it that would get him, it was the fact that the Goddess of Love and the Goddess of Hatred were unable to figure out an office together. He would think of something that would make them both miserable.
“I’m not ringing him.”
“You know I know him well enough not to fall for this shit? I’m not wasting your dad’s time with such garbage. You’re not getting an office.”
“Not whilst you still live?” Malam asked. Helenna blinked, then realised Malam was just shooting shit for the sake of shooting shit and seeing what stuck.
“The IBI goes to fucking Fer if I die!” Helenna said, the gold in her hair getting a shade stronger. She realised she had won when Malam opened her mouth, then closed it, then shook her head.
“Well that would not be good.” Malam said. “Alright, we’re not doing that. Get me an office though.”
“Get an office yourself!” Malam rolled her eyes, then crossed her arms, bottle still in her hand. She tutted.
“Please?” Malam said. “I’ll owe you one.”
Well at least she asked like a real person this time. Helenna sighed. “Why can’t you get one yourself?”
“What can I do myself?”
“Well you can apparently kill Belili yourself.”
“Exactly.” Malam said. “I can kill Belili and I can’t get myself an office block. Look at me! What am I even good for?” Helenna didn’t know whether to believe that the woman was actually feeling bad for herself or not. If there was any creature on this world that could feign sympathy, it would be Malam. Helenna herself was a close second.
“I’ll send you details to rent you a city block then. Build yourself an office though.” Helenna said. Malam opened her mouth and Helenna raised her hand. “Is it begging for an office again?”
“No.” Malam said.
“Go on then.”
“Thanks.” Malam replied slowly. She even looked away from Helenna, as if Of Hatred was a young girl embarrassed in front of her crush. Helenna didn’t know whether to be honoured or not. Malam would probably make a joke if Helenna acted like this, but Helenna was no Malam.
“Alright, I’ll help you.” Helenna said. At first, Helenna had thought of getting her the worst, most miserable piece of architecture imaginable. Now though? Well, she would try for something habitable at the very least. But before Malam could speak and ruin the moment, Helenna tapped the papers on her wooden desk. “Do you know what this is?”
“How could I?” Malam asked.
“Of all the things I believe in Mal.” Helenna said slowly. “The fact that you don’t spy on me is one of the last on that list. What do you think it is?”
“I don’t know?” Malam mused. “It could be a list of your lays?” Helenna pursed her lips. She did not have a list of fucking lays because it did not happen. “It could be presents? What you are planning to get me as a reward for killing Belili?”
“That’s your job.” Helenna said. Preserving and protecting the Empire was the fucking job description of the SIS! What did Malam want a gift for?
“I don’t know then, you tell me.” Malam said.
“You actually don’t know?”
“Do you spy on me?” Malam asked.
“Of course I do?” Helenna said.
“Yeah but that’s the IBI. I meant do you spy on me? Like me-me? The Goddess of Hatred? You personally Helenna?”
“I do.” Helenna said. It was nothing to be ashamed of. She was just doing her job, as she had done her job a thousand years ago. Malam was stealthy enough that she was difficult to track, and skills that weren’t being used got weaker over-time.
“I don’t.” Malam said.
“Oh.” Helenna said. Her hair flushed a mortified crimson. It was everything to be ashamed of. “I…”
“I don’t have to spy on me in the first place I mean.” Helenna blinked, then she realised what Malam was saying.
“You don’t spy on yourself.” Helenna said. “That’s what you meant.”
“Well duh.” Helenna had to blink, taken aback. Was… Malam just… Of Love chose to ignore the fact she had just been duh’ed at.
“Do you spy on me though?”
“Obviously I spy on you.” Malam said. “Obviously, I’d be stupid not to. You’re practically like my boss. I need blackmail for when you try to get me to do something unpleasant.”
“What fucking blackmail and what exactly do I do that is so fucking unpleasant you need blackmail on me?”
“Well you try to get me to stop drinking.”
“Oh I’m so successful at that, aren’t I?”
“Whether you’re successful or not is besides the point. You were asking about how you’re unpleasant.”
“And you need blackmail for that?”
“Who knows? One day you might slip something into my drink. Replace it with apple juice. I’ll need to teach you a lesson then.” Next time Malam came in here, those bottles would be filled with sewer-water. Or piss. Or both. Helenna didn’t know, but if Malam thought she could get away with threats like this, then she would be the one getting taught a lesson.
“Noted.” Helenna said. “Great. Whilst you were off gallivanting around Belili, do you know what I was doing?”
