The Systems Challenge

Ever since the fight on the road to the city where they were now spending the night, Elmo had felt like he was going through the world like it was what was moving rather than him. Like he was standing still with not being able to move in response to the changes around him.

He didn't like feeling that way, but at the same time, he was trapped in that mode. Almost like he had to move in order to escape that prison, but at the same time, that same prison prevented him from moving. Like a catch 22. In order to solve the problem, he had to have already solved the problem. Which really wasn't something that he was ever good at.

While he'd done pretty well in the gaming world, he was nowhere near the top lists on any of the leaderboards and he didn't care to try. He merely did what he could and moved on.

While this competition was like a game, he couldn't just leave it when he got tired of it. He was trapped inside and if he wasn't careful, he would end up dead. Much like Michelle had died. He wished he could have done something to help her, but that was more wishful thinking. Something that those who were still alive had the luxury of doing. It wasn't anything that he could change, no matter how much he wanted to.

Then at the meeting, while he heard what was said, he couldn't be sure that he would be able to actually take the life of another person. Even if it was in self-defense. Even though he knew that another person didn't have the right to demand his life either.

Maybe it was because his uncle had been arrested and put in prison when he killed a man who had broken into his house and nearly killed him and his wife. Elmo never forgot that and couldn't understand wh it was so terrible for his uncle to have done that in order to save his life and his wife's. Even though he had been 5 at the time, he still didn't understand why that had happened.

However, he had said that he would do what he could to not be a burden, he just could only hope that he would be able to live up to that. Not that he really had much choice. Besides, he was well aware of what would happen if he had to part ways with the rest of his group.

If he parted ways, then likely whoever had attacked them before would go after him, if only to make sure that he didn't know anything that could harm them. Even though it might not happen right away. He just knew that if he wasn't able to do that when he needed to be able to do it, then he wasn't likely to succeed when they came for him after that.

It would certainly be the end of his life. Then as he thought about it, he couldn't think about how he'd be able to really care if he ended up like that. He doubted that he'd be able to recover himself if that's what would happen in the future.