Chapter 49
ASHTON
[I could never hate you, Dee-Will]
Why did I send her that? Shit. I wasn’t thinking straight. I can’t have Demi thinking we can ever be a thing. I promised Ashley to stay away. Sighing, I try to chuck my phone into my bedside drawer when another message beeps in. I know it’s from Dee and I probably shouldn’t continue chatting with her. But I am so curious to know what’s been going on in her mind ever since I went cold turkey on her. Hence, I check the message.
[Thank you. I thought I lost you.]
I clench my fist and grit my teeth at the crying emoji that pops in after the message. Has she truly been crying? I haven’t really been paying attention to her especially when we are in the same room. I get barely a second to skim my eyes over her face without setting off any warning bells in Ashley’s head.
During the past few days of actively trying to keep her out of my sight, I have come to depend on other cues like her scent when she enters a room I am in and the way her heels sound over the carpet, tiles and stone steps. I know when she’s in the building and when she’s not. It’s like I went blind and my other senses came alive.
[Can we talk? Somewhere away from here. I have a lot to say to you.]
At her latest message, I chuck my phone into the side drawer. Now, it’s getting messy. I can’t encourage her. Putting my phone away is mostly to stop myself from being pulled in by my emotions and reigniting a flame that should never have been lit between Demi and I. I have to be in control or both of us will sink and take the family down with us. I can’t allow that.
Ever since the night I gave Ashley Demi’s passcode and they spent the night together, something died inside me. To cope, I like to imagine that whatever it was that died, it was necessary to awaken me to the danger lurking in the near future if I follow my heart without taking my head along.
Feeling broken has allowed me to distance myself from Demi like we are complete strangers to each other. It has also allowed me to easily blank out memories of her from my mind and block further fantasies of her in my head.
I have been leaving for work earlier than I usually do. I return late hoping Demi isn’t waiting by her door to talk to me and when I don’t find her by her door, I ignore the sharp tug of pain. Demi hasn’t tried calling or texting me either and I am guessing it’s Ashley’s influence. I’m not mad at him. I’d go mad with jealousy if the roles were reversed.