Chapter 456: No more apologising
Kellen wasn’t aware how long he had been crying into Rhys’ arms, only that the man hadn’t turned him away, hadn’t pushed him away. That was something that Kellen was grateful for, holding onto the other man tightly.
Kellen felt like if he spoke right now, it would be garbled nonsense, so he just kept sobbing, holding onto the other man.
Rhys eventually let him go, pulling back to wipe at Kellen’s eyes.
"Sugar, Kellen, please stop crying. Your sobs are breaking my heart." Rhys whispered and Kellen tried to control himself. Reign himself in, but he just sobbed quieter, softer, and Rhys’ blurry expression only darkened. "Baby." Rhys murmured, pressing his lips against Kellen’s cheeks.
"I’m sorry. I’m sorry." Kellen repeated. "I never wanted you to feel this way." Kellen whispered, torn. Rhys was holding him, the two of them sitting on the ground near the window in the dark. "I’m just trying so hard to not be pessimistic about this. I can’t." Kellen whispered. "I have to believe that everything is going to be okay. I’m sorry that I’m hurting you." Kellen felt like a part of him broke saying that. "I never imagined something like this would happen to us."
Rhys’ sigh made Kellen flinch until the man pressed his lips to the corner of Kellen’s mouth.
"I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have...I shouldn’t have pushed. I know this is a lot for you. I know. I just...I can’t live without you, Kellen." Rhys’ voice cracked, and Kellen shattered.
"I can’t live without you either, but I need you outside of the gate. If this was any other mission, any other circumstance, I would want you by my side. I can’t." Kellen cut off, his breath caught up in a sob as he even imagined it. "No. I can’t." He was shaking his head again and Rhys held him.
"Sh. It’s okay. It’s okay." Rhys whispered, holding him and Kellen was shaking.
"How do we recover from this? I don’t want you hating me. I don’t want you thinking I’m choosing my family over you. I don’t want you to suffer too. I’m trying. This isn’t just for me. I’m trying to get our people, Rhys. I just...If you got poisoned and I couldn’t-" Kellen cut off, sobbing. "I don’t like thinking about it. It makes me ill imagining it." Kellen knew this wasn’t fair. He wasn’t being fair.
Rhys had to let him go. He’d had to let so many people go. Gunther, Hill, Casper, and who knows who else Rhys had gotten attached to and made his family. Kellen gripped onto him, finally getting it at the worst imaginable time what he was asking of Rhys.