“And here I thought you’d never get to it.” Helenna’s hair turned a bright red of anger, then simmered down after a moment.
“Well if you shut up for one moment, maybe I could get to it!”
“You know me.” Malam said. “I’m a rabid dog. You have to step in and tell me what to do otherwise I’ll keep barking.” Malam made a smile. Helenna got the fucking message, she just got straight into the cause of her bad mood before Malam could say anything else.
“I’ve sent people to go talk to Alice.” Helenna said. “To be her friends, so that she would talk.”
“Friends for hire? What a sweetheart you are Helenna.” Malam immediately answered back. Helenna didn’t even bother to comment on the snarky, judging tone. What? Was she expected not to be interviewing Leona’s maid? And she couldn’t do it herself. Maybe Alice had an amicable relationship with Fortia and Maisara, however that had happened, but definitely not with Helenna.
“Do you think you’d be better at becoming her friend oh Miss Goddess of Hatred?” Helenna asked. Malam took another theatrical swig from her vodka bottle and leaned on the wall. She shook her head so that her pristine white hair ruffles as if caught in the wind, that laugh which Helenna knew was fake sounded real, and it sounded like it should have come out of a girl eating ice-cream with her friends.
“Miss?” Malam asked. “You’re making me out to be some damn hag Helenna!”
“You are the exact opposite of a young girl Malam.” Helenna said.
“I know.” Malam said. “Alice, or people in general for that matter, don’t want or need me to be relatable. They just want me to be friendly enough. And I am more than friendly.”
“Unlike you Malam.” Helenna said, tapping her phone on the desk. “I can open this, click on any random businessman or bureaucrat in the Empire and I’ll have whatever I want delivered right to me.” Helenna said and watched Malam take her phone out.
“Ahh…” Malam said as she typed in her password. “That is grand Helenna, I have the same thing. It’s far more efficient though.” Helenna knew what was coming.
“I have Arascus on my contacts too, and we both know he likes me.”
“Arascus?” Malam replied immediately. “Who’s that? Never heard of him.” She turned the phone around to show off who she was wanting to show off: Dad.
Helenna stared at that single word, and then back at Malam smiling, her smile saying she was ready to gloat, then back at that single word. “Touche.” At this point, there was nothing else to say and any avenue of attack that Helenna could make would open her up to an even worse counter. “You got me. No, I do not have that in my contacts.”
“How very very sad.” Malam said. Helenna rolled her eyes.
“Either way, yes, I have basically hired out friends for hire to spend time with Alice.” Helenna said. “And it’s not going to be you because you’re going to say something stupid to her.”
“Indeed.” Malam agreed. “One meeting with me and she’ll realise you’re an evil witch.” That bait was hanging so low and was so easy to catch it couldn’t even be classified as bait. “So? Did our little maid share any of her mistresses’ details?”
“I have a set of locations already.” Helenna said, she pulled out a list of locations that her Alice team had managed to get out of the girl.
Have you got an idea on how to actually find them?” Malam said.
“What do you mean?”
“Have you talked with Fer about when she stalked Maisara and Fortia?”
“No.” Helenna said. “Why would I?”
“They were visiting Leona’s old hunting grounds. Apparently the places are fairly impossible to find. Fer told me herself that she would have struggled to find them if not for the fact that they left a scent trail.” Malam somehow got to the end of the bottle of vodka. She didn’t sound drunk, look drunk or act drunk.
“You’ve drank all that already?”
“You have small bottles.” Malam said. “But that’s besides the point. How are you planning to actually find the entrances?” The fact it was a great point was terrible. Anytime Of Hatred came up with something smart, it was another pain to admit.
“Alright.” Helenna said. “So what? We take her instead?”
“We?” Malam asked and Helenna’s hair flushed bright red.
“Are you complaining? Because I know you’re not busy.”
“Oh no!” Malam answered quickly. “I’m just ecstatic and awed! What the fuck!”
“Why exactly? Of course I’d take you.”
Malam set the empty bottle down on the floor. “Helenna, you have made my day.”
“Great.” Helenna didn’t know if she was supposed to be happy or not for that news.
“This is better than any gift you could have given me for killing Belili.” Oh no. It was bad news.
“How exactly?” But Helenna was curious on how Malam was going to spin it.
“How exactly?” Malam acted as if she was scandalised but it was far too theatrical. Hands did not calp onto cheeks like that, neither did mouths fall open. “You’re telling me how? After you propose a road trip to me?”
Helenna blinked. A road trip with Malam. She didn’t know whether to be excited or terrified.