Monster Breeder

“Miss Witch,” the Webling Weaver says, “Spindle is graciously willing to make the necessary modifications to the Ritual circle on her own… In the meantime, don’t you have something else to contribute?”

I whip my head from spider girl to Gobliness.

Gabby sighs. “You noticed it, did you?”

“Eh?”

My expression of blank confusion drags the answer from my Goblin wife, “There was a small ‘bonus’ in that book of Ritual theory. I can now read the base-level affinities of any Monster.”

“That’s great, Honey!” I blink. “And what’s that mean?”

She sighs in exasperation, “Alex, it seems you need to flip through our diminutive library once again to refresh your supposedly eidetic memory. A monster’s affinities indicate the evolutionary paths they’re inclined toward. Recall that a monster meeting all evolutionary requirements still might not successfully evolve due to no fault of their own? That’s because they lack the necessary inborn affinity. As I long ago discovered through trial and error, most Goblins won’t evolve into Flame Goblins no matter how many times you set their hut on fire…

“Ahem, to stay on topic, base-level affinities are mostly elemental: Air, Earth, Water, and so on. I can perform a test—I see that look in your eye, and I can assure you it’s painless—on our monster population to discover any hidden gems. If, let’s say, they have an affinity for Air, I can prescribe a Trial of some sort to possibly spark a Rank-up.”

Any way for me to boost my army’s strength is a winner in my books! And this sounds promising. “That’s wonderful news, Gabby. Let’s get started right away!”

“Mrm, yes, we should, shouldn’t we?” She fidgets.

“…Um, you seem oddly hesitant.”

“Do I?”

“Well, yeah, you’re usually gung-ho about anything related to monster evolution.”

“It is one of my favorite subjects, yes.”

“Gabby, you’re evading.”

“It’s nothing, Alex. I’ll set up over here, and monsters can come visit me one at a time to have their affinities read. You do your thing tonight, and we’ll meet up later.”

“Miss Witch, I took the liberty of preparing a sign to promote public awareness,” Spindle says as she hands over a tea cloth of glowing Dark Magic threads embroidered to spell out, ‘Free Affinity Test!”

Gabby’s expression looks like she’s been sentenced to jail time. She reluctantly holds up the sign as if dreading the confirmation of a previous guess.

No monsters approach for their free affinity test.

I tilt my head to the side in confusion, looking around to find the source of the holdup. Despite previously being surrounded by dozens of monsters eager to listen in on my plans, or at least stare at my epic rack, everyone in my line of sight has suddenly found something else to preoccupy themselves with. “Hey, um, honey, what gives?”

The Witch slowly lowers her sign and sighs before saying, “I… may have an image problem.”

“An ‘image’ problem?” I repeat, dumbly.

“Don’t just repeat what I said, Alex, it makes you look dumb.” I can’t exactly argue with that, but it rubs me the wrong way having it pointed out. And then I get it.

“Oh.” Gabby sees my expression fall and facepalms as she realizes she’s demonstrated the problem. “Well, honey,” I try to be delicate, “You can be a bit… prickly; but that’s one of the things that makes you cute!”

My Gobliness wife gives me the stink eye.

“Prickly is one way to put it, not to mention the intimidation factor,” our Webling maid comments while gesturing at Gabby’s dark and dangerous ensemble. “Spindle also has a frightening exterior, but endeavors to cultivate a more approachable demeanor: this maid outfit, her reverse glory hole wall, her Shibari demonstrations at the nightly orgy—people know they’re fucked when they fuck with Spindle, but they can at least expect a few brain-melting orgasms in the bargain.”

Gabby frowns. “It’s not exactly fair. You have aphrodisiac venom.”

“Miss Witch, may Spindle point out that you can produce a preposterous number of dildoes?”

Fair point. Just because Gabby has been hesitant in handing those out doesn’t change the fact that she can basically make as many as she wants.

“But I feel what they’re doing…”

“Mmm, kinky~” Spindle takes on a dreamy mien as if imagining some lurid scenario.

“Honey, she does have a teensy-weensy bit of a point. I hate to point out the sore subject that you were originally exiled from the Ogre Fen due to your evolution experiments on other Goblins. That, and you do have aggressive leanings, a little something an ancient human might call a 'Napoleon Complex,' and you still sometimes look at prey monsters like you’re flipping through a mental cookbook.”

Gabby flinches as each verbal dart hits home.

