But for a Slime

Chapter One Hundred Nine

Joe found himself wandering the streets once again, a burning rage and an odd need to be outside and wandering. He wasn't sure why he needed it, but a certain amount of comfort came to him from being outside, wandering freely under the deep dark of the stars. Just… feels like I have some control…

Still, it was not much comfort for his desperate struggle against the collar. He found his mind clearer now, able to really wrestle with it in a way he was not able to before. But despite that, he was still unable to really do anything with mana without having the thing cripple his mind. That didn't stop him from attempting as many possibilities as he could, often finding himself in crippling pain for much of the start of his nightly wanderings. Still, being able to plan and consider ideas was powerful, and Joe filled his notebook with a frenzied passion tinged with terror.

He spent most of the time wandering outside brainstorming ideas before writing them down in a frenzy when he returned home. The innkeeper or grounds keeper was very unhappy with Joe's late night jaunts, but remained silent despite his glares. And each time he returned, Joe felt embarrassed and promised himself not to do so again, yet he found himself unable to resist the next night, the anxious tension ratcheting up until he fled into the night not wishing to wake anyone else up.

Still, he tried to be productive and occupy himself each evening. So he opened up his list of jobs and skills. There was no real change in his available job skills except to show that he could now take on another job in the lines of regen and healing mage. The next in the mage line was called regen adept and healing adept, revealing that the mages seemed to follow a similar pattern to the priest jobs, with the first job being mage, the second apprentice, and third adept. So, probably the wind magic will have wind mage, apprentice, and adept as well. So… not so much a tree as a long line splitting off from the generic mage line.

Joe then turned his attention to the skills and found them rather identical, except for the fact that the healing mage gained life friend in the apprentice job, the same as the regen mage did in the base mage job, at level forty. Originally, healing mage got cleanse instead of life friend with the base mage job. The healing apprentice also got a new skill called purify at level thirty five. Other than those changes, the regen mage and regen apprentice as well as the healing mage and healing apprentice were essentially identical, except for their signature spells, regen cut and heal cut, upgrading to regen wound and heal wound. This proved a great boon as wound allowed for a much greater variety of healing options. For cuts, the healing and regen wound spells offered faster and stronger healing capabilities with a bit less mana cost in comparison to the cut versions. But the greater benefit was that it could heal things that 'cut' could not. When the title said regen or heal 'cut,' it seemed it really meant it. When he started pushing the physical damage passed what could reasonably be called a cut, the spell seemed to balk. He could force it, but the mana cost and effort became insane and passed straight into painful. However, he found stab wounds easy to cure with heal and regen wound for minimal cost in contrast to heal and regen cuts inability to do so.

That did make him wonder if the reverse were the case, and he began attempting to heal cuts, comparing the cut and wound version of both spells and found that the cut version actually did better in both efficiency, speed, and power costs compared to the wound version. That said, the wound version could heal both and also could do both at the same time. If he cut and stabbed himself, the wound versions healed both simultaneously while the cut version only did the cut and had a very minor effect on anything not considered a cut. After a bit more testing, the spell proved to be quite versatile as well, being able to direct the wound to only heal its expected target, but the mana savings of only healing a wound with the wound version and a cut with a cut version of the spells proved nonexistent as casting two of the spells cost more than just casting the wound one to heal everything. Granted, healing two separate wounds cost more, but it still cost less than casting twice, which was an interesting observation for Joe.

With his testing of the various healing options complete, he found himself quite satisfied with his efforts, having been a bit more productive, and turned his efforts towards practicing his healing and regen magic to raise their levels after equipping a 'char:' skill on them. And after a half an hour had passed, it became almost robotic, Joe slicing himself then casting the spell. Cut… spell… cut… spell… cut… spell… He wandered around his home, slicing his arm without thought. On one of his circuits, he tripped over a small pothole and stumbled, the knife cutting deeper into his arm and a small cry escaping his lips when it dug deep. He blinked and glanced down at the wound on his arm with a growling curse.

Right… well… just more practice… push the magic fixing button and then it will all be bette… Joe blinked in surprised. Wait?! His thoughts swirled with surprise and wonder, even as he carefully considered what he was feeling. He thought back on his melee skills practice, remembering the odd puppeting effect he'd felt when he'd had the system teach the various spear combat skills. It… feels the same!? Am I just 'pushing the button?' Then… He willed the system to teach him, calling on the system to show him how to cast the spells correctly, deciding to first do it with the basic healer mage spells first, leaving the regen spells for later.

