Chapter 150: Departing the High Pass
Ashlynn’s final day in the High Pass was quiet and subdued compared to her arrival among the Frost Walkers. The people from the Vale of Mists held themselves apart in the vast fortress, clustering around the room Nyrielle had taken as her own or focusing on their preparations to leave.
Once again, though she felt that she should be spending time getting to know the Frost Walkers or at least spending time with Hauke after what they had both been through, Ashlynn remained with Nyrielle, even while her lover slept away the daylight hours.
In Nyrielle’s opinion, Lord Ritchel needed to complete some housekeeping before she was willing to extend the same level of trust to them that she had on arrival. It was important to reset expectations and her refusal to allow Ashlynn to mingle further with the people of the High Pass was part of her rebuke for the incident.
Now that night had fallen on her final day among the Frost Walkers, Ashlynn looked at the people who had come to see her off with mixed feelings. The icy wind scoured almost all life from the tops of the mountains and she felt like she had been subjected to those very same winds.
When she infiltrated the Summer Villa, she put herself at risk. She killed Sir Kaefin because she had to and part of her had rationalized that as killing a man who was guilty of crimes that his station prevented him from being punished for. She didn’t know that those crimes warranted death, but it helped her to process what happened at the time.
Sir Broll had been different. As one of the men who dragged her into the Vale of Mists and buried her in a shallow grave, she’d vowed to end his life. Doing so hadn’t felt like what she expected, but it was still necessary and she was able to do it in a way that preserved the lives of not only her friends and allies, but Sir Broll’s innocent followers as well.
Neither of those deaths had changed the way she thought of herself, at least, not by much. Now, however, after fighting the Tuscans and surviving what had followed the battle on the lake, things were different. It was one thing to know that soldiers would die for their lords and ladies, it was another entirely to watch it happen.
Her father had taught her that this was the burden of a ruler. That whether one was a baron or a king, so long as there were soldiers under their command, the day would come when they could only sit helplessly on their throne and await word of who had lived and who had died. Her studies of other lords, particularly the Lothians, had contained many similar sentiments.
Now, however, she felt like she finally understood the Eldritch way, and the conclusion was very different. An Eldritch Lord or Lady ruled because they had greater strength than anyone under their protection. Once Nyrielle arrived, she’d swept aside the danger that threatened Ashlynn and the others because at her core, that was who she was. No one was allowed to threaten the people under her protection, especially Ashlynn.
But Ashlynn herself was far too weak and inexperienced to act in the same way. Andrus had died because of the greed of Tuscan Hunters and the cowardice and treachery of Paulus, but he had also died because Ashlynn herself didn’t understand her powers well enough to protect him.
Humans might not see it that way, but the more time she spent among the Eldritch, the less she considered herself to be the same as the humans who had raised her. Her father, even if he were to put on his armor and take up a sword, could only do so much on the field of battle. He might as well sit on his throne for all the difference it would make. But she was different, and as she prepared to leave the High Pass, she finally admitted to herself how different she’d become.
"Lady Ashlynn," Lord Ritchel called out, stepping away from the Frost Walker leaders who had gathered to see them off and approaching her directly. "When you pass through on your return home, I will send a proper gift of thanks for taking care of my son. It wouldn’t be appropriate to send you with burdens on your way to the Mother of Thorns."