Chapter 30
"How is she?"
"She hasn't spoken a word in days. She barely eats or drinks. You should come see her sir. She's depressed." Lily tells me. I press my eyes shut and sigh. I am not ready to face Olivia, not as Ashal or Asher. Either way, I won't be able to contain the pain or the shame. I killed my own baby! It's the most unforgivable sin.
That baby would have been mine and Olivia's. Having a baby together might have helped our relationship progress. I know it's selfish to think this way but I can't help it. Olivia will never forgive me as Ashal now. If she hated me once, she'll be murderous towards me now. For all she knows, she just lost Asher's baby. Even if she happens to find out later that the baby was mine, she'll want to kill me even more for the deception. I can't let her find out, ever.
"I'll come see her soon. Please take care of her." I hang up and toss my head back on the pilliow in anguish.
"How is she?" Ashton asks.
"Not good. I just ran, Ash. The moment she told me she lost our baby, I couldn't think or do anything else. I couldn't face her or myself. I ran away from there." I refrain from adding that I was tempted to walk into an oncoming vehicle and end it all. I don't want anyone's pity. I don't deserve it anymore than Olivia deserves to have a fucked up husband like me.
"Thank you." Ashton says, patting my shoulder. "For coming back home." I get his drift.
"I shouldn't have. I don't deserve to be here while my child..." The pain erupts in my gut. When Ashton tries to sympathize, I push him away. "No, I really don't deserve it. I could have stopped it all. I could have saved my poor child. Prior to the night I hit Olivia, I discovered something that made me mad at her."
I go ahead to recount how I discovered Olivia had messaged Demi.
"I tried to drink my pain away. I even consumed whiskey like you would. I hoped to forget her betrayal. The point is that I knew I was mad at her but I still went ahead to the penthouse knowing the risk. If I had stayed away from her for a week or two, my anger would have subsided and my baby would still be growing in her womb. I destroyed my future with Olivia."
Ashton's arms wrap around me, holding me in a tight embrace as tears wrack through my system. I don't know how long we stay like this but when I open my eyes, it's almost dusk and my phone is blaring in the dimness. I am all by myself. I grope for the phone just as the incoming call disconnects. When I check, it's from Lily. I gape in horror at the nine previous calls she has made to me while I was asleep. How did I sleep through the calls? Did Ashton pop a sleep-inducing pill along with my regular medication?