When he asked for help, he felt a strange echo within his chest, a sensation of movement or change that was incredibly odd right behind his heart, if he was feeling it right. A few moments later, something came out of his chest, an odd form or shape that was utterly alien and almost incomprehensible to him. He blinked, frowning. OK… this is not… what even is this?

He watched it, staring at it carefully as it formed. There was a movement of something, mostly a long curving esoteric shape that had no meaningful connection to what Joe would define as a 'shape.' The lines of the shape would form, shifting around from some arbitrary starting location before moving in the odd shape. Some of it were lines. Some were singular points, or globules of something. The moved across in their prearranged pattern before stopping.

Suddenly, it changed, and another form or shape began. This time, it was all lines and only lines. Several moved at rather rapid speed, traveling a great distance in comparison to a couple lines that form but didn't move all that far at all. There was even singular large 'S' shaped line, but much shallower, that curved up the middle, dominating the entire display, forming almost immediately at the beginning of whatever Joe was looking at, and remaining relatively without change throughout the rest of it as the other lines swirled into place around the large 'S.' Huh… the swirling moving lines almost look like… the wind lines in animations. But…

His thoughts cut off as another pattern appeared before him, this one appearing to consist of mostly planes, with a few points scattered around. The planes didn't seem to take up any real pattern, just a haphazard placement of slowly moving and rotating planes. After this, another formed, and another, and another. Joe watched on with growing despair as a good five or six dozens holographic 'mini-movies' played out in front of him and Joe wondered at just how difficult magic really was. He sighed deeply and then bit his lip in consideration. Well… I was able to with the combat… so maybe?

He willed the display to occur again but this time wishing to see it from a third party view, and the system obliged. Joe narrowed his eyes and watched very carefully.

What he saw made a lot more sense. The person showed an injury on his arm and then began to cast the healing spell. Deep in the chest, the first form of all lines appeared, rather small and immediately in the area of the heart, if not the heart itself if Joe was judging the holographic display correctly. He squinted, attempting to see the small display. Wish I could see it…

The holographic display immediately updated, showing a zoomed in display to the side, but it essentially showed what he'd seen played out before: a swirling of a bunch of lines and blobs exactly the same as the first one he'd seen. The interesting tidbit of information Joe got was when he noticed the holographic figure's arm completely healing. His eyebrows rose up in surprise at that, but before he could say anything, it started all over again.

The cut appeared on the arm of the figure again, and then the focus shifted to the formations occurring in the heart. This time, the second form of all lines appeared and the figure was healed again. Then the wound returned and a third form was displayed. Joe quickly realized he was looking at multiple variations to accomplish the same task. But… why? Why so many ways to do the same thing? And what is… oooh… Joe grimaced in embarrassment when he realized that what he was seeing was the mana formations playing out in various movements and shapes. Is that… what it is? A movement of shape and form? Wonder how exact it has to be? Or … maybe each form is different? Some are more demanding? Or… why?

Joe then began struggling to do what he was shown, quickly realizing that he was quite overwhelmed. He then went through the various options again before choosing the easiest formation possible. He watched it a good dozen or two times, asking the system to only show that formation for now, before he began attempting to cast the spell. It was horrific. He could not see or understand what he was doing within his chest, buried within his heart, and had no real proprioception for mana within his body at all. He floundered for a long time, finding himself growing ever more upset until finally he growled in anger and huffed.

He threw off his efforts and stalked through the empty streets for a time before sighing and stretching a bit, pushing himself back to practicing again. He sighed deeply. Wish it could show me what I was doing in my ches… Joe crooked an eyebrow when a display formed before him, and Joe's smile grew softly. OK… so… not completely useless!

He began again, and realized that he had a long way to go, his happy smile dropping quickly from his lips. This is… a lot harder than I thought! Still, he pushed on through and after almost an hour of effort, he was able to cast the spell. Nothing happened as Joe was completely healed, but he felt something take hold, and he could hold back the soft chuff of relieved laughter that hit him. Sweet… ok… so now on to real practice?

