Chapter 71: Hard Decisions
After a big fight with her spouses, Astri is trying to expose her feelings to them. She has too much in her mind.
"I know it’s dangerous and that you want to protect me, but I don’t know if you understand or care that if I don’t go not hundreds, but thousands of people might die. A whole kingdom might be destroyed and the Devil King will have thousands of more Monsters to attack us in the future. If I decide to go I’m a bad wife and mother, but if I don’t go I’m a murderer and still a bad wife and mother for letting things grow into an unmanageable proportion. I prefer to stick with bad wife and mother only, because at least I won’t have to carry a kingdom’s death on my mind. Do you think I want to leave my comfy bed? Do you think I want to leave Tyr, who will also have to face things alone in The Great Wall City? I also need to think about his safety or else EVERYONE will be affected, not only him or me. I don’t want any of that. Life will never be easy, comfortable, and peaceful. We can make it be even in hard times, depends only on us."
She sighs and tries to contain her emotions.
"I’m sorry if I made you feel excluded. That wasn’t my intention. I was going to talk to you to find the best way for us to go. There are a lot of things to discuss and to find solutions. You just need to know that not everything that I’ll meddle, but some things I must meddle. I can’t carry other people’s deaths and Nature asked me to go. What would do if you were in my place?"
They are silent, absorbing everything she says. They never thought about her perspective and she was always very cooperative, not meddling in many things. She would always watch and let them do what they thought was the best, empowering their decisions.
"I’m sorry... We were very insensitive. I didn’t imagine you were feeling so pressured like that." Wayde says.
"I might be something similar to you, but I was raised to be who I am, and since I was little knowing about who I am. However, after meeting you and falling in love with you, my meaning changed and I understand your thoughts. I was being selfish and insensitive. Even being similar to you, I don’t have half of the importance in this world. I can only imagine that you must feel scared.." Claud speaks.
"I am scared. But I have you. What made me angry wasn’t the fact you have a different opinion, but because I felt I couldn’t count on you anymore. That you were just like the bastards I’ve met before, only thinking about them. Or the places I stayed that would only treat me well as long I would do what they want. And worse, say that I was being a bad wife and mother. I want everyone’s happiness, more than anything, you idiots. Can’t you see?" She says and cleans the tears that are starting to fall again.
Wayde and Lee hug her tightly, while the others try to touch her somehow, like holding her arm, head, or hand.