“Well, what am I supposed to do!?!” she says while throwing her hands in the air. “I can work on improving my ‘image’ later, but we need to address monster affinities tonight for the war tomorrow.”

A thought occurs to me. “Why can’t Spindle do the monster affinity Ritual?” Gabby could start on the Hybridization Ritual while the spider girl deals with the masses.

“Fu-fu-fu, Spindle could. But Miss Witch needs to. She must find an Apprentice to progress along her evolutionary path, and locating a monster with a hidden Dark Magic affinity is the most expedient course.” From the look on Gabby’s face, Spindle has her totally pegged. Now I understand why my wife is dead set on doing this despite the obvious challenge. “Don’t despair, Miss Witch. Your friend Spindle is ever an ally in your corner. She has already prepared the ideal advertisement to fulfill the needs of your ritual as well as beginning to improve your image.”

The Webling hands over another embroidered sign to Gabby, who reads it and almost immediately throws it away. However, the Gobliness suppresses the impulse to reject it and holds the sign aloft, which reads, ‘Free Dildoes and Rimjobs!’

“Gabby… what is it you need for that monster affinity Ritual?”

“Ahem, any bodily fluids will do, like spit or cum… or sweat.”

“Even booty sweat will do,” Spindle helpfully supplies.

Just as I’m about to question the effectiveness of this strategy, I notice a long line already wrapping around the corner of the pavilion. Perhaps I shouldn’t be shocked. Few monsters would turn down such an offer (proper dildoes being in short supply in the wilderness and enthusiastic rimjobs being as rare as diamonds in the rough), especially from the high and mighty Goblin Witch.

“Couldn’t she just offer her oral services—blowjobs and cunnilingus?” I ask.

Spindle replies, “This strategy will be most effective for Miss Witch. Many residents of Field Town will wish to see the most powerful monster here brought low. It’s about the spectacle of offering something considered off-limits under normal circumstances.”

Ah, so Spindle’s idea is more about rehabilitating Gabby’s image than raw efficiency. The results are inarguable. Everyone wants to see such a proud and powerful monster humiliated—not to mention their curiosity about 'what that Goblin tongue do?'

Also, Spindle’s comment about Gabby’s power has seemingly gotten to her; the Gobliness is blushing! “W-well, if this is optimal, then I suppose I have no choice…” She doesn’t seem too torn up about this; maybe she’s interested in changing up how she usually spends our orgy nights? “Hey! You’re not allowed in this line!”

Perhaps unsurprisingly, the first monster in the queue is Suka.

The fiery wolf girl shrugs playfully as if to say, ‘Oops, you caught me~’ It seems Suka has fond memories of the last few times the two of them played together. “Come on, Gabby, what's a rimjob between friends like us? You could use the practice, right? And don’t worry, I cleaned up!” To emphasize her point, she momentarily envelops herself in a bright, sterilizing flame that dissipates after scouring her form of all dirt and grime. She’s perfectly clean.

“The whole point is to sample everyone’s sweat while within a Ritual circle,” Gabby complains, “It'll take some effort to warm you up enough to get a taste, and we all know your affinity, anyway. Hmph, if I’m going to be doing this all night, I might as well start with you.” To my amazement, the Goblin Witch assents to servicing the monster one might consider her #1 rival for my second-in-command position. “That reminds me…”

With a wave of her wand, Gabby magically constructs a perpetual fountain bidet station for the second monster in line to clean themselves before service. Another wave produces a stack of complimentary living-wood dildoes that shoot applesauce-and-Goblin-musk-flavored cum after use. A third grows a wooden saddle (more of a bench) for the receiver to lay atop that will put their posterior in prime position for prodding with the Witch’s soft oral poker. She proceeds to draw her magic circle around the saddle, adding runes and strange writing to the diagram in dirt from memory.

Suka happily mounts the saddle and lifts her burning tail in anticipation while spreading her cheeks with both hands to expose her rosebud to the world—and especially to the little green shortstack.

With a sigh I suspect is more artifice than actual, Gabby doffs her spectacles in preparation to get down and dirty (but not too dirty) with a lot of puckers.

I leave Gabby to her task and turn to find my first companion of the night, but a certain wicked Webling stops me. “Vermillion, Spindle has a few minutes before her work must begin, and she wishes to give a very special introduction. While you’ve seen her about and listened to my story, you haven’t yet had the pleasure of a personal chat with Spindle’s gem. Interested?”