He then pulled out his knife and sliced his arm again before quickly enacting his spell. It was utterly useless, of course, as it took almost a minute or two for him to form even the simplest thing: a couple lines and a single dot! Still, it connected and Joe smiled then huffed in shock when he felt a monstrous wash of mana rush from him. He glance down to see his wound healed, smiling brightly before opening up his status page with some concern. That concern only spiked when he saw that his mana was mover three quarters gone. Holy!!! Losing seventy five percent of my mana for this… if this was a month or two ago… I wouldn't even be able to heal at all… why is this so… bad?

He sliced himself again, and this time just pushed the button, and the heal went off easily, taking only a dozen or two mana to heal him, and he found himself frowning with consternation. That's… what's happening? He frowned in deep thought before considering the possibility that all these different kinds of formations might be more than simply different in how the mana formed. He had the system display the various possible forms he could enact and chosen the second easiest.

Ironically, Joe got it in only a half an hour, surprising him deeply, but when he sliced himself and tried to heal, he failed and his HP immediately healed him after the failure. So he went back to practicing again. It took another forty minutes and Joe huffed in chagrin when he got it the second time. Must have been lucky the first time… He sighed and attempted again, checking his mana to see it full before slicing an arm and attempting it again. This time, he succeeded, and smiled with relief before checking his mana.

He lost a little over a third, frowning with consternation. So… these are all variations, but why show them if there is a 'best.' Or… maybe… if mana costs are a variation, are there others? Speed? Focus? Power? Side effects? That last caused a shiver to run down his spine as he considered what side effects might exist for magical healing. He quickly pulled his arm up, glancing down at where he'd been cut and stared at it carefully. He noticed nothing, but put that thought deep in the back of his mind before he returned to his thoughts on the many kinds of healing spells he was seeing and wondered at all the possible factors that might exist in casting a single healing spell. Joe's frown deepened as he realized that he had a lot more work than he realized ahead of him, and he was quickly coming to exhaustion.

Despite his exhaustion, he did take just a few minutes to bring up the regen mage's spells and practiced them as well using the holographic training options. The regen mage's spells proved to have less variety, but were much more complicated, and Joe frowned with bitter realization. This is going to take a long, long time! Maybe later… on my to do list. Two hours wandering outside in the dark of night had his eyes drooping and he turned to head home again.

As he turned for home, he considered options for defending himself, but often came up against the hard wall of actually meeting Gunlan, or whoever was his master. He grimaced, remembering what happened with him at the dungeon when the dungeon guard had him report back to Gunlan. He'd almost already turned and started marching off before he was able to get himself back under control, only able to resist it because he was able to cast some doubt upon the command itself.

Doubt seemed powerful, so Joe began carefully considering all possible ways he could place a command in doubt, his mind going through scenario after scenario. As he did so, he considered how he else he could protect himself, worried that if he did hear a unique command, it would be very hard from him to defend against it. Still, he spent a good amount of time carefully considering his defenses.

When he rounded the last corner to home, he found a figure leaning against the wall, not really doing anything but loitering there. Joe dismissed it, then considered the time and grew tense. He stepped across the street before passing by the man and continuing on to their temporary home, his bed calling to him.

"Runaway slave, huh?"

Joe whirled, snarling, "I'm no man's slave!"

The man paused at that, staring at Joe while raising his hands up in a placating gesture and sighing with some consternation, "Woah! Woah. I'm just noticing. Besides," the man stopped talking at that point and just tilted his head to the side, pulling the collar of his high collared cloak down and to the opposite direction of his tilting head.

Joe stared at the man, his eyebrows furrowing before he glanced down to look at the man's neck. He glanced back, and the man frowned, but did not move at all except to offer another annoyed huff. Joe's eyes turned back to the neck after a few moments, even as they narrowed and he tried to figure out what the man was trying to show or say. It took a couple seconds, which Joe found a bit embarrassing, but it all seemed to click with the epiphany even as his eyes glanced back up at the man with understanding before looking back down at the neck, putting a lot more effort into seeing what was there. A few moments later, he saw it; a barely discernable discoloration on the skin that became more obvious as he focused on it more until it finally became a full-fledged dull collar enwrapping his throat. Joe breathed a heavy sigh even as a grimace twisted his lips. He turned his attention back to the man and the man seemed a bit surprised, looking at Joe with a bit more respect.

"You see it already."

Joe nodded, then grit his teeth, "Yes."

