Chapter 146: Dr. Green, the love Doctor
"Onto the next question. How would you feel if rumours about Captain Thatcher having a secret lover broke? This is not confirmed to be true, but it was blasted all over the news and tv?" A sharp, awful pain in Kellen’s chest formed. Confused, he rubbed the spot, trying to relieve the pain. Kellen felt his eyes well with tears, and he swallowed thickly.
"I would hate that." Kellen told her honestly, the sharp pain causing him to frown. Taylor gave him a sad smile over the rip of her cup.
"It’s just a scenario. It isn’t true in the slightest. There hasn’t even been a suggestion about it in the media." She told him, trying to soothe Kellen, and he nodded. Kellen reached for his tea, taking a deep sip, ignoring how his hands shook slightly. "Next question. Could you see yourself in a pair with someone else?" Kellen shook his head quickly. He didn’t even hesitate.
"No, I can’t." He said, his words firm. Taylor smirked.
"Do you have fun when you’re with him? Do you feel like you can be yourself around him? " Kellen took a moment to think. When he had been away from him, he felt...lost. He hadn’t noticed it at first, because he was used to being alone, but as time went on...it had felt unusual. He had grown used to the Captain being near him in the short amount of time that they had spent together. Being without him now felt...strange. Unusual.
When they had gotten over the awkwardness, being with the Captain during the photo shoot had felt...it had felt...Kellen swallowed, a lump forming in his throat. He wasn’t sure what he should name the feeling he felt welling up inside of him. It wasn’t quite comfortable, nor was it fully uncomfortable, but it was something he hadn’t felt ever. No, that wasn’t quite right. It had been a long time since he’d felt this.
The easiest way to describe the feelings Kellen had when around the Captain now was...longing? He longed to be around him, just near him. The sound of his voice, the way he looked at him, gave Kellen that feeling in his chest. All of the little things he’d learned about the Captain so far filled something inside of him to overflowing, to bursting. Kellen had no idea where the end of those feelings were, but he knew that the more time he spent with the Captain, the deeper they grew.
Feeling comfortable around the Captain? Kellen wasn’t sure if that was the way to describe it. Being around the Captain hadn’t felt comfortable the whole time he’d known him. He’d always run away from him, never facing him head on. Every moment around him felt awkward and made Kellen’s heart race. He felt like a child around him. He had so much more knowledge than him, and it frustrated him. He had...Kellen thought that it would have been nice if the two of them had the same level of understanding so that when they fucked up, they could have at least gotten over it together.
Currently, only Kellen was fumbling through this...these feelings. Alone. It was clear that whatever he had said to the Captain had awoken some understanding in him, while Kellen still felt blind. He still felt like he was a bumbling fool, given that even Brent and Taylor seemed to have an understanding of what was going on inside of him. He felt like a fool, like an idiot. Add to that the fact that he had to answer these damn questions to find out what was wrong with him like some damn quiz, he felt like an idiot.