Chapter 37: Shock
Tulland thought he knew what being in shock was like by now. He had been through life and death combat, fled from near-certain death, been suspended by spikes in a briar patch, and had broken bones. Compared to his life before coming to The Infinite, he was living in a constant, horrible waking nightmare that hit him like a sledgehammer from unseen angles at unexpected times. He thought, reasonably, that he was starting to get used to it all.
This was different. This was much worse. Head swimming for an entirely different reason now, he shot back from the helmet, only to rear forward again almost immediately as he lost the contents of his stomach. Wiping his mouth without thought, he looked back at the glinting metal, now almost in shadow again. His torch had gotten lost in the shuffle somehow, and Tulland had no motivation at all to know how and where it had gone.
“No. No. I just saw you,” Tulland said into the dark. “I just saw you. How did you do this? How?”
He was aware he was not making much sense, at the very least because he was talking to someone who couldn’t possibly talk back. He also just didn’t have the vocabulary to talk about what he was feeling. She had just been with him a few days ago. She was just not only healthy, but healthier than he had ever been able to imagine a person being. Strong. Invincible, even. She was a literal giant built to survive things. She couldn’t just die.
And yet there her helmet was. Cold. Bloodied and broken. Contorted in a way that simply could not allow for life.
“No. No. Absolutely not.” Tulland said. He could not accept this. He would not accept this. And he simply didn’t. He sat, for a while, not accepting it. “No.”
You’ve been there for hours. Are you aware of that?
Tulland wasn’t aware, actually, even though he saw the fire had burned itself down to the soft glow of embers and even though his eyes were now red from exposure to the smoke.
I was aware. I’m just thinking.