Chapter 61: Subpar guiding from a damaged Guide
Taylor’s voice, like usual, took Kellen out of the guiding session and Kellen blinked, before his gaze steadied and he was staring at the Captain. The Captain gave the hand that he held a squeeze before releasing it to pull on his dirty uniform. Kellen slowly moved his limbs, following the same motions. He only glanced up when he heard Taylor call his name.
"Kellen, catch!" She tossed a shake at Kellen, waited for him to catch it before tossing another. "You were guiding at a lower level today. Did something happen?" She asked and Kellen felt his insides churn. He swallowed, before trying to casually shrug.
"No, not really. Maybe seeing the destruction caused by the terrorists set me off?" He suggested mildly. He had his back turned to the two Espers so he wasn’t able to see the look they exchanged. Kellen was still in a daze, and found his mind wandering back once more to Savvy and Terry.
Maybe...it had been out of the blue, but at the same time, Kellen had a feeling that it was going to come. Everyone else had disappeared from his life, and now that Savvy had pointed it out...yeah, it lined up. Everyone had stopped messaging him or responding to him after they’d gotten into their dream job. Most of them worked at Guiding Center A, with only one other working for the D.E.C. in some capacity he wasn’t aware of. If he thought harder about it, Terry was the only one who reached out to him. Savvy had stopped, and the only reason he knew anything about her was because of Terry. Fuck, he was a bad friend. Why was Taylor still willing to be seen with him?
"Green, would we be able to use this room for a bit?" Captain’s voice made Kellen jerk, and he turned his gaze towards Taylor. Her smile was wide as she gathered her papers.
"Of course. I’ll make sure to put a note on file saying this room is being used for the next two hours. I’ll let the lieutenants know you are dealing with a personal issue. Take as many shakes as you need, Kellen. I hope you feel better once the Captain is done with you." She told her friend cheerfully, while Kellen stared at her with shock. Once he was done with him? What the hell did that mean? Kellen could feel his own doom on the horizon as he glanced at the Captain. He had a smile on his face, his eyes were still yellow, and they never left Kellen. A shiver went up his spine as Taylor left the room, the door closing loudly behind her as she hummed a tune.
The Captain was not hiding the fact he was staring at Kellen. Why would he? No one else was in the room now. He did remain seated in his chair, his face dropping from a neutral happy expression into a serious one. Kellen, who had been in a daze, felt alarms beginning to go off in the back of his mind. Waking up fully, he glanced away from him. He stared down at the shakes and cracked the first one. He took his time finishing it, before turning his back to him and tossing his empty into the recycling bin near the door. Then, turning back, he opened the second one. He made sure to keep an eye on the Captain in his peripheral view. When he finished the second, he turned, tossed, and missed. Cursing internally, he turned his back to the Captain fully, moving towards the door. He bent to pick up the empty shake container, and when he stood up he was caged in by the Captain’s arms. He hadn’t heard him get up, and he gulped as he heard the Captain lock the door.
"Now, Kellen, are you going to tell me the truth now, or are you going to continue to run away?" He murmured, and Kellen felt his heart drop. The Captain really wasn’t going to let him drop this.
"If you are going to force this, we should at least sit down." Kellen muttered defeatedly, and the Captain exhaled forcefully. He stepped back, away from Kellen, and turned and went back to his seat. Once there, he stared at the man with bright, yellow eyes and patted his lap. Kellen flushed. "I am not-" looking into that bright yellow gaze, Kellen’s lips stopped moving. It wasn’t negotiable. The Captain was angry, and the only way to appease him was to sit in his lap and tell him what had happened. The Captain didn’t often show this behaviour, but Kellen had seen it in the past a couple of times on the front lines. He just had never thought he’d see it again in this context. "Does it have to be your lap?" Kellen protested, even as he approached the S Class. When the Captain didn’t blink, Kellen felt sweat begin to form along his spine. The Captain was angry, angry. Settling himself into his fate, Kellen lowered himself onto the older man’s lap, sitting sideways and also so that he was facing the locked door. The Captain wrapped his arms around him tightly, and even in the situation Kellen felt swallowed by the Captain.
"I am not going to allow you to hurt yourself further when you are already hurting. You are still experiencing side effects even if you want to run away from confronting whatever happened." He told the Guide firmly, and Kellen glanced at him. Even when he was angry at Kellen, he was still trying to take care of him. Was it because they were a pair? It was pretty sweet of him. Kellen sighed.
"I am not hurting. I’m just uncomfortable with you seeing this side of me. At least, it feels too soon. I thought I’d have more time before you had to see the disgraceful parts of myself." And also while Kellen was thinking about whether they should even be a pair or not. The Captain’s arms tightened around Kellen, and Kellen refused to meet his gaze even as he felt the Captain’s on his face. He wasn’t sure he could handle what his gaze was trying to say to him.