The man stared at Joe a bit more before nodding, "Normally, I would say someone with so much anger would fare poorly, but…"

Joe cut him off, "Poorly at what?"

"At resisting the collar or … surviving."

Joe's eyes narrowed, "Why would I not survive?"

The man shook his head, "Your body might survive, but likely you would cease to exist in any meaningful way, a junky or a flesh golem; one of the two."

Joe breathed deeply as he listened, then nodded in reply, "I'm not sure I understand, could you explain more?"

The man's lips twisted, "I'm pushing the bounds of capability as it is. If I do so more, my co…" the man grimaced and turned his head away while stretching his neck side to side, "That hurt. There is little more I can speak on the subject of which we once were."

Joe's eyes narrowed, "Could you possible simply nod or say yes or no?"

The man's eyes rose a bit, surprised, "Possibly. But can you ask the questions?"

Joe's nostrils flared even as anger rose then he calmed and continued, "I can attempt to speak. You say a flesh golem, do you mean a lack of choice?"

The man's eyebrows rose as Joe spoke and he pushed off from the wall to stare at Joe with some consideration, "You… are strong."

Joe stared, uncertain how to respond beyond shrugging, "I am not that strong."

The man stared for a bit before gritting his teeth and responding, "Nothing is…" he grunted, bending over with some pain, huffing wildly before a final word escaped his lips in a wild grunt of barely held pain, "… left!"

Joe frowned. Nothing is left? What is not left? Where… Joe blinked and concern quickly came to him. He almost responded but noticed the man was still bent over, huffing with some pain and Joe waited patiently, not stepping to his side. The man took a bit of time to stand back up, a deep grimace still twisting his face into a gut wrenching pain. Joe waited a bit more, wondering what he could do before an idea hit him, and he attempted to fire off a heal at the man, just pressing the 'heal' button in himself somewhere before also pushing a regen. Neither seemed to do anything, but the man did jerk when Joe did it before looking up at Joe with a complicated look.

"A healer. You… thank you."

"But it did nothing."

The man smiled bitterly, "Not really. Not unless you are a mind mage or some such."

Joe's smile grew bigger and he shook his head, "No. Not really. Sorry."

The man's eyebrow quirked, mumbling under his breath, "Not really?" before continuing on with the conversation, "Do you understand?"

Joe's smile fell and he nodded, "I… think so. The mind will break, and only … your body is no longer yours… likely your mind trapped within, broken and twisted… or simply turned in upon itself to escape the pain."

The man's eyes narrowed as Joe continued, his teeth gritting, "You know… much for not being a mind mage."

Joe's own bitterness rose at that, "It did nothing to save me."

The man nodded, "Be cautious. You have not escaped."

Joe nodded, "I can tell. There is little I can do."

The man nodded, "But pushing your escape will not make the return easier."

Joe growled, but replying with a desperate hope, he replied with his mantra that he now chanted daily, "Agreed. But I am my own master."

The man's eyes rose at that, "Interesting. You are a slave to yourself?"

Joe chuckled, "Some on my plane spoke of such; the need to control oneself, or to beat your own desires into submission to your will."

The man's eyes dropped at that, seeming a bit confused, "What? How…"

Joe laughed, "It is a metaphor to control your poor desires and laziness to drive yourself on to greater or more enlightened pursuits instead of wasting yourself and your time on lazy pleasures."

The man seemed to quickly grasp the idea, understanding flooding him as he nodded, "An interesting way to view the world and yourself… your desires."

Joe nodded, "Yes. Although a part of that was the understanding that you were your own man… master."

The man's eyes narrowed, a soft grin coming to his lips before he turned to look at Joe with some joy, "Thank you. Truly. This… is…" the man took a deep breath, a sigh of relief and somehow seemed to stand just that little bit stronger.

"This is an amazing gift. I thank you."

Joe's grin wavered, uncertain of what he really offered except in the most tangential of ways but nodded, "You are welcome."

The man nodded in return, "I offer a gift in return."

Joe's smile fell, a serious look replacing it as he nodded but didn't reply.

"You have done well in escaping thus far, but if you wish more, you must seek a command," the man grunted, grinding his teeth as he shuddered and took a deep breath. The pause took almost thirty seconds before the man was able to stand again, then he smiled.

"Your gift… is amazing, but still… not enough… Maybe… you would be willing to hear a story?"

