Chapter 106
ASHER
I thought I would find him brimming with murderous rage and trying to wreck a car on the race track but to my surprise, Ashton is sitting quietly on the bleachers, watching the race with dark shades on. He looks pretty calm to anyone else watching him but as his brother, I can tell from the way his jaw is set in a tight line that he is anything but calm. I join him on the bleacher but he barely acknowledges my presence.
"You okay, bro?"
"I’m terrific."
I smile at his response. He’s definitely not okay if Ashton is using words like terrific to describe his mood. If he cusses more, my heart will be at rest.
"Look, you’re the big brother. You know Ashley doesn’t have the best handle on his emotions. He can be very immature, unnecessarily paranoid and very insecure. It all stems from his trauma. We need to remember that and constantly forgive his excesses such as the rubbish he vomited at breakfast today."
"Is that supposed to make me feel better about being accused and silently judged by my loved ones as the brother who is responsible for Ashley’s marriage woes?" He turns to look at me and despite the dark shades, I somehow feel the pain behind his eyes. "Are you here to deliver this perfunctory speech on mother’s behalf because she’s tending to her golden boy?"
"Ashton, you know why she’s with him. It’s the same reason she pampers Ashal too. She tends to gravitate towards the most broken of her sons, not the stronger ones like you and I. Don’t be a wuss about it. It doesn’t suit you." I exhale deeply and stare at the race. "I am not here because I silently judge you. You keep forgetting that I was in a similar position with Olivia and Ashal. I know how it feels, how much it sucks when no one believes you’ve moved on and wish your brother the best with his girl. I couldn’t have gone to Ashley if mother had wanted to trade places because I relate more to your pain. I am here to tell you that it gets better..." I stare at him again, "...once you fully let go."
"You don’t think I have?"
"I don’t think you have." I affirm. "You’re not like me, Ash. You care deeply. I can completely ignore my feelings for my bigger goals without caring how the woman I once loved is faring. You can’t watch Demi suffer. You can’t go back to being the icy cold brother that once scared the shit out of her. She won’t buy it for a second. Still, you can’t stop shutting her out of your life even if it makes her hate you."
"Is this about the church thing? It was purely a coincidence."