Chapter 81: Self Forgiveness
Beau waits for her reaction, but she stayed there holding his hand and quiet listening.
"My mother wanted to go to the Starfish Farm to hunt for crabs, she was craving crabs, but she was mad at her males and asked me to go with her. She was disturbing me, saying I had to find a female, but I was focused on becoming a guardian." He cleans his face and looks to nowhere specific. "She was telling me that I should learn from my father on how to court a female and that I was too bold and cold. I asked her to stop talking about that, but she kept talking. Then I said that her males were probably right on fighting her for being so stubborn. She got angry and said that she just wanted to help and that a female came to her saying she was interested on me. I got mad and decided to leave. I left her alone and unprotected, and from nowhere a group of feral squids attacked her. I tried to fight them, but they could take her away. Being only 4 marked I took long to get to her and when I found her she was already dead."
So he feels guilty for his mother’s death because he left her unprotected.
"My father and my mother’s other mates blamed me as they died one by one with the backlash... All 20 of them." He softly says.
He cleans his face again, as the tears kept falling.
"If I didn’t leave her alone the ferals wouldn’t have come to get her. If I haven’t been so immature I wouldn’t have got mad and left her. Before dying, my father said I wasn’t his son anymore and didn’t let me help him with the backlash."
Astri sadly looks at him. She can’t imagine the pain of carrying the pain of losing his whole family and be blamed by that.
"I decided to get stronger but everyone sees me as a cold beastmen because I left my mother alone to be attacked and I survived. The Kings believed on me and had let me grow in patent, but I know that I don’t deserve any of this. They chose me to come get you, but I don’t deserve to be here. I don’t deserve to be cared about. I don’t deserve anything." He cries and cries.
Astri can’t wrap her arm around that huge beastmen next to her, everything she can do now is keep patting his head. He looks at her smile, actually impressed that she’s smiling at him even after hearing his story.
"Did you want their death?" She asks.
"Of course not."