Joe's eyebrow quirked at that, wondering what the man would say but nodding again. The man continued.

"A certain man was captured as a slave and sought escape, as all slaves do. However, as all slaves do, escape proved impossible, the collar impossible to defeat. So, the slave listened well to his master, becoming obedient," the man forcefully highlighted the last word with both a strong punch of increased volume and a tilted head with meaningful look, "to his master, obedient in what the master wanted."

The master then, in desperation, gave a command to the slave and the slave obeyed, and has been obeying ever since. The master commanded the slave to 'use all means necessary,' although some were told to 'seek everywhere without fail' or possibly to 'put all effort into seeking out' what the master desired. The master would offer no constraints nor limit the time, allowing the slave to be utterly obedient in his efforts to seek out everywhere and with diligence for all time, whatever the master commanded. Once the slave had found the master's desire, the slave, of course, was obedient and returned to the master immediately, not wishing to be subject to the collars ire or imperious command. Does this story offer some help?"

Joe's eyes widened even as he felt his breathing deepen. Understanding came quickly and he nodded, "I believe I do understand."

The man nodded, grinning softly, "Obey, and you have no need to fear reprisal and you are 'free' to continue your pursuits."

Joe smiled softly, nodding with something closer to some excitement, "Thank you. Your gift is much appreciated. If I could know your name? My name is J…"

"I do not wish to know your name… at all. And you do not know mine. I will always be an excellent and obedient slave to my master, reporting exactly all that I know. But I do not know you, sir."

Joe's eyes widened in understanding before he quickly nodded, his nodding growing as his understanding did as well, "Much thanks, sir. Then, I will be going."

The man nodded, his grin growing before he turned, preparing to leave but then looked back to Joe, "You seem new, so I offer this as warning if necessary. Slave masters."

The man flinched with that, a grimace which had him grinding his teeth, but through it, a feral smile shone and the man shifted to a growling laughter of joy, "You gift was… amazing! I will be ever grateful for it!"

The man wiped away the small trickle of blood that came from his mouth where he'd bit his lip and one from his nose, for which Joe had no explanation but to wonder at what pressures were being put on the man. Joe bowed his head slightly with a smile.

"No need to thank me. I'm only glad it helps. May I ask one final question?" Joe asked, realizing the man was ready to move on, his anxiety beginning to show and Joe easily understood it.

The man nodded, his smile still easy and Joe grinned in thanks, "Is it a job?"

The man's smile fell, but he simply nodded then bid Joe farewell without any reply, simply waving and moving on. Joe watched him go, but then offered a slight bow to the man's back, grateful, but not wishing to shout out after the man. If he saw him again, it would be when he was free and hopefully able to repay the kindness the man had offered him.

Joe sighed deeply and then turned away. Let's get some sleep! And plan! As he wandered home, his mind struggled with his current predicament, wrestling with options to protect himself, but his exhausted mind proved unable to consider the problem with the diligence it deserved. After a few moments, he sighed and reluctantly admitted he wasn't going to be finding any meaningful solutions in the dead of night as he walked exhausted back to his room. Do it tomorrow… gotta do it ASAP, can't wait on this. But… at least… yeah… His mind, unable to carefully consider the ideas he had, instead kept a careful list, to remind himself of what he'd at least considered so he could delve into them with greater diligence at a later time.

With that decided, he found his mind wandering in boredom and he turned to his status, poking at it as he walked home. However, when he made it to the courtyard of the villa they were staying at, Joe froze, having just clicked on his titles screen. His face wavered between rage and despair, even as his teeth clenched and unclenched in wild spasms and his breath turned to a heavy panting.

He stared at the several new titles he'd been granted and felt an overwhelming rage swell up within him once again, even as despair laced its way through the rage, undermining and rotting it from inside out. His entire upper body clenched with tension even as he threw his head back and stared up at the sky full of moons and a gas giant. His roar was silent, full bodied, and heard by no one, even as a desperate pain welled up through him. Upon his status window, the titles flickered, fading in and out, but ultimately firmed with the stubbornness of reality. Joe did not notice, but took a very long time before slipping inside and to his bed. He saw the titles, but ultimately rejected them, finding a peace and a drive to push on in that moment he'd been lacking before. When he did lay down on his bed, it was not to seek rest or peace, but both claimed him almost immediately, even as his exhaustion overwhelmed him.