Chapter 53: I can’t be weak, I’m just an imposter
Cass would be the first to admit that he cried. It wasn’t something he was ashamed about. He’d actually used to go to the park and cry as a kid, so this wasn’t anything new to him. What was new was how many strange looks he received as he walked quickly around the park.
He too, was surprised by how quickly he was moving. Sniffing and snorting, he used his long sleeves to wipe away his tears and snot, pissed that the blood mixture had given him a burst of energy, and now he was wasting it on moping around. He couldn’t help it.
It felt like a valve had been turned, and now he couldn’t stop. He wasn’t sobbing, but the tears wouldn’t stop. He was genuinely distraught, and he wasn’t able to calm himself down. He needed to cry it out, and he hated it. He always hated when it got like this.
It had happened a few times. It had taken him hours to calm down the last time this had happened. He remembered that when he’d come back into the apartment, his fingers had been bright red and his sister had thrown a fit.
Fuck. He felt like a damn freak. This was the worst. He barely had any control on his feelings, on his body, on anything. He actually didn’t feel like he had control over anything. He couldn’t control what he ate, how he dressed, what he did for work, his marriage, his friends, nothing.
He didn’t even have friends, and his family practically wanted him dead. Before, that wasn’t a problem, not having anyone around him that could hurt him and betray him because he had his sister, but he didn’t even have her anymore.
Cass felt...he felt so fucking lonely, and this new revelation didn’t help. He knew what Lord Vespertine was, honestly, he wasn’t exactly hiding it from anyone in the hero party, but Cass hated that others knew more about him. Sure, Sam had told him about the rumours about him, and that his Mom was a fairy and potentially a dark mage, but he didn’t have any proof, and fucking Lord Blackburn, damn him, was a smart villain!
He didn’t write a damn thing down. Not a single crime! If he had, Cass certainly hadn’t found it. He was so proud, and frustrated at the same time, since it appeared that if Lord Blackburn was inside of him, like he now suspected, he was hiding his memories from him.
Cass couldn’t even really get mad at him. How could he? He was the interloper. He was the one who took over his body. He was the fucking monster in this situation. All it would take was one take over like he had been doing recently, and him saying he was trapped in his body with something else, and that was it.
Others probably would believe him. Especially in a time when Cass had brought up feeling like something was wrong, and both Lady Ava and Lady Fiona had dropped the topic like it was hot. Cass hadn’t even gotten clarification on that.
Fuck.