Chapter 63: Self-doubt is a silent killer
The Captain kept Kellen in his arms for quite a bit longer as they continued to chat about their shared past and other, sillier, things. Eventually, Kellen stopped leaking from his eyes and knew that they had overstayed their welcome in the borrowed room. The Captain’s clothes were in a horrific state, and Kellen felt awful about it. He’d forced the man to come with him to the disaster site, and then had a disaster of his own.
"I am so sorry." He told him, ashamed that he had cried so much and that he was covered in the evidence. Kellen went to stand, almost worried that the Captain wouldn’t let him. The Captain did, and Kellen began to pull on the jacket he’d forgotten to pull on since Taylor had thrown shakes at him...and everything else. Kellen ducked his head, only to hear the Captain tsk loudly. He gently tilted up Kellen’s chin to meet his gaze. HIs face was still soft as he looked over at the younger man.
"Never apologise for relying on me. I love when you do that. I always want you to know you can come to me for comfort." His eyes crinkled up as he smiled. Kellen felt mesmerized. "And, if you’re so concerned about the state of my clothes, let me show you a little trick." He gestured to his jacket and shirt, drawing Kellen’s attention there before he waved his hand and his clothes were back to their previous condition. Almost like they were brand new. Kellen was stunned.
"You just..." He nodded, grinning.
"Exactly. So never worry about it." His smile became a little wicked. "So if you ever get a little extra excited when we’re alone and in uniform, I can easily clean us up. Well, I might not want to, but I know you get embarrassed easily." He’d been doing such a good job until now. Kellen felt his face heat, and thoughtlessly, he smacked the Captain’s shoulder. He laughed. "Still so shy, Mr. Woods. Most Guides I’ve known are bold and demanding. You turn red at the slightest suggestion." Kellen stiffened. The Captain was trying to put a mark on his honour as a Guide.
"I can be like that too, Captain, but it’s different with you." The Captain blinked, before a devilish grin crossed his face and he approached Kellen. He’d previously given the Guide a small amount of space, but was quickly taking it away. Even though Kellen had just spent a long time sitting in his lap, he now felt he was in more danger with the Captain closing in on him.
"Why is it different with me?" He asked, and Kellen swallowed. Why was it so different with the Captain? He’d blurted out the words, but never really thought about the reason he felt that way. Kellen also hadn’t lied when he’d told the Captain that he could be bold and demanding either. He remembered bullying Espers into guiding, hell, he did it to the Captain too. But something had changed recently. Kellen swallowed again.
"I-I don’t know. Something just is different. I’m...always worried about you. It must be because you’re my pair." He said, and the smile that touched the Captain’s gaze did something to Kellen’s insides. His stomach was doing backflips.
"I’m going to kiss you, and you aren’t allowed to guide me." The Captain warned before his lips touched Kellen’s. It wasn’t the level of kiss that the two had agreed upon when they had first tested out kissing. Instead, it was a much softer level, similar to level one. The Captain’s lips coaxed Kellen’s’ into wet, soft kisses. He held the Guide close, but his grip wasn’t bruising. Kellen’s heart was racing in his chest, and without his head going numb from guiding, or the power of liquor, he could feel everything. Kellen was nervous, unsure, and not used to this style of kissing. It left him wanting...more. Something deeper. The Captain, who enjoyed Kellen squirming, noticed something was different. He was also able to guess what the problem was. Kellen could feel his chuckle against his lips. When the Captain pulled away, a soft, teasing smile was on his lips. "What’s wrong? I don’t think you dislike my kisses, or else you would have brought me to my knees. But you are wiggling around quite a bit." Kellen was never going to tell him. He was going to take it to the grave considering the smug reaction from the Captain. If he told him, he would never live it down.